View Full Version : need some advice on something bad.
anonomoushubbuber
20-01-2007, 11:57
...
I think you should say something to him first. And what about your cousins... if it's something he did to you and your sister it could of happened to them too.
Sexual molestation is a terrible thing to live with. I know how protective you must be of your daughter! But please remember that not everyone is 'bad'... trust your instincts, take time to heal, confront your uncle about what he did, and let your aunt know... file charges as soon as the divorce is through... That's what I'd do... unfortunately I can't confront my abuser as he is in a completely different country and probably dead by now.... but I wish I had said something to someone when it was happening.
Teach your daughter how to respond in ALL circumstances... strangers, friends of the family, neighbours.. teachers, bus drivers, everyone.
3 is old enough to role play saying "No.. this isn't right. I'm telling my Mummy and Daddy." Or yelling "THIS IS NOT MY MUMMY OR DADDY' Education is essential. Be strong. :hugs:
jessgray
20-01-2007, 12:15
:hugs: hugs for you. you are in a predicament. do you think your uncle has doen the saem to his girls?
if you think he has dotn hesitate for a second on telling your aunty,she might be hurt at first but in the future she could thank you for keeping her kids safe:hugs:
bronny-jane
20-01-2007, 12:27
tell her, if he molested you, he has more then likely done it to his own daughters, if not, she needs to know... if she doesnt already, its horrible for this to happen... but its worse not to speak up and know it might happen to another, take back your power, its yours;)
dont worry about what might happen if you speak up.... worry about what might happen if you dont:(
TeamAwesome
20-01-2007, 13:15
I agree with all PP's it needs to be told... There is such a high chance its happened to their girls.. if it hasnt its highl;y likely it will happen...
I also agree with Gretel(OJandMe) by starting role play with her and teach her the right names of body parts and that she should never keep secrets from mummy cos she can always tell mummy everything!
IheartOman
20-01-2007, 13:28
tell her, if he molested you, he has more then likely done it to his own daughters, if not, she needs to know... if she doesnt already, its horrible for this to happen... but its worse not to speak up and know it might happen to another, take back your power, its yours;)
dont worry about what might happen if you speak up.... worry about what might happen if you dont:(
What she said :yes:
Becteria
20-01-2007, 13:32
You will find some sort of justice and closure once you speak to him and let your aunty know what happened.
:hugs:
Do you think your sister might go with you to tell your Aunty? It's easy for someone to not believe 1 person, but when you have 2 ppl there telling you the same thing, you are not going to ignore that.
If she is splitting with him atm, then there is a high chance that there will be some kind of shared custody arrangement - what could happen if he's got his dd's alone?
I'd say do it for your cousins, things could end up 1000 times worse if you don't say something.
:hugs: It will be hard, but I think it needs to be done:hugs:
anonomoushubbuber
20-01-2007, 14:22
with the custody of there split they are getting a girl each he is getting the 14 yr old and she is getting the 11yr old. i have talked to my sis and she doesn't want to be known as any part of it. it hasn't affected her like it has to me. she moved in with them when she was 18 to finish year 12 and never seemed to have a problem with him nor has she been protective of her girls she has left her girls there, seems like she wants to keep thinking it was a dream and he won't do it again but he did it not just me but her so why i do not know how she could leave the girls there. i am going to teach her role play but she is too young just yet so i'm keeping her close till she is old enough to learn, thanks for ur advice i didn't think anyone was going to respond so thank you heaps.
damien's mum
20-01-2007, 14:36
I agree with all the posts, I think you need to confront him and your aunty, if your sister doesn't want to, then it's up to you, to take back what is your's (If that makes sense.) I understand you being very protective of your daughter, i think anyone under the same circumstances would be aswell. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
You poor thing.:crying: I am so sorry u have had to hold this in for so many years.
You need to tell her. He could be doing and prbably is doing this to others. Coz, if he risked doing it more than once (ie. u said he did it to your sis as well) he obviously thinks he's not gonna get caught.
People like that sicken me. And if it were my husband i would want to know coz that is definetly not the person i want to be with.
Crazyfamily
20-01-2007, 15:08
I would definately say something. I know for sure I would as I did. I was molested by and adult cousin when I was young and so was my sister. 20 years later we found out he had started with my niece. we didn't just tell someone we told the police and he spent 3 years in jail. I know for me just him knowing it wasn't ok and he shouldn't have done it was a big weight lifted. The fact that we then had the courage to take it further at least made me know I have done as much as I can to protect others.
:hugs: Whatever decision you make it is tough.
Good luck and take care.
sugar n spice
20-01-2007, 15:21
i would definetly say something to your aunty. i mean if for nothing else to protect your cousins.
i dont think your being over protective either but yes remember that not everyone is bad:hugs::hugs::hugs:
bronny-jane
20-01-2007, 15:53
she moved in with them when she was 18 to finish year 12 and never seemed to have a problem with him nor has she been protective of her girls she has left her girls there,
:eek: wow yeah nothing happened cause she was old enough to know... WTF is she thinking leaving her dd's there:confused: , its nice to live in denile , how can she risk their safety and well being, you have to do something..... cant risk him doing it again:no:
TTannyaa
20-01-2007, 19:08
All the very best to you.
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
mum2bubba
20-01-2007, 20:08
I'm so sorry for what you have been through.
I think you should tell your aunty for sure, even if she doesn't believe you (and I hope she does) at least she'll know. I hope he gets whats coming to him, ppl like that make me sick.
mykidzmylife
22-01-2007, 07:11
Firstly,i want to say i am sorry this has happened to you.
I believe the truth needs to come out,as it was done to your sister and yourself,so more than likely,it has/will happen to others.
I think it would be quite hard to tell your aunt,but i do think she needs to know.
Maybe talk to someone who is trained in this line of work,and they may have ideas,or someone who can help you do this.
I found this number 1800 200 526
http://www.australiasaysno.gov.au/booklet/viewBooklet/06_callHelpline.htm
Maybe give them a call and they can point you in the right direction.
I wish you all the best....You are so brave.
Goodluck,
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
Jody
make9650
22-01-2007, 07:20
The only way this will stop is everyone speaks out about it we have to let others know and teach our children to tell. This also happened to me when I did speak out ten years ago some didn't believe me but others were very supportive. Just don't allow this monster to ruin one more minute of your life. Tell so you can take back control.
Good Luck
Smiles
~mia&ryan~
22-01-2007, 08:19
tell her, if he molested you, he has more then likely done it to his own daughters, if not, she needs to know... if she doesnt already, its horrible for this to happen... but its worse not to speak up and know it might happen to another, take back your power, its yours;)
dont worry about what might happen if you speak up.... worry about what might happen if you dont:(
Completely agree with what BJ said....:yes:
she moved in with them when she was 18 to finish year 12 and never seemed to have a problem with him nor has she been protective of her girls she has left her girls there, seems like she wants to keep thinking it was a dream and he won't do it again but he did it not just me but her so why i do not know how she could leave the girls there.
This alone would be enough to make me tell. :gloomy: It's going to be so hard, but it can be the start of some healing for you. Good luck. :hugs:
SorenLorensen
22-01-2007, 13:24
:crying: and :hugs: to you and your sis, a dear friend (24) is just one step ahead of you positin at the monent, he was molested when her was 9 years old untill her was 13, by his cousin, he too thought he was the only one but then he realised his older brother now 27 would not go near his cousin, his younger brother now 22 was protected by my friends and he did not know it at the time but his older brother was trying to protect him and his younger brother, and by protecting i mean they would continue to let it happen to them so the cousin did not have to look somewhere els.
my friend did not want to tell anyone what happened untill his nan had passed away because her looks up to her and did not want her to be ashamed of her family but last year he had no choice. his cousin had got himself a girlfriend with a 6 y/o son, my friend was worried and then one day his cousin refered to the so as "my special boy" right away he knew what this ment and had no choice but to say something, he is going through hard times right now and some of his family wont talk to him but he now realises that he does not care, he stoped it from happening to another child, he stoped this child going throught what he did.
JMO:i would say something, it will be hard butif you just save this from happening to 1 other person then you would be a person that would have a right to hold your head up high and be respected by all who realise what you have done:hugs:
munchkin05
22-01-2007, 15:38
tell her, if he molested you, he has more then likely done it to his own daughters, if not, she needs to know... if she doesnt already, its horrible for this to happen... but its worse not to speak up and know it might happen to another, take back your power, its yours;)
dont worry about what might happen if you speak up.... worry about what might happen if you dont:(
exactly what bj said :thumbsup:
anonomoushubbuber
22-01-2007, 23:12
:hugs: thankyou for ur support i hadn't let anyone know before so i never knew how to let it out,:crying:
being sexually abused since 3 till 12 by different men has lowered my self esteem and given me a hurtful anger problem which i have learn't to slowly change over the years, each day when i look at my daughter i think to myself what if i wasn't there to protect her oneday what if i allowed her for once in her life be babysat and something happens, it upsets me to think that there are so many sicko's out there and all undetected. i have kept quiet about this over the years because of my nana i loved her so much and told her i had something that would hurt the family oneday but would wait fo her to go and she understood, i just lost her so the time is right. i really do hope this hurting will go away after i let it out. i will be contacting her tomorrow (tue) and telling her to take custody of both the girls and what happened and also saying something of my sis i know she doesn't have the courage to and i am just that bit stronger so if it means her not talking to me after involving her i don't care if it is going to save the girls and anyone else. i even thought of ringing the uncle and giving him the option of telling his family himself or go to jail either way he loses and i gain my self respect and power back after not having it my whole life. i have just told my mum and she said she will back me up. i'm really scared to do this but he can't let him get away with stealing my innocent childhood.it'll be one less child sex offender in this world. i'm just affraid to hurt my cousins and aunt and lose my sis for bringing her into it when she didn't want to be.
thanks for the help i'll post what happens, :(
munchkin05
22-01-2007, 23:17
good luck :fingerscrossed:
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Good Luck...:fingerscrossed:
I hope everything goes as well as can be expected in a sitution like this... BIG :hugs: to you for being so brave & protecting your sisters & prob many other girls out there, men like him sicken me & I hope that one day very soon he gets what he deserves & you find the strength to let go of all the hurt he has caused you & your family.
anonomous bubhubber :hugs: you are very courageous coming forward. It is so important to protect our littlies and not let it follow in a cycle.
Of course you are fearful and anxious for your own DD, at some point you will have to leave DD with someone else (teacher, carer etc), maybe you could speak with a counsellor to help you trust again so you can cross this bridge. You can help protect your DD by educating her about her body parts etc, but in a way not to scare her. I already tell my DS his body parts when I wash him, he is too young to know yet but it helps me not be so embarressed by saying it out loud, I want him to be able to tell me anything.
Good on you for coming forward you have already taken a big step. :hugs:
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.1.9 Copyright © 2013 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.