Depression

[Olismum]

Hi, I have recently been diagnosed with PND and was told by my dr that it is very common amongst defence wives and that more than half suffer from depression at some time or another during their spouses career. I was wondering if anyone else had suffered from this or knew if that statement was true?

[floggadog]

I have PND but don't know about your drs statement. Probably stands to reason with your hubbys job that you will be affected. Hope you are getting the help u need.

[MilkOnTap]

I dont have a child yet (expecting in 3 more months!) but have had depression whilst hubby has been on past deployments.

It definitely makes sense that defence wives would be more susceptible to PND/AND than a civillian. Logic alone would tell you that we are isolated from friends, family, lack of emotional support from those who we care and trust the most, in a different location to where we really WANT to be, often left alone for our mind to wander; plus DCO is USELESS.

I saw a DCO counsellor once and the second time I spoke to her she told me to 'get over it' :eek: and that I had better get used to the fact that hubby isn't going to be around all the time.

Well if thats not support I dont know what is... :no:

[Olismum]

Thanks for your replies. I have found very little support for defence families, despite DCO claiming to offer a great support network. I never see or hear from them. We are in RA so don't even get the newsletter even though we've asked. My dr says she is surprised that she hasn't seen me earlier as my hubby was away for almost all of my pregnancy which was one of the worst she's heard of, then sent away 3 weeks after the birth after getting taken off a deployment leaving 2 days before my due date. We were posted a year earlier than expected so we moved when I was 33 weeks pregant to a new state, where the new hospital lost all my antenatal records which were sent from my old hospital, lol. If that wasn't enough, my father has become gravely ill interstate and I found myself as a first time mum sitting in a new house all alone with a newborn baby, who I didn't know how to look after, no friends or family and no support from anywhere, desperately wanting to be by my fathers side, but unable to afford to go there. I found myself living for the weekly phone calls from my hubby, but none of the DCO staff seem to understand as I'm yet to find one who actually has a spouse in the ADF. Has anyone else found this?

[tootiredtosleep]

I think that defence wives are much more likely to develop depression. We are also much more likely to get divorced.

We are so lucky that we got a compassionate posting to be close to my family. It took ages though. DCO had to be a part of this process and they were useless. I didnt ask, but i bet none of them were married to someone in defence.

As a defence wife looking for work (again) I think that we should be given priority over anyone else!

[MilkOnTap]

none of the DCO staff seem to understand as I'm yet to find one who actually has a spouse in the ADF. Has anyone else found this?

Yep - definitely. Everyone I spoke with at DCO (except the counsellor) hadnt actually been a defence spouse so didnt really understand what it was like. Its definitely one of those things where you've gotta "be one to know one."

BTW - When we were living in an RA property I wasn't receiving newsletters or updates either - and now we're in a marital quarters I still dont. Try calling them and asking for one. Do you have their number?

[ConcernedParent]

Hello Ladies,
I agree with all the statements made above. I remember once, in Puckapunayl, going to the Doc and bursting into tears about, "everything". When he realised I was from Pucka, he reached over to his script pad and said, "Oh, you're from Puckapunyal, why didn't you say so earlier, you need anti depressants, they all do out there". This stayed with me and is what makes me think depression is very common amongst us. I didn't take the script and negotitated an alternative plan instead, based around counselling - after all if isolation has something to do with it, then just getting out once a fortnight to talk with someone was bound to help.
Anyway, I did not find DCO much help either. That is now or ever really - over the past 12 years.
If you want help - go to the V.V.C.S. - Vietnam Veterans Counselling Service. They are amazing! They do things and run programs I would never think of. They were set up by Vietnam Veterans but support ALL VETERANS. They are thinking of a name change to reflect this.
Some of the things we have done - I say we, because my husband had come to.
- Lifestyle Retreat - an all expenses, (except alcohol) paid weekend away where you workshop on aspects of your relationship;
- Lifestyle Update - another weekend away six months later to check in and to do a little more work;
- Women's Days - a day out at a resort with other Defence Spouses workshopping, networking and discussing our common issues;
- Positive Parenting Courses - V.V.C.S. can put you in touch with an accredited trainer and pay for you to attend the sessions;
- Education Courses - anger management, sleeping better, stress management;
The most humbling thing was to receive support from Defence Wives whose husbands were in Vietnam. They have BTDT, (and are still dealing with it), but expressed a need to support younger wives through these current conflicts. They have been really wonderful! I would not have met them if it were not for V.V.C.S.
They also offer:-
- Couselling and support for all Defence Members and their partners.
- Womens Dinner Meetings - Monthly meetings of Defence wives/partners at an organised venue. Just a girls night out for those of us who are not into clubbing anymore. Just as much fun, though.
And lots more!!
If you want support, pick up the phone. They WILL support you; WILL help you through the challenges; WILL understand you; WILL offer you their group activities and WILL put you in touch with other people through these groups.

Just a thought. :)

[ConcernedParent]

Sorry to hijack the page. I can NEVER to a short and succint post!!

[ConcernedParent]

Clarification:
I said the service was for "all Defence Members and their partners". Not true. You or your partner have to have been deployed at some time. Thats anywhere, Iraq, Afganistan, East Timor, Bougainville, Sinai - for anything, just need to be deployed;
OR
You, (not sure if your partner), can be son/daughter of a Vietnam Veteran to access services.

If you are not sure, please ring them. They will ask you a series of questions and will do their best to check to see if you meet any criteria.

[MilkOnTap]

Concerned Parent - that is fantastic about what VVCS does! I have never even heard of it :eek: Cant say I'm surprised though - the amount of information we receive is far and few... It must have taken a bit of digging to get a hold of that kind of information.

I remember when my husband was posted to the gulf last year, I went to my GP who also wanted to prescribe me anti-depressants. However because hubby and I planned on TTC when he got home we realised this wasn't the best move and managed to 'isolate' the time period that I had the most problems - which was at night. So she gave me a 'relaxant' instead which helped me sleep better and help to calm the nerves if I had an anxiety attack. The only problem with the relaxant was that I couldn't drive if I took it during the day; so I only took it at night when I felt that I needed it. It was good being able to have the control to only have it when I needed it, rather than be a full blown anti-depressant.

[Petal_339]

Hi there, i'm in the same boat as you. We have just arrived in our new posting, I've got a five month old baby who has health problems and I'm not coping. I'm isolated and the area we're living in makes me feel unsafe and even more alone. (not great for getting out there and networking). I've been diagnosed with PND and when we tried to get help from DCO we were advised perhaps we should try and get 're-posted' so we were closer to family. After ten years I'm yet to work out what DCO actually does ?! I'm left to struggle on, frightened that when my husband goes away (soon) for months on end if something happened to me no one would even know and my baby would be all alone. It's so lonely and isolating ?!

[sharvs]

Im 99% sure that if i went to the doc's and told him whats going on in my head, i would be diagnosed with depression. But I aint going to the doctor!

I dont eat much, i either hardly sleep or I want to sleep all the time - You are right Petal, DCO are a waste of money. I went to them 2 weeks ago for help & I finally got a follow up phone call today, after she told me she would ring me the very next day. Its just not good enough.

[Olismum]

Hi, I'm on anti depressants and seeing a psycholgist to treat my PND. I find talking about it really helps. We are in the process of trying to get a posting closer to family and have just started the DCO part of it. It's definately not easy, there is so much paperwork and so many interviews and medical records that you need to supply, that it's really very stressful. In the last week I've been interviewed by the chaplain, the DCO social worker & a high ranking officer but hopefully next week we'll know whether or not they are going to process our application further. Apparently you need to fit a certain "Criteria" for a Preferential Posting and there are doubts that we qualify.

[MilkOnTap]

Good luck with the posting Olismum - I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

When we need support we really do have to fight tooth and nail to get it. Best wishes with it all...