How do you tell them?

[MrsTwith3]

How do you tell your family that you have had enough of them? I have had enough of my younger sister being the most fantastic thing in my parents eyes. Ive had enough of my mum favouring my little sister for as long as I can remember.So what if she is the 1st one out of me and my older sister to buy there own home (have a mortgage anyway). She has no idea what she is in for with that I must say. No Im not jealous of her buying her own home, she just thinks that she is better then me and my other sister.
Im just feeling so disappointed with them at the moment and I need to get it out.
Im so annoyed that her 4 kids come before my 3 with my mum. My sister says jump and mum says how high.
I dont know wether it is a compensation thing with my mum. My dad died when I was 2yo, my older sis was 6yo and my little sis was 6months old. Maybe mum feels that she "needs" more attention as she didnt get to know her dad. Who knows????
My sister is turning 30yo this month and a big party is being organised for her and our cousin and our cousins SIL who are also turning 30yo. Do you think I had anything organised for mine....NOPE! I started to arrange for our family to go out to a nice restauraunt for my 30th but they all showed such little interest and I was p!ssed at having to do it myself I told them all to just forget it. I have arranged so many parties such as a suprise party for my mum's birthday, Ive sent my mum and step dad away for weekends away when I was a single mum and on a pension just because I thought they needed it and what do I get in return...NOTHING! I know that probably sounds selfish and like I expect something in return and i guess I do but its nothing that shouldnt be given anyway.....To be treated as an equal to my sister not as a second rate whatever.
My DD asks me frequently why my sister and her kids are treated better then us and I cant answer it...what do I say to her?
Ok my whinge is over for now.

Mel

[damien's mum]

I really don't know what to say...

With my friends and family, i had issues like these, and i just pulled away and when they asked what was going on i told them that, i wasn't going to put up with it anymore, i had my own family to look after...



Hope things work out babe.. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[bronny-jane]

mel that sucks, my older sister gets everything from my parents....they even bought her a car and she crashed it and stopped paying for it...they just let it slide...if i owed them $30 there on it...not that i need to borrow cash...she goes to my mums house, steals things from my little sister, and if my little sister says something to my parents, they yell at lil sis:eek: ..um what.

now i have never gotten any special treatment, even today, im miscarying and no one has rung me to see if im ok:no:
they put her before me all the time, with the line that "you have broad shoulders, you can take it"...its not true, i cry when no ones looking:crying:

so i understand where your coming from..i dont think theres any way to change it, well i havent found it...im no help to you:laughing:

[MrsTwith3]

Thanks Alicia,
I had my mum call me tonight asking what is wrong as I have been quiet for a few weeks now but I didnt bother saying anything as there is no point as she gets all defensive and denies any favourtism. I have backed off from them all as much as I can without telling them how I feel IYKWIM?

[melfunction]

I moved countries to get away from my family. Not suggesting you do this btw.

It was a last resort.

[MrsTwith3]

Thanks BJ,
Now that sucks that noone has rung to make sure your ok. Grrr families hey....love the old saying you can pick your friends but you cant pick your family:banghead:

[Naggy]

Hi Mel

My heart goes out to you. If it makes you feel better I'm in exactly the same situation.

How's this - I have number two due in 4 weeks. What does my mum decide to do just 3 weeks ago - sell our family home (which is nearer me but still 2 hrs away) and move down to be with my sister 8 hours away (and her 3 kids). She says she has to do it now as she "has to get there". Makes me feel just great. The family home by the way is in the country and I helped my dad build it. Dad passed away a long time ago, but it was always going to be a haven for the grandkids.

Even better, when I tell her that I would like to see it one last time and her timing was a bit off she goes "well, who asked you to have a baby now?!". Can you believe it!! Then in the next sentence she goes on about how excited she is to meet her next grandchild. Yeah right.

Same as you Mel, my sister is the golden child. I have a successful career, buying own home etc, anything a normal mother would be proud of, but it is never good enough. My sister on the other hand is unemployed, is very arty/crafty etc, and my mum always goes on about how she is so good with her scrapbooking etc. Basically we're just different but because mum identifies more with what my sister is into she is the one who gets the attention - may be the same with you??

Also same as you I have sent her overseas, on a cruise etc etc. But do you think she's ever grateful - but you should have heard her when my sister made a birthday cake for her 70th birthday. Never mind that I organised the whole thing and paid for all the boring stuff like the bbq meat and salads!!!

At least one thing she's taught me - how not to be a mother!!!

Hope it makes you feel better that there is someone in the same boat as you Mel.

Naggy

[4tiggers]

Mel and Naggy, I so hear what you are saying. My problem is my younger sister, a brief history - 4 abortions at 15 and 16 years old, caught shop lifting (no punishment from my parents ) dropped out of the all girls private school at 15 and has a baby at 17, marries a guy who isnt the babies father ( he still does not know) she now has 6 kids, they brought a car for her, a house, take her kids camping to the movies and beach list goes on. Me, none of the above. When she say please, they say how much and do you want more?. I have got a degree, been married 13 years, have our own house and I work. I didnt even ask them to pay my hecs or my books ( I put myself through after I left home which I did at 19. I had had enough) She is only 19 months younger than me--I just dont get it. I have now stopped ringing them, I only tell them things if they ring or ask and they only live 15 mins away. :thumbsdown: I am so mad. I am so glad I could share you all and I really do understand exactly how you feel. I am also very sorry that there are 2 other people who dont deserve the treatment but are getting it none the less. :gloomy:

[~rambox~]

It is a very hard decission to make and when you do it there is no turning back trust me. I had enough of my family treating my DH like trash when he treats me like a queen and i told them that if they didnt stop it then i would have no choice but to stop speaking with them.

They then started to rubbish him in front of our kids and that was the final straw. I havent spoken to my Parents & Brother for over 12mths and my life is fantastic.

Just really think about it first cause it does hurt at first but you can handle anything once you are a mum :hugs::hugs:

[MrsTwith3]

Thanks so much for your replies ladies. I kind of feel a bit silly now after reading some of the things you have written about how badly you guys get treated. My situation doesnt really seem that bad now. I guess I was just fired up when I started this post. Mind you it still is all true.....lol.
I wish you all happiness with your loving families.:hugs:

Mel

[littledarling]

All these stories have made me feel so sad for you ladies :gloomy: . I am so lucky to not have had these problems with my sister.
I just wanted to urge all mothers out there to read these stories and remember this as your kids grow up and always try to show equal love and care to all your children. This seems like something so simple and obvious, but it is so important.

ps. don't feel silly Mel, your feelings have obviously been hurt, and for good reason:hugs:

[Naggy]

Hey littledarling. Thanks so much for your kind words. I am thinking of you in you TTC journey.

Naggy

[OnceAMereHumanNowAMum]

I've experienced similar, I have an older brother who is the favourite.

I often wondered why, I think it may just be a personality thing. As human beings we identify more with some people than others. Why should it be any different with relatives?

Is it upsetting? Of course. But I find solace in simple acceptance of the situation. I don't see how I could possibly change it (unless I had a personality transplant and morphed into the female equivalent of my brother LOL) so what else can I do?

Try taking it as a compliment. Your sister is obviously so hopeless that she can't achieve these things without Mummy's Imput.. you on the other hand are so competent that you can not only arrive at the right solutions to life's little problems on your own, but you can also implement them independently. You're a mature adult.. while your sister sadly may never be one.

[RoarsomeMum]

so i understand where your coming from..i dont think theres any way to change it, well i havent found it...im no help to you:laughing:

me too.. But here are some :hugs:
:hugs:. P.S Some-one PM me if there is a solution to this!

[Veritas]

Aww Mel... :hugs: hun I can understand exactly where you are coming from....

I am one of 4 girls and I gave up confronting my mum about the favouritism and inequality issue when I was quite a bit younger.... it just wasn't worth the arguments because it was always turned around on me.... so I gave up....

I also totally get you about making a sincere effort to make them happy with generousity and such and having nothing in return... sometimes a thank you would do, but I don't even get that....

I realised just recently at my mum's wedding how different I am from the rest of my family... how they have absolutely no concept of what "family" is all about.... for them its every man for himself.... it's so bleeding obvious how differently I am treated from my 3 other sisters....

Its funny though.... I am the one that was the straight A student, quiet, meek and mild, perfectly behaved and never in trouble at school, yet I got blamed for everything.... my three other sisters have been nothing but trouble but get everything thrown at their feet....

I don't understand it and in a way I am glad i have distanced myself from them.... I am proud of who I am... I have gotten here completely on my own, without support and encouragement and I will raise my DD with good values and the way she deserves to be...

I have come to believe family is so much more than those who are related to you by blood.... they are those who love you unconditionally and make you feel at home in your own skin.... unfortunately I can't say that about my blood relatives....

[MrsTwith3]

I don't understand it and in a way I am glad i have distanced myself from them.... I am proud of who I am... I have gotten here completely on my own, without support and encouragement and I will raise my DD with good values and the way she deserves to be...

I have come to believe family is so much more than those who are related to you by blood.... they are those who love you unconditionally and make you feel at home in your own skin.... unfortunately I can't say that about my blood relatives....

Thanks for that Karrie. I too have so many of those beliefs now as well. There really is no point sitting around whining about how the others get treated etc. I will always be who I am and its up to them to accept me for me. I have my own family who do love me unconditionally and for that I am very greatful.
You Karrie should be so proud of yourself for what you have achieved and how well you are raising your little girl.


I've experienced similar, I have an older brother who is the favourite.

I often wondered why, I think it may just be a personality thing. As human beings we identify more with some people than others. Why should it be any different with relatives?

Is it upsetting? Of course. But I find solace in simple acceptance of the situation. I don't see how I could possibly change it (unless I had a personality transplant and morphed into the female equivalent of my brother LOL) so what else can I do?

Try taking it as a compliment. Your sister is obviously so hopeless that she can't achieve these things without Mummy's Imput.. you on the other hand are so competent that you can not only arrive at the right solutions to life's little problems on your own, but you can also implement them independently. You're a mature adult.. while your sister sadly may never be one.

Thanks for that innsightful way of looking at the whole picture. You know you are so right. My sister cant make any decisions in her life without asking our mum first if its the right one to make.