Does it even count?

[Nickster]

I haven't been on here for awhile - for various reasons, including being away on a lovely holiday.

I was hoping to join the October mummies thread, AF was barely a week late, and then I started bleeding.

The thing is - despite not doing a test (I know, I know) I just knew I was pregnant - I had implantation cramps, and altogether the same feeling I had when pregnant with Libby - although it was over 2 years ago now, it felt just the same.

Now I'm trying to remain stoically philosophical about it all - but everytime I think about it, particularly with DH going O/S today, I just break down and cry.

I've always tried to trust my instincts - and to do that as far as parenting goes was a hard lesson to learn - a battle fought and won. Now, when I'm so confident that I know myself, that I know my body, this happens. Was I even pregnant or did I just imagine it?

Pathetic, I know, and nothing compared to what some of the ladies here have been through. But when you don't know for sure - haven't done a test to get either a BFP or a BFN - does it even count?

[misskittyfantastico]

Yes it counts:hugs:

ETA I feel I need to add more. I knew, knew that I was pregnant, even before tests told me so. I had started to dream and to plan for this soul, they were as real to me as anyone. So you should let yourself grieve, you ARE greiving for the child, the beginnings, the plan, the hopes and the dreams.

I am sorry for your loss.

[Percy]

Oh Nick im so sorry.

Dont ever let anyone tell you that it doesnt count. It most certainly does.

With the loss of pregnancy come the loss of so many hopes and dreams you had for that baby, it doesnt matter if it was 2 weeks, 20 weeks or fullterm. That was your precious angel and you have every right to grieve if you feel the need.

Sorry for your loss.
Take care of youself. Please pm me if you ever need to talk.:hugs:

[lukaelmo]

I think that if that's what you feel, then that's what you feel. There is no does it count or not, if you are feeling it, then it counts.

And BFP or not, sometimes you just know you are pregnant.

I am really sorry Nickster.

[damien's mum]

Yes it does count...

I'm sorry for you loss... :hugs: :hugs:

[Bron]

I'm so sorry Nickster

It counts. It certainly counts. You had a reason to believe you were pregnant, this led to hopes and dreams, those hopes and dreams are altered. It counts.

I'm thinking of you. Feel free to pm me if you need a chat.

Bron :hugs:

[Me]

Big :hugs: to you Nickster.

As others have said, bfp or not, you are grieving for the loss of a child, the loss of hopes, dreams and plans. Set time aside to grieve so that you can feel comfortable "moving on" iykwim.

:hugs:

[rynosmum]

Oh Nickster, I am so sorry.

Of course it counts, regardless of whether you had the two pink lines on a stick or not, you knew you were pregnant. That I do believe. I think many of us know our body well enough to just 'know'.

I'm sorry you lost this little one. Many hugs for you and DH.:hugs:

[Nickster]

Thank you for your kind words, everyone.:hugs:

Logically I know it was just a bunch of cells, not even a person yet, and for whatever reason my body rejected it, and I know we'll try again (DH is keen as mustard to do that part ;) ), but, (you're all so right) my heart tells me it was the loss of dreams and hopes....for now.

[Elfin]

Of course it counts Nickster, I think everyone has said so much already so I will just send your these:hugs:

[RoarsomeMum]

my heart tells me it was the loss of dreams and hopes....for now.

:hugs: 's.. This comment has helped me a lot with my own strugggle to accept.. Thank you so much for Posting your story, and for adding those 2 all important words.. For now.. Thank you, and may the missing peices of your hopes and dreams be forever free.:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: