not TOO young

[babyjode]

This is my opinion you dont have to agree with it but i believe it and i dont think anything will change my opinion.

I think that the definition "TOO" young to be a mum is a girl who has not yet gotten her period. being too young to be a mum is not being able to be a parent because of your age. I think if a 13 yr old is capable to have sex, fall pregnant well then she is obviously capable to have a child therefore be a parent.
I think the wording people should use is "thats very younge to have a child" and not "thats TOO younge to have a child" That "too" makes a big difference to me.

I know there is alot of younger ones that give bad names for us. Trust me i have seen it but in all my life i have seen worse from older and i am not here to have an argument as to what age is the best to have kids caz i dont believe there is.

~~~ My family has taken in alot of emergancy care children through family service's legally i can not get into it too much~~~

I have seen a 10week old baby with one broken arm from his mother whom was over 30. I have seen a 18mnth old boy with 2 broken arms both were broken in several places they never did find out who did it they only narrowed it to the mother father grandparent as the famiy was very well respected in the pulic parents over 35. and i have seen a little girl with cigarett burns with a 21yr old mother. I have seen many rape victums from all aged parents.

I am a young mum i had my son at 17 he is not nearly 8mnths and i am 18 if anyone honestly believes i am a bad mother because of my age they are 100% welcome to come to my place and tell me why my son deserves a older mother. Tell me why my son is in harm, why he is unwell and not looked after.

Oh one other thing some say that older parents are more finacially sucure and have had there chance to travel.
1. Saving have already been made for my sons schooling
2. he has over $300 in his piggy bank at aged 7 1/2 mnths
3. I still have the $3000 from when he was born
4. and suprise suprise im on welfare with no child support

and also my sisterinlaw gave birth to my twin nephews 1wk after her 19th one of my mums ex-friends told her snobbishly my daugthers will have there kids after they have traveled. my sister inlaw just smilled without saying anything because as a child and teen she traveled the world several time over was born in aust while her parents were on holiday and grew up all over the world.

[brooke]

you obviously feel very strongly about this and I dont think that anyone on this site would try to "change" your mind nor would anyone pass judgement that you are a "bad" mother because you are younger than some people!
I think that we would all agree that a mother or father for that matter at any age may not be a fit parent
I have to say though that I would agree that a 13 yr old should be having sex no matter a child as they are still a child and their bodies havent even developed properly yet!
They should still be trying to grow up and workimg out who they are first ( and I am not saying there is any time.age limit to this)

There will always be people that think Some Girls are too young but as long as you know that you are a good parent then who cares what anyone else thinks!
Being a good parent also doesnt have anything to do with how much money you have but how much love and supoort you can give!

Good on you for being such a good mum and Well done to your family for looking after all those abused children. I have no doubt that this would have shaped they type of mother that you will become!

[nemosmum]

Have I missed something here, was there a thread started that upset you babyjode???

You have come across very angry in your post and Im just wondering why?
I have not come across any one bad mouthing young mums, but I admit I dont read every post :p hehehehe but Im curious as to why you feel so strongly about children (aged 13 years old) having babies and becoming parents.

Every body has the right to an opinion and to have that opinon respected.

But I have to agree with Brooke, kids aged 13 are in no way ready for parenthood or SEX in my opinon.

I hope by posting your thoughts you will get over some of your anger as I think you sound like a wonderful mum and you shouldnt waste your time thinking about what other people think lol be happy :)

[carls]

I think if a 13 yr old is capable to have sex, fall pregnant well then she is obviously capable to have a child therefore be a parent.

I'm afraid I dont agree with this. As time goes by girls are getting their periods younger and younger, but the responsibilities that go with being a parent dont change. What if you get your period at 10 or 11? Do you think a child that age can be a good parent?

Just because your body is capable of producing a child does not mean that you can be a good mother or father, it just means that you can have a child.

I totally agree that child neglect can happen at any age. They were very sad stories that you told in your first post. The kinds of people (at any age) that do that to children should have their kids taken away and they should be sterilised. :mad:

[pegasus]

babyjode,

I agree with O's mum and Brooke - it sounds like you're very passionate and you've got some great things lined up for your son and some good plans. As far as I know there has been nothing directed at you on this forum (but if there has been nasty pm's or anything - report them).

However, there is a huge difference to a 17 (how old you were) and a 13 year old having a child. A 13year old's brain hasn't even finished developing, so even though there are unfit parents of all ages, I do not believe that a 13year old could make the proper informed decisions required to raise a child. Yes, they maybe old enough to have sex (not legally), yes they may be old enough to birth a child, but old enough to raise a child? I think you will find that most children of this age who do have a child themselves end up with the child being raised by their parents. Sad but true - yes, I have come across some of the children from these children too, so I'm not passing uninformed judgement.

[whatwasithinking]

Oh one other thing some say that older parents are more finacially sucure and have had there chance to travel.
1. Saving have already been made for my sons schooling
2. he has over $300 in his piggy bank at aged 7 1/2 mnths
3. I still have the $3000 from when he was born
4. and suprise suprise im on welfare with no child support


You are doing great and it sounds like you don't let anyone tell you different - good on you.

Some are wrong to say about the older parents - I'm 30 and haven't travelled and am not financially secure - so youre right - age has no place for some comments!

[carls]

Some are wrong to say about the older parents - I'm 30 and haven't travelled and am not financially secure - so youre right - age has no place for some comments!

I've travelled but I'm not financially secure! I would love to have $300 sitting in a piggy bank! I'm getting the baby bonus in January and have spent it already!! :D

[oscarsmilkbar]

babyjode...I can tell you are a fantastic mum and you make some great points...

but I don't agree on the age 13 comment - but we are all here to agree and disagree, give our opinions too....

I think kids, and they are kids, shouldn't be having sex at thirteen. But reality is that there are some that do, and if their parents know about this the parents should take on a lot of responsibility of that child so they do not get pregnant, or at least run through contraception etc. (but I"m sure that most parents wouldn't know otherwise they'd be freaking out!!)

In America teenagers can go through a programme where they have a "baby" for a week - you know, the one that cries etc, and needs constant care. I would love for our school system to have this in place, esp for kids as young as 12 or 13 to take part in if they "want a baby", "babies are fun", " a baby will love me", "we can play dress ups"

13 year olds may dress older, try hard to act older, wear make-up etc....but that's society, the magazines, the young models.....but underneath the exterior are little girls and boys who need parenting, not to be parents......my strong views!

Most 13 year olds still get babysat!!. I Know when my boy is 13 I will still have a babysitter when DF and I go out....tough if he doesn't like it!..

[carls]

In America teenagers can go through a programme where they have a "baby" for a week - you know, the one that cries etc, and needs constant care. I would love for our school system to have this in place, esp for kids as young as 12 or 13 to take part in if they "want a baby", "babies are fun", " a baby will love me", "we can play dress ups"

My school did that - but we did it with eggs! We named our egg and had to carry it around for a week and look after it :confused: :confused: .
Then at the end we had to devise a contraption in science to stop it breaking when we threw it over the balcony (like an egg parachute).

Gets me thinking of Michael Jackson.....

[oscarsmilkbar]

carls...we did eggs too!....in year 5....I replaced 3 in a week!!!...I even made little homes for it in the classroom, my bag, at home...!!

[carls]

carls...we did eggs too!....in year 5....I replaced 3 in a week!!!...I even made little homes for it in the classroom, my bag, at home...!!

I think I replaced mine once, but was very ashamed :o

[pegasus]

Also wanted to add - (cos we always talk about the mum - whether too young) these kids do have a dad too. It doesn't matter if the mum thinks he's a no hoper or whatever, the child will want to know about who dad is and will probably want some sort of relationship with him (whether from birth or when the child is 20). The problem is that when a child is 13, there is very little chance that they've formed a bond with the other parent strong enough for the child to have two parents.

So (JMO) the thoughts should always go with are the two parents able to raise a child? Even in single parent situations there are still two parents, one's absent physically, but still is a parent.

[carls]

So (JMO) the thoughts should always go with are the two parents able to raise a child?

Definitely. I kind of assume that at 13, the boy would be even LESS ready to be a father! He would still be living at home for a start - I dont know what the law is in regards to a child paying child maintenance? Would it fall back on the boys parents? And at 13 the kids wouldnt be able to get a house and move in together...

Oh how the mind boggles!

[Imogensmum]

In the past 2 months i have read no less than 4 threads on this exact same thing! It has been dealt with- and now it just seems people are trying to cause a stir!

I believe that there is an age that is too young, and that just because a girl can birth a baby does not mean she is emotionally ready to raise a child! But I won't put a number on that age- i believe it is a mental thing- are you mentally and emotionally ready for the changes and stresses of that baby!! In saying that i know some very good young mums (>25yr(as that is what a young mum is classified as))- and i am one of them!

Young mums have you all heard the saying- "Noone can make you feel inferior(sp??) without out first your consent" If you believe you are a good mother then don't allow anyone else out there make you feel anything but!

I too am classified as a young mum- but even when i get comments now i just stop and think how sad it is that some people have nothing better to do in their day then gossip and judge other people!!!!

Let it go girls- and believe in your own capabilities- that is the main thing.

[carls]

I think that the only good thread in a Young Mums thread, is one where young mums talk to other young mums and support each other with parenting issues. Any questions regarding age or capabilities is bound to cause problems, as you are asking for trouble!

Whilst I dont agree with teenage pregnancies, if someone can show that they are responsible, they have my respect. And IMO babyjode, you have set a good example to other mums (not just young) with some of the practises you have in place. I wouldnt mind some of your tips on saving!

[Imogensmum]

babyjode, you have set a good example to other mums (not just young) with some of the practises you have in place. I wouldnt mind some of your tips on saving!

Me too- i am an absolute shocker at saving!!! I figure this is because i didn't start young!!!!!
I ahve started Imy a bank account and i direct debit a small amout weekly!!! Hopefully she lerns to save better than i ever did :)

[sugar n spice]

babyjode
You sound passionate though id have to agree that at 13 a child would not be mentally ready to bring up a child, however there are some that are very mature for there age, I too am a young mum. I fell pregnant at 17 and had my first son at 18. I was engaged when i fell pregnant and i am now married to the man i adore. I had my second child at 21, im 22 now. I love my kids to bits and we are financilly secure. I believe that having a child young means i am that bit closer to them plus i will be able to travel later on when my children are grown up, yet i wont be too old. Sometimes i wish i had done things a bit later on in life, but at the same time i wouldn't change anything.

I don't believe there really is ever a right time or age to have kids. Babyjode i do know where you are coming from with your feelings. When i had my first child at 18 there were some very mean midwives but when i had my second they were all really nice and sometimes i wonder if it was because of my age. :confused:

You sound like a loving mum and your child sounds like he is well looked after and loved.

I hope in no way that my comments have upset you though i apologise if they do as they are only my opinions.

[Oscar's mum]

13 year olds may dress older, try hard to act older, wear make-up etc....but that's society, the magazines, the young models.....but underneath the exterior are little girls and boys who need parenting, not to be parents......my strong views!

Most 13 year olds still get babysat!!. I Know when my boy is 13 I will still have a babysitter when DF and I go out....tough if he doesn't like it!..


OMG I just had the most horrible thought my brother is 13 he still plays with Transformers and Bionicles could you imagine him being responsible for a baby, now that is scary! :eek:

[Jaileth]

I know a woman who's son fathered a child at 14 y/o. She did have to pay the child maintance for him, and had to look after the baby half the time. Her son is now 21, and her first grandchild is 7 - her son has had two more kids with 2 other women.

I don't know, but having a kid going from playing with transformers to being a mum or dad - thats a huge step, and not one that I would have wanted to take.

Oh, and btw babyjode - I would love some of your tips on saving too! Maybe you could start a new thread with these in it! (please!!!!) :) It sounds like you have some amazing things in place for your child - hope I am that organized!

[carls]

I know a woman who's son fathered a child at 14 y/o. She did have to pay the child maintance for him, and had to look after the baby half the time. Her son is now 21, and her first grandchild is 7 - her son has had two more kids with 2 other women.

As you know this woman, what do you think of her parenting? I might be making wild assumptions here, but I'm thinking maybe this boy didnt have a father figure in his life? Surely she should have come down on him like a ton of bricks after the first one, but to go on and do it to two more women, and put his mother through that stress? He would be in military school if he was my son!

[brooke]

Carls i am with you! If I had a son who did that another 2 times after not learning his lesson then he would be off to boot camp!

I agree also...........
I would love to hear your tips on saving!
I wish I had 300 in my piggy bank! I wish i had 30! :o

I have already spent the $3000 and I havent even got it yet! It has to pay bills.... Oh joy gotta love bills!

I have a 13 yr old brother and There is no way I can imagine him being a parent!
I Can hardly imagine him being an uncle! I still have to baby sit him when my parents go out at night no matter him fathering a child! But like I said everyone is different!

I hope that you dont feel like anyone on this forum has judged you as I really dont think that was anyones intentions!

[Jaileth]

I never saw her 'parenting' her child - he was 21 when I met her. You are right in saying that his dad wasn't around. She is a very easy-going woman, very spiritual and basically believes that if its destined to happen, its gonna happen. I don't know wheather this is because of the things that have happened in her life or if she has always felt this way.

[carls]

Steve has decided he is taking half the baby bonus (as the baby is half his apparently) to pay off part of his credit card! So I'm not left with much to work with :mad:

[brooke]

Carla how can he take half???
Yes the baby is HALF his but your a partnership and paying your bills is helping him as well as helping you...
Do you not work together with finances???

[tickle]

Steve has decided he is taking half the baby bonus (as the baby is half his apparently) to pay off part of his credit card! So I'm not left with much to work with :mad:
Ask him whether he wants to incubate half the baby too, to make it fair all round. ;)

[carls]

Carla how can he take half???
Yes the baby is HALF his but your a partnership and paying your bills is helping him as well as helping you...
Do you not work together with finances???

No, we have totally separate finances. We split everything down the middle.

It works out quite well. I just spent nearly a weeks salary on a watch - if I was him I certainly wouldnt want a joint account! :D

[brooke]

Its all well and good if you both have a wage but what about when you arent working???
My DH trusts me.... most of the time with the money!
My parents worked seperatly for ages and It just doesnt work very well...
My dad was always well off and mum ended up in debt because she didnt earn as much!
It took mum getting in to serious debt for my dad to realise it just wasnt fair!

[carls]

I'm trying not to think about what will happen when I finish work. I'm trying to get my debts down (besides my loan - I've got that for 2 years no matter what!) within the next 3 weeks. I called Centrelink but they were very vague as I'm not sure how much we will have earned by the time baby comes.

Sorry I think I've hi-jacked the thread! Hey Brooke maybe we should talk about this on the Adelaide thread.

Back to it, girls!

[brooke]

They are pretty cr*p when you try and get info from them for anything...


I think we have hi jacked this thread!
sorry! :o

[babyjode]

Im so sorry i have been mis understood

There was no bad thread toward me infact i very rarely come on here and everytime ihave there has been the same old threads so i thought i would start a subject we would all be interested in.

I in no way was ment to come across angry i guess im just passionate on this subject. I guess on the internet you cant see the persons mood and expressions

i do not support 13yr olds falling pregnant i have a 14yr old sister who has just gotten her period last week and it would break my heart to hear she has fallen pregnant she is alot immature for her age there is always exceptions i guess my point is that if there was a 13yr old girl who did fall pregnant and decided to keep her baby i would not knock her nor would i think she was a bad person i would infact do what i could to make her and her childs life easier i think should would have enough people knocking her. I have a friend who gave birth at 17 too she is just about to have her 18th we were shopping one day and saw too girls with children both looked liek they couldnt be any older then 14 mind you one had a prob 2yr old. I found no problem with it i though good luck to them, them and there children look well and happy. My friend stood there making bad comments and bad looks i felt like spewing i was so embarrassed how could she knock another young mum just caz she is younger.

And ther other thing is i have only once in my time ever had a bad look by someone about me being a younge mum, Alot of other young mums i talk tp say they get looks comments all the time. I only got a look once and it was prob more to do with that my son was crying for a bottle and we were next to an elderly couple that were having lunch and i think it was disturbing there lunch or whatever. Sometimes i think maybe i do get the looks im just not aware of it caz honestly i dont give a toot i will prob never see that person again and that are of no importantance in my life and other times i think some girls are over paranoid.

And thank-you for all your wounderfull feedback
i do many things to save although i could save alot more by not buying giago so many clothes and toy's and jewellery for my self.

[babyjode]

Steve has decided he is taking half the baby bonus (as the baby is half his apparently) to pay off part of his credit card! So I'm not left with much to work with :mad:

when i was pregnant i slowly braught everything for giago it was easier as i knew what sex he was. His father braught his a hat and a rattle. He then turned around and said well i wont worry about getting anything else because you can have my half of the 3000 to cover the cost of the things you have braught. :eek:
I just didnt even bother saying anything.

oh yeah btw giago's father is brasilian and has never met his son we have had a visa denied and we are thinking of meeting in NZ so he can meet his son

[WeThree]

i'll just say one thing, i dont think TOO young is the wrong thing to say, a little 12, 13 yr old might have her periods and be able to fall pregnant, but her body is not yet ready for child birth, hir hips and pelvis are to narrow, not to mention the emotional scars the pain would leave on a young mind not yet capable of coping with such things. and it is just TOO young.

ps i had a son at 18, and yes i thought i was so much more mature than most (as all 18 yr olds do) and yes my son and i did ok, but noone can tell me that a 16, 17, 18 yr old is as equipped to handle parenthood as they should be, not to say there are not lots out there doing a great job, but believe me, when you are older and you look back, you will think the same thing~how did i do it? i was so young???'

[babyjode]

my whole point is the fact that

YOU DID DO IT

[WeThree]

yes i got your point, just sharing my views on your point, no need to scream the words at me :)

[babyjode]

OMG lol

once again a miss understanding it was in caps to be shouted in an excitted enthusiastic was as in wow be proud of your self you did you coped well done.
lol

[pegasus]

This thread has been hashed a bit before and I'll end my part in it by saying the same thing - the best revenge you can have on anyone who knocks you as a mum (or in any capacity) is to raise happy, well adjusted little people.

The only sad thing is that my question is -It's all very well to say all is well for these 14?year olds you've seen recently - but the cynic in me says lets see again in 5 or 10years time where they and they're kids are. Am I seeing their kids for therapy? Kids are a lifelong committment.

[WeThree]

ah if i misunderstood you, my apologies :) when writing instead of speaking to the person face to face, it can be easy to do :)

[babyjode]

hey dont worry its a very commen thing on the internet
so dont worry about it. I think most of the times its the main cause of arguments on the net. Because people missunderstand other and so on ect ect

[babyjode]

Opps double posted

[WeThree]

yes i agree babyjode, this is often the case :)

[BIANCA-mummy of 2]

The only thing I have to add to this thread is regardless of what we say the fact that young mums continue to rise and the age seems to be getting younger I hope that they are all responsible like you are babyjode because having sex is the easy bit raising children no matter what age can be difficult. It is sad that women of different ages are slack mums. Children are soooo adorable as we all know and need all of the love, nurturance, understanding, time, patience, care and happiness in the world they deserve it from everyone but especially thier parents and Mums need to be willing to give there bubs all of the emotional support and care they can protecting them with their lives no matter what age, its a big rsponsibilty. Aint they just priceless :D

[LilShenanigans]

It feels weird when someone thinks Im young, Im 21. I fell pregnant at 20 in the middle of my long nights of drinking and what not, but somehow just dropped everything when I found out.

As I found, mistakes do happen, even though the legal age of contsentual sex is 16. I figure as long as a mother doesn't always consider the child a mistake, they are starting out well!
And I agree age doesn't matter. I've known so many girls to fall pregnant at such younger ages and they have all become my idol mothers, and the opposite is people like my sister, she may be socially 'old enough' but she isn't capable of that responsibility - and no she doesnt have kids yet! :D

I also find that a persons own upbringing will determine on some part what kind of a parent they will be.
I can't say I had the best, my father hit me (as it wasn't considered bad until mid 90s),and my mothers idea of showing love was buying me anything I wanted.
I've built the bridge with my dad and we councelled eachother in our own demons, thus becoming incredibly close and I went from "I hate my father" to "I love you too, dad" - it took some time though!
My mum on the other hand hasn't changed, but Im combatting that myself with everyday I tell my daughter I love her, I give her a kiss and a cuddle... at 3 months there's a lot more then just one of each! :p

And Im also trying to save like babyjode, Im on parenting payment and not getting payments from the father (hes hot footed it!), but it's there, it's in saving and I'm still not depriving her of anything.. like toys she just frowns at for a while :D

On the topic though, like age, the outside persona of a parent doesn't always make a good parent... all whilst growing up, my parents friends thought dad was great because he played with us when in public... they could never understand why his kids would say "I dont like dad, hes mean!"

[katesmom]

I come from the opposite end of the spectrum. I was 37 when my dd was born. I get all sorts of nasty comments at times about my age and going social security and all that. You know what? It's water off a duck's back. I don't pay attention to that nonsense.

Here because of horomones they give to the livestock, girls are getting their monthlies at 8 years old and sometimes younger. I would never in life wish a baby on an 8 year old. I think the youngest I have heard of someone having a baby over here was 10 or 11. I think that is way too young. When your own parents aren't allowing you to stay home alone for a few hours and are hiring a babysitter for you, you are too young to be a mother. IMO.