Stepchild Questions

[pregomum]

I parted from my ex husband of 9yrs in the end of 2005. I meet a new man who has been in my life since early 2006 he absolutely adores me and my children (DS 4 1/2yo and DD7yo.)

My ex has since moved to another state and has only seen the kids twice and called them twice in the 12mths before he moved and hasn't had any contact since he has moved Nov 2006. Although I encourage him to be in the kids lives

The kids absolutely adore my new partner and we are getting married in march.

Although it is all nice now, I am scared for the future when the kids may say "Your not my real dad, I'm not listening etc". I know My DF is also scared of this happening. And i'm also worried about the whole issue of my kids thinking the new baby is getting more spoilt than them because my DF is it's real dad.

Is there anyway of preventing this? Any help or previous experiences would be great.

[IheartOman]

I was one of those kids who would say to my step-dad "your not my real dad so you cant tell me what to do" Sadly now I know I shouldnt have said that. (He bought me up from when I was 2! I actually thought he was my real dad until I was 9)

I don't think you can do anything to STOP kids saying or doing stuff but if they do it say my advice would be that you support your partner (within reason) Make sure the kids see you and him as a united front and that they cant play one of over the other.

[daisyxs]

i think it just has to be expected.
they use it to push your buttons if the result is your DP backing down on whatever stance he was trying to make then they will do it again and again.
and like shanilee said, once grown up they will realise that he was probably more a dad than their actual dad.

[defaipe]

i think it just has to be expected.
they use it to push your buttons if the result is your DP backing down on whatever stance he was trying to make then they will do it again and again.
and like shanilee said, once grown up they will realise that he was probably more a dad than their actual dad.

sadly its gonna happen and no doubt it'll break your dh's heart but its kids and they will say what they can to get a reaction! and no doubt they will feel terrible about it once they're older..
i wish you and your family all the best! and really if your kids saying that is the worst possible situation for you family yous are doing a fantastic job raising them :thumbsup:

[carly29]

I am living this whole thing at the moment! my ds is 5 and his step father has lived with us since he was one and at the moment he is at the awful stage of telling him " your not my real dad..." we are just dealing with it on a daily basis, and have come to the realisation of that when he grows up he will figure it all out forhimself, and that he will understand how much is step dad does love him. But for now we are doing it a little tough!:yes:

We have ds2 who is loved very much by his brother, but he does sometimes think that we both dont love him as much, but we just try to traet them both the same. it is very hard and life is a daily challenge. we are hoping he understands a little more when he goes to school and realises he isnt the onlyone in his situation.