View Full Version : Help!! My husbands a homophobe!!!
well not exactly.
My brother is gay, he has a long term partner who is very nice, they both work hard and are nice guys. Anyway DH and my BIL are always making fun etc, this does not really bother me (its never anything malicious) but today my brother asked about having Thomas over for a few days, of course i said yes (thomas loves his uncle) but dh doesnt think its a good idea, that its inappropriate!!?? I believe that my brother will behave the same way with his nephew around if he had a girlfriend, i mean its not like they are going to be all over each other with my son there!! he has said before that there is no way coops is going there to stay and he doesnt like the idea of thomas going either, but as his stepfather, he feels he doesnt have final say. I know this is the ONLY reason dh doesnt want them to go, if he had a gf it wouldnt be an issue, and i dont think its right!!
has anyone else noticed that the straight males in their lives are still rather homophobic, even in this day and age??
Yep. My DH is - he copes well with my friends who are gay but only because I keep telling him that they really aren't interested in him at all........but I am sure that he would respond in exactly the same way as your DH. Sometimes you just gotta throw your hands in the air and say "men?!?!?"
(Of course, being a bloke, he quite likes the idea of my female gay friends coming to stay :o )
Chickadee
18-11-2005, 20:47
Actually I guess I'm lucky that DH is not homophobic at all, though we haven't had to test him with having a little boy of his stay over anywhere. I don't think that would be a problem for him, but will never know. He has stories of being hit on by gays at bars (it's his sexy legs!) and knows that as soon as he says he's straight that that's the end of it. Why would any gay man want to waste his time hitting on someone who's not interested?
(Of course, being a bloke, he quite likes the idea of my female gay friends coming to stay :o )
i know, what is it with that!!!
and im sure dh, bil and my dad all think 'gayness' is catching or something (during a telethon a few mths back, dad refused to phone in as molly meldrum was one of the people maning the phone and he didnt want to chance getting that 'poof'.
what did he think, that talking to him would be a bit gay?? that molly would fall in lust with his voice??!!)
( Why would any gay man want to waste his time hitting on someone who's not interested?
its funny how men seem to think this though, i mean as a straight woman, i dont want to sleep with every man i meet!! likewise a gay man or woman doesnt want to sleep with everyone they know either!!
Chickadee
18-11-2005, 20:56
its funny how men seem to think this though, i mean as a straight woman, i dont want to sleep with every man i meet!! !
As a straight woman, I don't want to sleep with every woman I meet!!!!
Some men must just have this delusion that they're soooo desirable that they're irresistable.
One of my best friends is gay - and he had a huge 21st b'day party a few years back. It was a costume party with a Pimps and Prostutes theme. :p
I was one of the only females there, and my dh was amongst gay guys all evening, and they wouldn't stop cracking on him! :D I found it quite funny, cause we both knew that they were all trying to see how far they could push us.
DH got groped, chatted up, asked to bed and almost pashed. I stood there laughing and joking with the guys that were doing it and they just didn't know what to do. The funniest bit of the evening for me was when one of the guys - who was a professional cross dresser (think bucks parties, etc) came up to me and lifted up the hem of my (rather short) skirt so he could see the top of the stockings I was wearing. Now this guy was as gay as they come, IYKWIM, and my dh (who was very drunk at the time) almost decked him because he was touching 'his' girl! :D :rolleyes: I just found the whole thing hilarious!
Until a few weeks later that is, when my dad (major homophobic) found pics of the party laying around, and one of them showed my dh and another guy hugging. He was convinced that dh was gay after that, and I had to arrange for dad to walk in on dh and I pashing to convince him other wise!
Who ever said it before was right - ***MEN!!!***
Some men must just have this delusion that they're soooo desirable that they're irresistable.
Yep - that would be my husband! LOL!!
Ana Gram
18-11-2005, 22:20
Personally I would call him up on it,ask him what exactly is innappropriate and why. You could always say to him that there is no scientific proof you can catch it but they think it may be genetic, see how he reacts to that one lol!
I would ask him to sit down with you and Thomas and have a talk with Thomas about what he may "see" and how it is something that although it is not the "norm", it is their choice! You could also have a chat to your brother and tell him how it makes your dh uneasy and ask him if they could refrain from too many open displays of "affection" when Thomas is there. I'm sure that out of brotherly love and respect for you (as you obviously respect him too) he will be willing to make your life a bit less stressful over this.
It is almost like not allowing your child to go and stay with someone because of their religion ... my dd's best friends Daddy is Islamic, but I allow her to go and stay because they are people that I trust implicitly with my dd because I know and trust them.
Another thing ... just because a man is gay, it doesn't mean that he automatically looks at every little boy as "fresh meat"!!!
Ok, where do I pay the fine for overuse of "..."????
they think it may be genetic, see how he reacts to that one lol!
hehe, yes ive already teased him about that, he wasnt a very happy camper!!! :D
the_queen
19-11-2005, 07:09
I would ask him to sit down with you and Thomas and have a talk with Thomas about what he may "see" and how it is something that although it is not the "norm", it is their choice!
Kyra, I'm not attacking your opinion here - but you do realise that being gay is not a choice?? Did you make a choice to be straight??
um queen, it was just the way Kyra worded it, i got the jist of what she was saying, i dont think the specifics were really that relevant :)
I talked to my DH about your situation (did some research LOL ;) ) and I was actually surprised to hear that he wouldn't have a problem with it. I wouldn't say my DH has a problem with gay people, he just lacks understanding about why etc.
Men huh??!!
I think he now understands (through me going on and on) that being gay is just how some people are. He now 'gets it' that you can't catch it or anything like that and I think this is why he wouldn't have a problem with it.
:)
I think my DH would be fine with it, but I do find it really surprising that some men appear so open-minded but show themselves to be so close-minded when push comes to shove.
We've got gay friends and one of them tried to hit on DH once (before we were officially together).. they are still great friends, give eachother a kiss to say hello etc. DH has no problem with it. But he's probably a bit on the metero-side... :rolleyes:
aardvark
19-11-2005, 08:45
One of my close friends from uni is gay, and he and his partner are lovelly people.
They have come away with us for weekends, and we've been to some of their parties, and taken children with us.
I don't see what the big deal is.
When asked by DD#1 about it when she was smaller (about 5, I think), all I said was that they live together like mummy and daddy live together, and that was enough to answer her questions.
Kyra, I'm not attacking your opinion here - but you do realise that being gay is not a choice?? Did you make a choice to be straight??
Erin is right ... I'm not saying anything specific and I have nothing against anyone who is gay ... I have had two men in my family who were gay ... unfortunately, they have both passed away because of aids, so my children never met them ... they were great guys!
My brother is the homophobe. He has a great difficulty in understanding how men can "choosse" to grope other men and how they can't keep their hands off him. Now my parents have worked a long time in the female prisons and therefore we have a number of family acquintances that we have grown up with who are "dikes". One night one woman in particular sat him down and discussed that this wasn't a choice that SHE made, it was a preference. She said that being gay to her is just like being a sex god to him ... it's implicit and totally undeniable. (quite funny analogy but one she used anyway)
Funniest part of my brother being so sordid though .... he, as he grew into his own, has had a number of encounters of a threesome, of course two woman and him!! But then when he had a daughter right from the time she was 2 and learnt to speak he taught her how WRONG it was to share a bed, even with another girl!!! LOL talk about paranoia!!!!
Ana Gram
19-11-2005, 21:06
My partner has no problem with our daughter being around people who are gay. There are a lot of gay and bisexual people in the goth culture and everyone is very open about it. One of our closet friends has recetly started the process for a sex change and wat was interesting is that our daughter wanted nothing to do with him and screamed if he went anywhere near her from the word go, now that he, or I should say she, has made the decision to become a woman, DD has no problem with her and interacts with her like she does with everyone else
chelle, i believe kids are very in tune with things, and i think your daughter is probably sensing that your friend is truly being herself for the first time and is no longer feeling what were probably some negative emotions, sad , frustrated etc.
I agree with Erin on that one!! It is so weird sometimes how kids just know stuff.
From the moment O was born he would scream whenever being held by my evil nana and still does. He knows that there is something VERY wrong about her!
Chelle: I'm glad your friend was able to change her life to how she felt it should be. I am so sure so many people struggle with this and it really makes me appreciate that I haven't had to go through something like that in my life.
happy rady, you have an evil nanna?? how horrible, surely once people become nannas, they cease to be anything but good and sweet with comfy laps and bosoms???
No, this one is just plain boney :eek:
Just thinking about her makes my skin crawl!! That is really mean isn't it!! But she is really not nice.
Can you believe that my mum has let her move in to her place??? Sorry, I'm nice, but not that nice.
She has been so cruel to my mum for so many years, but my parents just say but she is family, what else can we do??
Send her to a nursing home???
Gee, I'm being harsh now!!
Sorry, get a bit mad, had to see her today! You can't avoid her when you go to my mums.
Ana Gram
19-11-2005, 23:58
I absolutely agree, she knew something wa snot right. kids are amazing that way
I was reading your post chellegoth and it reminded me very much of my son.
My mum has twin sisters, both of which after having two sons discovered/realised they were actually lesbians. One of my aunts came over to Australia on a visit a few months ago with her partner and no-one at any stage told Ciaran anything about their persuasion as we don't see anything "wrong" or "abnormal" so never thought to mention it. Well he was going through the "girls are beautiful, boys are handsome" stage and decided that Aunt Collette was "Beautiful" while Aunt Angela was "handsome" and no matter how much we told him that Angela was a girl he insisted "she a girl mummy, but she a handsome girl!!" Ahh the innocence of childhood!!!!! Funny thing is the first time he said it Mum didn't know how the girls would react, they laughed and Collette said "see told you that you were the Butch!" Ciaran promptly replied without prompting "and your the *****!!"
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