Controlled Crying-Is it to late??

[MissSparkle]

My 9month old son has been breastfed before bed since birth n has recently cut 3teeth and is biting me. This has been my sign to wen him completely to formula (he drinks half half) however i am worried he won't sleep at night without his breastfeed. Is 9months too old to start controlled crying??

[BJelly]

I have friends to did cc at 1 year, and it worked well for them. See how it goes for you and your bub - it's not for everyone, and some bubs take to it quicker than others.

[draught]

Definitely not - I did it with DD1 for the first time when she was 10 months and it worked a treat!

[lucyp]

I say give it a go :) but you need to be patient - I tried it and whilst it was hard - it has worked! Check out some of the other advice in this thread - I found it pretty good. ;)

[Sarie]

Every baby is going to cry when you first put them down to bed on their own. I don't think it's ever too late.
Our older son (who is 2.5) has just started crying again when we put him to bed. He had been sick for a couple of weeks and spent a lot of time in our room, so it's almost like we're back at stage one again. But before this he went to bed very well.
Our younger son, who is 8 months has gone down for all of his sleeps without crying for quite some time. But it's something we have always done, from very early with both boys.

[Crazy Monkey]

I haven't done any controlled crying with my DS (touch wood - he is sleeping very well at the moment) but I don't think it is too late to start... Do want you feel is best for both your son and yourself... For what I have heard, it is very effective but be heartbreaking at the same time... nobody likes to her their child crying...

Let us know how you go
Good luck

[cosmic]

Steph, everything I have read says that if you are going to use it, the older you start the better.. and I don't think it is recommended for babies under 6mths anyway, even by the guy who developed it.

I would like to add - even though this is a pro-CC thread - that the AAIMHI (Australian Assoc for Infant Mental Health Inc) has put out a position paper that is quite anti-CC, stating that babies learn to develop secure attachments only when their cries are attended to promptly.. and this forms the basis for sound adult mental health. They suggest not leaving babies to cry unattended until they are old enough to understand when you tell them that you are coming back. If you are going to use it, they suggest you attend to the baby based on your monitoring of the level of distress in their cry, NOT the number of minutes they've been left alone.

Lots of parents have used it and found it has worked, but my feeling is that perhaps it is better to be used as a last resort, rather than using it straight off the bat?

Up to you, but if you want to read the paper, PM me and I will email it to you.

[JanetF]

Babies can learn to not bite. I feed a 2 yr old so that's a lotta fangs with no biting! :) Take the baby from the breast saying something like "Ow! That hurts!" in a firm voice. Sometimes I used to put my son down and say "No breast if you bite!" He realised that biting led to the breast not being available and apart from very rare accidents, there was no more biting. Bf is also designed to help you and your baby to sleep by secreting a particular hormone to make you both sleepy so if you want him to sleep, perhaps you should start with your own brilliant chemicals first?
:)

[mummy2pj&bood]

I agree - at some stage you are going to have to stop him biting - or he'll be biting other people. Why not start now with you?? With my son - he started biting only me when he was a similar age. I would put him down straight away. He learned quickly, but be warned it was hard. He would sob his heart out and I generally only left him for oh, 20 seconds max before picking him back up and it worked.

Otherwise, if you want to wean I dont see why a bottle instead of boob before bed will change his sleeping habits. Some babies actually sleep better... Maybe just make sure you are cuddling him close like he were bfeeding to ensure he gets the connection that its the same as his normal before bed bfeed.

[cosmic]

I would put him down straight away. He learned quickly, but be warned it was hard. He would sob his heart out and I generally only left him for oh, 20 seconds max before picking him back up and it worked.


Good point! If you have to go through any pain (I don't know anyone who says CC is easy), why not do it to teach him not to bite, rather than to get him to sleep? That way he keeps getting the benefit of breastfeeding and you have no worries with sleeping!! :)

[wattle]

I weaned ds at about 8.5 months because he wanted to (he was getting frustrated with my slow letdown) and because he was growing teeth - ouch. He seemed to be happier with the bottle, but still wanted to snuggle into me while drinking it (very cute). He started sleeping much better at night as well.

I hope you have success with cc if you try. Robin Barkers book 'Baby Love' explains it quite well, and some things to do and not to do. I was just reading it a few days ago, and she mentions that some bubs don't catch on to the cc idea until around 9 months, so it could be a perfect time.

[draught]

I would like to add - even though this is a pro-CC thread - that the AAIMHI (Australian Assoc for Infant Mental Health Inc) has put out a position paper that is quite anti-CC, stating that babies learn to develop secure attachments only when their cries are attended to promptly.. and this forms the basis for sound adult mental health.

I looked at the website for this organisation a few months ago after other threads about it and my reading of the paper was that there were no studies to support this theory, but that it was the strong opinions of the authors. Given that other suitably qualified medical personnel have the opposite view it comes down to you assessing your child and your family and what will work for you.

I agree with Cosmic though - look at all your options, and be aware of how your child copes with crying, sleeping etc. I also agree with the non-biting advice - I was bitten a few times by both daughters but by being calm and consistent we were able to successfully stop the biting and continue breastfeeding without biting. But if you decide that it is time to stop feeding (and 9 months is a pretty good effort BTW!!) then you may find that you don't need CC anyway - just explore your options and work out what works for your family.

[Mummy-2-2]

Hi all.

My daughter was 8 or nine months when I finally decided to take the plunge and do something about her sleep.

I put her down, with a bottle of formula and she would fall asleep on it. (I would watch her the whole time) then the next few feeds at night would be done like that. Then I reduced the amount of formula in her bottle gradually over the next 2 weeks until she had just water and was falling asleep on that (although more times than not, she would chuck it and fall asleep on her own). Then I started putting her down without anything. She was used to not having milk for sleep at this point so she just kinda whinged a bit. so i left her be. If she really cried, I went in, hugged her over the bars of her cot, wiped her little face with a cool cloth and put her back down again. I would then stand in the doorway with my back to her until she calmed down to be just whinging again, then I went away.

I found this to really work for me. I couldnt get anything to work at 4-6 months. so I gave up till 8-9.

I think the gradually changing and phasing out the sleep association with milk was the key to stopping her SCREAMING if I put her down without anything. Now, she will run to bed and shake the bars when she is tired, and sleeps through the whole might most nights cos when she wakes up, she is able to put herself back to sleep.

[cosmic]

I looked at the website for this organisation a few months ago after other threads about it and my reading of the paper was that there were no studies to support this theory, but that it was the strong opinions of the authors. Given that other suitably qualified medical personnel have the opposite view it comes down to you assessing your child and your family and what will work for you.


Quite right, Draught. I think the fact there are no studies that assess the long term impact of leaving a child to cry unattended as in CC, leads some to the conclusion that there are no studies to say it's bad so it must be ok, whereas others conclude that there are no studies to say it ISN'T so don't do it. :rolleyes:

Having said that, it's my personal view that there is a lot to be said for the 'learned helplessness' debate against CC and that is something that certainly has been studied extensively... but again, that's just my view - in the absence of specific studies to do with CC.

Anyhoo.. one thing I do know is that all mums hate to hear their little one cry, so whether he settles with breast or bottle, let's hope he just settles!!

[mummy2pj&bood]

I think that one benefit of not trying to use CC too early is by 9mo you will know very well your babies different cries. I am not a fan of CC at all - especially for tiny infants. I did it with my DD and it just felt so wrong and I regret it. That said, if your little one is crying or whinging and you know they are not hungry, wet/dirty, in pain, gassy etc etc, then I will generally leave them for a minute or two to see if they are just letting off that last bit of steam ready to sleep. Sometimes going in and picking them up will just irritate them - at least in my experience.

I think you need to go gently with CC - and be sure you are fully aware of changes in their crying that could indicate a genuine need. I think the key is that babies dont cry to annoy their parents, my mantra when we have any sleep time issues or crying for reasons I cant figure out. "hes not doing this to annoy me, hes not doing this to annoy me" etc. I dont think you will harm your baby using CC in a gentle conservative fashion when they are this age.

Ali

[Refresh]

Yup:) Everything Janet, Cosmic and M2PJ&B said...

[MissSparkle]

Thank you so much for all ur replies! They have all been really helpful. I still havent worked up the courage to put him down n listen to him cry yet tho!!!
I may just try putting him to bed on formula before i dive into CC! Im not sure how he'd go coz if hes in his cot and awake he stands straight up and bangs on the cot railing not matter how tired he is!!!
As for the biting, he'll only bite me and he knows he shouldnt do it because when he does and i pull away and tell him "no biting" he looks at me all cheeky and smiles!

[cosmic]

good idea Steph. Like someone said before, many babies sleep better on formula. Because they don't digest it as easily as breastmilk, it sits in their tummy making them feel fuller.. hence very sleepy!