Urgent help needed on putting baby to sleep in her cot

[big_mama]

Hi all, please help if you can....
My 8-month month Vivian has been sleeping with us in our bed since birth, and now she won't sleep in her cot, which is right next to our bed. If at home, I've been feeding her lying down in our bed everytime she sleeps, and she's so used to this now, that she grunts and squirms a little when I recently tried to feed her sitting in a feeding rocker. She dozed off, and as I went to put her down in her cot, she startled and became very clingy and started crying. I held her (chest against mine) and she dozed off again, and again I tried to put her down and she woke....crying all over again. I tried this twice more, with the same frustrating results.

Should I just leave her in her cot crying and will she eventually sleep from exhaustion?

I've watched a few episodes of supernanny on trying to get toddlers to sleep ...... and not sure if I should apply this to an 8-month old infant.

I would like to re-train her so that she sleeps in her own cot, so I can get a few things done around the house while she sleeps without constantly worrying that she's going to fall off our mattress. (She recently rolled and fell out of our bed which was more than a metre off the timber floor. Thank godness she was okay. We were so scared DH disassembled the bed, and we now sleep on the mattress on the floor).

[Mumma_Duck]

definitely try the suppernanny controlled crying technique and check out the articles on the dr phil website (drphil.com) under advice -> parenting -> infants/toddlers

[rynosmum]

Hi Big Mama,

We used a form of Controlled Crying on our DS when he was only a couple of months old as he was really having issues settling (would cry in DH's arms every night until exhausted then sleep). We put him in his cot one night - full tummy and clean nappy etc but left the room. We then went back every few minutes and patted his bottom to reassure him and once again left the room. He cried the whole time although it wasn't a piercing cry, more a wind up then sobbing. He adapted very quickly to it and it worked for us. He loves his cot now.

Some other mums have gone through moving bubs from co-sleeping to their own bed. I think Jennasmum has some good advice on this one so hopefully she joins your thread.

Wishing you the best of luck ! :D

[rachael b]

Hi all, please help if you can....
My 8-month month Vivian has been sleeping with us in our bed since birth, and now she won't sleep in her cot, which is right next to our bed. If at home, I've been feeding her lying down in our bed everytime she sleeps, and she's so used to this now, that she grunts and squirms a little when I recently tried to feed her sitting in a feeding rocker. She dozed off, and as I went to put her down in her cot, she startled and became very clingy and started crying. I held her (chest against mine) and she dozed off again, and again I tried to put her down and she woke....crying all over again. I tried this twice more, with the same frustrating results.

Should I just leave her in her cot crying and will she eventually sleep from exhaustion?

I've watched a few episodes of supernanny on trying to get toddlers to sleep ...... and not sure if I should apply this to an 8-month old infant.

I would like to re-train her so that she sleeps in her own cot, so I can get a few things done around the house while she sleeps without constantly worrying that she's going to fall off our mattress. (She recently rolled and fell out of our bed which was more than a metre off the timber floor. Thank godness she was okay. We were so scared DH disassembled the bed, and we now sleep on the mattress on the floor).


:p finally i have found some one with the same problem I have been searching the net for info all night. My 7 month old and I are having the exact same problem we are co -sleeping , he usualy gose on the breast then I would very gentle place him in his cot and he would sleep to about 3, then he would wake and I would place him with us. But during the day there is no way he would go to sleep in his cot, Its like he has a raidar as soon as I lower him in it his eye's pop open then he screams and I usally give up and place on our bed surrounded by pillows, which I know he will go to sleep on straight away.

Now this worked well until he started rolling and crawling, he has fallen 2 times and i am so scared he is going to hurt himself if it happens again and as of late he is waking earler and earler refusing to go back to sleep in his cot and he is becoming very clingy to me during the day.
So tonight I decide he has to learn that his cot is his bed not our bed.
I feel really bad that he feel off the bed, what if he really hurt himself and I am very confused has co-sleeping cased this problem, but i really enjoy having him sleep next to me. I want to try control cry but I hate hearing him cry. I never thought being a mum was so tough.
I really hope you find a solution good luck! and let me know if you have success.

[Chickadee]

Since it's often the movement of being placed into the cot, and away from warm mum, that wakes bub, the alternative is to put bub into the cot while awake and settle him there. I used a shushing and patting technique from when DD was around 4 months (tho you'll see from my thread started tonight that it doesn't always work when they're older). Sometimes I found it helped to keep contact with DD while settling her in the cot, by having my hand on her back or cupped against her cheek. There are other variations of settling in cot too that might be worth trying for anyone who isn't comfortable with CC.

[Jenko]

Hi rachael b, i PM'd big mama my story the other day . I am going through the same thing with my 16 month old. I tried control crying when she was about 7 months, it just didn't work for me. DD just got more worked up and never gave in. Now she won't go near her cot.

Do try the control crying - or your version of it - some say to put them in and leave the room, coming in and out in intervals. I tried that. Then I tried sitting next to her and patting her to sleep. Had a little more luck with that one. In the end she would still wake up at 2am and after completely waking herself up and into a state, I would bring her back into our bed. Co-sleeping since then has worked for us up untill now. She's just getting too big! :)

Maybe try buying a book and following the guides in that, at least it gives you something to go by. I followed Robin Barkers 'Baby Love'.

Good luck, let us know how you go.

[j&k'smum]

Hi bigmama,
Its really hard when they get used to being next to you to break them from that pattern. IMO.
I did lots of co sleeping with my first child and I swore I would never do it again. It was such an uphill battle getting him to sleep full time in his bed. That didnt happen til he was 9yrs old, after I had his baby sister. I never did it with her. She has only slept in my bed when she has been sick. And the couple of times she started to get into the habit of coming into my room,( from getting out of bed) I broke that quick smart too becuase there is no way I am going through that again.
I realise now that my child isnt going to grow up feeling unloved because they don't sleep with me. I have no guilt now with her. A big lesson to learn but it happend.
You just have to keep yourself focused on what you want the end result to be and no matter what comes in between that, try not to loose sight of it.
I would give it a week, just keep persisting. I would put her in there, go in after two minutes if she is crying, then three, and then five, blah blah. Do the things you know comfort her. As soon as she stops then go. You can tell when they are just whinging crying too, not crying ,crying. And time it from the crying crying, not the whinging crying. Don't let her totally stress out either. And I think don't talk to her. Maybe just hush her oh and don't pick her up. I think?? Has she got a dummy?
She will get used to it in time. She has to learn that she will be okay and build up a security for it. Its all such a time based thing. Its tiring and frustrating and it is easier to just put them in with you when your eyes are popping out of your head and you just want to sleep. Those are the times you have to remember the end result.
I wish you all the best. Be strong and patient...It will all come together. :D I hope my tad bit of advice may help somewhat... :)

[angelcarmie]

My daughter slept through the night from around 3 weeks old. She was in a bassinett in our room. When she around 5mths old she got to long for the bassinett and started waking herself up so we put her in her cot. She hated the cot and would wake around 40 times a night. After about 2 mths my MIL's friend suggested a sleep docter so we went and they put us on a controlled crying program and within 4 days she was back sleeping 13hours a night. She is now 15mths and and will put herself to sleep when she is tired (around 6:30pm) and doesnt get up until 7:30ish.

[Refresh]

**Disclaimer - the following is my opinion form my own experience as a mummy! Not intended to offend and I definately am not out to start a PRO/ANTI controlled crying debate.**

SInce this is in the no cry sleep section...I am going to say that I really dont like controlled crying:( Our youngest has slept in our bed since the start , and did the same thing at around 8months. I couldnt put him down for a second. It changes!!! It doesnt last forever!! I just saw it through because I figured, well, he must really be needing the extra comfort and security at the moment and it is up to me to proveide it. Gradually I was able to start putting him down asleep in his own cot and when he woke up bring him into bed. The time he woke up got later and later and eventually he slept all night in his bed and just came in in the morning for cuddles. Occasionally he will still wake up needing a cuddle or whatever and will staying bed with us, but then the next night he is fine again and goes all night.

This is just my opinion and not an attack on anyones parenting choices at all -because thats what they are - choices. I really believe that if they are extra needy at certain times in their life then the way to deal with it is to provide for their needs not ignore them. I believe that this provides security. This stage will pass! :) They are only this tiny for such a short time and I think its such a blessing that they love us so much and want us near.

[LucyE]

I agree with fFrenchstar, I don't like controlled crying either and they DO grow out of it.

I have coslept with DS from birth. He has had phases where he didn't want to sleep with me anymore so I put him in his cot and other times he just needed the extra comfort of being close. Currently we have a sidecar arrangement where he sleeps on a single mattress next to our bed. DS is also gradually giving up feeding to sleep, so it does happen!

From what you have written, it just sounds like your DD is getting startled when you try moving her to the cot. Babies go through different types of 'sleep' and if you wait until she reaches the deeper stage of sleep, you'll probably have more success moving her. The timimg varies with each baby so you just need to look for the signs and not a set 'after 10mins' type rule. Eye lid movements, slower deep breaths and just a relaxed floppiness is a sign she's in the deep sleep phase. Have you tried sleeping on the cot sheets yourself first so that it smells familar to her as well?

If you want some more comprehensive 'no cry' solutions, try reading Elizabeth Pantley's book called The No Cry Sleep Solution. She has a version for babies and a new one for toddlers. Also check out www.askdrsears.com for some great sleep advice (I find the site difficult to navigate but do persevere).

[big_mama]

Thanks all for sharing your experience. I'd tried various ways to get her in her own cot, but it's still not working. I guess I'll forget the idea for a while, and come back after a few weeks and continue trying until she gives in. Either she gives in or I will :)