Only Children

[Rainbowbrite]

Don't know if this should be here, if not feel free to move it or start a section for "only children."

I was just wondering if there is anyone out there who, like me is happy with just having one child?

I'm just sick of the comments that we get when people ask WHEN we're having more & we say we're not. I had a lady tell me that we have to have atleast one more incase MJ dies :eek: :mad: It really upset me.

The reason, among others, not that I need to explain myself is that I have a hard time sharing myself with DH & MJ. Its hard to put into words but I don't feel like I can love more than 2 people, & thats pushing it. Its complicated.

But anyway, has anyone else chosen to only have one child? Would you be willing to say why. Not to be condemned, but to be supported by like minded people.

RB

[whatwasithinking]

I only wanted to have one child (of course I love DD#2 and have no regrets) however I was "talked" into having her by DH - hence my stand now that I have completed my 2children family.

If you only want one child you do not have to explain to anyone your reasons.

[Maxs_MumMy]

I am happy with Max and don't want anymore children ever as well.

My decision was based around my lifestyle and career.

People always go on and on about it and I just ignore it, there are some women who are born to have lots of children and can handle that and believe it completes them...I see it as one child completes my family. :D

Hey it might sound utterly selfish but at the end of the day i think hubby would rather see me happy with one than depressed with multiple kids.

[carls]

Wow - I cant believe that lady said that! What posesses these people?

I have decided in advance to only have one. I am an only child and so are my parents (not that this has swayed my decision at all).

My decision is more financial - I believe that if you have limited means (and the meaning of this varies from person to person), you should put it into one child rather than spreading it over many. For instance, our income at the moment would only allow private schooling for one child. If I cant provide it for 2 children as well as being comfortable financially and have a decent life myself, I will stop at one.

I saw my ex-husbands mum pop out 6 children and have to work to provide food and a roof over their head. She never had enough money to make ends meet, and the kids ended up raising each other - none of them finishing school and they were totally messed up. I think if she had had one child, it would have been a totally different ball game. Instead of raising one good child on her income, she raised 6 below average children (IMO).

[ThomasMum]

I am happy with Max and don't want anymore children ever as well.

My decision was based around my lifestyle and career.

People always go on and on about it and I just ignore it, there are some women who are born to have lots of children and can handle that and believe it completes them...I see it as one child completes my family. :D

Hey it might sound utterly selfish but at the end of the day i think hubby would rather see me happy with one than depressed and multiple kids.

Well said Anita! *clap* *clap* Thats how I feel too! :)

My advice to you RB, this is such a HUGE decission if it was me Id def not going to waste my time arguing with people about this subject. We love our Thomas immensely no doubt about it (thats why we worked so hard so that by the time he was born the house is fully renovated and so on-basically to make sure that he'll have a better life), but there's no way that I want another. It's a bloody hard hard hard work having just one - I can't imagine having two (or more), and thats the thruth.

Do what right for you. Listen to yourself. Don't let yourself follow the 'second child crowd' if it's not for you...

PS. I've also spoken to MANY only children who had wonderful childhoods, have great relationships with their parents, and no bad feelings about being raised without a brother or a sister!!!

Good luck :)

TM

[flower]

I had a lady tell me that we have to have atleast one more incase MJ dies :eek: :mad: It really upset me.


RB

Maybe you should have said that one is enough to work all day in the fields then look after you when your old........what century did she blow in from??
O's mom.

[ThomasMum]

I'm just sick of the comments that we get when people ask WHEN we're having more & we say we're not. I had a lady tell me that we have to have atleast one more incase MJ dies :eek: :mad: It really upset me.



Seriously, am not a violent person. But with that sort of comment I want to hit her with a wooden spoon!

:o

[carls]

Want to know the best thing about being an only child?

Getting TONS of presents for Christmas and birthdays and not having to share!

Mwahahahahahahaha!

[Rainbowbrite]

This is great :D I agree with all of your reasons.

We can't afford any more, we want to give MJ the best we can including both DH & I not wanting me to return to work. We want her to have what we had, mum at home before & after school. If she wants to go to Pirvate School, play & own her own instrument etc she can. That and as selfish as it sounds, we can still have a "life" as in we can afford to go to movies, out to dinner, on holidays etc all WITH MJ.

On the "she'll be bored" topic (which always comes up) We figure that she can have friends over anytime, we can take friends out with us etc. Plus DH is a big kid.

I consider myself to be an only child even though i'm one of 4. The reason - they are 8, 12 & 14 years older than me. They had their own lives, and never had anything to do with me really. I had friends that i played with. I did everything i wanted eg dancing, gymnastics, trampolining, swimming, karate etc.

RB

[Rainbowbrite]

Want to know the best thing about being an only child?

Getting TONS of presents for Christmas and birthdays and not having to share!

Mwahahahahahahaha!

FOR SURE :D Can't argue with that one :p

RB

[Chickadee]

We've pretty much decided Chloe will be an only child, though we're not rushing to get DH snipped yet either.

My reasons why are my own business and any relative stranger who asks when we're having another is simply told with a smile that we got it right the first time - we have a beautiful daughter who has been an angel from day 1 - and we're not going to risk it again. In actual fact it's a combination of lifestyle choices, finances, and our ability to give enough of ourselves to 2 children. Like Thomasmum said, one child is bloody hard work let alone 2. And since I've already been through PND once and there are still days when I just don't want to be a mummy, I can only imagine how much worse that could possibly be with 2.

[H&B'sMum]

I believe that every woman knows when her family is complete. Whether it's 1 child or 6. As long as you are happy with your decision then that's all that counts.
To that woman sho told you to have more chn in case MJ dies, you are a lot more restrained than I would have been, she would have gotten a verbal spraying from me.

[Rainbowbrite]

To that woman sho told you to have more chn in case MJ dies, you are a lot more restrained than I would have been, she would have gotten a verbal spraying from me.

I was just in shock I think, still am. DH still cant believe I didn't go off my head. The fact that it was 2 weeks ago & i'm still upset about it says something. I just can't believe that she could say something like that to me.

RB

[Jaileth]

People who say stuff like that should have their mouths glued stuck - or wear a big sign warning you to stay away from them!

My dh was an only child and he loved it. He got pretty messed up as a late teen, and didn't talk to his folks for a while, but for the last four years (at least) they've gotten along great. When he was a kid he had lots of cousins and friends to play with, and he's never said to me 'I was so lonely...' it seems like the exact opposite is true - plus what carls said about the presents!!! :D

I was one of two girls. My parents usually fell beneath the 'limited means' bracket. Don't get me wrong, we never went without food or anything, but they were always struggling to make ends meet.

As much as I do want a larger family (at least two kids) I desperatly want to see how we go with number one, and if it looks like we couldn't afford to 'have a life,' so to speak, with a second child around, then ones the lucky number! :D I don't want to have to go through the struggles my parents went through trying to raise two kids on a limited budget.

So for me, finances play a huge role in weather or not this bub is it. But whatever your reasons, don't let other people, not even your dh, pressure or coerce you into deciding something that you just don't feel is right!

[Sarie]

We were only going to have one bub. Then number 2 was a surprise. Hubby was lining up ready to get snipped, then things changed and we were transfered out of the city. Now were in negotiations for number 3. Though if this happens it won't be for awhile!

[madvoice]

Hubby and I have decided that Raleigh is going to be an only child. We weren't all that enthusiastic about having children initially but my body had other ideas :). We love her to bits and I think one is enough. I too get a lot of backlash that I'm being unfair to her. But what about the parents? I'm quite contented wtih one child. Neither hubby nor myself have decided on getting desexed (LOL) just yet but it has been mentioned.

[*Sal*]

What an insane reason to have more children - "in case one dies" That is a disgusting thing to say. She's the type of woman who shouldn't be allowed to have children (or pets) at all. I would have told her to go stick her head in a hot oven.

I am an only child and DH is one of 5, so we're going for 3 ourselves - right down the middle ;) My parents could not have afforded the life I had growing up if I had sibling(s). And anyway who's business is it but yours how many kiddies you have? MJ will have the best life you can give her with or without brothers and sisters.

[aardvark]

I've pretty much had it both ways - there is a 10 year gap between #1 and #2.

I never thought I would be brave enough to have #2 after bad PND with #1. Somehow in my mid 30's, I got brave, and had #2, and now at nearly 40, I'm expecting #3.

DD#1 as an only child was OK, but not great. She has really blossomed as a big sister, and is really close to her little sister, in spite of the age gap.

It's what you want for yourself, and your children, I suppose. I could have been content to stop at one child, and then DH and I would almost have our lives back - she is 15 soon, but I doubt I would have been as happy as I am now.

One thing which swayed me the other way was a conversation I had with one of the mums from DD#1's class when she was in primary school, when DD#1 was still an only child. The mum had been an only child, and found she was OK as a child, but as an adult, she missed having her extended family around her when her DH and her friends had brothers and sisters with children of their own. She said that it made her quite determined that she would NOT have an only child. I could understand where she was coming from, because while I was not an only child, I would have desperately loved to have had a sister rather than a brother. I find I miss having the sort of relationship some of my friends have with their sisters and their children.

[red crayon]

Hi RB, I echo everyone else's sentiments about that ridiculous woman and her hurtful words. people can be truly bizarre. if i'd had spencer in my twenties, i probably would have gone back for more. but i'm in my late 30s and i seriously don't have the energy for another child. of course, never say never but i'm pretty sure spencer will be an only child. most of my girlfriends have little kids so he'll always have mates. and he'll always be loved.

RB - you don't owe anyone any explanations. your life, your body, your choice.

[Ky]

One of my closest friends has recently made the decision to not have any more children. Her daughter is the same age as Daniel, a very sweet little girl who knows that she is loved and very much wanted. As a result, she has started giving away all of her baby stuff and has found it almost a relief to not have it sitting there needing to be used for another little one.

They were worried about their wee girl getting bored, only socialising with adults, being "spoilt" and lonely.

Solutions ... pre-school, playgroups, looking after friends kids (mine ;) ), church creche, encouraging giving and serving others, being around people of all ages and knowing that Mum and Dad have a lot of time for her!

She is going to be a wonderfully well adjusted little lady growing up with very close friends and her parents are going to be incredibly proud of her (as they are now!).

Another friend is a single Mum with a 9yo boy ... she is of the opinion that if she got married again, she would hesitate to have another one as her son has been a great kid (usual kid mischief included) and what if she ended up with a child that was a handful???? Of course, she has conceded that there is a possibility that she may want another with her new partner, but time will tell :)

I think that they have both made decisions based on what their heart needs and desires along with what their situation requires of them.

If they want more kids around, I just lend them mine for a few hours :D

[sarah81]

I agree with everyone, what that woman said to you was discusting, ever since having children I have found that people think they can make personal inappropirate comments it is so rude!

I think the number of children you choose to have is a really personal decision and one that you need to be completely happy with. I am an only child and was desperate as a young girl to have a brother or sister and now that I am older I am still jealous of people with close relationships with their siblings. My partner is one of 10 and I love the dynamic in their family. Although I don't want that many!!

In our family planning, DP wanted 1 only and I was desperate to have another and now we have 2 I still don't feel finished, I really want my DSs' to experience a sense of family/sibling relationship that I didn't have.

If you and your partner/husband feel happy in your choice then thats all that really matters :)

Sarah 24
DP 29
DS1 March 03
DS2 May 05

[MariaO]

Hi,

It is very likely that Aoife will be an only child because of my age etc. I sometimes feel sorry for her though - I have such a great relationship with my siblings that I would want her to have a sister or brother through life. Then again, I have known plenty of people that don't have a good or close relationship with their siblings so you never know anyway. And I know only children that have sister type relatationships with friends.

Anyway, certainly no one has any right to comment on someone else's family size.

[Mum2Tyla]

Hi,
My partner and I have decided to only have one, for a couple of reasons, the main reason is financial it is going to be a struggle with just one, secondly I am getting older, but i already have people asking if we are haiving more and I have'nt even had the first one yet, and when you say you are only having one the comments start, I just tell people that it is none of there business. Having a child is such a major committment emotionally and financially and I don't think anyone has the right to make you feel bad for only wanting one. I don't condemn mothers who have lots of children, it is a personal choice that should be respected and not questioned.
Kelly

[Cheyenne's*Mummy]

I think that woman really does need to be knocked over the head with something. That's just plain wrong.
I am very happy with just having Cheyenne and so is Jase. I just feel like i couldn't love another baby as much as i love her. It may sound weird. Everyone has told me that it's different once you have your second one but i dont know. I just want her. I'm only 23 and who knows what could happen in 10 yrs but right now, she's all i want. I can give what she wants and needs without having to worry about money.
I'm still trying to get over what that woman said...i cant believe someone could say such a thing.

[Rainbowbrite]

Thanks heaps guys. I've had a crap week & your kind words mean so much. I've been so depressed lately & its hard enough having MJ who's a great bub, imagine if I had more than one :eek: I most certainly wouldn't be coping.

Thanks again
RB