Men today...

[rosebaby]

Just reading everyone's posts about their hopeless exes, and feeling very depressed about the uselessness of this generation of men (with exceptions of course!).

My ex is 34 and has no intention of getting a proper job. A friend of mine's boyfriend of two years just announced he wanted to leave her to travel overseas to "find himself" at the age of 28. Another friend of mine is trying to extract herself from a 12 year marriage that began when she was 19 - and she has been the only one earning an income in all that time. Yet another friend is with her dream guy except that he doesn't want children - and at 32 she's now faced with the agonising decision to leave him and try to find someone who does, or hang around and hope he changes his mind.

My father's generation was not like this. They would never have dreamed of not working hard to support their children and partner. They may have been frivolous and irresponsible in their youth but they reached a certain age and they settled down and acted like men.

I know I sound so old-fashioned and politically incorrect but I really think that with the onset of feminism, women adapted and adjusted to their new role (not always getting it 100% right - we tried "having it all" for a while there with little success and I think we're just beginning to realise that's not entirely possible) whereas men just fell in a heap. Suddenly their role of provider and 'head of the family' became precarious - and they just don't know who or what they are any more. So their response is just to just become paralysed by indecision, commit to nothing and act like eternal teenagers.

To all of us mums who have little boys - we have such a huge responsibility to guide them into adulthood as strong, secure responsible men. I'm not entirely sure how we do it - especially as their male role models tend to be so poor - but we must. The mums with little girls depend on us!

[*My Lil Blondie*]

they arent all bad.... but i know my husbands in the minority these days...

he fully supports his daughter from a previous relationship, pays maintenance, we pay all school fees and buy all new clothes shoes etc...
he worked hard to get himself a better job (he was a landscape gardener on a low wage) then studied hard and is now a radio DJ. he works so hard to support us and i love him to death! loves our son to extremes! he gets really upset if he doesnt get to see him at lunch time (even though everyone else stays at work) and HAS to be there when we put ds to bed.

but then i know plenty who are the complete opposite! one of my friends recently had a baby and the dad wont sign the birth certificate, even though they PLANNED the baby! and he said if he has to sign it he will quit his job and not work for 18 years so he doesnt have to pay child support :mad:

[rosebaby]

You're right - they're not all bad at all. A couple of my friends' boyfriends and husbands are wonderful. But I do think this eternal teenagerishness is far more prevalent now than it was, say, thirty, forty years ago. It perhaps has something to do with the economic growth we've had for the past 15 years or so - people (and this is women too I think) get lulled into this idea that prosperity is everywhere so you might as well chill out and wait for it all to come to you - forget about working hard.

I don't know - I'm just chucking around theories. Maybe the majority aren't that bad - and I'm just unlucky enough to know the **** ones!



they arent all bad.... but i know my husbands in the minority these days...

he fully supports his daughter from a previous relationship, pays maintenance, we pay all school fees and buy all new clothes shoes etc...
he worked hard to get himself a better job (he was a landscape gardener on a low wage) then studied hard and is now a radio DJ. he works so hard to support us and i love him to death! loves our son to extremes! he gets really upset if he doesnt get to see him at lunch time (even though everyone else stays at work) and HAS to be there when we put ds to bed.

but then i know plenty who are the complete opposite! one of my friends recently had a baby and the dad wont sign the birth certificate, even though they PLANNED the baby! and he said if he has to sign it he will quit his job and not work for 18 years so he doesnt have to pay child support :mad:

[munchkin05]

To all of us mums who have little boys - we have such a huge responsibility to guide them into adulthood as strong, secure responsible men. I'm not entirely sure how we do it - especially as their male role models tend to be so poor - but we must. The mums with little girls depend on us!

the one thing i have said since me and bens father have spilt is that

if i can help ben grow into a man that his father is not i know i would have done my job right

my ex is 39 this year he has 3 kids (including ben ) to 3 different woman and has cheated on each one of us and has now shacked up with the skank
his reason for cheating "his life revolved around me and the 3 boys "
to me he should of been lucky to have 3 healthy boys and a loving partner but that wasnt good enough for him
as long as ben grows up and respects woman and is noting like his father then i will be happy

[Chanelc]

I don't think all men are bad - I do agree they have it harder than their father's as they lost their role in the world.
Considering women now are in senior work positions, can work, clean the house, cook, raise children and still have a social life.
So what is their role?
Also women talk about probelms/issue together few men get in touch with themselves.
There is a book call "Manhood" which highlights today's problems and helps mum's understand how to raise boys.
I love to meet a man that realises all the roles we do and realises I love to share them with someone. It is great to know I can do it but would be easier having a partner that is my equal

[Dadandtwo]

I've gotta say that I don't mix in those circles that have endless supplies of no-hoping guys...seem to hear a lot about here though. There's definitely men out there that think "If the wife is going to do it all, I'll let her bla bla". Funny though, I had a call yesterday from a mate I haven't seen in weeks and he's over his wife being lazy etc...he wants my opinion on what to do about it. So there's both sides of the coin here I suppose. I just hear too many stories here of women with either drugged out or unemployed partners...or both...so this woudl be the extreme end. I do agree that for some guys, their role isn't as clear as it once was. I suppose I was brought up differently and knew who and what I was a long time ago so the 'women's movement' etc didn't or doesn't affect me. It does with a lot of guys though. And yes, men don't talk about 'stuff' either. Maybe over a beer, but the stories get a bit 'clouded' sometimes...I suppose no differently to the stories you hear at playgroups etc that I had to endure. Sometimes from a 'normal' guys' point of view, it's a case of...whatever one does, it's never enough.

But I do agree...there are the extreme types of guys that will do absolutely nothing. One works for me. But he did say he actually spent a lot of time with his kids over christmas and now realises what he has missed all these years...and now does more.

[sharvs]

My sons father is in the Army. He has been overseas since Sept last year. Late January he announced that he is leaving us so he can follow a dream of becomming a ski-instructor. Prior to him leaving for his deployment, we had no relationship problems at all. He didnt even have the balls to wait until he returned home to see how he felt.

I have many friends whose partners are also in the Army and would never dream of treating their partners the way mine treated me. I guess my point is there are some guys out there that do the wrong thing and unfortunatley they get more attention than those that do the right thing.

I watch other dads with their kids and know there is hope. I think we need to stop giving all the attention to the losers (sorry if thats a little harsh) and re-direct it to the good dads, they deserve it much more.

[IheartOman]

I've said it before, I'll say it again... They just don't make 'em, like they use to :crying:

I would love to have a guy who loves me and treats me like my (step-)dad treated my mother. As well as this have the morale and integrity of my (step-)dad.

I have a son due in April and I hope I can guide him to be a man of quality :yes: