Behavioural Issues with 4 year old - 50/50 Parents

[Dadandtwo]

Hi

I just wanted to see if anyone has experienced this before and if so, what did you do about it.

My son is 4 and is a more 'out there' boy than most, takes after me I think. He has had a 'behavioural' expert in at his previous daycare to monitor him and the report was OK (boy who just needs lots of stimulation). At our new daycare where we moved him as it's closer to our homes and school when he starts, the carer mentioned last Wednesday that she thinks a behavioural expert is needed again. He was pushing and spitting on the kids apparently. I'm OK to go ahead with that, that's fine. I am just having trouble as I don't see the kind of behaviour at home. I'm assuming that it's because of the presence of other boys and the over-excitement etc kicks in?

My ex wife and I don't get on that well and when I mentioned that, she went off. We have our kids on a 50/50 basis. She has an issue with Jack growing up to be a 'boy' ie football etc. I've even told the ex that Jack can play whatever he wants to play, but that doesn't seem to calm her down. She's even bought him his own pair of high-heeled shoes to wear at her house while banning typical 'boy toys' like darth vader swords (or whatever you call them) and things like that. Our situation is the reverse of normal mums and dads, in that I did all, or most of the work with the kids and the house while working fulltime, while the ex 'rested'. The kids are palmed off to her parents or friends a lot. So there's a big difference in the way each household deals with the kids. Could Jack be confused?

Anyway, I wouldn't mind hearing from anyone who's been through 'behavioural' issues like this at their daycare. I know the carers have mentioned the 'boys' in general in a negative sense previously 'cause they are more active than the girls and can be tiring, so I'm hoping it's genuine and not just someone trying to shut down an overactive boy. I need to find out for sure though and see what can be done for Jack. Jack goes to pre-school in a week, so a tad worried and confused. :confused:

Thanks

Geoff

[book_mum]

Hi there,
What you have said has a familiar ring to it as I have a friend who parted from his partner when their boy was three months old and they did the 50/50 thing. Her family also over indulges him and there is much conflict over the way to raise boys.

He is now turning 8 and they have many behavioral problems. He has had sleep apnoea and had his adnoids removed but the 'oppositional defiant disorder' didn't improve.

For the child straddling two households with different boundaries and relationships that are not united, he could be taking it out at pre school where he is not risking his main relationships.

My only advice, as I don't know much but have seen my friend struggle with his son, is to see a family psychologist together, you need a referral from your GP and there are normally four sessions, the first with the child and then the rest the parents and it will become apparent what dynamics and situations are pushing him to act out.

Good Luck,
M