Army Mums ??? Anyone out there ???

[Giselle]

Please, no one take this the wrong way...but is the army community gotten so bad that even on line we don't get together ????

Does anyone agree with me ? My DH is a soldier and us wives should have a community as we are in the same boat....*sigh* fed up...

[MilkOnTap]

Agree!

My fiance (almost husband!!!) is in the navy and most of the other men's wives dont get together either.

I think its time something was done :D


Cheers,

[~Chick79~]

It happens in the raaf to unfortunately...

Some wives live their life by their partners rank if you know what I mean...

It is sad and I wished it wasn't this way as it can get very lonely being a defence spouse and I reckon having others around that understand would be beneficial!

[PMS]

Hi all. My hubby is in the Raaf. We are based in Townsville at the moment.
DCO organises a few get togethers for mum's here. I started attending one of
the groups but I found it to be very cliquey so I stopped going.
I dont actually get to meet the wives/girl friends of the people my hubby works with. But many of them are civillians anyway as he works for Recruiting at the moment.
You might want to contact DCO in your area and see if they can organise something for Defence mum's.
I also have to agree with Ryan'smummy; I have found not just the wives but the men my hubby work with to be very cliquey. If you're not in the 'loop' you're not worth talking to. It is very sad but very true.

PMS :(

[Rudybecca]

Hi all,

My other half is in the RAAF and we just moved to Newcastle from Katherine not too sure what its like here yet, haven't had a chance to get out there, but in Katherine i found there was a lot of the locals that resented the RAAF being there and didnt find DCO very helpful.

Bec

[Melissa1983]

Hi

My DH is in the Navy at HMAS Albatross. Hasn't had to go away as yet, but they are planning on sending him away next year.

Its hard as i don't know any other defence wives here as they all seem to keep to themselves.

[~Chick79~]

Rudybecca I have sent you a PM! :D

[Mumoffour]

im a defence force ex wife! I know how lonely it is for you girls- the best support i had when i was ín'was in a dedicated defence force housing area at voyager point in Sydney (near holsworthy). Now the powers that be have determined that its better to mix def familiies in with the civvies- its hard because often civvie wives dont understand your unique situation. Best of luck to you all- you need a medal. :)

[amandajane]

I am also a navy wife and live at Voyager Point.

And every move it seems to get harder and harder to make good friends, defence or otherwise.

I am appalled that we have lived here for almost 2 and a half years and not once has there been a family event organised through the section my hausband works in, I have met no other wives.

To mummy of 2, I know how you feel. Does your DH play Aussie rules by any chance. Mine played for Albatros and the people there are really nice, but it does take time and unfortunatly most of us dont have much time, as we are often moving on by the time we meet someone nice.

Amanda

[Melissa1983]

Hi Amandajane

Where abouts is Voyager Point?

Nah Dh doesn't play Aussie Rules, we don't have time for it as we hardly see each other

[Mumoffour]

is there houses at voyager point now? when we left in 96 they sold them all off and flattened the place! We lived in Fantome St. The defence force seems to be getting a bit slack looking after the families now- i remember the marriage councellor they sent us was second rate. :o

[amandajane]

Voyager Point is an estate now, some very lovely homes here and a few DHA houses thrown in for good measure. In fact Ian Thorpes parents just sold their home around the corner from us.

Amanda

[Mumoffour]

Gosh! an estate! :) thanks for replying Amanda!

[angelcarmie]

Yeah I know what you mean. I am in the Navy and I feel sorry for my H2B some times. He is a stay at home dad to our daughter because we move so often, its too hard for him to find work for such short periods of time. We have recently moved to Sydney and have found it really really hard to make friends here. We have been here for 5mths now and still have no friends here.

[madvoice]

I've found DCO to be absolutely pitiful. I'm a serving RAAF member and my hubby is NT Police. It seems that military wives (even though I'm serving but I'll be out in January) don't seem to get anywhere near as much support as they need. Its hard to make friends when you move to a new area.

[Melissa1983]

i agree with Madvoice.. I have been in Nowra now for 4 months and haven't met anyone.. It so hard to get out when you have kids.. And believe it or not my aunty works for DCO here and she hasn't helped me meeting new friends..

[amandajane]

I have become a co-coordinator for a coffee craft and chat group on base so will be having a little bit to do with DCO and other so called family organisations. A bit scary. Is it just me or are there so many oganisations set up to help defence families that no one knows who is supposed to do what, including the people in them.

To angelcarmie, we have been here in Sydney for 2 years and still have no friends!!! are you at Garden Island? where do you live?

There are plenty of aquiantances, but no real friends. As my DS is starting pre-school next year I had to fill out a form of 4 emergency contacts. I have no family here and no one close enough to ask something like that.

[MilkOnTap]

Hey Mel - I was in Nowra last Sunday dropping my DH off. He got a lift home on Friday and I just dropped him off at Kuttabul for a bus to go back.

It is hard being with someone in the defence force. And it is even harder that they dont organise things for the families to do while the serving member is away.

[PMS]

Hi; me again. As stated previously my hubby is in the Air Force and we are based in Townsville. Every month DCO sends out a news letter to serving families to let them know what is on that month. They have "Stork Club" for mums and mums to be which is on every fortnight. They have one or two morning teas for spouses who's hubbies are on deployment. RAAF Base Townsville has a community centre that runs a playgroup, craft for mums, some gym classes ect.
I think that DCO should provide these services wherever there are serving members and their families. They really should realise that is hard for Defence families to settle into life after each new posting. And most of the time you have just settled in and you are off again.
Sometimes you wonder why you put in the effort when it takes you one to two years to really settle in and find a good circle of friends only to be posted out the next year. Now that we have two children in the mix it is harder especially on our 2 1/2 year old daughter who will have to leave her little friends behind again.
Well; thats my two cents worth!

PMS :o

[Melissa1983]

Hi Ally

Yeah it is hard, when you had all your friends prior to joining the forces, and then go to nothing. Its also hard when the MIL isn't being supportive of things..

[MilkOnTap]

Hi Ally

Yeah it is hard, when you had all your friends prior to joining the forces, and then go to nothing. Its also hard when the MIL isn't being supportive of things..

I'm hearing ya Mel...

I am going to be stuck in Sydney this Christmas with no one (DH is working x-mas day) cause I sacrificed my friends and family and potential career to come to Sydney to be with my husband. I certainly dont regret coming here to be with him, nor would I ever regret marrying him (love him WAY too much) but there is something totally unfair about the way I left EVERYTHING I loved for NO REASON! He isn't here half the time, and he will be gone for 6 months next year.

I am seriously considering moving back up to QLD for the period while he is gone and then coming back when he returns. It is pointless isolating myself from everyone I am close to when all I have is an empty house.

I am going through a bit of a 'time' with all this at the moment. DH was away while I was planning the wedding so you can imagine the phone bill. $950 later. And there goes my flight home for Christmas... :(

[angelcarmie]

to AmandaJane.

Yeah I am at Garden Island.

We live at North Ryde. We are discussing at the moment if I should leave the Navy next year as I have just found out that I am pregnant with number 2 and H2B is scared about being over in Sydney with 2 under 2 and no family and friends to help out.

I would love to chat, write or meet up with anyone in Sydney area especially if there is any out Ryde area.

If you are interested email me carmen@donhardt.id.au

[seznboysx2]

How fantastic that a forum has an area devoted to defence families.

My partner is in the RAAF so we are in Wagga which is really is exciting:rolleyes:
We were posted to Wagga when I was 35 weeks preg. with DS#2 and the move was far from easy. I had my baby in a place I didn't know with people I didn't know and with none of my family or loved ones around me. It was so hard. Now however I dont mind Wagga (20 weeks on) we go to RAAF playgroup which is a little hard to get to know people in.

Im looking forward to sharing experiences with all of you.:)

[Scout]

Hi All

I am also an "Army Wife". I'm sorry to hear that many of you feel isolated from the Defence Community - I can imagine that it is frustrating. I used to be in the RAN so have never really given much thought to what it is like on the other side however I may be in for a very rude shock as of this week!

Our first baby is due in late May and my partner is posting to Sydney this Friday. I was going to move up after the birth but it has filled me with such dread that I won't be - we have a great place here, I have a great job to return to, we have good friends and a very strong support network. So unfortunately, we'll do it tough for a while but I expect that DP will be back here by the end of this year.

I look forward to being able to speak with you all now that I've "found you".

Scout

[Wish_Bear]

My husband is in the navy and seems to be away constantly. There is really no support for defence partners. DCO claim to always be there for us but I have yet to see this. I am finding it hard to cope with 2 kids and an absentee father. I can relate to everything you are going through. I am here if anyone wants to chat or vent or whatever.

[MilkOnTap]

Totally agree Tarynduggan. My DH is in the navy too - and he has left for 2 weeks this morning. He is back for a week, then gone for 3, back for one week and then gone for 6 months. So between now and the end of August we have 2 weeks left together.

Where is the support? Where are the 'family values'? I am yet to see either!

[MilkOnTap]

Angelcarmie and Tarynduggan - I am in Sydney too. Perhaps we can all get together and have our own little gripe!!!

[Melissa1983]

Hi Tarynduggan,

I have been lucky DH hasn't been away yet.. But he has only been in the Navy since May 2004. And completed his Training as a Medic in August last year. He thinks he will do his sea trip sometime this year.. not looking forward to that..

Do you have MSN?

[Wish_Bear]

Hi Ally84,

My hubby just left yesterday for 4 months and I am not impressed. The navy knew we would have a newborn when they posted him but that didn't matter at all to them. Am glad there is a forum for military partners as unless you are in the situation it is hard to understand it.

[MilkOnTap]

Absolutely agree. I left Melbourne where all my family were and came to Sydney to be with my husband (who was just a boyfrind at the time!) I dont think that there is enough understanding of the sacrifices that a whole family has to make (ie, moving home, career, family, friends etc).

I think that they just try to cover it up by saying "here, have some more money..." - not that its a hell of a lot either...

[Wish_Bear]

Mummyof2.....I don't have MSN but I can get it. It's free isn't it?

[MilkOnTap]

Just download it (Messenger) from msn.com.au

[Scout]

Ahhh, you poor things. Having partners away at sea is just the pits. I don't know what I can say or do that would make anything even remotely better.

I remember something that a friend's mother had told me just after I joined the Navy (she was a long term Army wife) - if the military wanted you to have a family they would have issued you with one. Thus they just don't care about family circumstances, their priorities come first.

My DP recently went away on a 8 week training course. Most organisations these days that are national have online training programs, so why couldn't the military have similar systems so that it might have required them to only need to be away for 2 weeks or so. When there are operational requirements that take serving members away from their families, Defence need to get a bit smarter about making other (sometimes unnecessary) requirements more attractive.

At the very least with my DP being in Sydney, we can call or fly whenever we need to. I count myself as very lucky.

Keep your chins up and let's hope that time flies for you ;)

[Melissa1983]

Mummyof2.....I don't have MSN but I can get it. It's free isn't it?

Yup its free.. Just go to www.msn.com.au and click on Messager and then go download..

Hope to chat soon!

[tateb]

Hi There,

I would love to meet with some defence wives around the Holsworthy area. I have moved 3 times now. I made some great friends in Canberra while my husband was at RMC, we were lucky enough to all get posted to Darwin and it was great having people to visit. We have since gone seperate ways and I don't have friends to visit anymore.

I have just moved to Wattle Grove in Sydney (Holsworthy area) and would love to meet with other people.

I get very lonely while my husband is at work, however our first baby is due 1st March and I am looking forward to that.

Would love to meet with anyone around the Holsworthy area.......drop me a line sometime at b_b@aapt.net.au

[amandajane]

Tateb, I PMed you back.

I also noticed you are a scrapbooker. Me too, we should definately get together. THe craft group on base is really good (not like a lot of others I have been to). It starts up again soon- early Feb I think.

Amanda

[neeshNgeorgia]

Hi finally i've found the site i originally come on here to find! lol
I'm 20 and my DH2B has been excepted into the army and is going to Kapooka for 3 months next tuesday, this will be our first time away from each other since DD,1, was born. Im' really quite scared, though we're staying with relos, still in canberra, we'll have to move to Bonegilla, VIC, after he is finished at Kapooka.
I have no idea of what happens as an army wife, i've been told some horror stories and i'm really really freaking out!
Please can sombody fill me in, especially if u have ever been to bonegilla!

thankyou:(

[amandajane]

Hi Neesha.
Firstly dont listen to stories, most of them are just that. Having said that though I'm sure if you get any bunch of women together and add some kind of heirachy system there are bound to be some people who clash.

Wagga is a great place, I grew up there. And I have driven the Wagga to Canberra road many a time as my hubby (then boyfriend) was in Canberra while I was still in Wagga. I have never been to Bonegilla though.

I have one piece of advice to offer as a new defence spouse and fairly new and young mother. When you arrive at each location join everything you can, military or not, then be choosy and pick the best couple. You are bound to find a few close friends that way.

[neeshNgeorgia]

thanks for the great advice.
I actually grew up in batlow, so wagga i'm pretty familiar with, though steve goes to kapooka on his own whilst i stay here in canberra.
but i've been on the net trying to find as much out as possible so hopefully i can be prepared when we move. But thank you so much for the advice. happy to take it all on! lol
ciao neesh:o

[amandajane]

I thought I would share this here:

it is American but still very relevent

"It was just another harried Wednesday afternoon trip to the commissary.
My husband was off teaching young men to fly. My daughters were going
about their daily activities knowing I would return to them at the appointed
time, bearing, among other things, their favorite fruit snacks frozen pizza
and all the little extras that never had to be written down on a grocery list.
My grocery list, by the way, was in my 16-month-old daughter's mouth, and I
was lamenting the fact that the next four aisles of needed items would while
extracting the last of my list from my daughter's mouth when I nearly ran
over an old man. This man clearly had no appreciation for the fact that I had 45 minutes left to finish the grocery shopping, pick up my 4-year old from tumbling class and get to school, where my 12-year-old and her car pool mates would be waiting. I knew men didn't belong in a commissary, and this old guy was no exception. He stood in front of the soap selection staring blankly, as if he'd never had to choose a bar of soap in his life. I was ready to bark an order at him when l realized there was a tear on his face. Instantly, this grocery isle roadblock transformed into a human...
"Can I help you find something?" I asked. He hesitated, and then told me
he was looking for soap, "Any one in particular?" I continued. "Well, I'm
trying to find my wife's brand of soap." I started to loan him my cell phone
to call her when he said, "She died a year ago, and I just want to smell
her again."
Chills rah down my spine. I don't think the 22,000-pound Mother of
all Bombs could have had the same impact-pact. As tears welled up in my eyes,
my half-eaten grocery list didn't seem so important. Neither did fruit
snacks or frozen pizza. I spent the remainder of my time in the commissary that day listening to a man tell the story of how Important his wife was to him -- how she took care of their children while he served our country. A retired, decorated
World War II pilot who flew missions to protect Americans still needed
the protection of a woman who served him at home.

My life was forever changed that day. Every time my husband works
too late or leaves before the crack of dawn, l try to remember the sense of
importance I felt that day in the commissary. Some times the monotony of
laundry, housecleaning, grocery shopping and taxi driving leaves military
wives feeling empty -- the kind of emptiness that is rarely fulfilled when
our husbands come home and don't want to or can't talk about work.
We need to be reminded, at times; of the important role we fill for our
family and for our country."


Over the years, I've talked a lot about military spouses...how special
they are and the price they pay for freedom too. The funny thing is;
most military spouses don't consider themselves different from other
spouses. They do what they have to do, bound together not by blood or merely
friendship, but with a shared spirit whose origin is in the very essence of
what love truly is. Is there truly a difference? I think there is.
You have to decide for yourself.

Other spouses get married and look forward to building equity in a home
and putting down family roots. Military spouses get married and know
they'll live in base housing or rent, and their roots must be short so they
can be transplanted frequently.


Other spouses decorate a home with flair and personality that will last
a lifetime. Military spouses decorate a home with flare tempered with the
knowledge that no two base houses have the same size windows or same
size rooms. Curtains have to be flexible and multiple sets are a plus. Furniture
must fit like puzzle pieces.


Other spouses have living rooms that are immaculate and seldom used.
Military spouses have immaculate living room/dining room combos. The
coffee table got a scratch or two moving from Germany, but it still looks
pretty good.


Other spouses say good-bye to their spouse for a business trip and
know they won't see them for a week. They are lonely, but can survive.
Military spouses say good-bye to their deploying spouse and know they won't
see them for months, or for a remote, a year. They are lonely, but will
survive.


Other spouses, when a washer hose blows off, call Maytag and then
write a check out for having the hose reconnected. Military spouses will
cut the water off and fix it themselves.


Other spouses get used to saying "hello" to friends they see all the
time. Military spouses get used to saying "good-bye" to friends made the
last two years.


Other spouses worry about whether their child will be class president
next year. Military spouses worry about whether their child will be
accepted in yet another school next year and whether that school will be the
worst in the city...again.


Other spouses can count on spouse participation in special events...birthdays, anniversaries, concerts, football games, graduation, and even the birth of a child. Military spouses only count on each other; because they realize that the flag has to come first if freedom is to survive. It has to be that way.


Other spouses put up yellow ribbons when the troops are imperiled
across the globe and take them down when the troops come home. Military
spouses wear yellow ribbons around their hearts and they never go away.


Other spouses worry about being late for mom's Thanksgiving dinner.
Military spouses worry about getting back from Japan in time for dad's
funeral.

The television program showing an elderly lady putting a card down in
front of a long, black wall that has names on it touches other spouses.
The card simply says, "Happy Birthday, Sweetheart. You would have been
sixty today."
A military spouse is the lady with the card, and the wall is the
Vietnam Memorial.


I would never say military spouses are better than other spouses are.
But I will say there is a difference. I will say that our country asks
more of military spouse than is asked of other spouses. I will say,
without hesitation, that military spouses pay just as high a price for
freedom as do their active duty husbands and wives. Perhaps the price they pay is even higher. Dying in service to our country isn't near as hard as
loving someone who has died in service to our country, and having to live
without
them.


God bless our military spouses for all they freely give."

by Paige Swiney

[Wish_Bear]

AmandaJane,

Wow that was fabulous. it is so true and how touching. I am a Navy wife and it is amazing at how well the passage captures all we are and all we do.

Thanks for posting it!

Taryn.

[Sharon]

I'm not a wife of a defence force guy, but my dad was in the RAAF until I was 16. We were based mainly in Williamtown, NSW and Butterworth, Malaysia. The bases there used to have social functions and we used to go to the sergents mess quite a bit when we were little and I remember mum mixing with the other mums. I sympathise with you as I hated moving and settling when I was a teenager. Can't imagine what is like with small children being away from your own family & friends.

I know what you are saying about the segregation (snobbery) amongst the ranks.


Do the messes still exist?
Sharon

[DB&O]

Hi, I am also a RAAF wife & couldn't agree with you more, we have been living in Adelaide for the past 2 years, during this time we got married & had our beautiful baby girl, I think that I needed support no more than during these crucial times, it has been hard not having any close friends to lend a sympathetic ear & give honest advice. It's truly sad that the spouses behind the men & women of the ADF are virtually left to fend for themselves.

[neeshNgeorgia]

hello everyone,
DP left yesterday for Kapooka, which was a little emotional, DD, 1, had no idea either that she wasn't going to see that big goofy guy for three months!
Does anybody know what kapooka is like? It's absolutely killing me not knowing what DP is going through? I'm heard a lot of horror stories is it really like that?
Thanks
neesh:(

[amandajane]

Rest assured Neesh, the horror stories of old are no longer happening. In the past recruits were yelled at and humiliated in front of peers etc, but that is no longer allowed. A lot of 'old school' army people are positivly angry at this. Personally I believe there should be some middle ground, like yelling is OK but humiliation is not.
I thought basic training was only 6 weeks though, maybe that has changed recently. Hang in there it will be OK.

[Scout]

Hi Neesh

I totally agree with amandajane - stories are stories of past years (and some merely nothing more than urban legend). However, your partner is about to go through a life changing experience, most likely for the better. I found recruit school to be a bit like an induction to a cult - your whole sense of self is removed through haircuts and uniforms, you are introduced to a new language, you have to implicitly trust people you don't know and you are bloody well sleep deprived. I was so tired that I think I cried most days but it was certainly a make or break experience and the opportunities that opened up to me have been unbelievable.

He will be fine and although you will need to remain strong, you will be fine too.

Good Luck

Scout

[neeshNgeorgia]

Thankyou for the re-assurance!
DP rang yesterday, he sounded so exauhsted, he'd only had 2 hours sleep, and he'd just had his head shaved!
I know he'll be ok but my god as soon as i heard his voice i burst into tears! (he'd only been gone for 24 hours! lol)

The training is still 6 weeks for reserves, but as steve is going in as a full-timer he has to complete his advance soldier training.

thankyou for the support, it's working!:p

cheers neesh

[Mumma_al]

hi guys,

im new to the hub. Im an army wife (was in the army myself a few yrs ago) ive got a 3mths old daughter. and I care for my DH 2 son's from previous marrage. My Dh is based in Newcastle at present. Its such a shame that the miltary wives dont use each other like they used to. I tried to arrange morning tea's for all the Army Wives and Mummies a few yrs ago but no one would turn up. I think the military have forgoten all family values.

My DH had some of his men leave for Iraq last year. No-one thought to ring there wives to see if they needed anything or any help. My DH absolutly screemed the house down at his unit because of it. and rightly so! his point was "if im away i expect you to check on my family, because i cant and Im sure you would want the same" DH was sent on course when i was 7 months pregnant for 6wks. Its hard enough trying to get through each day as it is when there away let alone trying to do it when your pregnant. (and putting together baby furniture). I was lucky to have Dh back for the birth, but what of all the women who didnt have that support.

What happened to the welcoming packages and auxliary groups? Its such a shame.

But anyway its nice to meet you all fellow miltary mummies and wives and hope to chat with you all sometime soon.

[Wish_Bear]

I am a Navy wife of 6 years. It may sound old fashioned but sometimes I wish there were bases where everyone lived in close vicinity to others in the same situation. It is quite hard in civillian land when no one really understands what you are going through. I had a phone call the other day welcoming me to Sydney. I have been here 5 years!!! There is no where near enough support for parrtners. My Dh has been away 2 years of my 3 year olds life and was sent away 4 weeks after our DS was born dec 05. What annoys me is that they knew I was pregnant and had been through PND so needed all the support I could get but still sent him away for 4 months!! He missed our DD's birth due to being sent on a course 10 days before her due date, and luckily was there when DS was born but was only given one day (day of birth) off. I am having a huge whinge as I am very anti defence today. I think it's because everyone tells me not to burden DH with my problems while he is away but no one seems to worry if I am having a hell of a time. Luckily I'm not, at present, but sometimes I just feel like giving up. I live like a single mum so why not move to where my family and friends are and live as a single mum with support close by.
Sorry to whinge and ***** but you guys know what it's like.
Oh and I had planned a trip to Perth in April but now can't go as the Navy are sending DH on another bloody course.
TYPICAL!! Sorry again. I guess I'm having a bad day.

[MilkOnTap]

A phone call WELCOMING you to Sydney?!?! Wow! They do those?!?

I know what you mean. If we lived in a 'village' type of thing where everyone feels comfortable going next door for a cup of sugar the world would be such a better place.

Thats unreal that they still sent him away when you were expecting!!! And then only gave him 1 day off when your son was born! That is disgusting. I start a job at ADI tomorrow on the navy base, so hopefully this way I will get to see more of DH when he is home. And it would be nice if I can pull a few strings so he doesn't have to go away as much!!!

DH is home til 6am tomorrow morning, then gone for 2 weeks, home for 1 week, and then gone for 6 months. Not happy.

[Wish_Bear]

I understand. DH is away at the mo for 4 months home for 3 months and then away for another 4 months!!

Good luck with your new job, hope you get to see your DH once he's at home a little more.