Personal & Intimate question

[xpectant]

I am very embarrassed to ask this but for me this is a HUGE TTC obstacle... Does anyone else not enjoy the whole love making Valentine process? I've been married for many years now - and still find most of it unpleasant. We had another fight this morning when I wanted to ml and he said I just want him as a sperm donor - and I'm like "what about the 6 years when I was on the pill". Anyways so we didn't ml this morning and I could very well have missed my chance for this month. Am I the only one out there with this embarrassing problem??

[Milliner]

Expectant :hugs: I know where you are coming from. I don't enjoy it, but I want another baby so it has to be done IYKWIM. Sometimes well most of the time your not in the mood but you know that you need to do it to have any chance of having a baby. It all gets a bit much at times. Sending you some big :hugs:

[Harmony83]

When we first started TTC I honestly didn't find it very enjoyable at all, I guess because it was so routine?! But a few months ago, we started BD more spontaneosly and not 'just' to make babies! And the more we do it the more I find myself enjoying it and DH doesn't feel like its just to have a baby but because I Want to - does that make sense??

[sugar n spice]

i didnt do temps or anything we just did the deed when we wanted to, know pressure and when it happened it happened:hugs:

[Femme la Phoenix]

oh I understand the " pressure "
:yes:
I don't think you have or understand "pressure to conceive" if you havent being trying for 12mths+

I've encountered the same thing your talking about
twice now, last cycle and this one
most women ttc 12mths+ would love to be albe to know within a 72-48hr time frame of when your likely
to ovulate....yes
well...I thought it would make it easier for us not harder:banghead: :banghead:

but then we got misleading advice that interferred with DP's stamina ..... just give him heaps of lovin' outside the ovulation time frame and he'll feel wanted and loved

[xpectant]

Hi, thanks for your replies. It's not that I'm saying we do it routinely - or exactly when I think I'm o'ing. I enjoy being touched but don't like to touch him :o - it makes it very hard for us and I wish I did enjoy it more. DH has certainly noticed that I'm wanting to ML more than I used to - hence the fight. It certainly makes it hard TTC when you both don't agree on the whole LM business...

[Femme la Phoenix]

I enjoy being touched but don't like to touch him :o - it makes it very hard for us and I wish I did enjoy it more...

sorry can't say that I have that prob
:no: :no: :no:

I'm the oppersite
== love it maybe a bit too much ==

sorry can't help further...

[Dangerkitty]

Wellllll....let me just say that after 8 months of BD'ing every single day...YES EVERY single day! It did get old.

When I finally got pregnant, the Dr. said I was high risk which meant no sex for the first trimester. I was soo relieved. Just to have a little break. Sure my DH didn't mind because we were each others first and had just gotten married and started trying 1 month later.

Now I find myself getting back into the "swing" of things and I try really hard not to let it get mundane. I think "I could get pregnant this time" But also think about how much I love my husband and how much he loves me and it seems to take the "chore" out of it.

Not that it helps you any, but thats been my experience! Let's just say that I am starting to chart and buy OPK's so I don't get sick of it!Valentine

[MordecaiAliVanAllenO'Shea]

When we were TTC our DS I also had trouble with DH. He suddenly wasn't interested (I think the pressure and also the "you only want to to get pregnant" thing) and it was really frustrating when I knew that those few days were the best chance of falling pregnant and I would have to wait another month. I just didn't tell him when I would be O or anything and made sure I was amorous at times when I didn't expect I could concieve to make sure he still felt it was from love IYKWIM,

Mel

[angeltoes]

I can really relate to the not being in the mood. I was unsure if it was hormonal, or just the stress of trying to conceive (and I disagreewith LJHarmony, I think you do feel pressure and stress before 12m, sure it's a lot harder the longer you've been trying, I'd definately agree with that.) ..anyway.

I've been trying to work through this for several weeks now and as frustrating as it is, I think you just have to talk things through with him so he knows what you are feeling. Luckily for me, I have a very understanding husband who gives me extra 'time and attention' to try to get me in the mood, and if it doesn't work and I don't get in the mood, he doesn't get angry.

I'm hoping it's just a stage, and I get over it. :fingerscrossed: THings improve for you too.

[plumptobump]

I completely understand!! DH and I have been married for a little over 4 years now and have been having sex since then (obviously) as we were each other's first. It hurt EVERYTIME I had sex, no matter how much lube, etc we used...until about 2 months ago...when...get this...I had an internal exam at my gynos office! He must have stretched the speculum a little too far...thank goodness..and now it doesnt hurt. Ok, so that was the main reason I didnt like it, because I always knew it was going to be painful. But even now that its not, I still dont enjoy it most times. I think it has to do with the time of the month...ie, which hormones are dominating, how tired I am, and how distracted I am, etc. I dont know if any of this pertains to you...but I find that if I fantasise about him during the day, it helps by the time he gets home (sorry if tmi!). I dont know...Im still learning too. All that to say, youre not alone! :hugs: Like angeltoes said, its best to talk to him about it and maybe get a really great book or something on the matter...there are so many resources at your disposal and sex doesnt have to be a chore for you!

Keep us posted! :)
xxx
PS: Have you had your hormone levels checked at all? That might be playing a role in this???

[JenNT]

sorry but this makes me laugh.... why do you think im on here til midnight everynight?? I wait until he is :sleeping:
:laughing: :fingerscrossed: :wave:

[angeltoes]

JenNT - You're a :devil6: I just did what your avatar said :D Should have known really... can I use pregnancy brain as an excuse?? :o

[xpectant]

Thanks ladies. Plumptobump - I had the same thing with the pain - It is a lot less now - maybe to do with internals or just more sex in general. I wish to God that my problem was hormonal or the whole "chore" issue - it's not. I just don't like the maleness IYKWIM? I am certainly no lesbian - I just don't know what's wrong with me. We've talked very openly about it and tried books and stuff but they just say to do things which totally gross me out. This is so stupid and I'm very embarrassed to write this. :o I think I must be the only heterosexual to have this problem:( .

[plumptobump]

Oh sweetheart, dont feel embarrassed! :hugs:

Thats whats so great about these forums...you can open up to "faceless" people. Look, Im way out of my league here, but have you both considered counselling? It sounds so formal, but I reckon that if the "maleness" kinda grosses you out, there may be issues there from childhood or your upbringing that would be playing into it. I dont want to dive in too deep and pry, especially considering I dont really know what Im talking about...but know Im here if you want to vent! I would def think about counselling - together or seperate. Like I said before, you shouldnt have to just "put up" with sex...it should be enjoyed (well, maybe not ALL the time..haha :laughing: ). Let me know if theres anything I can do...

xxxx

[JenNT]

JenNT - You're a :devil6: I just did what your avatar said :D Should have known really... can I use pregnancy brain as an excuse?? :o

LMAO:laughing:

[Dangerkitty]

Wow I'm glad Im not the only one who has had it be painful when having intercourse! I feel better now. When we started on our honeymoon I thought I would die! They told me it would get better over time, but after 8 months, it still hurt like a B***h! :banghead:

Then after my 2nd trimester, it got a bit easier! Now it's fine! I didn't even have a VB!

When I have my annuals, it doesn't ever hurt. Just feels sorta uncomfy. Oh the human body!

[Ruby_Jewels]

I totally relate. DH feels pressured and just freaks out if I am too 'pushy' when I am initiating things. we have had 'words' about it (last month) so I decided this month to back off a little and as frustrating as it is just do it when it wasn't going to be an issue.
Now that I *think* I am past O I don't even want to know about it and I think DH is the same.
The way I got him interested so many days this month was lots of **TMI ALERT** by giving umhum oral pleasures. I have never done it so much in my life! I do like it but I also want him to pay some attention to me- but I guess while I am wanting it more than he does, that isn't going to happen :)
Glad to hear I am not the only one with a sometimes reluctant partner.