Making the decision to quit work

[Stargazer Lily]

Hi SAHM's :wave:
I hope you can help me

(sorry this might be a bit long - head full of thoughts!!)

I'm currently staying home with my 2 DD's but I'm due to return to work mid year.
I think I'm going to quit and stay home though.

I have been working out the figures and after losing benefits, paying tax and child care x2 we won't be any better off for my returning to work.
My husband has given me his full support and says I should quit, as does my mum.

I don't really like my job - kind of fell into it. But it's permanent, fairly flexible and generous with leave, study etc. I can go back part time etc.

Anyway the problem is that I can't bring myself to make the decision to actually QUIT.

I took 2 years off with DD1 and went back part time for 6 months while pregnant with DD2. And have been off with her for a year now.
So all my time as a SAHM has been with the knowledge that my job is still there - and that I'm going back. Kind of like my security blanket I guess!
It means when people ask me what I do I can say I'm on maternity leave - and will be going back ....
Plus I am worried about the future and getting ahead and keep thinking surely it would be better if I was working?

But the truth is that I want to be home with my girls.

ok so all pretty dumb I know - I should just quit and be happy I have my DH's support

but my question is how do I work up the courage?

how did you decide?? was it hard for you too?

thanks for reading if you got this far!

[cobysmummy]

sounds like you have a pretty good boss holding your job for so long and giving a flexible role...

i started working early last year and then after a few months we realised that we would actually be better off financially if i stayed at home! so thats what we decided to do... and that was with 1 set of childcare fees, although i was on junior rates being only 19...

ds always got sick from childcare so i would have time off work, eventually with no carers leave coz this happened repeatedly so for his health and finances i am now a fulltime sahm!!!

if being with your kids is what you want and what you love and enjoy doing, and you have ur husbands support than go for it... a job will be there anytime, but watching your girls grow up in front of your eyes wont be..

good luck with your decisions... you still have some time to think it through :)

[Stargazer Lily]

if being with your kids is what you want and what you love and enjoy doing, and you have ur husbands support than go for it... a job will be there anytime, but watching your girls grow up in front of your eyes wont be..


Thanks cobysmummy - you put it beautifully, and definitely helped me

I just hope my bosses takes it ok - I'm dreading having to tell them after they have been so generous to me with my leave
But I guess they should also be kind of expecting it!

good luck with your new arrival later this year

[karcarcor]

Children grow up so quickly, and so many people miss out on watching their little ones grow.
A job is just that - a job, there will still be jobs out there when the kids grow up.
But your children are here,now, enjoy them while you can.

I have been there to watch all my children take their first steps, utter their first words,smile for the first time and take their first steps into their classrooms. I could not imagine ever missing out on these things.
The first time happens once. Enjoy it.

[PunkyDiva]

:thumbsup: Stand tall and proud as a SAHM.

You can always call yourself a Domestic Engineer !!

[Stargazer Lily]

Thanks for your support ladies.

I truly love being home with my girls, and I am so lucky to be able to be home with them, and have the support of my DH.

I think I'm struggling with the idea of losing myself a little when I actually "give up" work. And I'm also struggling with the idea that we won't be getting ahead, and when I now have 2 dependent children that just sits badly with me.

When we made the decision to have DD2 we figured I'd be going back to work after 12-18 months off and then we'd get back on track financially.
It was a consious decision to go without things, to enable me to stay home for that precious first year.

So now to discover that we will actually be WORSE off if I go back to work is hard to get my head round. And it also means our plans for the coming years will have to be scaled back to fit within our current budget.

I think I have to get my head around the fact that women can have everything - just not all at the same time!

I think I also have to be grateful for what I do have - and not worry about what I don't have. After all, there's plenty of time to get ahead, but my girls will only be little for a few precious years.

[mumbub2]

I know exactly where you are coming from.....
I returned to work 2 days a week as a teacher for a year after DD turned 1 and was pregnant with DS during that year so finished up before I had him (8 weeks ago)....and am now faced with the probabliity that until my 2 are at school there is no point in me working as the cost of Daycare is so high for two and we dont get any subsidies or anything, that at the end of the day we are no better off financially for my two days at work. Last year I had dd in daycare for the two days and that was $100....which meant I still made enough out of my two days to justify working, but after paying $200 for two days in daycare for two, as well as work expenses, tax etc its just not worth it.......so therefore the choice element of it all is taken away.....which really frustrates me.

I am like you in that I am happy to be home with my babies and really value the time and know how precious it is and how quick it will go, but then in another I cant believe that me returning to work part time would not benefit us at all financially......women cant have it all I would say. I would like to think that in a year or so I could do 2 days a week and do that for a break and to keep up my career and achieve balance in my life etc but to think that there would be no monetary benefit is a bit of a turn off !!

Returning full time would never be an option for me - I cant imagine it having 2 bubs, but the two days was really great.....I felt like I still had a bit of the 'old me', I enjoyed my two days at work and it made me appreciate the 5 I had at home with my DD......It was still the majority of the week so I never felt like I was missing out on much. I would have liked this option being open to me in the next few years.....but the way the system works it pretty much has been taken away - largely due to cost of day care when you fit into that middle income earning bracket.

I could go on about this issue all day....It is so frustrating to actually not have a choice.
I know giving up your job seeing as they have been so flexible etc would also be tough but I am sure there will be another great job out there one day - things always work themselves out. They will probably re-employ you when the time comes....I have never had a permanent position as have travelled so much but I have just been re-employed by schools when I wanted to return to work. I guess it all depends.
I know what you mean about it feeling better to have the job there and know you are returning etc but really thats all just mind games.....you know it doesnt make any difference really.
For now I am thinking just as you say make the most of what we do have and the freedom we have and know that it doesnt last forever so enjoy the situation for what it is and has and deal with the rest of it later......

I havent been much help, just vented myself really - sorry ! But good luck with your decision, there are lots of us in similiar boats !

[trinitylee]

:thumbsup: Stand tall and proud as a SAHM.

You can always call yourself a Domestic Engineer !!

I love that, i'm a domestic engineer from now on!!!!

The decision was easy for me...although i hated my job and being pregnant was the perfect out for me....

I looked at my step son who was in chlid care since 8 weeks and his mum missed out on so much (as did he IMHO)...
I wouldnt givee up my time with Trinity for anything

And money wise it just wasnt worth it...if i knew we would be better off financially i would have thought about going back but it wasnt...

Good luck:o

Kel:smiliedance:

[susiehomemaker]

Be thankful your partner is supportive of you staying home, and stay home! Kids grow up so quickly- before you know it they will be grown and gone and you will never get this time back. It is barely worth going back financially, and if you dont love your work/job (lol-as opposed to kid/job) then why would you choose to go back? Who cares what other people think? lol- the matter was taken out of my hands. I offered 1 day to my boss and she said she needed more than 1 day for me to jobshare with someone/take on the responibility of one of the roles (I worked out 1 day wouldnt hurt the family benifits & Mum could look after DD for 1 day) so I said I couldnt do it. She tried to get me a job in another department (apparently I was more appreciated in the workplace than I realised!) but to no avail. I wasnt going to be talked into doing more than 1 day- I had seen other girls do it, and it always ends up escalating to a full working week. DH doesnt mind me not working. He doesnt want DD is daycare. I didnt like my job that much anyway. As Kel said- getting pregnant was the perfect out!