View Full Version : baby won't sleep at night till 12.30, i need help
My name is Jo and i have a 5 month old daughter who from birth has never had a regular sleeping pattern. My husband is a shift worker which makes it hard to try any kind of routine as i am always making sure he gets his sleep and make sure our baby doesn't wake him up as he is an airtraffic controller. In the beginning my daughter would be wide awake until 2-3am with no signs of going to sleep, tried feeding, rocking.
She now will go to bed by 12.30 but no sooner, no matter how much you comfort her, rock her, feed her she might have a nap for 30 mins at 10pm but wakes up and has no interest in going back to sleep.
She is also teething now so when she gets to bed she wakes up an hour later screaming and crying and is also rolling over in the cot which worries me with the whole sids rules about not sleeping on your tummy. My husband and i are getting very short with each other and he wants to try a sleep clinic or something but he just decides that's whats going to happen and doesn't discuss it with me and takes it upon himself to implement these ideas and when i speak to him about it he gets upset with me.
I use to feel confident about my mothering skills but my confidence is shattered, i have never really had a routine with my daughter, i feed her when she is hungry, so i don;t really know exactly when she wants food, could be 2 hours or more and then theres the fact that i sleep in till 10am as i am so tired and routines don't tend to stick.
I really need lots of advice, she is my first child and i have no idea what to do, i am even getting panicky about leaving the house with my baby sometimes just cause i have no routine to go by.
We are also about to move house in the next month and then will be trying to sell ours.
someone's advice would be greatly received
Hi Mum in Training (but aren't we all)
I was wondering why you were posting at 2am and now I know why. I'm hardly an expert, but here's a few thoughts that might help (although I know that sleep deprivation and rational thinking just DON'T go together).
Firstly I wouldn't worry about having a routine. I didn't really have one with DD1 and its not a big concern. I couldn't tell you how often she feed or slept, it was different every day - I remember feeding her every 1.5 to 2 hours despite all the parenting books saying it should be at least 3 hourly. (although that was during a hot summer, and hey she was probably VERY THIRSTY and needed that frequent feeding). She also only slept for 45 min MAX at a time during the day. This happened until she was quite old - about 15 months I think and then she started napping for longer. DD2 on the other hand is a different baby - she's got her own routine (and I NEVER believed that was possible when I had DD1, but they are all INDIVIDUALS). It would be even harder for you when shift work is a factor - so please don't compare yourself to other mums and babies - they'll only tell you about the good things anyway ;) .
Secondly, my babies were always better behaved when out and about. Sometimes I would think that it best to stay home coz they were crotchety, but getting out settled them down (I belive that babies can get bored at home just like us) and hey the car is a great tool for sleep. I would time all my trips around DD1's likely nap time, draving back at a probable sleep time, a short trip in the car enough to get her to sleep and as long as she hadn't been asleep for too long, I could get her into the house without waking. She was a power napper though, 15 mintues and she thought that was enough sometimes.
Thirdly, I think that, as long as she can roll over and back again - don't worry too much about SIDS. Both my babies chose to sleep on their tummies once they could roll over, I was just lucky that they waited until they could roll back again ;) .
I know its easier said than done, but roll with the punches a little more. Babies are all very different and so there are no rules. Whatever keeps you both sane and baby growing is the right thing to do. Different things work for different kids, keep trying things until you find something that works. Your baby is likely to become unsettled with a new house, but that's very normal. Try to keep everthing else as much the same as possible and be kind to yourself. Anyway, must go now DD1 wants the PC!
thanks for the advice, i just got up 15 mins ago. Bub is an angel when we visit my family or friends. You won't believe this but she doesn't care much for car rides, once she knows she's going into the car seat on come the wailing, even if she has her doggy toy. I have learnt know that i can only travel with her as soon as she shows signs of tiredness or i've given her a feed.
I am so over summer by the way, this heat is disgusting! Ever since she was born i have been sweating chronically and can sweat in our airconditioned bedroom (no celing fans but nursery has airconditioning) rest of house has no fans, our roof is too flat to put fans in, one reason why we are moving.
i appreciate your help, you have made me feel better.
thanks Jo :D
I too have a baby that dosen't want to go to sleep until late hours, she can go at 9, 10 or 11pm and she too will wake again.
She is 6mths old and has 2 teeth, so thats a problem too. but thankfully she has slept right through since 1mth old, but it is still so annoying going to bed so late.
I do beleive she dosen't like car rides because guess what? neither does mine.
Hope you feel better
Hi mum in training
sorry I don't really have any solutions but I also wanted to offer my support. Make sure you are looking after yourself as well, do you get a chance for 10-20 mins break with your dh looking after your bub every now and then so you can have a shower or whatever? Just a short break can work wonders.
I was also thinking- and this might not be appropriate for you- but maybe your husband needs to sleep somewhere out of earshot so he can get rest, and you can stop worrying about waking him? Not sure where your bub sleeps but maybe if you sleep in the same room as her and your dh somewhere else? Just until this difficult patch is over? Or maybe you might consider sleeping with her in the bed so she doesn't cry out when she wakes? Anyway a few suggestions..
Hi mum in training
My little girl who is now nearly 5 months did not sleep day or night when she was first born. I am a very big sleeper up to 10 - 12 hours a night pre bub. I ended up co sleeping with matilda in the big bed and my partner slept in another room. I would feed her to sleep in bed about 10pm and i would fall asleep first. At 11 weeks she started to sleep through the night and she moved to her own room. I think she got in the habit of not waking and crying out for a feed as soon as she woke i would wake too and feed her with out geting out of bed and after a while i wouldn't even remember feeding her during the night. Now if she is having a bad night especially after needles i just take her to bed with me. Or if im tired during the day we nap together.
I went to two sleep schools and i didn't find them very use full (just day classes) they all wanted me to do the control crying. I dont like the controlled crying but sometime i find if i let her have a grizzle for 5 mins she burns up that last bit of energy and then falls asleep.
I am still rocking her to sleep i wish she would fall asleep on her own but i dont know how to get her to.
Hang in there
i know how you feel my first baby was the worse sleeper and my husbands job meant i really didnt have any support during the night and had to keep him quite during the day .
i would love to be able to sit here and tell you that i have the perfect soultion but i dont, but i know two places that would really help you ,now you may have friends that say one is better than the other or that they are both too extreme, well can i just tell you i waited a whole year to call ,a whole year of sleepless nights and days of not eating because he was to tired, a year of just being completely emotionally drained and let me tell you that as much as i loved my baby by 3 am i was not thinking very happy thoughts but nobody was ohnest with me and said hey you need some help .
okay so the names and numbers are
,tresillian :(wich is where i spent a week ) 97875255 if your in nsw or
1800-637-357 if your any where else .
karitane(who my friends swear by):97941852 in sydney or 1800677961 .
i really hope you call one of these centres the women who work there get paid to teach mums and babies to sleep good luck and god bless.
oh and by the way my little boy sleeps beautifully now so dont worry it will happen just with a bit of work .email me and let me know how you go . on : email@example.com
dear jo, thank goodness i am not the only one with problems after the so-called (baby should be in routines) time line. my problem is the exact opposite. he sleeps beautifully during the night (not sure why i dont do anything different) but wants to be awake all day till his eyes are bugging out of his head and he crashes around 2 in the afternoon. he has just turned 3 months. i dont have advice but just something that i have found that works for us. (at night!!!) around ish before his 6ish feed i give him a massage (a friend bought this massage course for me for infants) i have found that it does seem to give him a sustained sleep at night. sounds like your situation is exaccerbated by your hubby and his work times. parenting puts a lot of pressure on your relationship thats for sure. everyone means well but its hard to keep in sync and do similar things for the bub when everyone is sleep deprived. i have read a few baby books and a good one liner that i have remembered is "sleep descends". i say that to myself almost every day. well good luck and know that you are not alone in your fight for sleep!!!
paula (28) mum of korey (3 months)
p.s let me know if you need any infant massage contacts. i am in brisbane
Hi there, mumintraining. I'm sorry, I can't offer you any advice on getting bub to sleep, as I never had any problems with Xander. He's my first, and was sleeping through the night at 5 weeks old. My partner was a shift worker too, and to help with his sleep (and not have to worry about either of the two waking each other up) my partner would sometimes sleep in Xanders room, and bub would sleep in the room with me. This worked wonders. Good luck with it all, and don't stress. There's no need not to feel confident with your parenting skills...LOTS of parents have bubs that don't want to sleep at night. Just make sure you have some time to yourself..even if it's only 10-20 minutes..to relieve the stress. Have you tried walking with bub?
Hi Jo, I too can sympathize with you. My little man (now 4 months) would be awake till 11.30 most nights and would only go to sleep lying on me or my husbands chest. Sometimes he would refuse to sleep until well after midnight, he would be so hypo and the only thing we could do is put him on the floor to play until he wore himself out.
I also had the problem of him refusing to sleep during the day and then the next day he wouldn’t even want to wake for a feed. (one day he was awake from 8.30am thru to 11.15pm – it was just so exhausting).
But now, to my relief, bub is having 3x 2–2.5hrs sleeps through the day and is asleep by 9-10pm through til morning (6am) and I believe that it is because I insisted on him having a regular sleep routine eg. Feed, Play, Feed, Sleep. I found the book ‘Settling Your Baby’ which is put out by the Child and Youth Health an excellent starting point for learning how to do this. I was given this book in hospital but you can get a copy from www.cyh.com for around $6.00 – well worth the money. Also I did a bit of web searching, the firstname.lastname@example.org also has a great discussion board with some great tips.
I accepted the fact that he was never going to go to sleep before 11.30pm at night but was so determined to get little organization into our day. Once I established his day sleeps, I then moved his bed time back by 15-30 mins each night till eventually he was asleep by 9pm.
Another thing I believe helped my little man was bottle feeding at night. I think I was starving him as my supply would run low by the end of the day and he wasn’t getting enough, so to compensate I expressed during the day to get enough for a feed and whilst my husband was feeding him I would express for the next night. As the weeks went on and his appetite increased beyond my supply I added comp feeds (formula) to his day feeds.
Now if we are having a night when he refuses to go to sleep, I take him into his room and sit in the dark with him and his teddy and we talk quietly together, he falls asleep within 20 mins or so – a great way for you to unwind as well.
Jo, I hope this will help you a little. Although my husband is not a shift worker I certainly can understand your situation. My husband was not very supportive of my need to have a routine and it caused a few arguments between us but he can now see how much happier bub & I are. The most important this is that you find what works best for you.
Good luck :)
Hi there mumintraining
thankyou thankyou so much for your post....as you can see im posting this at almost 2am bub is finally sleeping like a little prince. :sleeping:
I thought i was the only one who was up till all hours so at least now i know im not alone.
i had got to the point for desperation:hair: looking online for help or at least to know its not just me. So again thankyou.
:gloomy:its hard when all the mums around you tell of their little angels asleep by 6 or 7pm and how a dream it is. i have tried eveerything from rotines to bathing lotions and rocking for hour after hour while my lil prince wiggles and squirms.
i hope this is making sense im so wrecked after 9 months for this. so if it doesnt im sorry.
thankyou:yelclap: for letting me know its not just me and that im still a good mum. even if im a very tired one.:sleeping:
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