How to prepare DH for 2nd birth

[ChubStar]

My first birth was very long and difficult on both myself and my DH. He was my only support person and is normally a very emotional and sensitive man. I have since come to terms with my experience and am eagerly awaiting the birth of #2. I have created a birth plan for all possible outcomes and have done heaps of research on how to achieve a positive VBAC experience, regardless of how it ends.

My question is, how do I prepare my DH? I want/need him to remain positive and encouraging throughout the birth process, but I'm afraid the memories of last time will dampen his spirits. I do have a student midwife and my sister as extra support ppl, but I feel like I need to do something before the big day to help him prepare. Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions?

Jac

[Lisa&Davey]

I found going through the birth plan with DP really helped to get his head around everything. It gave him a chance to think about what I wanted and to imput what he wanted and for us to dscuss it.

Maybe that would be helpful in your situation too? Good luck with everything.:hugs:

[reAllytee]

Good question hun i have a very apprehensive DP too after Boof's birth.

At this point im in denial im going to have to give birth again just as he is i think :o

[stellarella]

I had a long drawn out labour/birth too....DP was fantastic!!! however he was a bit shaken up at the end...and didnt really get any support himself...obviously all the focus was on me...

Next time around im having a homebirth...with a doula ( so DP is not my ONLY source of support) and maybe because its a homebirth DP can have his own doula (hahaha...kidding)...nah but maybe he can have less strain placed on him...

I think we often forget our hubbies/partners in all the commotion....In a way its easier for us because well...you just get through it...but it must be awful to watch someone going through it and being helpless..

[draught]

Hi
My DH was more traumatised by the births of our first two children than I was. When he agreed that we would try for a third child part of the deal was that he didn't have to be present at the birth if he didn't want to. We had a lovely friend of ours present as our doula - more to support him than me - and it took all the pressure off him. He knew that I was completely comfortable that if he couldn't handle anything he could walk out of the room, that I would still be supported and that he would be close by to see his child once it was born. And because he had absolutely no pressure on him to be there he never left the room (after an initial trip to get coffee for eveyone except me because it was 2am!). So maybe talk to your DP about not having to be there - it won't be letting you down because you have lots of support and it might just take the pressure off him so he doesn't work himself up about it all.

[nats]

On birthrites.org I found a very confronting inspirational story of a fellow supporting his wife who was having a vbac. You might find it helpful. I'll try and find and PM you a link :fingerscrossed:

Sorry no direct link - It's birthrites.org and go to "Men's Experiences" on the left of the screen (scroll down) then pick the "A different Presence. A father's role in pregnancy and birth" in the right of the screen.

[lilpearl]

Perhaps he could do some "birth art" (as discussed in 'Birthing From Within' by Pam England and Rob Horowitz). It's important that he work through his feelings and come to have a trust in birth again.

On a personal note, my husband was very traumatised after our first child was born (long labour, ending in a caesarean, too....he never understood how birth could be viewed as a positive event - only the outcome of healthy mother and child). However, it's important to note that MOST of the time, second labours are much more stright-forward, and when our second child was born after 5 hours of active labour, in a birth centre, in water, a very easy, successful VBAC, his faith in birth was restored, and it was a real healing process for him, he actually experienced the labour and birth as a real joyous event. Now he has no worries for our up-coming homebirth for our third child.