Officially the Worst Mum in the World

[Mummabear]

I don't know where to start.....

About a week ago I stated in another thread that I had bonded with DS#2 and that everthing was great. Well every day since then has just got worse and worse. Each day I'm feeling more and more detached from him. I look at him and I just think "hurry up and grow out of this horrid newborn stage". I even yelled at him to shut up this morning, which terrified DS#1 making him jump, which knocked his bowl of cereal all over me, which resulted in him in tears of "what's going on Mummy" for him and tears of "I can't cope" for me, meanwhile DS#2 was still squaking so all 3 of us were in tears with cereal and milk all over me and the floor.

I'm feeling resentful of the time that DS#2 demands of me, taking me away from DS#1, I'm getting frustrated because he wants to be held all the time yet he still cries while being held. Nothing seems to appease him, especially at 3am.

I find myself thinking horrid things like "I should have just stopped at 1" and "I don't like you" and "Shut up and leave me alone" and, well, you get the drift. Horrible things that a loving mother is not supposed to think.

I realise that I have PND, I had it after DS#1 and I've been on meds for quite some time now, even during pregnancy and I realise that I will probably have to up the meds for a while but still, that's not going to help me bond with him is it. He's at my Mum's place at the moment and DH has taken DS#1 out for a while because I'm just not coping. I feel like such a failure.

Why don't I have 'easy' babies? The kind that are happy just being fed and loved. Not needing to be walked around the house for hours on end in a feeble attempt to settle them. Ones that are happy to go off to sleep without a major drama first, ones that aren't constantly riddled with wind and constipation. I've always believed that life only ever deals us hands that we can handle - yet I feel so out of my depth at the moment so how can this belief be true?

Why am I such a inadequate mother? Why can't I just be thankful that my boys are healthy? Why can't I just deal with the fact that I have a newborn and they are demanding and that it's not going to last forever? Why can't I just get on with it, why do I have to fall apart all the time? What's wrong with me? :gloomy: :crying:

[the_queen]

oh Riss... I have no advice but I couldn't read this and not post. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Bron]

Oh Riss, I'm sorry. :hugs:

Nothing is wrong with you. In fact, something is very right with you because you are able to identify that this is happening to you which is a great step in the right direction.

We're all here for you.

[Harmony83]

First of all you are not a bad mum, I can guarantee that at some stage every mum feels the same way you do right now.

I had depression before I fell pregnant with DS, I went of the meds during the pregnany cause the doc said it was the best thing to do, so of course after DS was born I had horrible PND. I found myself yelling at my newborn too, which just made me feel even worse. My DS was also a very difficult baby, he actually sounds very similar to your new bub. Maybe see your Doctor and ask if he can refer you to phsycologist (?)...
Maybe if your hubby takes DS #1 out for the day, while you bond with you new baby?
Sorry I can't offer you some useful advice, your post was just so heartbreaking I couldn't not reply.
I really hope you feel better soon.

[Mummabear]

Thanks girls :hugs:

You know, after Oz was such a 'high maintenace' baby I thought there would be nothing that I couldn't hand this time around. I was so looking forward to just getting on with it this time around, I was convinced that I would nut out this breastfeeing problem and just be able to whip out the boob, I had it all planned, I bought a sling that I could breastfeed in and I was going to get the double bed set up in the nursery and co-sleep and all those wonderful AP things and then it just all fell into a screaming heap when I couldn't BF again. Now I just can't bond, I can't stop crying, I don't want to hold him most of the time, let alone sleep with him. I truly feel like a horrid, evil witch.

[melfunction]

Why am I such a inadequate mother? Why can't I just be thankful that my boys are healthy? Why can't I just deal with the fact that I have a newborn and they are demanding and that it's not going to last forever? Why can't I just get on with it, why do I have to fall apart all the time? What's wrong with me? :gloomy: :crying:

From where I sit, I am reading about a mum who is trying to juggle the demands of a brand new bubba, a toddler, a home, a Dh and her own expectations of herself. Our own expectations are very dangerous. We think we should be able to just 'deal' with it. Doesn't work that way.

Take a deep breath and a step back. Focus on the importance of yourself doing what you can do. See your GP if necessary and don't pressure yourself :hugs:

[2boysmama]

You are not a bad mother. You aren't getting enough sleep. Is there a place where you can get help? In Brisbane there is Riverton and in NSW there is Tresillian. Also see your GP. Don't be afraid to get ALL the help there is on offer. From wherever. Your baby will thank you for it.
My thoughts are with you. There are a lot of mums in your situation. You are not alone. :wave:

[Mamaduke]

Oh Riss...I'm so sorry. When I hadn't heard from you I thought that everything in Rissland must be absolute bliss.
This internet is great but it also has it's downside, because I can't hop in the car and come and help you, which I soooo want to do!
I don't know what to say - I had AND so that's a little different but I remember going to see my psych after Lukey was born and he asked me if I was making time for just Lucas and myself. He stressed that I needed to have time for just us two, and to try and go out, have a coffee, wander around the shops or even just sit at home and bond. Going out would be better I think...babies seem to be more settled in noisy shopping centres for some reason, so 'tart' yourself up (everyone feels at least a little better when dressed, face done & ready to go somewhere), dress that gorgeous little man of yourse in something fabulous and head off for the day.
Maybe even a weekend away for just you and hubby might be in order - where you can get away, 're-group' and unwind for a little and relax - you deserve it because you're a wonderful Mummy!
I'm one of those revolting people who has great babies so I can't imagine what you're going through but I can definately sympathise...if worse comes to worse I guess I am only 7 hours away! :o

[xkwzit]

Mummabear you aren't inadequate and you aren't a bad mum. A new born is alot to deal with (even w/o toddlers, DHs, house etc).

I've never had PND, but I was definately ambivalent about my kids as newborns. You are always doing stuff "to" them (feeding, burping, changing, settling), it's not until they get older that you can do stuff "with" them and they start giving you something back. Try not to be so hard on yourself during this stage that is so trying. :hugs:

[Harmony83]

You're not an evil witch, you a mum with so many demands at the moment, that you probably haven't even had time to bond with your new baby... For many mums bonding doesn't happen straight away, and I imagine it would be especially hard having a second 'hard work baby', and looking after a toddler...

I found this, maybe it will help http://health.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=96172

Perhaps to help you bond with your little one, you could do some baby massage, while hubby looks after the DS1? I know this helped me with DS, and it helped calm him down also...