Loss is so familiar now.....2 babies in 3 months

[mariafresnel]

I'm reading this thread, as I've miscarried this week. I was 6.5weeks. With our third child. Our first Sophia is a healthy 13 month old. Our second Perri, we lost him in August this year at 5 months gestation. I had a CVS and then an Amnio because they picked up 'Trisomy 15' which is imcompatible with life. After we had the termination, 4 weeks after the genetics company told us he was normal, and that the '3 chromosones' they thought were 'Trisomy 15', was 2 of Chrom15 and 1 of Chrm 14 (made a set of 3) (15 and 14 they look similar), which made them think there was three of Chromosone 15. We know he was normal because he inherited my husbands chromosone arrangement. A very traumatic time. Slowly we have been creating a new normal.

So with our third pregnancy, it was unplanned, but it represented so much hope and excitement for us, Baby would have been due on my birthday next year. I admint that until the Amnio I wouldn't have been ok, and then until we came home with a baby, I believe that there is absolutely no guarantee of a child - this terror and fear has come about because of my recent experiences. We had brigther days with this news, a sense of joy and dreaming again of a new life to be. With the bright red blood, this week has become a cloud of grey. A time of familiarity with our feelings, and a time that we don't want to socialise or talk with others who will throw glib comments like 'you can try again', or 'it was meant to be'....we are cushioning ourselves and just want to 'be'.

Anyway, this miscarriage came out of no where, and I want to know if anyone has had answers from medical practitioners when they have had a miscarriage (albeit we are all different) I will be going to our OBGYN in two weeks, in the meanwhile, I feel numb, sad and disbelief that we could have 3 pregnancy all in one year, and two angel babies. Despite incredible sadness and emptiness, my daily affirmation is gratitude, I'm ever so grateful for my beautiful husband, my devine daughter and our health.

I feel that because I'm 36 it's my body - and that all of a sudden I can't carry a child. I felt as though I've done everything right, but then again, who knows what's happening in my body. I wish that the tests could be done before we lose another one, so that we don't have to go through the trauma again. I desparately want another baby more than anything, and we will try one more time, and if we don't bring a baby home, then our babies are precious and safe in a higher universe.

I look forward to hearing from my friends on BubHub a wealth of amazing women with amazing experiences, insight and unbelievable compassion.

With thanks
Maria

[poshBecks]

Maria...

I'm really sorry to hear about your losses. It must be just horrible for you. I wont say I understand, because I havn't been there myself. But a good friend of mine also had 3 miscarriages in 1 year. It was such a trying year for them, but there is hope...she has a beautiful baby girl due in 2 weeks :p

I hope that you will soon be able to concieve & carry your pregnancy right through!! All the best.......

I'm sure you will find lots of encouragement from this forum!!

[pegasus]

Hi Maria

I also can't say that I know what you've been through, but I can also give you a story of hope. My sister (now 35) had about 5miscarriages between the time I got pregnant with my DS 28months ago and when she got pregnant with her DS (now 4weeks old). So all up in a period of 18months.

She went through a lot of heartache (also because the birth of her DD 4yr old was so traumatic). She was told a lot of things - that genetically she and her DH had only a 15% chance of carrying to term (then disproved by another test) etc.

She almost gave up on trying any more as she felt the heartache was too great, but she's now glad she stuck with it.

All the best for your story to have a happy ending. :)

[tickle]

While I was reading your post I thought, I don't know what to say.... :(
Which is true. I can't imagine what you have been through and I am so sorry for the tragic losses of you babies.
I know nothing I say will make it any better for you, but I truly believe that eventually it will get easier for you.
Have hope that you will hold that precious baby in your arms one day. You have just had to take a longer and much harder journey to get there.
Once again, I am so sorry and I hope that you will get that baby you long for soon.
Ellen

[draught]

Maria
reading about your loss in this and your other thread brings tears to my eyes. you are an amazingly strong person. I have no advice and can only say that I hope that you have some good news soon to make the world spin properly on its axis again.

[OM]

I cannot begin to imagine how you feel. I really cannot think of any words of support I could offer that would really help but I would like to give you a big hug and an open ear and for you to know that I will pray that one day you will get that bub you so hope for.

[Nickster]

Maria,
I can't believe what you've been through, or the depths of despair you have visited. Your story made me so sad, but on the other side of sadness is hope, and it's obvious that you are a very strong woman to meet the challenges you have been given, as hard as they are. I wish you lots of *hugs* and the best of luck to have your longed-for second child. :)

[mariafresnel]

Each one of you, since last night, when I posted my thread, have made a difference for me this morning. I'm so grateful to you beautiful women who have acknowledged the loss of two of my three children - and I realise, through my numbness and despair, that I do ache, it's just that I don't want to come to terms with it. I try and do other things so that I don't meet it head on. My body is weak at the moment, and my husband and I are incredibly lucky to have my parents to take care of Sophia while I get better. Holding Sophia is a tonic, she is my miracle baby, but she still can't make the pain of the loss of our other two babies go away. I think that the dispicable trauma we went through when we lost Perri was as if I had fallen on a bed of roses, so beautiful yet so hurtful, and we were truly so positive and hopeful about this last pregnancy, that we didn't see it coming. It makes me so grateful for the little things in life, and especially my darling husband, my beautiful daughter, and our incredibly supportive parents and friends, and for the friends I have on bubhub - I wish I had them all in my home on one day - it would be a house full of love. Thank you again to each of you for thinking of me, I know there are no words to make it better, and that's perfectly fine, because you've taken the time to acknowledge and share with me that you are feeling my pain and thinking of me. I love that........Maria

[tickle]

Maria: I am so glad we have been able to make a difference for you. I am also really glad you have a great family and great friends to support you and your husband.
Please keep us updated and sending good wishes your way.
Ellen

[mummycloud]

Hi mariafresnel (((HUGS)))
I'm so glad you feel a little better today :)

Between my 3rd child and 4th child I had 2 miscarriages :( Like you I was looking for reasons why. I thought that maybe I was getting too old to carry a baby. I thought that maybe my body had had enough after carrying 3 to term. I also thought that maybe it was my karma for aborting a "failed" pregnancy, without waiting and seeing if my body would do it naturaly. (a pregnancy before my second)
The truth is, that sometimes they stick and sometimes they don't and there is usually absolutly, no known reason for it to happen.
I just had my 4th baby 10 weeks ago and during the whole pregnancy, I was waiting for the miscarriage or stillbirth, like it was going to happen for sure since it had twice in a row already, but for some unknown reason I carried to term without any complications at all.

I hope after reading this thread, you will be able to get back hope for another baby. I know you will never be able to replace the little angels you lost, but one day you will hopefully be able to have such joy that it outweighs the loss KWIM?

Take care, PM me if you would like to chat :)

[catnapjack]

Maria,

Firstly I feel like giving you a huge hug, I also had tears reading about your losses. Please dont give up hope though, I also had a miscarriage of an extremely wanted baby then difficulties conceiving, followed by the birth of my beautiful son Jack.

I am also 36 and plan to try and conceive again early in the new year. It will be hope mixed with fear if I fall pregnant again, as miscarriage leaves a grief and sense of helplesness as absolutely nothing we could have done (or not done) could have changed the outcome.

Medically,I was told that not all pregnancies end up with a baby. As harsh as that sounds, it helped me to block a little of the pain. I am not saying that it is good to supress any strong emotions but I do empathise with the enormity of what you are coping with at this time.

I wish you every bit of success in conceiving again and please remember that one miscarriage does not mean continued miscarriages at all. A lot of women I have spoken to have had one miscarriage then on to have healthy happy births with no further loss.

Surround yourself with lots of people who love you very much and let them replenish your spirit which without doubt is waning. Big Hugs. :)

[Hokey Pokey]

Hi Maria
I'm so sorry to hear you have lost 2 precious babies, but I want to wish you some future happiness and healing. Only time can heal the pain, I have been through it a few times myself now.
Take care

[MilkOnTap]

Hi Maria,

Like yourself, I have lost two babies this year. The loss never goes away, it just gets easier with time.

I too went through the 'Why' factor. Why me? Why my baby? What did I do to deserve that?

I will keep you in my thoughts and keep optimistic that you and I will have more success in the future.


Sincere thoughts,
Ally

[Supermum]

Dear Maria

It seems like just yesterday that I sent you PM about Perri - to be hearing of another loss is just so very tragic. There are no words which come even close to accurately reflecting the sheer gravity of your losses.

I have never been where you are nor can I even begin to imagine the pain, the suffering, the senselessness and the all-consuming grief.

I am so sorry. Just words I know but I really do feel for you and am wishing nothing but good things from hereon in. May your path to recovery be sunny, swift, with a big fat rainbow at the end of it.

You and your family are in my thoughts. Wishing you peace.

To all of the other beautiful women who have responded to Maria or not and have suffered losses ... my thoughts are with you all.

Deb

[maybe1more]

Dearest Maria, i had tears in my eyes, reading your heart felt thread, my heart goes out to you in everyway possible. I too lost a baby this year, my doctor thought i had concieved twins, when at my ultrasound it revealed that i had a molar pregnancy (the baby caused cancer in my uterus) i have to have monthly blood test to make sure the cancer doesnt grow back and as of febuary next year if all goes well ill get the all clear, im 27 and it goes to show it doesnt matter about our age, or anything else, a loss can happen to anyone it does discriminate. The pain never goes away and i think the worst thing is friend seem to avoid the subject, like it never happened- it was a life as far as im concerned and we grief like any other parent that has lossed a child. I dont understand why life can be so cruel sometimes, it just doesnt seem fair. Your husband sounds like like an amazing tower of strenght, and it great for you to be able to draw the strenght you need from him. Hang in there sweetheart. Love jenn

[sugar n spice]

My heart goes out to you. I can't say i know what your feeling, i don't but i know some friends and family members that have miscarried. I agree with everyone else you sound so strong, if it was me i don't know how id' cope, i suppose you find a way. Anyway hugs and kisses to me. Your story bought tears to my eyes. Hopefully you will have tears of joy real soon.

[SixtiesChild]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It's so tragic.
Be kind to yourself though because your mind and body will need some time to heal from this trauma.
I don't think that your age of 36 has anything to do with it at all.
You & your family just need lots of tlc and some time to allow for some healing from all the stress of this and to put things into perspective.

I'm sorry but I can't help but add the following:
I do feel very concerned that the genetics lab got it wrong as I strongly believe that there is no room for mistakes in this line of work, as they are dealing with something extremely precious and have a very high level of responsibility and care. I know that it won't change anything but I think you and your family deserve to be compensated for being misinformed.
I think the genetics lab should be held accountable as it was their serious mistake. Consider speaking to a legal professional for more information.

I will pray for the healing of you and your family.