View Full Version : no sex drive!
i am a mum to 2 beautiful girls, maddies 2 1/2, and indiana is 4 months old. And i have NO sex drive! its getting to the point where i wont be naked in front of my husband because i know it frustrates him! help! i`m breastfeeding indiana and she sleeps with us. i`m not going to put her into her own bed, so what can i do??
Crazy Monkey
19-11-2005, 15:31
I can totally understand... I think my DS was over 5 months before I was in the mood again... I just explained to DH that I was too tired and really didn't have the energy.. He was frustrated too but very understanding....
Just take your time and I'm sure your sex drive will come back soon...
hi!! although bf is fabulous for you and bubs, it is notorious for doing little to improve yours and dh's intimate relationship!! I never have a very high libido when bf, it always seems like a chore, but dh knows now (after 3 lol) that it is only a temporary thing :) Unfortunately it can be hard to convince your dh of this when he is feeling frustrated and unloved. Its just so hard to give any more of yourself physically isnt it? its like ' can i have my body to myself for 5 mins!!!'
Im afraid i dont have alot of advice to help you, are you very active? sometimes exercise can make you feel more in the mood, and gives you more confidence as well, so you are going to be more likely to want a bit :) I guess the best thing is to kep reassuring your dh that it is temporary, and to sometimes at least try it, you might not feel like it at first, but once you start..... our relationship with our bubs is super important, but so is our relationships with our husbands, our children are only small for a little while, but we are stuck with our dhs forever! so it pays to put some effort into it. on the other side he is just going to have to understand that things are not going to be how they were anymore, i mean looking after kids is tiring!!! can you put dd in a bassinette sometimes and maybe wheel her out of the room for a while? :) or leave her in your bed, and you and dh can go have some 'private time' in other areas of the house, this would also help to spice things up!!!
dont be to hard on yourself (and dont let him make you feel bad either) their is only so much of you to go around, and you are doing the best you can :)
You may not want to hear this so if you wish just totally ignore my response but I gotta post it anyway ...........................
My Son is nearly 4 and i have never gotten my sex drive back ......... it is still a chore .......... and I only bf for around 3 weeks!!! LOL Although that "chore" has resulted in two more babies ... maybe THAT'S the problem I'm having!!!!
Harmony83
19-11-2005, 20:07
I know what your going through - but of course no idea why!!
I hate having sex, I don't like my partner seeing me naked and I don't really like him touching or kissing me either... I'm not sure what is wrong with me, and I feel awful, I think he is starting to think that I'm not interested in him, which makes me feel pressured and even less interested... I think maybe its because we are both so tired and stressed maybe, Im hoping I will be back to normal soon?! ;)
Ditto Harmony .... cept my partner is CONVINCED I'm having an affair. "Well you aren't interested in me so there MUST be someone else" I guess it hasn't sunk in that I don't NEED sex to survive .... and where in heaven's green earth would I get the time, energy and INCLINATION to have an affair!!
LOL I gotta laugh ... it's all that is left.
Ditto Harmony .... cept my partner is CONVINCED I'm having an affair. "Well you aren't interested in me so there MUST be someone else" I guess it hasn't sunk in that I don't NEED sex to survive .... and where in heaven's green earth would I get the time, energy and INCLINATION to have an affair!!
LOL I gotta laugh ... it's all that is left.
lol men!! if i can summon up the energy to have sex, its going to be with dh!! i can think of a million and one more interesting things to do in my precious spare time than have an affair!!
the truth is that for most of us, ones kids come along, your sex life is never the same, even though ours is alot better when im not bf, i still can take it or leave it most of the time :) anyway if anything this thread might make you feel a bit better cause you know your not alone!!!
Harmony83
19-11-2005, 20:30
Lol - my DF jokes that I must be having an affair - pft, I say, I can't even keep up with him!!!
Baby Girl
19-11-2005, 21:31
My DP and I had this very same problem. He felt unloved and rejected and I felt guilty and pressured.
We solved it the old fashioned way :D !!
It is a proven fact that the more sex you have the more sex you want and the more people want to have sex with you!! It's all about pheremones (sp?)!!
DP and I sat down and talked about it in a no pressure situation and decided that we (I) would make an effort at first to have sexual contact (not necessarily sexual intercourse) once a week, then twice a week a few weeks down the track etc etc.
Anyway, now we have a fairly good balance and it is true the more you do it, the more you want it and the more it wants you!!
Sorry for the gory details but it can get better, you just need to talk and be brutally honest with each other so you can at least come to an understanding if not an arrangement!!
thanks guys at least i know i`m not the only one who couldnt care less about whether i ever have sex again or not! lol
my poor husband couldnt believe it when i told him that! oh well, i will try to make a night or something and see what happens. but its hard when you body belongs to your bub!
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