Hubby doesnt understand

[Mummy-2-2]

Hi all,

Just wondering if anyone is having problems/misunderstanding with their partner about a lot of seemingly silly things. I dont even know if I am being silly. I am so confused at the moment and I just dont know what to do.

I have a 14 month old, and am due again in Jan, and am a SAHM. I am feeling really heavy in the tummy, am having really painful contractions a lot of the time (went into preterm labour a few days ago, but all is well) have horrid pelvic pains and as such am having a hard time looking after my daughter without getting all frustrated.

Hubby, when I went into hospital on Monday night, and he had to take Tues off to look after DD and be with me etc, seemed more worried about his work than he was about me. The docs are worried, due to my last delivery, that this baby will come really quickly (wouldnt let me go home even tho I only live 2 mins drive away) and I am really worried that I might not recognise the difference between the painful braxton hicks and real labour...cos I never went into "labour" last time and had an epi cos DD was posterior. Hubby just says, you'll know.

LIKE HE KNOWS :mad:

I ask him if he can ask his family to look after Tahlia for a day, and he says, oh, cant you do it? GGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Dont get me wrong, apart from his complete lack of understanding as to how I am feeling, he is great with all the physical stuff, ie cooking, cleaning etc. But I am feeling REALLY alone, and like I said to him, like he is more my roomate than my husband.

Until Monday, he was really attentive with everything, but since then, work has just taken over and I am out on my A**, feeling completely alone, unattended and forgotten.

Please let me know I am not the only one with this problem, and please can anyone tell me how to know I am actually in labour (apart from the obvious stuff) as opposed to just getting the "false labour" contractions, waters breaking etc?

Sorry for the long post, I just dont know what to do or who to talk to or even really what I want to talk about, all I know is that I want to talk cos Hubby isnt cutting it!!

[clairereid]

Hey Lovie,
you poor thing.
Do you think your Husband is seeming less bothered cause this is your second baby? I dont mean less bothered, that didnt sound right, but maybe he thinks cause you have done it before, this time it should be easier.
I think pregnancy makes everything seem worse and you feel more sensitive about everything, i know I did.
Would you be happy to talk to him and let him know how you are feeling?
How has your pregnancy been up until now? I think you are wonderful having another baby so soon, I def couldnt do it. You are doing so well already looking after Tahlia and yourself.
We can have a good old chat next week and I hope all will be okay.
Sorry if Im not much help, but see you soon
x x x x x

[Mummy-2-2]

Hi CLaire,

Thanks for replying :o

I have told him how I feel, but he said "I'm not ignoring you" and then continued doing it.

I am really hoping everything sorts itself out once Ajay is born, actually I'm hoping everything sorts itself out before we meet up next week, I dont to whinge!!

I was told after a miscarriage, that I would probably never be able to carry a baby to term, so after everything going mostly well with Tahlia, I was happy, but hubby wanted another one, so we thought that we may as well start TTC now, cos after all the miscarriages we were told we were gonna have, we thought we might have a baby after 4-5+ years. As it turns out, we got pregnant straight away and am almost to term now!! So I'm really not sure how I'm going to handle 2 kids under 18months, but am absolutely thrilled that I have my pigeon pair now!! Obviously that Dr was a quack!

I'm sorry to blabber, but thankyou for listening :cool:

[clairereid]

Yourwelcome. I like to try and help. I love to ramble on about stuffs but am not very good at writing things down as i find I cant explain things very well.
2 under 18 months will be tough, do you have alot of family and friends here to help?
At the moment, I have absolutely no interest in having any more. That makes me feel like a bad person, but it just isnt right for me. I really admire people who can do it.
Anyway, I should really do some work!
cu next week x x x x

[xkwzit]

Hi Mummy2-2
I don't think your DH is deliberately ignoring you, but being a guy, he just doesn't see things the way you do. I'm always letting my DH know how things that he says sound quite different to me - and he hasn't even considered that I might take the things that he says badly / or misinterpret.

He says things like "you'll know" because he's really trying (in his limited male way :D ) to make you feel better. Try to let him know how you feel, but in a calm manner (if you can :o ).

Explain to him that you're not confident that you'll know your in labour, because of the BH and not having experienced labour before.
Explain to him that you're stressed about the safe arrival of this baby (if you are of course) because of that quack doctor's comment re term.
Explain that you HURT and that your patience with DD is low, that you really need a break.
Call his parents yourself if he doesn't do it for you (I'm sure they would love that you would turn to them). Or get him to take some holidays - that'd work too.

Guys just think differently to us and sometimes you've got to ask for what you need in very simple terms. And he has no real idea of how uncomfortable you are right now.

Cheers (and best of luck)

[xkwzit]

I've just remembered that you asked about BH vs true labour.

One of my baby books had good stuff in, most of which I can't remember (doh :o ), but with BH they should go away. So if you're running around, have a sit or lie down and see if they stop OR if you are lying down, change positions to see if they stop. Real labour contractions will steadily build in intensity and become more frequent. If they just seem to be the same, its prob BH. There was also something about how a real contraction moves across (or up) your womb (but I can't remember exactly what that was).

Hope that helps :o

[Blessed Mum]

Hi Mummy 2-2,
Sorry to hear you are feeling so bad and alone sometimes I think our DH's just assume we can and will cope with everything. I am due in January too and also recently had a scare with what dr's thought could be pre-term labour and sooo understand how you are feeling physically!!!! Just know that it is ok to feel the way you are try and keep your chin up and vent here as much as you like also feel free to pm me I am a great listener and I know too what loneliness can feel like.

Take Care
Tara :)

[Tisme]

I too was very concerned that I wouldn't know what labour signs were which with my 2 pregnancies as the only one i really understood was the waters breaking and REALLY intense contracting pain ..... problem being I went into full blown labour without any regularity to my contractions (went latent a number of times, ie. the contractions just STOPPED) and my waters broke whilst on the toilet the first time and artificially ruptured the second.

I know that you need reassurance right now that everything will be fine, and it will, but I'm trying to say I'm right there with you in the anxiety stakes as I am due early Feb. The heavy belly is enough when you have young children (3.5 and 2) let alone the whinging and demanding that comes out of them. Know that we are behind you and that no matter what time of the day/night, you will most probably find somebody on the site to listen or give advice.

[treightonsmum]

I can relate to feeling alone, I guess because I am alone. I have similar fears about coping with my 11 yr old, 6 yr old the housework load, mowing, cooking, cleaning and running children about with a baby due in January also.
I havent had any phone calls, letters or emails from this baby's dad since the end of July and heard nothing from his family either. Its their first bioligical grandchild (others are adopted) and I thought they would care. When I was in hospital at 18wks with Meningitis I had one phone call from my ex. He started the conversation by saying "I dont care whats happening with you but hows my baby?" I can say that it really hurt alot.
Its the first time I have done this alone and I wish too that he could be more understanding. Having a baby can be wonderful for some but can be a time of feeling alone and misunderstood for others. The physical and emotional strain it can put on your body can sometimes be more than most of us can bare. To add to it the physical and emotional needs of other children and a husband or partner can make us feel like we have to be super mums to keep everyone happy and content. Thats when its confusing.
One thing I have learned throughout pregnancy though is that when I feel something - it matters, when I need something - it matters, I take my time out and know that I dont have to feel all glowing and wonderful all the time. Its normal.
As for the true labour signs the mucous plug coming out is a good indicator that things might be on the way to starting. The BH contractions can be painfull (mine are) but as xkwzit says in her post they will build in intensity if its true labour. If I lie down for a rest when mine hurt too much, they stop or ease away. Take things easy, your not having a great time with this pregnancy, try some relaxing deep breathing at least 20 mins each day. I know its hard to find that time but try to say its my turn now and just walk away and take it.
I'm on msn if you want to chat any time my email address is in my profile. All the best lol and hugz Kathy.