Have you ever felt judged for a emerg c/s?

[Kaileysmum]

Have you ever felt judged for having a emergency c/s?

My mil always refers to my birth as a c/s, and indicates that it was easier for me that her daughter who had a VB. I had a 36 hour labour with only one shot of peth (so I could rest), and I pushed for 2 hours to try and get her out. Her daughter had a 19 hour labour with a epidural as soon as she got to hospital, pushed for 1/2hour didnt tear of nothing.

So to me mine wasnt the easy way out I was made to have a c/s, and I had double the pain (labour and c/s recovery). I just dont get it why she hears the word c/s and it automatically means EASY!:thumbsdown:

[kiah]

Thats a bit sad that she feels the need to focus on that. She should b focussing on the fact that u hav both came thru with healthy babies.

Everyones birthing experience is different. And why is it that some people see the need to compare anyway. We all hav different pain tolerances, fitness levels etc. Who knows how each woman would cope in each given birthing situation. And does it even matter. The end result is hopefully the same, a baby. And if they are born healthy thats a plus.

I don't know what else to say. Maybe u could say something like that to her next time she opens her mouth. Put her in her place. But sounds like shes made up her own mind. Cow....

hugs for u :hugs:

[shed]

What do you expect? she's a MIL!!! put on this earth to annoy you, that's what they do :laughing: . If it wasn't this it would be something else.

Honestly mate, she's an insensitive cow to be saying anything so ridiculous. Tell her to go and boil her head. Better still, get your husband to tell her to stop being so insensitive/boil her head.

[Two Little Buggalugs]

It's probably been so long since she's had any action 'down below' she's forgotten the mechanics!

Maybe she needs to meet a mum whose lost a bub during birth to put in perspective that this wasn't a contest for you.

Make sure your man sticks up for you. My friend has a MIL like this and unfortunately she knows that she'll never change and has just learnt to pick her battles. Doesn't stop her from the odd drunken rant at family occassions though...

[phineas]

Your MIL is an idiot :banghead:

Yep, I have had similar. I told a friend after my emergency csec (after 20 hours of labour, and pushing) that I had had one, and she sid "oh, you're so lucky you didn't have to give birth, I want a csec next time" :mad:

[melfunction]

What shed said :D

[nats]

My own mother thinks I cheated :banghead:

This from a women who breastfed for like a day :mad: I think she misses the whole point of bonding..
Not to mention the recovery and suffering :no:

[damien's mum]

Your mil is a fool... I'm lucky that mine had had a c-section herself...

I do always feel judged when it comes to one family member, i try not to talk about damien's birth, as she is convinced that i didn't GIVE BIRTH to him... I had a really hard time dealing with the fact that "Someone pulled him out" iykwim...

Don't let them judge you, u are alive and so is bubz! :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Pixie]

Wow you did have it easy didn't you:rolleyes: I too, find I am always saying "I didn't want the c/section" I did labour for 24 hours & like you pushed for two hours

Tell her to fark off, and when she has major abdominal surgery she'll see how easy it is.

[littledarling]

gosh, it sounds like you had a terrible labour! What a stupid cow!! How ridiculous! Don't worry, we all agree with shed that she should boil her head!!:laughing: :laughing: (i love that!!)

[missie_mack]

My MIL hasnt said anything too bad. She told everyone how devestated I was about having one. I was like I was?? I know it wasnt planning but dont remember being devestated. Other than that she breezes over it and talks about how her other daughter in law gave birth naturally with no drugs and no stitches just like she did. I think I mentioned how lucky they were and mightve mumbled something coherant about black holes :laughing: . Sometimes I think we need to hold our heads up and just know you know better.

[Two Little Buggalugs]

OK, for everything I said, I must admit I always say I had an emergency caesar, not just caesar. I guess on some level I care what people think...

Maybe we should all just say we gave birth - emergency or elected, long or short, pushing or stitches, whatever. We've all had babies, we're all good mums and these MIL's should either remember that or yes, boil their own heads...

[mum2peanut]

I say emeg caesar too :laughing: Hey I worked hard, pushing, vacuum, forcepts the cut open, the only thing I missed out on was a tear or nip. My DH says we got our monies worth. Have to say c-section recovery sucked too!

[defaipe]

Tell her to go and boil her head. Better still, get your husband to tell her to stop being so insensitive/boil her head.

:laughing: :laughing: please say it! just to let us know her response! lmao
please!!*begging*

[lilpearl]

Some people don't realise that birth is not simply a means to an end. It's fantastic if mother and baby end up healthy....but one's birth experience (being born and giving birth) is something that travels with you for your whole life. it is a right of passage, it is a journey for mother and baby to share, and there has been much evidence to show that mothers and babies are healthier and happier in the long term if they had a good birth experience, due to natural hormones, and the bonding process (which the hormones have a huge say in!). I think of birth as the most important thing in life, and believe the journey itself is intrinsically important. Mothers who have had a caeasrean have a much higher incidence of post-partum depression. A healthy society rests on the happiness and health of mothers - and one's birth experience will have a huge bearing not only on how they percieve their world, but how they will treat others. Sometimes it is only when one has had a traumatic birth experience, such as an emergency caesarean, that they come to understand the true importance of a good birth, and I think, through the pain, most women come to feel a deeper bond with other women and an empathy that they never had before. You have this, but your mother-in-law, unfortunately, takes birth completely for granted.

[Crazyfamily]

yes, my ex sil said I had a c/s too quickly with my first baby 16 years ago. I don't understand her really as when he was born he had an apgar of 0 and needed to be brought to life (literally) didn't happen on its own. He spent 3 days in a humidi crib (? sp). Yes it was only 4 hours into labour but if they left it longer I wouldn't have my son now.
Some people have no idea.

[mumofcaleb]

What do you expect? she's a MIL!!! put on this earth to annoy you, that's what they do :laughing: . If it wasn't this it would be something else.

Honestly mate, she's an insensitive cow to be saying anything so ridiculous. Tell her to go and boil her head. Better still, get your husband to tell her to stop being so insensitive/boil her head.


:laughing: :laughing: Well said!!

[WitchHazel]

[SIZE=3]My mil always refers to my birth as a c/s, and indicates that it was easier for me that her daughter who had a VB. I just dont get it why she hears the word c/s and it automatically means EASY!:thumbsdown:

Birth is hard work, no matter what the method. Doesn't sound like you had it easy at all. It's strange that she's still focusing on the births now that the babies are here. Why does she need to keep discussing how they entered the world?

A birth is a birth - don't listen to her!

[Oscar's mum]

I had a lady tell me that it was my fault that I failed to progress in labour and ended with a c-section - ummmmm hello I was desperate for a vbac stupid lady:banghead:

[mum2anthony]

Have you ever felt judged for having a emergency c/s?

My mil always refers to my birth as a c/s, and indicates that it was easier for me that her daughter who had a VB. I had a 36 hour labour with only one shot of peth (so I could rest), and I pushed for 2 hours to try and get her out. Her daughter had a 19 hour labour with a epidural as soon as she got to hospital, pushed for 1/2hour didnt tear of nothing.

So to me mine wasnt the easy way out I was made to have a c/s, and I had double the pain (labour and c/s recovery). I just dont get it why she hears the word c/s and it automatically means EASY!:thumbsdown:

now thats not fair... You didn't plan on having a caesarian and by the sounds of it you went through more pain that her daughter...

Why do MIL's think that they know everything? I mean really...

I had this pressure from my MIL who's the perfect mother i might add to breast feed my son... I tried, I REALLY did cause I didn't want to bottle feed but circumstances meant I couldn't... She still kept on about it cause she could do it and it was easy...

I mean you are allowed to make choices for yourself... And this wasn't a choice u made.. it was made for u..

[Kaileysmum]

I had this pressure from my MIL who's the perfect mother i might add to breast feed my son... I tried, I REALLY did cause I didn't want to bottle feed but circumstances meant I couldn't... She still kept on about it cause she could do it and it was easy...




Oh dont get me start on how she feels about the fact I only breastfeed for a week!!! I was the same as you I really tried to bf but it wouldnt happen, I got to the point where I was crying and putting of feeding because it was so stressful, I had flat nipples and dd could not latch on at all, even my midwife said I really think you should bottlefeed because your baby cant get any milk. MIL didnt say anything then but after a mth she said "oh I think you should have put more of a effort in, you gave up way to quickly, that if I waited a few more days my milk would have came in" (she reakons the milk takes longer to come in when u have a c/s :no: ), I kept trying to tell her my milk came in on day 3 and that I had a breast problem thats why, but she didnt listen, to her I just gave up because I didnt want to do it. Which is utter cr&p as I was so devisated that I couldnt bf, I had wanted to bf my baby all through my pregnancy, i never thought Id have to bottlefeed thats why I didnt have any bottlefeeding stuff.

[nickalex]

A lot of MIL's are like this unfortunately. I had an emergency ceaser with my first and MIL had to hear all the gory details. I felt like a freak she even wanted to see my scar with her current boyfriend in the room mind you! It was like oh my god how do they do "those", I thought everyone "normal" had vaginal births:laughing: . I had electives with my next 2 and you know what with my third birth the dr told me I would never be able to have a baby naturally. Poor Nicholas had horrible marks on his head from the forceps, I thought his poor nose was broken...his head was jammed into my pelvisand they had to pull him up and out. Without medical intervention there is a good chance my bubs wouldn't have made it and I might not have too.
MIL's are here to be ignored! Now to stop people who have had VBACS making me feel inferior;)

[Two Little Buggalugs]

What is it with these freaky in laws giving mums grief? What planet are they from? Caroline and everyone has raised such a good point - it was a blessing your bubs survived.

My bub was in NICU after my emerg cs, but she was full term and recovered quickly. The other babies in there were tiny or very, very sick. If you asked the mums in there about their birth and if they cared vb vs cs, they would tell you what's important!

Sad thing is, I don't think these in laws will ever get it. All you can do is take joy in your babies and hope that they got most of their genes from your side of the family....:wave: