Am I being unreasonable!!!!

[princessgrace]

Hi there,

I have a step daughter who is about to turn 10 I have been in her life since whe was 2 and a half and things were quite good of course we all had a few teething problems but hey we got through them and it was nothing major, DH and I had a good relationship with her mum untill she met her current DH then all the rubbish began and it just spirled out of controll, firstly it was that her mum would just palm her off on to who ever so she could go out with him ( including us which was ok ) but then a total backflip she stopped access and we faught her for months over this and ended up getting a court order to see DSD this took 6 months and then we faught it out in court for 3 yrs and $7000 later we had a proper official order in place and had visitation every f/n, her mum and husband and us were on rocky terms and that was very obvious but we dealt with it and didnt drag DSD into it to much,

Her new husband made life difficult for DSD and did things like for example I brought her a pair of gorgeous pink shiny boots and she loved them and I said she was more than welcome to take them home so she did as soon as she got there he said 'what are they they look like moon boots there awful' and she was not allowed to wear them at home again, another time we got her the fur real cat that she had wanted for ages for christmas and because he hated cats she wasnt allowed to play with it and he said he was going to break it, we know for a fact aht she was not allowed to mention us or call DH dad she had to call him by his name only and was not allowed to tell us a thing about anything and I understand that as far as personel things go but what about normal school things or fun stuff she has done nope not allowed,

now christmas 04 my MIL went to drop off her pressie the day after christmas and there was a sold sign out the front and they had moved, where no one knows ????? so we have not seen or even spoken to her since Dec 04 each time DH rings to talk to her her mum says she is not home or doesnt want to speak to you this is heart breaking for my DH and even for me,

We wanted to go back to court but we can not afford it again it just cost us to much last time and left us in a very bad financial position so what can we do NOTHING and its so frustrating, we asked Child support for help they said no, we even hired a private investigator but he was threatened so told us to walk away and not get involved with these people how scary is that I mean these people have my step daughter in their custody and we dont know where she is, I am only limited in what I can do so it is up to DH and he is so disheartened he has pretty much given up.

we still pay child support and this makes me angry please dont take this the wrong way I know that it is there for good reason but I feel that we have done nothing wrong and dont know where she is and are still paying for her, I am happy to pay child support but now DH has been offered a fantastic job where he will be able to earn over $100,000.00 and this means we will be paying her mum almost $300 per week, as I said please dont take this the wrong way I do not begrudge her the money its more that I feel that her mum is being rewarded for really hurtfull behavour and just gets away with it I just feel we have no rights and if we had regular contact with her I honestly would not have a problem with any of this but we have not seen her or spoken to her for over 2 years now and it is so frustrating to think her mum has just 'gotten away with it'

I mean seriously if DH had been a dead beat dad and had limited contact with his dd over her life time then I could understand her mums actions but thats not the case at all we saw her EVERY second weekend and more for the entire time she was not being kept from us so its not like she has any reason other than her new DH that is making her do this.

sorry about this being so long,

I would love to hear any advice any one has and please be honest with me if I am acting like the step mum from hell ( my dads wife LOL shhhh I didnt just say that hahahaha ) please say so or if you know of anything we can do to 1 start seeing her again or 2 get some support from the CSA that would be greatly appreciated.

thanks for reading.

[MrsDribbleDrawers]

Can't CSA or Centrelink tell you where she is? Also, can you talk to CSA about making non-agency payments into a bank account for your DSD, so at least some of the money may reach her when she is older... unfortunately, the mother can reject this request if she wants the money in her hand instead.

Not sure what else to suggest... I can't imagine disappearing with my DD, just to spite her dad, no matter how little I think of him!! And my DH would never consider doing it either.

:hugs: for you, you'll figure it out somehow.

[damien's mum]

I don't have any advice, but just wanted to give u a million and one :hugs: Maybe try going thru legal aid, for court??:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[MrsTwith3]

What a horrible situation for you, your DH but most of all your DSD. What absolute a**holes the mother and the husband are for doing this to the three of you.
I can only suggest that once your DH gets the great paying job you take it to court again to reinstate access to your DSD. Hire another PI to find them 1st and have as much information as possible on the situation.
I dont think you are being an evil step mum.
All the best and I hope you and your DH het to see your DSD soon.

Mel

[~Alicia]

I'm so sorry you guys are going through this. I'm also sorry I have no advice. :hugs: I hope you get it sorted and you see your DSD soon. :hugs: :hugs:

[pegasus]

What a sh!t situation.

I'm figuring that csa and centrelink can't tell you anything due to privacy and incase you're lying about what's gone on.

I would have thought that the PI would have been able to turn up something for you, but even if the PI could have found out where they live, what could you have done? Gone there and tried to take your DSD? not really a good option

It's awful but you are the underdogs here. I could only think that your only option would be through a legal path. If you don't qualify for legal aid, there might be someone in the legal field that would do some groundwork for free given that you have done nothing wrong and she has gone against the consent orders.

If it is a parenting plan - it is not legally binding, but if what you have is a parenting order, then you should be able to take legal action. The maximum penalty is supposed to be about $10000 or 10days in gaol. We recently had my husband's ex threaten us regarding the parenting orders we had drawn up in 2000 (after 18months and many lawyer visits) and all she did was contact family law.

You can view your file on line and see how you go from there, but I definitely believe you have legal recourse.

[damien's mum]

Hi Hun,

Just wondering if you have gotten anywhere as yet??

Thinking of you both, and wishing you the best of luck... :fingerscrossed:

[mummade3]

my heart goes out to u n ur not a bad step mummy.. probably ur more loving than real mum!!

um if u have already the court order saying u have every 2nd wkd then u should of taken back to court n she would have to answer to this as she has breached a legal order!! i would of taken a loan or borrowed money as soon as it happened as she could be out of state now etc.. which is not allowed either... but when u go back to court u might have to answer as to why u left it so long etc!!

my cousin's ex did same thing to him but he found out day before they moved n kept kids.. she was taking them out of state.. they had shared care from the start.. he was granted custody til end of court... which on last day where she was happily signing them over to him she changed mind said she wanted them n judge gave her custody etc.. it can be all disheartening..

but what eva happens let this poor little girl kno that her daddy n family love her n miss her!!

as for the child support it stinks!! i am a single mummy but dont agree with all the loop holes.. i dont think its fair that woman can be so horrible as to not let a child see its fit n capable father etc but then he have to pay out so much of his wages to the same woman!!

good luck again!!

[InSaneOne]

:hugs: i know how hard it can be to be a step-parent and faced with that situation. i would definately be contacting the courts about the order tho. then i would be fighting tooth and nail to get a mediation and at least find out why your dh isn't allowed to speak with his dd. if the dd wants no contact hten leave it at that but if she is being stopped form contact then do whatever you can to get her back into your care.

you said that your dsd was turning 10 - the judge will listen to her and ask her where she wants to live and how much contact she wants with either parent. i know it is hard to drag a kid through the courts but you need to find out for sure what your dsd wants - it isn't about the parents or the money - it should be about the best possible care for the kids.

we are going through a similar situation at the moment so iif you want to chat please pm me.

[Meljem]

Hi, i was wondering if anything has changed now? I was sure that the paying parent had every right to have visitation.

[kewlchicmum]

All I can do if offer you :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
I hope things get better let us know how you go.

[pegasus]

Hi, i was wondering if anything has changed now? I was sure that the paying parent had every right to have visitation.

The rights to visitation is totally separate to the maintenance issues.

We also have legal papers drawn up, but if the ex moves house and changes phone numbers - it's pretty hard to enforce the legal papers. We can call the police into it but from there it gets very messy.

Regardless of any of the denial of contact - the maintenance has to be paid on time.....