Dads

[tiabella]

I have a great boyfriend who wakes up at night time when I am sleeping to feed the baby no matter, what and he works all day he even lets me sleep right through the night. And even does the first morning feed .

How lucky am I??

Does anyone else have a hsband or boyfriend that does the same??

[jaycobntyler]

nope not here!
mine is an interstate truck driver and only home once a week, he is startting to get home more often and to do things but its a slow process

[kurtsmum]

Yes my husband does one night time feed for me so that I can get a bit of a sleep as I am feeding every 3 hours. He even offers on the days that he has to work but I don't always let him, if the timing is right (Kurt wakes up just before the alarm and my husband has the later shift for work) than he does the first morning feed, so I am also lucky. :)

[Hokey Pokey]

YES!! My partner still does that for me! I give him a nudge and he rolls outta bed changes the nappy and whatever!! :p

I think we are VERY lucky to have that helping hand! ;)

[Jennifer]

Not here,

My DH is way more on the selfish side!! My son is 11 months old now and DH does get out of bed if he wakes up, not that he needs feeding!. But in the early days, at about 2am, I asked him to get our DS, and he snappily informed me that 'It wasn't his job to get up at 2 in the morning, because he had to go to work all day tomorrow!!' ........Well, how do you think that went down. Arguments for months on end, and even now that DS is nearly a year old, I still think back to that day, when i really needed the help and support and having him being a selfish so and so really hurt me and made me look at him and his priorities as a father. He obviously wasn't expecting parenthood to be that time consuming, since all he thinks about are his needs first!.

Sorry to rave, just getting frustrated when thinking back to that!!

Cheers
Jen

[Mumoffour]

my ex husband was really selfish and hald selective hearing ( he couldnt hear the baby screaming but he could hear a whispered offer of a bit of lovin). :mad: My partner now is a gem. He changes bums and gets up and brings bub back to bed with us and cuddles him so he doesnt wake me up. He hangs washing out on the line etc and treats me like aprincess. I went out with a lot of toads before i met my prince :D

[mummy79]

The more i hear of these good dads the more resentment i feel towards my partner. my son is 3 mths old, he has never helped me with anything, i might as well b a single parent (been there b4 - it was easier).

[Taylor & Lachlans Mummy]

My DP was hopless with both of our kids up untill about 10mths, little babies woory him even our second who he was a little more comfortable with but wasnt very help ful. He still has to be nagged to change bums but he is getting better. He wouldnt feed either of them until he could cook a peice of toast & give it to them to eat, he baths them now cause they can sit there by themselves. He only puts our eldest to bed cause shes in a big bed now but still wont put our youngest to bed. The only reason I get a sleep in is if Ive been up all night with one of them. He has now learnt & is still learning. He occasionally stays up with me most of the time falling asleep on the couch but I still let him know I appreciate him trying but he has only started doing this in the last 3 mths.
I dont doubt he is trying & he is a good dad but a hopless helper & I think most males are like this. Those who are lucky enough to get helpful ones good luck to you & those who dont it makes you stronger with your kids.

[Graeme]

As a dad it is great to hear positive stories of dads and I am saddened to hear of fathers who don't take an active interest and involvement in their children's lives. (I'm sometimes reminded of the female commedian I heard once who said she had three children - one of whom she was married to.)

Having been actively involved as possible in bringing up my two daughters has been a great experience. Sure there are times when it is hard going :eek: , but the rewards far outweigh the negatives. It means that Jasmine and Alexa know that they can come to either me or Cathy (my partner) for comfort and nurturing. Being with them in the middle of the night or during the bad times helps us build relationships that are meaningful and deep.

I don't help Cathy with the kids - we help each other. It is a small but important difference. Before Jasmine was born we discussed how we were going to share looking after them. It was important that I was actively involved, and it was important that Cathy did not tell me what to do, critise me when I stuffed up, and initiate everything. It would have been easy for us to see them as being Cathy's main responsibility and I was helping her out. I needed to be able to make mistakes (fortunately not many of them worried Jaz or Alexa too much :) ), gain confidence in being a carer and develop new skills (many of them as I hadn't much to do with babies!).

We needed to talk issues over and discuss our different ways of doing things, not assume that Cathy's way was the best way of doing things. (It probably often was, but by know means always.) At times it was challenging, but it has been working for us.

Now (most of the time) I am confident in caring for the two girls, enjoy their company, and know we have a strong foundation to our relationship that will last our life times.

Sorry for the long rave :o
Graeme

[veronica]

Do not be sorry for the rave Graeme! Its wonderful to hear from a fathers perspective! It is also informative. It's very easy to get annoyed at our spouses - I did just last night but after reading your account I think I might understand him better, he has often said thats hes unsure what to do and that she will only settle for me - so it's made me think I can approach it from a partnership angle rather than as him helping me - it might help him improve his self confidence in caring for her. He is quite helpful most of the time (although not like some of the othrer posts describe) and I don't doubt his love and commitment. The look on both their faces when he gets home from work is complete evidence of that!

[Lucybelle]

Mummy79, I hear you. On the heels of Graemes post i must add that alot of guys feel useless, and a little scared. I think alot of blokes think that caring for babies is built into us girls. Not true is it - we have to learn just like anyone else.

I know it sounds dumb but maybe you can try counselling. Places like Relationships Australia are great. I found that my partner would not listen to me, but would "hear" it better coming from someone else.
relationships can really suffer after a baby is born, man it's so hard on top of everything else thats going on. You are not the only one.

Hang in there!!

Lucybelle :D

[booey]

Graeme, I'm new here, but your posting was so nice to hear. Your perspective about "helping each other" is so inspiring. It sounds like you are a great parent. There aren't many men who consider it a privilege to take part in the parenting of a child. I work from home as a skincare consultant (http://authentic-prevage.0catch.com) and my husband goes out of town for work quite a bit. He misses those opportunities to bond and he knows the value of those little moments with our child. After all, they are only babies once! :)

[Nickster]

Mummy 79 I sympathise. I couldn't imagine doing this without my hubby. Do you have other family support at least? Mum, sister, etc?
When 1st home from hospital, my hubby would bring bub to me for a feed (as I had a c/section), and would rock her to sleep, as I couldn't stand to hear her crying and couldn't seem to do it as well as him. Now, 4 months on, I am the main caregiver for our daughter, but this makes sense as I am home all day with her. My hubby has a busy job (state manager for a large multinational company) and I appreciate how hard he works, yet he also appreciates how hard I work at home with Elizabeth, and never de-values anything I do. I often need to crash at night, so he will give her a bottle of EBM while up late doing paperwork or watching TV, and he also cooks dinner almost every night.
He will help settle her at night, and although we long ago agreed I would be the one getting up to her in the middle of the night (because I have breasts and as much as he'd like to help, he ain't gonna grow any in the near future), however if it has been a rough night and she won't settle or I am in tears from tiredness, he will get up for a few hours with me, and do whatever is necessary - including making a 4am brekky at times!
Our deal is that he gets to sleep in on Saturday mornings, and I get to sleep in on Sunday mornings, and this works pretty well for us.
All I ask is that he picks up after himself ( as he suffers from domestic blindness) and continues being the wonderful daddy and husband that he is. After all, we went into this family thing together, so it is only fair to share the duties together - and for me that includes his important financial contribution. He has said he would love to stay home and be Mr. Mom, but I know I can't go out and earn the same amount of money he can.
On the naughty side - he did have a lapse a few weeks ago and wasn't pulling his weight as much as we agreed he would (ie. housework). I found an article in the paper about this coincidentally entitled "desperate housewife", and posted it smack bang in your face on the fridge. I didn't say a word about it, nor did he, but funnily enough, he couldn't do enough housework over the next couple of weeks!
How wonderful to hear the stories of the other women out there with supportive partners, and to hear from a daddy too! (Graeme). It makes you realise you are not alone, and how important it is to have a partnership in the true sense of the word. I tell you, I take my hat off to all the single mums out there, I know I could never do it alone, bravo girls!

[mumworkingoverseas]

I too have a great partner who deserves some kudos. From day one he has bathed bub, shared the chores and would give her her evening feed so I could go to sleep early. I had to go back to work early (due to work committments) and I can actually say that we have shared most parenting jobs. I certainly could not maintain my career if he didn't support me so well. Now he has taken time off from his busy job to look after bub while I take on a more demanding job. He looks after bub, tidies the house and cooks me dinner. Everyone tells us how great he is (and how lucky I am), but we doesn't see it as unusual - this is a team effort!! The best thing being that he gets to spend a year with our little girl who absolutely adores him.

[mumof2girls]

I am really blessed with my husband, I was really sick when I had my children and he did all the night feeds and early morning feeds (they had to be bottle feed). I stayed home with them until they went to school (they are 13 & 11 now) but he made sure he was home to tuck them in at night. When I went to work my husband stayed home with the girls and even now he is a house daddy and just loves being able to do everything with the girls,, he even does tutoring at the school 4 full days (volunteer) plus extra stuff that is happening at school just so he can be there for them. We both have such open relationships with our girls that they can talk to us about anything (even dad get's the female problems to handle).

My husband is 1 in a billion and always has been, we have been together almost 19 years and have never argued!!

I'm with you Graeme, men choose to miss out on so much of their children's lives but I work in childcare and the attitudes are changing, more men are becoming involved.

[Fostermum]

My Dh is wonderful. When I had my son who is my second and last, I had an Emergency cesaer and nine days later I got a Blood clot and ended up in hospital for two weeks they told me I had to stop feeding him and put him on the bottle. My Dh took my son and daughter then approx 3 and a half home and put him on the bottle and took care of the children all on his own. When I came home from hospital the house was spotless and even now 10 years later he will still vacuum or cook and stuff just because.

[camstar]

I have a good one. I am still pregnant (35 weeks) and he rubs anti-strech mark cream on me twice a day, has done since 12 weeks. He will get up and chase pesky mozzies keeping me awake in the middle of the night. He's also makeing me dinner right now, gotta love him! :)

[mumof2girls]

This has been really interesting to read!

It seems the men in our lives are either really involved or rarely involved!

I know that My hubby is the best dad & hubby that anybody could ever ask for! :)

[Narelle]

Wow! I can only hope that my hubby turns out to be a good one!
Some of you girls sound pretty lucky make sure you hang on to those ones!

[mamabear]

I'm a lucky mum too, and a lucky wife.

I'm really happy at the moment in my relationships (that's not to say that I always am). I was just talking to a girlfriend this morning about how hard marriage is. It really takes alot of effort and strength to keep a marriage ticking a long smoothly.

It's amazing how much I love my husband when he does something with/for our kids.

Best wishes to you and all your families. :)

[jamb]

I have the most wonderful hubby, he is supportive in the decisions i make, actively cares for our bub 24/7 and makes sure i have time out for myself. I want to publicly acknowledge how super i think he is and how lucky i feel to be sharing this time with him. Thanks babe (he is aS ADDICTED to Bubhub as I am!)

[BlueGin]

These posts are really encouraging for me. My husband has decided that he wants as much to do with the children we are planning as me. I am still at uni so will probably be out of the house for 3 full weekdays from pretty soon after birth, and he will organise his work roster so that he is home those full days as a daddy. I must admit that I have high expectations cause of my own dad though! Mum didn't like pooey cloth nappies so she changed us and dad washed them ALL! He also used to send her out for a break whenever she felt overdone. It has meant that I am as close to dad as to mum, he was the one who realised I had my first period, and directed me to the "pad" cupboard!
I hope I am this lucky, fingers crossed :p