Do you feel bored by uninvolved Dad's?

[OJandMe]

Hi Dads,

Here's a question for you, as obvioulsy being a member on this forum, you're a bit more interested in your children that the average Joe.

My DH and I both study full time and take care of our 2yr old twins the rest of the time. He has been hands on and incredible since before they were born. He does 50% all housework, 50% all childcare and wouldn't swap it for the world. For our boys, they don't know the difference between Mummy and Daddy, becasue we are BOTH there for them ALL the time.

I have friends who would like to get together with their partners, but DH really isn't interested. He says he can't be bothered standing around with the 'boys' while they drink beer and and talk about nothing while their wives/partners run around after the kids. He says he has no time for people who aren't in touch with what their kids are doing. He doesn't have anything to talk about with them, because his main job is looking after the boys all the time, adn he finds it really annoying when other Dad's are completely clueless about their kids.

Do any of you feel like this? What do you suggest I say to him?

[benji's_mum]

Your man sounds wonderful, you lucky gal!
Are you trying to make other women out there jealous?:D

My DH doesn't like getting together with friends. I have my friends, he has his and thats how it's always been. I don't try to push the issue too much, it just makes him angry.

Hope you find a happy medium.

[*~alegna~*]

Sounds like you hooked a good one :thumbsup:

I have no advice as for as much as I love him & wouldn't swap him....my Dh is one of the ones that would be standing around drinking :laughing:

[OJandMe]

Your man sounds wonderful, you lucky gal!
Are you trying to make other women out there jealous?:D

My DH doesn't like getting together with friends. I have my friends, he has his and thats how it's always been. I don't try to push the issue too much, it just makes him angry.

Hope you find a happy medium.


LOL. Not at all.

It's just, I've always been very social, and he's not at all. And it's never been a problem for us... I joined BubHub to get some interaction with other Mums and meet up during the week so the kids and play and what-not and he thinks that's great. He's made it perfectly clear that he doesn't really want to make friends... he's busy with the kids and study and he has his friends who he talks to at work. Bubhub is my 'thing' and that's cool... it's just now some of the girls want to do more social partner get together things... and DH just really doesn't want to be part of that (for reason stated in OP... he just wouldn't feel comfortable and he feels he wouldn't have anything to talk about with the other Dads...)

I don't have a problem with this. I'm happy that he's happy with the friends he has at work, I'm happy meeting new people and getting together with other Mums... but I don't know what to say to my friends when DH never wants to come. They accept that he's 'anti-social', which he's not really... it's just, he's a family man first and foremost..me and the kids come first... and it's hard for him to relate to guys who don't share that, as he'll make a comment about the kids, dicipline, big beds, pushing boundries... and most of the Dad's he knows always respond with... " Oh I don't know.. my wife deals with all that." and he's just really not interested in that.

I think he's just been so disappointed in the lack of involvement of the Dad's he knows... years of family functions where the women do all the childcare and the Dad's are quite happy to work and not really be apart of the nitty gritty with the kids... he doesn't want to have to go to more functions like that.

Becasue he's a part of the kids life in a big way he doesn't think he'd be able to put up with the other guys being so 'useless' (his words) as he'd be like.. "Mate, maybe you should get your finger out and actually help out. Can't you see she's bl8ody tired? They're your kids too you know." And he just doesn't want to be rude, but he doesn't want to have to listen to it either.

I just don't want to offend any of my new BH friends.... coz I haven't met their partners... and maybe they're great... but DH is just wary and prefers to stay back and watch for a while before meeting other Dads.

[Dadandtwo]

Well, in my situation, it was the reverse of the 'normal' situation. I did all the night feeding for my son when he came, all the housework and worked full time while the ex did nothing. Life was hell. Then before the daughter came along, I pretty much begged my ex to 'do some work' with the kids as I can't do it all again. She stepped up a bit, but I was still doing about 80% of the work. So, there are dads out there that do the work, you just don't hear about them. And yes, I can't talk to other dads as they simply don't know what to say. Whenever I go to the park, the dads look like they have been told to be there. I'm a single dad and have a lot of trouble keeping male friends as they have no interest in kids, or at least I haven't found any dads.

Most dads I know though, go straight back to work and it seems that work is what 'makes the bloke', not kids. I think, even today, that a lot of guys see dealing with kids as the work of the mother. I'm not sure how some of the dads at work actually remember the names of their kids to be honest. I'm sure they think it's not 'masculine' to be doing 'kid stuff', apart from when the kids get older and the dads can play sport with them.

A lot of dads though are resentful of going back to work full time while the mother gets to 'stay home'. They don't quite understand that being at home with the kid/s is considered 'work' too. Maybe that could be explained to him. I spoke to one guy who's wife is home fulltime...that actually seems to give him the excuse to have 'ownership' of her ie make her explain bills, why something hasn't been done etc.

Not sure if I have helped, but yes, it is a very frustrating thing as a hands on father.

Geoff

[Daddy2Angels]

Umm I do not know what to say to that.... I normally work 6 days a week and when I am not working I try to spend time with the kids or sleep. On average I would spend about 2-3 hours a day woth DD and yep you guessed it DP the other remaining hours. I tend to avoid other dads at the best of time cause they **** on about random **** and general want to include alcahol somewhere in the equation. to be quite honest I can't be bothered hanging out with other dads when I get stuff all time for the kids and the family I do have.:sleeping:

[OJandMe]

Thank you so much for your replies!! I read out your responsed to DH and he's feeling very normal now :D It's nice to know that there are other dad's out there who prefer to spend time with their kids than to stand around drinking and talking cr*p.

[whatwasithinking]

I'm sooo incredibly jealous :D .

Well done daddies :thumbsup: .

[steve]

I would make an effort to meet other parents my wife and I feel it would be a good path to take. I have my own friends and my wife has hers but we feel that it would be more beneficial for us to meet other parents that have the same things in common with us.

[TheDaddy]

Hello Steve,

Just wondering how are you doing? And the new arrival?

Hope all is well.

Regards,
Pedro

[TheDaddy]

Oops... :o

I thought i had sent the above message via Private Message System to Steve, not sure how this happened... :o

Apologies.