DH's job conflicts with my moral conscience.....

[Shanaynay]

Hi everyone...

A tiny bit of background: my DH has been in and out of employment for about 3 years.... it has caused SO many issues - to the point of me wanting to pack up and leave... I've suffered so much stress as a result to the point of it making me sick. So.......

on Monday he started a new job. Full time, good pay.
Ordinarily this would be the best thing ever. Full-time job so desperately needed......

But I really disagree with where he is working. It clashes with my morals and I hate the thought of what he is doing :thumbsdown: We need this so much but I just can't ignore it.......

Has anyone else been in this position and what did you do :gloomy:
Was there anything you could tell yourself to make you feel better? :(

[Jinglebells]

hi there, what a position to be in ay, I know what you mean about jobs that conflict with morrals, I was offered a Job a few weeks ago, good paying good hours, lovely staff, but I couldn't do it, it conflicted with everything i knew and thought was good, I couldn't live with myself, i feel better for not taking the job and now not having the money than taking the job and having the money iykwim

I don't think you can put a bow on anything and make it automatically pretty iykwim, is there anyway your DH can get another job?

lots of :hugs: :hugs: to you anyways, its not a easy situation to be in, I hope what ever you guys decide on works out

[the_queen]

Tough situation. :hugs: to you Phinny.

Gizmo has given some good advice - if it was me with the job offer, I wouldn't take it. But it's different when it's your hubby, and it's very different when the job is desperately needed.

Does it clash with his morals? Is he ok with the job, or is he conflicted like you are? And, are you "required" to participate (for want of a better word) in regards to his job? ie will you have to attend functions with him, are you expected to "support" the industry he works in? THAT would be the deal-breaker for me. I could probably handle the husband working in a morally-repugnant-to-me job, but I couldn't "approve" of it or "support" it. I'd be glad of the money, and I'd continue to encourage him to look for another job.

It might be a good job for right now, with a view to finding something else as soon as possible?

:hugs: :hugs:

[Chub Chub]

I know exactly where you are coming from! I work in an environment conscience job and my DH works for a top oil company. You should see people's faces when asked at dinner party and BBQ's what our professions are!

I look at it this way....my DH is in no position to change the ideals of the company but he can educate his collegues (due to me constantly bantering at him:o ).

I am not sure what your DH does but is he in a position to change things for the better?

[Angelmist♥]

Hi Phin, Is there anyway (in your eyes) he can stick it out for a little longer and keep applying for jobs along the way?

In my experiences, it's a lot easier to get a job whilst in employment than it is from unemployed IYKWIM.

I really feel for you hun:hugs:.You're probably feeling rather hypocritical (sorry I would be so I assume you are)but in reality you and your family's best interest should come first.

[aardvark]

I had similar issues with a job my DH was short listed for.

Fortunately he took another position before a decision had been made.

It was with a tobacco company. I have huge issues with that as I have lost two relatives to lung cancer.

I was struggling to cope with the idea that DH might be working for what I consider to be corporate scum. I had sort of (almost) come to grips with it as being just a means to providing for our family, and a temporary arrangement.

It's easier to find another position when you are already employed. There are sometimes when you can take the moral high ground, and stand your ground, and other times when you need to concede defeat.

[jessgray]

:hugs: does he know how you feel?

atm i am the one looking for work in our house and what i do is i tell dp what sort of jobs i am applying for and stuff so he knows incase i get an interview or rejected :laughing:

generally he hasnt had a prob with the jobs i pick but if he thinks its too many hours etc he says so.

maybe you should talk with your DH about the jobs he is pcking and try to have more of a say:confused:
hope it all works out

[Shanaynay]

I know exactly where you are coming from! I work in an environment conscience job and my DH works for a top oil company
He is working in the coal mines :gloomy:
Environmental issues are really important to me........and my DH helping cause it all :crying:
I just spoke to a friend on the phone about it and basically she thought I was being pretty stupid. I can see how she would think that, but I just can't explain how it tears me up inside, knowing what he is doing and what he is contributing to.
Him working there sends the message that coal mining is ok :thumbsdown:

He knows exaclty how I feel, but unfortunately he's not really that concerned with environmental issues. His father haas been in mining for 20 years and honestly doesn't see a problem with it.

Angelmist - you are right - I do feel hypocritical. Here I am preaching to my mother about the amount she drives around when she doesn't need to, about using green bags, cloth nappies, using green energy, you name it, and DH drives does a round trip (in a 4WD) of 120km everyday, and drives massive trucks carrying coal all day. *sigh*

Queenie... I know what you mean, I don't have to support him in any way, I don't have to attend anything or do anything. Maybe I can just shut my eyes and stick my fingers in my ears and pretend it's not happening? lol

I just don't see any oppurtunity popping up anytime soon. We need this money so bad - I can't ask him to quit (if he even would), aaaarghhh why is this so hard???

Thankyou so much everyone for the help and advice and hugs

[V8]

I have no real advice, but i know if my DH had the opportunity to get a job with good money, i wouldn't care what he did!

I can understand your concerns but he is just one small cog in a very big industry, if he doesn't do that job, someone else will happily take it, and why should you guys miss out on the money?

[Shanaynay]

I can understand your concerns but he is just one small cog in a very big industry, if he doesn't do that job, someone else will happily take it, and why should you guys miss out on the money?
That is what I've been trying to tell myself MYLO. As you know our situations are pretty similar so you can imagine how rapt I am that he is out there working and getting good money....it's like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders, not just financially.
*sigh*

[V8]

Just go with that honey, does it cause you more stress that he works at a company you morally disapprove of, or does it cause you more stress when he's not at work and annoys you?! lol

I know i'd rather pick the first one, but that's just me! lol :D

[benji's_mum]

Hi phineas,

We live in the same area and the second I read your message I knew what you were referring to as my DH was thinking of applying for the same type of work. I feel exactly the same as you do about mining but my DH was too lazy and didnt end up sending an application so I got to avoid my conscience bothering me. Getting work round here is tough, i know because after a few years on the dole looking for work I gave up and moved to Sydney. If you need the money - you need the money. Don't feel bad. You and your DH are providing for your family.

[Shanaynay]

Thanks Benji'smum - employment in this area is SO tough - basically there isn't anything else.



Just go with that honey, does it cause you more stress that he works at a company you morally disapprove of, or does it cause you more stress when he's not at work and annoys you?! lol

Thankyou :hugs: It causes me more stress him being unemployed :yes:
I think I just have to try not to think about it, and hope that a career change comes his way :wizard:

[tootiredtosleep]

Can you perhaps use a small amount of his pay for environmental stuff?? I'm not really up to date on all that, but landcare might accept a donation, or you could donate trees to a school to plant??

[Ponyboy]

Not overlooking your moral concerns about mining and all, but I would be more concerned about safety if my DH was working in the mines.

I spent 3 and half years in Emerald Central Qld working in the TAFE library assisting apprentice miners. Talking with them and my engineering/mining friends I started to understand why miners got paid so much - not only long hours of work in not so good conditions, but OH&S was not the best on most mines. And from my understanding now is that with the use of lots of contractors things have not improved. JMO

On a side note, I've never really thought about jobs that go against my morals but my DH has been in and out of work too and I think the stress of having no money to pay the bills would probably (for me) outweigh any moral issues I had. But again, it would depend on the job etc.

:hugs: to you and I hope something works out soon so you both can be happy!

[Little_Toad]

Phineus,
Firstly congrats to your DH on getting a job.

You raised an interesting point about environmental issues...

Just out of interest, where do you get your electricity from?

If you aren't already you could perhaps conteract this by buying green electricity rather than standard electricity.

I think in thiis situation, it's more important that your DH has a job, rather than where it is.
If he wasn't working there someone else would be.

When i read your original post I assumed the job was a bouncer in a strip club or something.

[Angelmist♥]

Phin, I have to agree with MYLO on this one.If your DH quits, someone else will happily take the position.

You are doing an excellent job being 'green':thumbsup:, maybe you could make a small donation every pay to a worthy cause?It may help you 'balance' it out in your mind.

Good luck:hugs:

[Little_Toad]

Phineus, I thought of something else.

These dayys it's more than likely that the compay has an Environmental program to conteract the effects of what the company does.. even if it is just for PR.
Have a look into what they are doing and maybe get involved?

[xkwzit]

Hi Phin
When I read your first post I thought he was working in a strip joint :D. A coal mine has issues, but one man not taking the job isn't going to change it. Another man will take his place. While there is a market for their product, they will mine coal. Please don't blame the miners for our environmental woes, the picture is so much bigger than that. It is ALL OF US who use electricity who are responsible.

I think of it like the paparazzi - they only exist because there is a market for their goods. If we all stopped buying glossy mags - they would not exist. Same with coal mines. I feel it would be hypocritical to judge the man who takes the job to mine the coal that provides me with my electricity. Let him take the job - do other things to assuage your environmental conscience. I think tootired has some great suggestions.

Cheers

[pegasus]

Phineus, I thought of something else.

These dayys it's more than likely that the compay has an Environmental program to conteract the effects of what the company does.. even if it is just for PR.
Have a look into what they are doing and maybe get involved?

I like this suggestion. A lot of people don't like mining/miners but haven't stopped to think where their electricity, computers, cars etc etc come from.

I have had a lot to do with mining over the years through my dad and now my husband, but I have found that most mining companies give back more to the environment than a lot of other "so called green" companies.