single mums wanting another child.......

[ashleerose]

I have now been a single mum since leaving my hubby three years ago.

My daughter has just turned six and my son will be turning 5 in April.

For a while off and on, now i have been really wanting another child, i feel that one more will complete my life as i have always wanted three children.

Due to my circumstances the chance of me having another relationship is slim, i feel that i wouldnt want
to jepardise my childrens happiness for the 'what if' chance of a relationship being successful.

Im sorry but most relationships barely survive today and im no longer willing to take that risk as i am
happy with the way things are.

I am living in an nice area in a four bedroom house that is low rent and pretty much mine until one of the
kids move out.

Although i work two jobs (one in retail) around 4 hours a week (off season) and two hours a week in advertising. I also am furthering my education through OTEN as i believe one can never stop learning.

Financially yes its a struggle but i am proud of what my children and i have achieved.

I do not want to have a one night stand with anyone just to fall pregnant (im not that type of person).
Nor do i have any close male friends that i would ask for assistance in this situation.

I have thought long and hard about the consequences of me having another child and
have come to the realisation that i am not getting any younger (i turn 31 this month) and so I am going to wait until next year and if at this time next year i still feel the same i am going to seek ivf.

I realise that i have had no family support for awhile and this is unlikely to change but i have come to terms with this and know that I can do anything i
put my heart and soul into.

Regardless of what my parents, family, friends, society think.

Which has been anything but positive towards single mums who chose to have a child on their own rather than circumstances (which was previously the case for me).

I know i should be grateful i have one of each a pigeon pair as some would say but i still have
this need to have at least one more....

Am i the only one that feels this way...

When i had my two i had them close in age and
that has been a challenge to say the least i like the fact that with this child i will be able to enjoy it even more as both kids will be in school next year.

Or am i being completely selfish and crazy....

What is your opinion of this????

[ashleerose]

I also enjoy the fact that i wont have the same problems i could encounter were i to have a relationship and it break up and the poor child be
torn in two.

[ashleerose]

I forgot to add that both of my kids love babies and
have also been wanting me to have one.

My son even said that i could go to the shops and buy one............:kiss:

[jods]

I feel the same and have made the decision that when my DD is 4-5, if i havent met a bloke good enough to be in mine and my daughters life then i will also go through sperm donation.
I have raised my daughter by myself since the day she was born as her father walked out while i was pregnant.

I have been researching sperm donation etc.
I have concerns about the whole 'NEVER' having a father around but then i figure i could have another failed relationship and he may never want to know the child anyway and really whats the difference??

good luck with whatever you decide

[ashleerose]

Jods,

Thats great. I knew a while ago that if i were to have another child i would wait until my children were a certain age and if i hadnt met anyone that i believed that was good enough for my kids and i then i would
too seek ivf.

I know its going to be hard as i can just imagine everyone being negative about it but i have been speaking to a friend of mine today and she was
really supportive of it all and even made me see
everything in a whole new perspective.

I only have one life and i would hate to get to my sixties and have this regret hanging over me.

I used to think that my children had to have a dad in their life, it used to make me cry at the thought of my two not having their dad in their life (his decision) but
now i see that its becoming the norm and in most cases it seems to be for the best (sorry to the
decent guys out there but there doesnt seem to be very many of you left).

And so man, or no man i am going to have another child and complete my family.

[oleander]

Nope, your not selfish or crazy IMO I know exactly how you feel.

I always wanted at least 3 kids and i have one precious daughter but am quite p!ssed that my children won't be close together in age as I had hoped. One of my friends suggested I go out one night when i'm ovulating and pick up a random bloke:eek: ummm, no sorry, that's just wrong to me. For the child, for the guy, for me, I could catch a disease - it's just not a good idea.

I have done research and unfortunately Adelaide is the only state in Australia which wont give IVF to single mothers:thumbsdown: SA are sooooo far behind in every aspect. I ideally would like to find a partner who I love and have a couple of babies with. I've just turned 28 so I still have a few years left under my belt:fingerscrossed: i have thought about adoption and would love to adopt a child from a disadvantaged country but there is no way they will let a single mother do that. Unless your name is Angelina Jolie:rolleyes:

Anyway, if you feel strongly about it then go for it. I know I will be if I get to my mid 30's and still single. there are actually some forums where you can seek sperm donors in Australia. I'm sure there are many single and lesbian women who do this. I don't have anyone that i feel comfortable asking for sperm either.

[Dans]

I
have come to the realisation that i am not getting any younger (i turn 31 this month)


Please please please don't tell me that 31 is old. I'm 32 this year and I figured I had several years of baby making ahead of me.:eek:

All I can suggest is trying RSVP ladies. You need to be patient though. I've been on and off over the past year and after meeting lots of men that are definitely not for me I have recently met a wonderful man. There are no guarantees but I am very hopeful!!

So please tell me that at 31 by biological clock is ticking. The average age of a 1st time Mum is 30.5 I think. Plenty of time!!!

Danni

[ashleerose]

Leilas mummy,

Gee thats really unfortunate about South Australia im really quite surprised that they havent changed their laws.

Yes adoption would be great but its hard enough for people that are in a relationship let alone a single mum so i have ruled that out altogether.

And as for ivf, i have decided as i turn 32 next year that is the final chance i have because i do not want
to be having a baby any later than that....

[oleander]

It is unfortunate about SA. it just means i will have to move interstate for a little while:thumbsup:

[ashleerose]

Dans,

Of course your biological clock is still ticking and should continue to tick up until menopause sets in.

I personally want to have another child before i get to fourty (even mid thirties) but thats me also because i dont want my kids to have too big a gap between them...

As for rsvp it works for some but not all.

I wish you luck in your current relationship.

[Dans]

I used to think that my children had to have a dad in their life, it used to make me cry at the thought of my two not having their dad in their life (his decision) but
now i see that its becoming the norm and in most cases it seems to be for the best

I totally agree. There are so many horrific things that some children are exposed to. Not having a Dad in a child's life seems insignificant against some of these things.

I don't think I could ever choose to be a single parent again though.

I want to experience raising a baby with someone - that's what I yearn for - motherhood with a partner!

Danni

[munchkin05]

i dont think your selfish or anything like that
but personally as much as i want more kids at least another 3 i dont think i could go down the sperm donor line

i made a promise to myself that when i have kids next time it will be a forever thing and i want their dads around
but thats just the way i think

it hurt me like hell when me and the ex broke up but it wasnt all about me i ahted the fact that ben wasnt going to have his dad around and i know how much it effected me not having my own dad around when i was growing up and i never wanted that for my kids
but i cant change that now

good luck if donation is the way you go

and 31 isnt old lol
your still a spring chicken :)

[ashleerose]

Thanks bensmummy,

I guess i am feeling old because i am turning 31 in about two weeks tme (feels like only yesterday i was 21)....

Maybe with a bit of luck now that i have put my wish out to the universe mr perfect may just ride up on
his horse and we'll all live happily ever after.

But if not i really have to get out there and make
things happen afterall life is not a dress rehearsal.
'

[munchkin05]

Maybe with a bit of luck now that i have put my wish out to the universe mr perfect may just ride up on
his horse and we'll all live happily ever after.

'

if he does happen to ride up on his horse can you pls make sure he has a brother cousin or best friend that you can send over to perth for me :thumbsup:

[Dans]

i made a promise to myself that when i have kids next time it will be a forever thing and i want their dads around
but thats just the way i think

I'm with you on that one



and 31 isnt old lol
your still a spring chicken :)

I hope so

[*munchkin*]

Please please please don't tell me that 31 is old. I'm 32 this year and I figured I had several years of baby making ahead of me.:eek:

:laughing: I had my baby at 32, and am now 33. Yes, my clock is ticking, but I'm not over the hill and down the other side yet!!!!

I too would love to have more kids. I always wanted four, but that's near impossible now. If I haven't met anyone in the next couple of years, I'll consider IVF. How do you go about getting sperm donations? Are they ok with single mummies doing that? Is it expensive?

BTW: I say go for it AshleeRose. You know exactly what you're in for, and you know what it's like being a single mum, so you're going in with your eyes open. Congratulations for being strong enough to do it on your own.

[Femme-Fetale]

I know how you girls feel. DS is only 20.5 mths but i kind of feel like my clock is ticking big time and i am clucking and beyond for another. Its driving my days to a point, i really want another child and i really want another before my DS is 4yrs old. I would prefer them that close in age.

Having another baby is all i think about each day and night.

I already have names picked out but im so protective of my girls name i wont tell a soul. :o

my Ds was a blessing, i was told id never have children, which back then was fine, becoz i never wanted kids. (i suffered severe endo) But then one day G-d blessed me and now i have a wonderful son. Now i am constantly worrying that if i leave it too long, the endo could rebuild itself (for lack of better words) and i may not be able to conceive again and i guess thats one of the driving forces behind me wanting another.

At the same time though, i wont go through IVF or a one night stand. If i dont meet Mr.Right to have a child with before DS is 4 yrs, then too bad... or we will re-evaluate that when the time comes, but i want the father for my next child to be there, i want to have the family. So i guess its all in fates hands now. *shrugs*

[Snuffys Mum]

=

I don't think I could ever choose to be a single parent again though.

I want to experience raising a baby with someone - that's what I yearn for - motherhood with a partner!

Danni

This is exactly how I feel. :yes:

[Chanelc]

I think it is a personal decision. Although you are still young I am 34yrs old this year and oly have a 13mth old bubs.
I am thinking I will have another in 5 years (39yrs old) preferably with a man that is my partner but if not I will look at my options then.

Follow your own instincts and heart as you know what is right for you.

[Femme-Fetale]

You go girl!
And know we will all be right here behind u to support you what ever you do! Your a darling and a great mother and i have no doubt that u could handle another alone!