Do I HAVE to tell him?

[danielle13]

Hi all,
As I've said in another post here, I finally saw my gp today and had my PND officially diagnosed. I've also started taking anti-depressants.

I'm not sure whether I should tell my dp though. I've tried talking to him about it before, and he ends up making me feel worse. He's one of those non-believers who thinks depression is just an excuse for being sh!tty, etc. That it can all be "turned off" whenever I feel like it.
I know he's not too fond of the idea of taking antidepressants either.

I know I should tell him as he's my partner and he should support me thru this, but given that he's likely to make me feel worse, do I really have to??

Thanks :hugs:

[poshBecks]

Yeah I think you should.

I would explain, that your Doctor has diagnosed it, thats how it is and you would appreciate his support.

I hope you feel better soon.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[misskittyfantastico]

You don't HAVE to tell him anything. It's an awfully big issue to keep from your partner though. I'd be having a talk to him about what support means OR take him to see your GP and let them set him straight.:hugs:

[~rambox~]

The decission is totally up to you but IMO I would tell him so he understands what has been going on and can support you through this :hugs:

[threepigs]

I must admit Danielle, it doesn't sound like he's ready to jump into the super supportive role does it? My dh used to be the same, thought depression was just a case of 'snapping out of it' - led to a lot of frustration on my part and his. I'm assuming the program you're going on has a support function/person you can talk to, perhaps they can help you brooch the subject with your partner. All that aside congratulations on taking those first steps, it's just fantastic that you've done it :smiliedance:

[Angelmist♥]

Oh hun:hugs: My DH was very similiar to yours by the sounds of it.After making him look through websites and pamphlets though he became my greatest counsellor!

Can you try that maybe? It may be that he's scared too, I know mine was.

Of course, you don't have to tell him but I think if you can get him to slightly understand what's happening, it would be very beneficial to you.

Aww have some :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[danielle13]

I'm assuming the program you're going on has a support function/person you can talk to, perhaps they can help you brooch the subject with your partner.

My gp sent a referral through to the hospital where I had DD, apparently there are counselling sessions available and support groups, but she said it could take up to a month before I hear anything from them. So, yeah :(

[threepigs]

Oh, that doesn't sound immediate enough really does it. Are you in Sydney? My GP immediately referred me to a psychologist under some scheme (not sure what it's called) so I don't have to pay $$ for a number of visits. I made an appt and went to see her the next week. It's been fabulous. If you're in Syd I can pm you my GPs details, she's been fabulously supportive of me getting the right help.

[danielle13]

threepigs - yes I'm in sydney. I was surprised how long they could take, but it might be because I've accepted the meds now so there's some kind of treatment happening already. :confused:

[KaM]

medicare now covers a certain amount of visits to see a psychologist / counsellor .. al you need is a referral from your gp as far as I knew. .

[BlakeNatsMum]

Hi Danielle13,

I can certainly understand your problem with this. I haven't suffered PND myself, however I have suffered Depression, & still suffer it now, & I know exactly how hard it is to explain about it all and not have the classic "it's all in your head" comment thrown back at you...!

That is definitely something you just don't need to be told, espcially from your partner. It is hard for him to understand, I can see that, my DF doesn't have the first clue about it, he's never had it nor experienced it himself, so even when I try and explain it to him it doesn't seem to sink in.. He is however very supportive and will give me hugs and listen to me when I need him to!..

If your doctor has diagnosed you with PND and has given you anti-depressants, he/she has obviously given them to you for a reason. You really do need your support on this from your partner. Is there anyway that you could take your Partner with you to the doctor so that the doctor may be able to better explain your condition?

Your Partner definitely needs to play a more supportive role, that is what you really need right now. Someone stable & caring to listen to how you are feeling. Do you have any other friends or family that you may feel comfortable in talking to about it?

Yes it's so frustrating when you get different mixed reactions from people you think you can talk to about it, but I find the key is to talk to someone and get it all off your chest. I also used to find comfort in just keeping like a daily diary of how I was feeling and it actually felt like I had someone to talk to, just writing down how I was feeling.

Maybe also contact some PND or Depression support groups in your area, they would be a good source of support, and you know that they will definitely understand you there. You need to talk to someone who has defintely been there & someone who can give you direction!..

If you ever want to chat I'm here!.. Not that we know eachother from a bar of salt, but we atleast have 'feeling cr@ppy' in common! *L*..

Keep your chin up, things will get better - Trust me!..

Jen.

[danielle13]

Hi Danielle13,

If your doctor has diagnosed you with PND and has given you anti-depressants, he/she has obviously given them to you for a reason. You really do need your support on this from your partner. Is there anyway that you could take your Partner with you to the doctor so that the doctor may be able to better explain your condition?.........................
................................
Maybe also contact some PND or Depression support groups in your area, they would be a good source of support, and you know that they will definitely understand you there. You need to talk to someone who has defintely been there & someone who can give you direction!..



I've got a follow-up appointment in a weeks' time to check how everything's going, I might take him with me, he can't exactly argue with the doctor about whether it's "real" or not..

With the support groups, I've been under the impression you need to be referred to these - is that right? I know you do for counselling.. I know I probably should have discussed this a bit more with my gp but my mind was a bit blank and to be honest I just wanted to get the he*ll out of there!

[bekkyboo]

Hey Dani...

I know the whole blank thing, did you end up taking a list? If not, write all your questions down and take them to your next appointment.

IMO, you dont have to tell your DP right now if you dont want to, if you feel that it would makes things worse for you. If you can get into some councilling or some other support, and start to heal, im positive he will notice a big difference and then it will be easier to explain things to him - he will see what is happening more clearly.

Im still here if you ever need me, I hope you can get into some support groups soon, Maybe contact whoever your GP was sending you too and ask if there are ways to get in quicker or someone you could see in the meantime...

[BW Mom]

I've got a follow-up appointment in a weeks' time to check how everything's going, I might take him with me, he can't exactly argue with the doctor about whether it's "real" or not..

With the support groups, I've been under the impression you need to be referred to these - is that right? I know you do for counselling.. I know I probably should have discussed this a bit more with my gp but my mind was a bit blank and to be honest I just wanted to get the he*ll out of there!

i haven't joined in the discussion on the PPD board here yet, but suffered pretty badly with PPD after the birth of dd2 (went on meds from when she was about 4-5 mo old finally). i think it is critical to recovery to have your partner on board as there are lots of ups and downs as you get better. i could not have done it without my Dh and i also had counseling, meds, a support group etc.

definitely recommend taking dp to your appointment (call ahead and explain to your doc what you need from her so she can maybe prepare info for dp, resources for you both etc)

where in sydney are you? i was on the north shore and it was my ECC that actually pursuaded me to get help (and boy did i get help) - feel free to PM me anytime if you want more info on my experiences as i am happy to share them. my daughter is about to turn 2 on Monday and Dh and i finally feel we are out the other side of the dark tunnel that was my PPD recovery.

Hugs to you!

[AM]

I'm in the same boat as you, my partner was completely un supportive of me while I was going through it, and thought i was making it up, and even made sure he came home less often just to aviod the whole situation - in hindsight he was scared sh!tless, but it still hurt really badly at the time.
I didn't really tell him much about my treatment, as I had realised from his treatment of me that he was not the best person to be of help, and it was something I needed to do myself.
I'm doing just fine without his complete and immediate support, he is much better now that I am better, but he just doesn't seem to have it in him to be supportive when i am really down... I think he just does not know how.

All the best, I am just thrilled that you are on meds, and will be getting counselling as well!!:yelclap: