What should I do?

[JobyBear]

I am 25, my husband is 27. We're just finishing building a house and have large repayments, we both work full time.

My husband can't wait for kids & is always asking when will we have them.

My family dissaprove of our marriage & don't want me having kids with my husband at all.

My Sister-In-Law can't wait for us to have kids because her youngest is already 4.

My Father-In-Law has MS and is deteriorating rapidly, I would love to give him his first grandchild from us ASAP.

Logically I'd like to wait a year to pay off as much of the house as possible, but would be excited to start a family soon - especially if it takes me a while to conceive.

What can you suggest I do?!?!? :confused:

[brooke]

you should do what ever you and your husband feel is right!

No one can tell you when and how to have a baby its something that you and your husband have to work out on your own!

can I ask why your family dont approve of your DH?
this would make things very hard............

[Seekrit]

My dad told me I should buy a house before I have a baby. Even a month or two ago he told me that he didn't want me having kids or thinking of it for at least a year.

He is OVERJOYED that he will be a grandad. :) He thinks it's utterly fantastic.

I can see it's not like your situation, where he doesn't disapprove of the marriage (I think he thinks I'm a bit young tho') But my husband and I did what we thought was right for us, not for anyone else :)

[Crazy Monkey]

There is never the PERFECT time to have a baby.. Something will always come up where you will say, lets do this first...

Do what you and your husband feel is right for you..

[monz]

Do what is right for you both...you are your own family now and you should be planning your future together.
You dont want to be TTC under too much stress though, so choose a time that is right for you. TTC while you are stressed may just add more stress by prolonging the TTC time.
Having a baby for someone else is not always a good idea, so make sure its because you want it.
Nowadays, If we waited to get our financial issues into line before we started a family, the population would definately dwindle. In saying that if you are worried, look into maternity leave and what you would be living off..sometimes if you show figures to men it makes more sense to them. your husband may have to work so hard that he wont be able to enjoy bub anyway.
Get away from the impact of family, just the two of you and try and come to a comprimise and plan.

[brideofjabba]

I agree that if everyone waited until they were out of debt and there was a 'perfect time', no one would ever have babies!
My dh and i have been married for 2 year and 7 months :D we got pregnant 5 weeks after we got married, all planned. We didn't have much money at all since we were on one income. But we got our car paid off by the end of the first year. We still rent and are a long long way off having a house...we have $20 in our house deposit account! LOL But we wouldn't swap having our ds for anything!!!

And tell your family to butt out! lol The making of a family is ALWAYS between the two people involved.

Good Luck!

Andrea - 27
DH - 33
ds - 21mths!

[H&B'sMum]

I agree with the others if we all waited until we were better off, the population growth would be next to 0. Forget about you and yours DH's family and start ttc when you two want to.

[dormouse]

If you put it off until you have paid more of the house off, you will then put it off until you have bought a new car & then you will want to buy an investment property & then you will feel as tho you don't have enough savings & then something else will come up... do you know what I mean?

Do what you & your husband think is right. If it feels like the right time, do it!
Don't ever let anyone else tell what you should or should'nt do with YOUR life.

If my husband & I listened to my inlaws, there is no way we would even be married let alone have our beautiful daughter & I really don't think we would be as happy as we are!
Do what makes YOU happy. No one else has to live your life!

Good luck!

[Mischief]

Hey JB,

It makes it very difficult when your family dont approve. Stevens family and I dont always get along, and it does make it very hard at times, but ultimately having a baby is your and your hubbys desicion and no one elses!

If you have a good strong relationship, that is all that matters!

As far as money goes, can you work part time after bubs to help the finances? I would have liked to have waited till we had at least paid off the car, but the thing is...there is NEVER a right time. you will ALWAYS have bills and committments.

Do what is best for the two of you! Good luck! Having a baby is a wonderful thing! XXOO

Kat

[JobyBear]

Just wanted to give you an update on the situation.

Hubby & I have decided to start trying (for our own reasons & not our family's!), it may take a while to conceive anyway! :)


can I ask why your family dont approve of your DH?
this would make things very hard............

This is a long story, but basically a couple of months our wedding, hubby had some sort of crisis were he "couldn't comprehend the enormity of our marriage" and he left me to stay with a female friend. He claims that beforehand he was just being swept along but once it was all over it hit him!

Once he realised what he'd walked away from he came crawling back, I think the fact that I told him I'd be better off without him made him more determined! We did months of counselling and took it VERY slowly but finally got back together.

Anyway, my mother has issues with forgiveness (as in she can't do it!), my brother is too wrapped up in his own life to care what's happening in anyone else's, and my father hasn't spoken to me since our wedding over 2 years ago - I don't even know what his problem is since I never told him what happened?!?!?

Now my mother refuses to have anything to do with him, won't even come to our new house if he's gonna be there! My brother only calls on my birthday & only stays on the phone a few minutes. My father won't even acknowledge (let alone return) my gesture of sending him Birthday & Christmas cards! :mad:

I think I'll just focus on making my new family, and get the love I need from my husbands family - at least they're willing to give it unconditionally! :D

[Hokey Pokey]

I know how hard it is when families are at logger heads. I've been there myself but I can say that I have learnt that I do things to please ME & MY FIANCE. Noone else. If you do otherwise to please others you will regret it and feel miserable.
Ideally, I think alot of us mums here could say that it would have been nice to have done this or that before we have children, but now that they are here we would not change it for the world. If there is a twinge in your heart telling you to have children now then listen to it. It sounds as though you and your husband are very loving and caring and have alot of offer a child now anyway.
Best of luck
xxxx

[brideofjabba]

Glad to see you here again JobyBear!! And i'm happy that you did what you think is right.

[lizzymcfizzy]

Its very hard when your family cannot accept your actions and very hurtful. You do your best to live your life the way you see fit and when your parents don't agree it stings.

But we can't always agree can we. Its dissapointing that your parents cannot accept your decisons but you have to live your life as you want to.

I am sure when you have the baby they will be happy grandparents and if they aren't they are the ones who are missing out.

I understand your concerns but if you feel ready now, then do it. You never know how long, or short, it make take to concieve. Maybe you could wait a year but in that time do some tests (on you and him) to make sure everything is ready to go.

Just make sure you ask yourself Do you want to have his kids? Do you feel ready?

[Hokey Pokey]

How are things going Jody?

[JobyBear]

I want to thank everyone for their advice & words of support. It's nice to know that when I need to vent, there are people who will listen & respond. I feel if I talk to people in person, I'm just burdening them but here, I get to say how I feel & people can listen if they want to! :D

Things haven't changed with family issues except that my father-in-law is now living 30mins away in a nursing home instead of interstate - so now we can see just how quickly he is fading. :(

I've always had trouble with my mum supporting my relationships, she has been hurt by men alot in the past & now has tarred them all with the same brush. I have tried to bring the problem up with her to resolve it but am worried that her hatred for him could obscure her love for me ... she has already disowned my oldest brother (her first born!). It's like she just can't see past her own beliefs and my happiness doesn't matter to her! ... Anyway, I don't want to say anymore, I'm getting too worked up! :mad:

But thank you all again, we were unsuccessful trying in late December but are due to try again very soon! ;)

[Nicky81]

Hi JobyBear just seen your post, im glad to hear you and you DH are trying,
i went though a similar thing to you except the family thing, we did get a big mortagae and we thought we couldnt survive on 1 income, but we have decide to try and have kids my DH has told me he will work harder to cover the costs and if it doesnt workout you can always sell and buy something cheaper for a while or rent.

remember you and DH are gonna have a new family when you have kids,
and hopefully for you people will start to see that life is to short to be angry with someone forever.

Nicky

[JobyBear]

Well, it only took 3 months of trying & I'm pregnant!! VERY early stages, only a couple of weeks I think. Going to doctors this arvo to find out officially.

BIG :hugs: & :kiss: to everyone for their advice!

Now just need to figure out how to tell my mother, and how she'll react :banghead: ?!?!?

Thanks again!

I also wanted to add that my FIL passed away on April 6th :crying: , we were suspicious of my pregnancy beforehand and managed to at least let him know I may have been pregnant before he passed. Apparently he smiled when he heard!

[Dancing Girl]

Congratulations JobyBear!! :D

Why don't you come over to the Due in December 2006 thread and join us :yelclap: I'm due 2 days after you!!

Good luck at the doctors this afternoon.

Sorry to hear about your FIL - at least he knew before he passed away.

Have fun telling you mum - I hope she comes to her senses about forgiveness and you and DH can have a proper relationship with her :thumbsup:

[MrsTwith3]

Congratulations Jobybear.

Sorry to hear about your FIL's passing.

Goodluck with your pregnancy.

Mel

[Cade's Mum]

Congratulations Jobybear - just read through this whole thread. I was in the similar situation as you - tough times I know - I havn't spoken to my mother for 6 years now. You are only going to have great times ahead of you starting your own little family what a wonderful thing :hugs: