View Full Version : Nutty, ex-drunk,pot smoking cousin wants another baby!
Hi,
I found out last week that my DH's cousin wants another baby and is going on IVF!
Some people should not have more children.
She is 40, with a 8yo DS (who isn't so dear) and just got out of rehab 3months ago from being an alcoholic and chronic pot smoker! (and has started drinking again!)
8yo DS is out of control and is borderline autistic because she smoked pot all through the pregnancy. Plus she is having this baby with her boyfriend and hasn't even got divorced from her ex-HB yet (who we think she was still shagging anyway)
Plus, all she wants is a girl, so what if she doesn't get one? another boy could end up worse than the first one!
Yet her parents are paying for the IVF!
I just think its wrong.
M.
H&B'sMum
14-11-2005, 08:31
I wonder if IVF does screenings and drug testing? If they do then she may not be able to go through with it. May be someone from the IVF thread will know more about this.
I was just scanning through the older threads and came across this one.
I cant believe someone like this is allowed to have children. I would certainly hope that drug tests are carried out throughtout the whole IVF process.
It makes me very angry to think that wonderful couples have been trying for years can't get pregnant, and this druggie could end up with another one, just like that.
How does she plan to pay for IVF? With drug money? That would be a nice story to tell at the childs 21st!
:mad:
mummycloud
28-11-2005, 11:27
I've known a few woman who have smoked pot during pregnancy and they have said that their docs told them it's fine to do as it helps with morning sickness..now either they were lying or their doctor's are complete dipesh!ts. How could drugs be ok during pregnancy? :rolleyes:
Maybe this woman is infertile BECAUSE of the pot and alcohol!!!!
Hunter's Mum
28-11-2005, 11:46
I know of a few girls (me definately not being one of them) who smoked pot through their pregnancy... said it stopped their morning sickness... needless to say on of them has a beautiful boy who is definately scarred from it. I just wonder if they put a bowl of cereal in their mouth rather then the drugs if it might have the same effect and stop that morning sickness...
Ana Gram
28-11-2005, 12:27
Just a question for Hunter's mum, a bowl of cereal to stop morning sickness??? Who told you that one?
Hunter's Mum
28-11-2005, 12:40
that's what worked for me... cereal and breakfast bars.... guess everyone is different but i went from not eating breakfast to needing it,..
I've known a few woman who have smoked pot during pregnancy and they have said that their docs told them it's fine to do as it helps with morning sickness
Smoking pot during preganancy apparently leads to gastroskesis, ( I think that is how you spell it). It is where the intestines are on the outside.
ThomasMum
28-11-2005, 14:54
Smoking is bad, esp during pregnancy simple as that!
No offence to anyone yeah :)
Yep, I agree....
Although not enough research has been done on the effects of cannabis and babies, any type of drug is bad during pregnancy, be it cigarettes, cannabis, alcohol or whatever!!!
ThomasMum
28-11-2005, 15:16
What are the risks with use of marijuana during pregnancy?
Some studies suggest that use of marijuana during pregnancy may slow fetal growth and slightly decrease the length of pregnancy (possibly increasing the risk of premature delivery). Both of these factors can increase a woman’s chance of having a low-birthweight baby. These effects are seen mainly in women who use marijuana regularly (six or more times a week).
After delivery, some babies who were regularly exposed to marijuana in the womb appear to undergo withdrawal-like symptoms including excessive crying and trembling.
Couples who are planning pregnancy also should keep in mind that marijuana can reduce fertility in both men and women, making it more difficult to conceive.
What is the long-term outlook for babies exposed to marijuana before birth?
There have been a limited number of studies following marijuana-exposed babies through childhood. Some did not find any increased risk of learning or behavioral problems. However, others found that children who are exposed to marijuana before birth are more likely to have subtle problems that affect their ability to pay attention and to solve visual problems. Exposed children do not appear to have a decrease in IQ.
Ref:
Illicit Drug Use During Pregnancy (http://www.marchofdimes.com/professionals/14332_1169.asp)
I know a girl who insisted on continueing to smoke pot throughout her pregnancies and i tell you what her 3 kids are as thick as two short planks, with a variety of physical problems to boot, there has got to be some sort of link there.
lol hunters mum, i was the same! i went from not having brekkie to waking up every morning and feeling sick till i ate something!
Hmmmm got some great info on this topic but got to run.
Get back to you later! :)
The arguement for or against marijuana use in pregnancy could last as long as the breat/bottle feeding one. I have also known women (my SIL is one) who used pot through their pregnancy, doctors have said it's thier choice. My SIL has three very healthy, very intellegent children. SO I guess it's not *just* marijuana that create defects, but perhaps an unknown quantity used with it. (or environmental factors) There just hasn't been enough research into the effects to clearly say that one condition can be attributed to it.
As to IVF.. I don't know if they drug screen specifically, but they do take a hell of a lot of blood before treatment to test for various diseases. We were also asked questions about our alcohol, smoking and drug use (if we had any) and frequency. Maybe they would test if you said that you were a regular user?
There are a lot of arguments for the medical use of marijuana, but I'm not entirely convinced. It definitely appears to cause more problems than it solves, and people that argue to convince themselves and others that it is beneficial are just fooling themselves.
My mother smokes a lot of pot, she only took up the habit in the past few years, and she will tell you it cures all ills, stops period pain, toothache, headaches etc etc, but it's caused her nothing but real problems, both medical and social (not to mention psychological)
In my opinion it's not a good thing, ESPECIALLY if pregnant. There simply has not been enough research and study done on the effects of the drug on adults, let alone a growing fetus.
Hunter's Mum
28-11-2005, 16:41
I only know of one mother who used pot regularly during her pregnancy and unfortunately she went in to premature labour... had a very tiny bub (had to be dressed in cabbage patch clothes) and he is now believed to be autistic (i know i cant spell). But, they have not said that is linked to pot so i can't say for sure that it is a side effect... just makes you wonder...
Off the topic..
Is that a photo of you Darkstar???
Off the topic..
Is that a photo of you Darkstar???
I wish! No, it's Liv Tyler.
Wow..I didnt recognise her with red hair!!
Thanks for clearing that up...I had an emergency phone call ready to go to my hairdresser!!! :eek:
any type of drug is bad during pregnancy, be it cigarettes, cannabis, alcohol or whatever!!!
You forgot caffeine! I have a diet coke with my lunch every day or every two days, but I just cant help it! Not to mention the chocolate and the caffeine content there! :o :o
Yep caffiene is bad too!!
But I still had to run to the shop and get myself one this morning.
Damn addiction. :rolleyes:
Irish Dad
02-12-2005, 10:46
I can't really comment, the bubhub police will be on to be if I condone drug use :D . But who are we to say who deserves another child, how many of us can honestly say we are perfect :rolleyes: ? Smoking marijuana during pregnancy may affect your baby's growth and nervous system. Studies have shown that children who were exposed to marijuana during pregnancy sometimes have problems focusing their attention and difficulty in problem-solving. Children of heavy pot users may have disturbances in their short-term memory, concentration, and judgment. (There's no evidence so far, however, that marijuana use during pregnancy causes attention deficit hyperactivity disorder).
What's more, there's no way to know if the pot you're smoking has been laced with other drugs (such as PCP) or contaminated with pesticides :mad: , which puts your baby at even higher risk. And using marijuana increases the risk that your baby will have birth defects if you're also drinking alcohol or smoking cigarettes.
If you smoked pot before you realized you were pregnant, don't panic. The chance that your baby has been affected is very small :) . Still, it's important to be honest with your practitioner about your previous use of pot and other recreational drugs. She may want to run some extra tests to be sure your baby is developing normally. Thats all from Irish Dad
Melissa1983
02-12-2005, 11:00
Hi
Sorry i hope this doesn't offend anyone. but i think some people don't deserve children at all. Especially if they do drugs and that. Here are people that try to have a baby and can't fall, i feel so sorry for those people but people on drugs just keep having them when they don't derseve them, how are they going to bring a child up high? (sorry if that doesn't make sense)
Marijuana isn't the big problem during pregnancy as my best friend did and her son is smart and a real calm child, but i am talking more about cocaine, speed, estacy and stuff like that.
I was assulted when i was 18, by a pregnant girl who was high on drugs, and had a 3 year old which kept getting taken off her. Apparently i slept with her ex and that,, maybe if she wasn't so high on drugs she might have realised it was me. (sorry had to vent that)
Smoking marijuana during pregnancy may affect your baby's growth and nervous system. Studies have shown that children who were exposed to marijuana during pregnancy sometimes have problems focusing their attention and difficulty in problem-solving. Children of heavy pot users may have disturbances in their short-term memory, concentration, and judgment. (There's no evidence so far, however, that marijuana use during pregnancy causes attention deficit hyperactivity disorder).
Hi there,
There are a lot of myths surrounding cannabis use and the effects of unborn babies. Many of the studies done in this area have not shown an accurate representation of the effects THC has on unborn bubs. I'm not saying that there isn't an effect but from the most comprehensive research done (that I have found), drinking alcohol or smoking cigarettes are just as bad if not worse. I think people are under some sort of false perception sometimes,that just because a drug is legal it is somewhat safer which is simply untrue.
I'm not saying that marijuana is safe during pregnancy but more comprehensive research needs to be done.
I think even more than the direct effects that marijuana has on the baby, are the effects of the environment when the primary caregiver is a smoker.
Most pot smokers will tell you they are no different, but really when you stop you would notice that the normal you felt before is not the normal in reality. I guess I can't presume what every person in that situation would be like but I can't see it being a good thing.
Enough out of me! If anyone wants anymore info on the literature that I have about this topic let me know, it's just too long to post here. :o
E :)
Irish Dad
02-12-2005, 11:21
Hi Mel, I know what you're saying. I guess good things always seem to happen to bad people. My friends trying to conceive at the moment with no luck :confused: But people who smoke, drink and take drugs seem to have no problem conceiving and going term to deliver healthy babys, it doesn't seem far and I sympothise with anyone trying to get pregnant. I notice your kids are close together I have a 4 month old and my gf is 10 weeks ! How did you find that gap ? :)
Melissa1983
02-12-2005, 12:21
Hi jay,lee&nikita'sdad
Its hard work, but i wouldnt change it. The girls are really good friends, but what you buy for one you have to buy for the other. They have there fights, and it is expensive, like buying to lots of Nappies, bottles, Milk or formula. Mikayla was lazy with toilet training so she wasnt trained until she was 2 1/2 and Abby is now sort of trained and she is 2 on Monday. So the expenses are starting to come down :D
If you wanna know anything though, just pm me!
MilkOnTap
02-12-2005, 12:29
i think some people don't deserve children at all. Especially if they do drugs and that
I totally agree. Here I am - have been doing EVERYTHING right, folic acid (or cocaine if you will ;) ) no caffeine, no alcohol (except on my wedding day) - basically avoiding everything you should avoid when you are ALREADY pregnant. And still I have lost two babies.
I am not saying this asking for a sympathy vote, I am simply saying that it is commonplace for women who still indulge themselves in nicotine and cannibis to not really appreciate the miracle that is happening within them. And THAT, my friend, makes ME ANGRY :mad:
Ffrenchknickers
02-12-2005, 12:36
I'll probably get shot down for this....In no way would I EVER condone using any drugs when pregnant (or any other time for that matter) but i do think that these people could use our help instead of our judgement yk? If we really do care about these kids then maybe we should be out there helping them and their mums become more educated and to lead better lives. I am sure there is something every single one of us could do to help these mothers/fathers make changes in their and their childrens lives. Not everyone is as lucky as we are to have arrived at a place where we can parent to the best of our ability (and maybe thats what these people are doing too - doing the best they can at the moment.) I firmly believe that it is wrong to put your child at risk by tkaing drugs but I also firmly believe that sitting in judgement of them will not make the situation any better. If it bothers any of you so much, then why not get out there and help them? Make a positive difference.
I agree Katie.
Here are some numbers if anyone's interested:
Drug and Alcohol Counselling:
ACT (02) 6207 9977
NSW (02) 8382 2111 (metropolitan)
1800 422 599 (other areas)
NT (08) 8922 8399 (Darwin)
(08) 8951 7580 (Central Australia)
1800 131 350
QLD (07) 3236 2414 (Brisbane)
1800 177 833 (remainder of QLD)
SA 1300 131 340
TAS 1800 811 994
VIC 1800 888 236 (statewide freecall)
WA (08) 9442 5000 (metropolitan)
1800 653 203 (statewide freecall)
(08) 9442 5050 (Parent Drug Information)
Family Drug Support 1300 368 186
Kids Help Line 1800 551 800
Lifeline 13 11 14
In Qld (and I'm sure in other states), they have great supportive programs for anyone wishing to get off drugs. They are easily accessible and free. It is so hard to take that first step but it will be all worth it in the end. ;)
I think people fall into three categories - those that care about people (in this case druggy parents) enough to get out there and help them, those that care but dont know how to help, and those that are so disgusted that they wouldnt help. I fall into the third category!
I would much rather give my time and money to organisations such as SIDS or childrens charities ( I know my preferred charities are animal charities - but if I had a choice between helping druggy parents or childrens charities I would choose the latter).
IMHO if the parents dont have enough brains and self control to not do drugs when it comes to conceiving or whilst raising children, they dont deserve my time and energy. It doesnt even take 1/4 of a brain to know that doing drugs during this time is selfish and totally unacceptable.
Ffrenchknickers
02-12-2005, 13:37
I dont think we can judge (well we CAN but we shouldnt) :p) until we have walked insomeone elses shoes (yes a cliche I know but one that I try to cling to.) I dont believe that kicking someone when they're down does anyone any good, even the one doing the kicking. None of us are perfect.
What is wrong with supporting someone who needs help or is less fortunate than you?
In Qld (and I'm sure in other states), they have great supportive programs for anyone wishing to get off drugs. They are easily accessible and free. It is so hard to take that first step but it will be all worth it in the end.
Very true:)
hi kind of agree with carls on this one:eek: ;) ive seen enough of these drug addicts in my time to know that alot of them dont actually want help, and they use people who try to help them, manipulate and suck the life out of everyone around them, whilst in the mean time their poor little children continue to suffer. i think the programs are great for the ppl who genuinly want help, and their should be more of them but anyone who continues to use drugs whilst pregnant has little of my sympathy.
btw, has anyone else noticed that these ppl however always seem incredibly fertile?? whats the go with that????
So true Katie.
I believe everyone has their vices and I feel bad for anyone with a drug addiction as it would be so hard to kick.
There aren't many people out there who can say they don't have something they have trouble giving up (mmm my coffees are great) but just be glad yours isn't drugs.
I can't imagine growing up in a house with drugs around me and I am so glad I haven't, so I agree rather than just bagging people for having a problem, helping them is the only way to help their children. :)
Katie and Happy Lady - I'm just wondering what kind of help you are talking about? :confused:
Ffrenchknickers
02-12-2005, 13:47
Haha, I remember agreeing with Carls one time too lol :eek: It was a memorable day lol (just teasing Carls.)
I have seen alot of drug addicts on my time as well (not giving too much away here :;)) and I believe that most want to change but its so easy to be controlled by the drug that its just easier to stay in addiction. Its like the drug habit and your label as a junkie becomes your identity and you lose any other identity that you may have had. That's a scary thing. What definately doesnt help is people being cruel and judging. (not saying anyone here is being cruel:))
yes girls they need help for sure, what chance do their children have if we just kick their mums and dads to the curb?? but i still feel that when you are pregnant you need to make more of an effort to think about someone other than yourself~your baby!
Sorry Erin I have to disagree with you.
Ohh trouble brewing within the brigade. :eek:
Most of the desperate people on drugs that would do anything are just that desperate. They don't want to do it but see it as being too hard to do anything else. Their minds are clouded by the need for the drug and that's the sad part. I'm talking heroin addicts etc. (edited)
I agree, that I don't have much sympathy for woman who smoke pot while preg, much like I have no sympathy for the ones who smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol but if I can help them kick the habit I most certainly will!! ;)
Ffrenchknickers
02-12-2005, 13:49
There aren't many people out there who can say they don't have something they have trouble giving up (mmm my coffees are great) but just be glad yours isn't drugs.
Yup! I believe that all addictions (and most of us have them) are actually the symptom of an underlying problem....some symptoms are just less damaging and more socially acceptable than others:)
Does that go for chocolate too Katie?? ;) :p
i dont know, i understand the the lure of an addictive substance is strong, i have always been heavily addicted to cigarettes, and even though i gave up (hopefully for good) a few yrs ago the urge is still sometimes there, so in that repect i do sympathise, an addiction is such a hard thing to fight.i truly believe though that if you really want to stop using drugs alcohol, whatever strong enough ,then you will find it in yourself to do it. i've seen it happen. its also been my experience that ppl in the grip of an addiciton often just tell you what they think you want to hear (which is that they want to give up) the ones who genuinly want to give up, do it!
Ffrenchknickers
02-12-2005, 13:53
Haha absolutely!!! Luckily there aren't too many nasty side effects from chocolate:D
mmmmmmm chocolate!:D ;) :p
Ffrenchknickers
02-12-2005, 13:56
I agree Erin, what better reason to start treating yourself better than a new life growing inside you? I dont think any of here would say its a good thing to take drugs while pregnant, I just firmly believe that everyone has a right to be helped and heard:)
Oh, now I want some chocolate! :rolleyes:
I agree Erin.
Addiction does strange things to people. When people are addicted to something they tell themselves it is not as bad as it seems. That it is normal etc etc. Many people try to tell themselves it is not a problem when they know it really is.
I agree that if someone puts their mind to it, it can definately be over come, I just don't think that it is our place to judge another when they might not be as strong as you or I.
Not saying that you are judging anyone.
Love you Erin!! Is the brigade still together?? ;)
Yes, chocolate is very bad.
There is some turkish delight staring at me from in the fridge!! :rolleyes:
Awww shucks - its a good day when people agree with me! :p
I have been out with 2 drug addicts (in my young and stupid days) and I agree with HappyLady about how it affects them. What I found frustrating with the first boyfriend (who was addicted to marijuana) was that he openly admitted that he had a problem that was destroying him and his family, started going to rehab and then just saw it as too hard. His mum paid for alternative therapies and they pretty much tried everything but at the end of the day, the weed seemed a much better option, so we threw our hands up in the air and walked away.
You can only try so much with drug addicts and at the end of the day if they dont want to help themselves there is nothing you can do. The rollercoaster of 'he's off it, now he's back on it, now he's off it' is too emotionally exhausting.
For these people that do want to help themselves and manage to stay off it (whether it be drug addicts, alcoholics, gamblers - I put them all in the same basket), they have my respect.
The ones that I couldnt care less about are the ones that wont try or have tried and think its 'simply too hard'. Some people may have the strength to see these addicts through and hope that maybe they come out clean at the other end, but this would have to take a very strong person who accepts the fact that after a long battle helping this person , they may come out very hurt, used and disappointed.
It takes a long time for addicts to be rehabilitated and I dont think a child should be kept in that environment as the damage to them can be done very quickly.
Baby Girl
03-12-2005, 22:36
Sorry Erin I have to disagree with you.
Ohh trouble brewing within the brigade. :eek:
Most of the desperate people on drugs that would do anything are just that desperate. They don't want to do it but see it as being too hard to do anything else. Their minds are clouded by the need for the drug and that's the sad part. I'm talking heroin addicts etc. (edited)
I agree, that I don't have much sympathy for woman who smoke pot while preg, much like I have no sympathy for the ones who smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol but if I can help them kick the habit I most certainly will!! ;)So, you have sympathy for the pregnant heroin junkie but not the pregnant 10 a day smoker or pregnant glass of wine with dinner drinker?
I agree children should not be left to suffer a parents addiction. It is not fair and they don't ask to be born into that situation. All help possible should be given to these children.
Drug ddiction is a sad sad place to be in and I have compassion for anyone suffering an addiction (pg or not) who has the courage to stand up, admit they have a problem and take the steps necessary to overcome it!! I also think that all 'addicts' have the ability to 'kick the habit' with the right support and encouragement.
Sorry, I didn't explain myself very well. I just feel that everyone is worth helping. What I was trying to say came out completely wrong. I was trying to make the point that these people are worth helping. I know myself how someones frame of mind is completely changed when it is affected by drugs (or alcohol for that matter).
Basically the point I'm trying to make is that addiction is addiction and I believe that everyone deserves help no matter what the circumstance. If a smoker came to me a said they needed help to quit, I would give it to them, much like I would a drug user etc.
I haven't made much sense, sorry. :o
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.1.9 Copyright © 2013 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.