sad and i saw it coming

[Issey]

sorry if this is a bit long.

I am in just need of hugs i think and kind words.

my dh has accumulated debt (not massive but enough to affect me now) and the other night handed me the phone without discussion to give my details to a person from a bank on the phone so he could get a personal loan (another one!) :banghead: i did not do it and he is furious.

i also found out when he rang our bank to try to extend his credit card limit that he transferred our mortgage payment out & onto his credit card and overdrawn account WTF!!! he said he thought it was left over money from his other personal loan WTF :banghead: was he thinking. he doesn't have access to our finances so i was in shock that he did this.:devil6: he said he didn't realise it was the mortgage money. i now have to find the money to pay the mortgage next week $1100. i should explain he earns more than me but spends all his left over pay after childcare, food and mortgage, about $200 p/w on alcohol and gambling and lives beyond his means.

we haven't spoken today as last night i rang him while he was out (when i saw what he had done) and said that is it, the final straw that i want a separation. he came home at 4am and slept on the couch and we havent spoken yet he is out again and has withdrawn all his remainder of pay from yesterday from his account also.

i had my tea leaves read today and it was so scary as it was exactly how i was feeling and it also gave me courage to do what i have to.

sorry to rant but i feel so alone and scared but i know i have to leave him and i am taking steps to make arrangements. i never wanted my marriage to be like this and feel like a failure that we don't even talk to each other anymore, there are so many cracks in the plate that now the pieces are just falling off, if you know what i mean, i can't fix it anymore.

[Blessed Mum]

wow how horrible for you. I can't imagine how you are feeling but I wanted to offer some of these :hugs: . I hope things look up for you soon :)

[pegasus]

I also don't know the words to say Deb, but would like to offer some :hugs: .

Maybe this is the first step forward to getting some control over where you and your little one's lives are going. Good luck and thinking of you.

[V8]

Sounds like you are definately feeling the strain and pressure of a relationship right now and i don't think your DH has any idea how deeply it is affecting you, have you spoken about it, or do you think he knows it's not working too?

You sound like you are very logical with your thinking, so i guess i'd be making steps too to try and limit the damage he is causing you and your family by taking financial decisions into his own hands and jeapordising your current situation. Try and get control back of your finances, sounds to me like he has little idea of what bills need to be paid and when. He also sounds pretty selfish to come home, sleep on the couch not even talk about it, then go out and spend the rest of his money....

Hope you work it out Deb, there are plenty of others who have probably been in the same situation and may have more advice. But i think you'll make it on your own.

[the_queen]

Oh Deb :hugs: :hugs:

I hope you find a solution to the financial stuff very soon. That sort of worry is so stressful.

You'll be ok on your own. You've got your boy, and single mums are made of tough stuff - we have to be.
He's been using and abusing you for long enough. It's time for him to learn how the real world works.

:hugs: :hugs:

[floggadog]

Glad to see you're able to look ahead and see the bigger picture.You're doing the right thing by protecting yourself & your babe. :thumbsup: Sounds like his chances are up. But you never know, you leaving may give him a big enough shock to get back on track.
:hugs: for you.

[melfunction]

I don't think anyone gets married to get divorced, but sometimes you really don't know someones true colours until much, much later.

Best of luck :hugs:

[misskittyfantastico]

Oh Deb :hugs: This must be such a scary and worrying time. I wish I had some great advice....take much care:hugs:

[Pobblebonk]

:hugs: to you. What a stressful situation to be placed in. I'm sorry you are going through this.

I can empathise with you somewhat, as a child I watched my father stand in your shoes. My mother was a gambler, and it ruined their marriage.

If you believe you are doing the right thing, you'll find the strength and courage to live the life you deserve.

[Me]

:hugs: Deb. It is hard when things aren't going well, not to mention having finances to worry about on top.

Good luck, stay strong and we're always here to listen. Feel free to PM me any time you want someone to talk to.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[~mia&ryan~]

:hugs: Oh Deb, it must be so hard for you. I don't know what to say but I will offer you tonnes of :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Shanaynay]

:hugs: Debster....
...I know all too well the strain it puts on a relationship when a partner is an irresponsible spender...:banghead: ....it is harder than anyone could imagine.
No advice here....just understanding and hugs :hugs:

[Issey]

thanks everyone for your support.

i spoke to dh last night at length, he still doesn't understand why i wont put my name on the loan as he says it means nothing! :banghead:
he does admit he has a problem and there are other issues that we have as well. i wish i could believe it would change but.....i cant see any steps that will change that. he says paying off the debt will fix it :o i dont think it will as he has already had a credit card debt paid off twice last year and back to square one.
i lay awake last night thinking 'i can't do this anymore!' but at the same time wishing like anything things would be like they used to be 'happy'. the trouble is if it isn't ok i dont want my son to see what is going on. today his is being very nice, he is very afraid of not having us around anymore as he doesnt think he can cope on his own.:confused: i am still confused and gathering strength.

[floggadog]

Stay strong Deb and stick to your guns. Your gut feeling is usually the right one . Space could be a good thing for you both. Even having an agreement to part and start again down the track from the begining might create a spark again. Whatever you decide to do. Good luck:fingerscrossed:

[SalTheGal]

Good luck with whatever you decide Deb :hugs:
Sounds like you need to put your foot down one way or another- and maybe some time apart will make him realise what he is really losing.