I don't want to go - do I have to??

[Nick'sMum]

I will try to keep this brief.

My brothers partner is having a B'day dinner in a few weeks time out at a Restaurant.

All of my family has been invited and I think lots of her friends as well. They are also taking their 2 year old daughter along, but I think just not suitable to take our 5 month old son, he would never go to sleep in his pram with all the noise etc...

I am not keen to go for 2 reasons:

1.) The only person my Husband wants me to ask to babysit our son is my MIL. I don't want her looking after my son even if it's only for a few hours (long story).

2.) Not really close to my Brothers partner and I would actually prefer just staying home with my bub and keeping his routine.

I know it sounds crazy, you would think I would jump at the chance to have a night out and my brother would definitely not understand about me wanting to spend the time with my bub as they used to cart around my niece at all hours of the night and day from when she was born.

My husband is angry at me for saying I don't want to go and said that I have to go. It's still a free country we live in, right?

I am quite happy for my DH to go alone, but he is cracking up and said that he won't.

I need to RSVP by this Friday and short of being in hospital with an infectious disease I don't think they are going to accept my reasoning.

If I tell them the truth they will think I am being over-protective and stupid and will be insulted and if I lie it is sure to get back to them.

What can I do?? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[~mia&ryan~]

:hugs: I dnt really have much advice sorry, but I would most likely go... I am sure she appreciatesthe effort it would take for you to take your DS to dinner with you( they do have a child afterall)... I know you said you aren't close with her but perhaps by going that is a step closer.....

Why not RSVP and say you are going but just let her know that you may have to make an early exit if your DS get upset/unsettled... That way if you or your DS is uncomfortable you have already layed the groundwork for the hasty exit...

I think that if you did not go, your DH will be annoyed and sp will your BIL's partner...

So yeah like I said, I would go...:hugs:

[Nick'sMum]

Okay, so this is either to hard to answer or people must think that I am being a bit to precious, and I have a strong feeling it's the latter.

I know my problem is not up there with solving the water crisis or global warming, but thought I might have got at least someone's view point, anyone???

[Nick'sMum]

Hi miamama,

Thank you for responding.

After thinking about it I agree with you. I know attending the dinner is the right thing to do, I was just being a bit selfish I suppose.

I like your idea of taking our son and just letting them know that if he does get upset we can make an early exit.

Thanks again.

Susan. XXX

[Jax Tellers Old Lady]

Hi there

I know what its like to have issues with the inlaws. For the sake of your hubby i would say grin and bear it. Take bubs with you and if he doesnt like it there that can be your excuse to go straight home. Sorry im not much help.:wave:

[Billy]

Hey there :wave: I really don't think you are being too precious- we have gone through the same thing with my in laws and with them thinking I'm too precious... :rolleyes:

I don't really care what they think because I do what is best for my DD FIRST. If they don't agree thats fine- they can do it however they wish with their own children IYKWIM...

In this situation I would either find someone else I was comfortable with to look after bubs, or go (as the other girls have said) leaving the option to leave open, or tell them that you don't want to stuff his routine so you will visit earlier in the day to give your well wishes...


Your bubba your choice :D

HTH

[Trumpet]

Don't think you are being precious, because your not.

I was exactly the same and never wanted my bubba's (and still don't) out of their routines'.

But I also have the luxury of not having inlaws close by either and if they were there is no way I would leave my babies with them. I don't trust them as far as I can kick them.

It is really up to you what you want to do but I would take him along and as the others said it is an excuse to leave early if he gets too restless.

[Nick'sMum]

Thanks ladies for your advice and suggestions.

I am very much a routine person as well, and I am sure that my husband (sometimes) and definitely his family thinks that I am overprotective and mental.

I mentioned the idea to my husband of taking our son with us and said that I could leave if he gets upset and he flatly refused and he wants his mother to look after bubs.

I am so angry, I do feel selfish if I take bubs as he is now going down to bed at around 6.30pm each night (right when dinner starts) until 6am and how can I expect him to sleep like that in a noisy restaurant in his pram.

My real issue is with my MIL looking after my son, I don't want her in my house or near my son, but my husband doesn't care he just wants to have an night out and if I am not there by his side he (in his mind) will look like a fool.

I don't want to cause problems but I know it is going to. Oh well, back to the drawing board. :detective:

Thanks again, it's nice to know I am not the only one who has issues with the in-laws.

[~mia&ryan~]

Hi miamama,

Thank you for responding.

After thinking about it I agree with you. I know attending the dinner is the right thing to do, I was just being a bit selfish I suppose.

I like your idea of taking our son and just letting them know that if he does get upset we can make an early exit.

Thanks again.

Susan. XXX
No worries hun... BTW I love your pic in your avatar, beautiful!:hugs:

[sueliz]

Thanks ladies for your advice and suggestions.

I am very much a routine person as well, and I am sure that my husband (sometimes) and definitely his family thinks that I am overprotective and mental.

I mentioned the idea to my husband of taking our son with us and said that I could leave if he gets upset and he flatly refused and he wants his mother to look after bubs.

I am so angry, I do feel selfish if I take bubs as he is now going down to bed at around 6.30pm each night (right when dinner starts) until 6am and how can I expect him to sleep like that in a noisy restaurant in his pram.

My real issue is with my MIL looking after my son, I don't want her in my house or near my son, but my husband doesn't care he just wants to have an night out and if I am not there by his side he (in his mind) will look like a fool.

I don't want to cause problems but I know it is going to. Oh well, back to the drawing board. :detective:

Thanks again, it's nice to know I am not the only one who has issues with the in-laws.


Even if you are being overprotevtive and mental - every mother has the right to be that way! Especially when their baby is only 5 mths old!!
Is there any way that you can explain to your DH that you just are not ready to leave your DS at home with anyone?
I know it doesn't help to say this, but it's very unfair of him to not want anyone but his mum to look after bubs, but doesn't understand that you are not happy with this...
Let me think about this and see if I can come up with any ideas as I am a little stumped here.

Maybe your DH has already promised his mum she will be looking after him or something and is a little scared to tell her that won't be the case anymore???

[lovingmotheract]

just tell dh that you don't want to have him out that late as it's past his bed time and tell him that you will go out with just him next week or some thing like that. or tell him the girls on bubhub agree with me and i'm staying home!!

[lukaelmo]

My bubba is 18 months old now, and I still say no if I want to. I rarely disrupt his routine, it's just not worth it.

[Manxie]

Hi

I dont think your weird!

It took me ages to be comfortable to leave DD, still havent left her at night, although it wouldnt be a problem now as I know she most likely wouldnt wake but I dont have family here and wouldnt have felt comfortable with anyone else looking after her.
Its still early days and perfectly natural that you dont wont to leave bubs.

I agree with the others, go out and take bubs with you. Our DD has been out with us lots and we have never really had a problem. Your bubs will either suprise you and sleep or be able to keep going for a while and be happy. Sure you may have to leave early but at least you have made the effort.

[Crazy Monkey]

I don't like getting DS out of routine either and he is nearly 21 months... Its not worth the trouble the following day when they haven't had the right amount of sleep (DS doesn't understand sleeping in when he's gone to bed a bit later than normal)...

My in-laws haven't watched DS and wont be any time soon... i don't have any major problems with them but I just don't trust them with DS...

I hope everything works out for you... and you find a compromise that pleases you and your DH...:hugs:

[Nick'sMum]

Hello ladies,

After having asked two of my closest girlfriends if they could possibly look after DS, and both have prior commitments on that night, I have decided that I am going to take DS along with us to dinner.

I have e-mailed my SIL and just mentioned that I might have to leave early if he gets to upset.

So at least I am going to make an appearance even if only for a short period of time and my family can't bag me that now, can they? :rolleyes:

My DH on the other hand was not impressed when I told him, but he accepted it.

I said that DS is my life now and I either don't go to dinner at all or I go to dinner and take DS along.

He begrudgingly said okay. I am sure that between now and next Saturday night when the dinner is he will try to talk me into asking his mother, but I am going to stay firm.

If anything it will be a good indication to see if we can go out to dinner now that DS has just started sleeping from 6.30pm to 6am, as we have not been out past 5pm for months, I never wanted to risk having a ferral screaming baby at dinner time.:fingerscrossed:

Thanks to everyone for your great suggestions and making feel like I am not weird.

[Manxie]

Hi Susan

I'm glad that you've reached your decision, I personally think you've made the right one as its what I would and have done, LOL!!

Keeping my fingers crossed that DS falls asleep in the car and stays asleep,. Dont forget to take something to drape over the front of his pram to block everything out when he's ready to sleep.

I hope you have a great time

[ChubStar]

We had the same problem, but it was with friends thinking we were using our DS as an excuse to leave early or not go. Going out to dinner is a hard one because sometimes you don't get ur meals until hours after u've been there. To ensure you don't get stuck there forever, order ur meals quickly and ask for them to be brought out first.