I think DH is resentful im a SAHM

[trinitylee]

Hi there,
Has anyone else out there had problems with their partners not really being supportive about you choosing to stay at home rather than going back to work....
I think my partner thinks i sit on the couch all day watching Oprah and Days of our Lives, and going out to lunch with the girls....I dont have time to do any of that, as im sure none of you do either.
I have never worked so hard in my life....
How do i make him realise just how much work i do.
I cant imaging going back to work and still have to do all this stuff

Kel

[whatwasithinking]

Tell him to stay at home for while and you go back to work. Or do what I did once..... I left hubby and DD#1 at home while I went and visited my mum interstate for a week when pregnant with DD#2. Not only did he have to work but he also had to do the house stuff (I was gone over a weekend so he could see what happens in a day). Hubby appreciated me more after that - but think he has now forgotten hehehehe.

[kiah]

Tell him to stay at home for while and you go back to work. Or do what I did once..... I left hubby and DD#1 at home while I went and visited my mum interstate for a week when pregnant with DD#2. Not only did he have to work but he also had to do the house stuff (I was gone over a weekend so he could see what happens in a day). Hubby appreciated me more after that - but think he has now forgotten hehehehe.

I was just about to write that myself. But make sure u include a list of all the things u do, coz some dads think all u hav to do is play and make a huge mess, and then it kind of defeats the purpose. Let him see how hard it is to do the washing, clean the kitchen, make the food, get the groceries done, answer the phone, drop the kids off, pick them up, and then in between all of that play, smile, witness tantrums etc. etc.

He may truly not know how demanding it is.

[buzzing bee]

Hi
I think most people consider that the real work is done outside of the home.

I agree with whatwasithinking- maybe you should go away for the weekend and see what happens.

[whatwasithinking]

When ever hubby rang and asked me questions I just told him to work it out for himself.

DD#1 was still alive and well when I got back home ;) :D .

[Nan]

Hi Trinitylee!
Its awful when the other half thinks that their work is somehow more demanding than yours. Sometimes I feel like asking "what is this a competition or something?" You should write down a list of EVERYTHING you do in a day and next time he brings it up hand him the list. I did this with my DH and he has certainly piped down!
Also, if he is resentful, its his problem! That sounds really harsh but its the truth. He could stay at home while you go to work if he really wanted to! He needs to sort out why HE is feeling this way.

[annsam]

I dont think my DH is resentful but I think he thinks its easier than it is to be a SAHM.

[LittleBoysRock]

I think my DH prefers me to be at home with DS but he thinks I have the 'easy' job!

[Milk_Monkey]

My DP says he understands, but i dont think he really gets it. But i dont think anyone could really understand until they do it themselves.

It is hard when you dont feel valued. I find that even when im out for a couple of hours, i come home to find DP looking very relieved to see me.

Is the problem a finacial one? If so, add up how much it would cost for you to hire someone to clean, cook, do the washing, childcare etc and then you can show him how much you are actually saving :thumbsup:

And if YOU want to go back to work, then there needs to be division of the work you do at the moment.

[subaruforestermum]

My dp has been resentful on many occasions, and thinks I do nothing all day, if I dont get a few things done because we took a bit longer reading or playing......

But I think his biggest resentment is due to the fact the our son has a greater bond with me, I know him better as Im home with him all day......and I have got to see him take his first step etc, dp has missed out on alot due to him having to work.....and I think thats what fuels the resentment IYKWIM

[TwoBlue]

I think DH was a bit resentful when it was just me and samuel at home.. but now with the two boys after just a few days of me going out and leaving him with them he has quickly realised how demanding it is, plus how hard it is to keep the house in any kind of order AND care for the two boys...


He understands now and never mentions me going back to work or anything negative towards me being a SAHM.

Do you ever leave your DH at home just with your DD and go out for the day? If not perhaps doing this would make him realise how demanding a SAHM job is...? Dont forget to give him a list of chores also though :D

[trinitylee]

thanks for all your advice guys.

I think i will try leaving them alone together for a day but im scared they would kill eachother, they are both so demanding its not funny:banghead: ...lol

I think sometimes its about money but when i add up how much it would cost for me to go back to work its really not worth it, With Child care costs and travel costs plus losing centrelink benefits...its crazy!!

I cant imagine missing out on the time i have with Trinity. and i couldnt deal with the added stress of having to work.

[Pinkbug]

Sorry to hijack the thread but... sometimes my DP thinks like that but he does appreciate it etc but he doesn't think its a JOB... I say it is almost like going to work doing things etc just difference is u are at home...

Is being a SAHM a job???

I love my time with my DD For the first year of her life I was SAHM and then went back to work to get extra money in our pockets for a land/house and after about 6 months or so it was not working out coz of childcare fees were costing us about $200 a week and most of my wage went to childcare fees and we realised it was pointless in working when I could be a SAHM with a little bit extra of money for ourselves going on the centrelink benefits...it is so worth being a SAHM treasuring all the milestones rather than someone else seeing it or hearing it!

[trinitylee]

thanks for all you help guys....We will see how some of your ideas work...I cant wait to see DH's face when i show him a list of all the things i did today..Phew i need a glass of wine..

Thanks again
Kel:smiliedance:

[onabreak]

My DH and I have been fighting over this the last few days. He thinks that I sit at home all day watching tv and thats it.

At the moment I am 9 weeks pregnant and have no energy at all, so as soon as DD is in bed I have a nap, I am also feeling nausea all day aswell so that doesn't help. I have been a bit slack around the house but I still make sure he has clean work clothes and dinner is ready.

He thinks that why should he work his butt off all day for me to sit at home and do nothing, I wish we could swap for a day.

[susiehomemaker]

lol- he was a bit resentful for a while (like a year!) until he took some holidays recently and I left him with DD for an hour here/hour there, made him clean the house with me while DD distroyed all our hard work, went out and hung out the washing while he was doing something for himself and let him hear how DD carry's on when I leave her sight (or am out of her reach) He has now accepted that life at home with DD is not all he thought it was for me & that there is no way he could cope at home with her himself! I think it helps that DD adores him regardless of who is home all day with her. I let him be the extra fun guy who lets her play in the dirt/takes her for walks etc and I do all the boring stuff like feeding her/bathing her etc. He has been a lot more helpful with the boring/icky stuff since he was on his hols too (ie- helping with nappy changes/rinsing out the pooey nappys etc) lol- only took him a year or more to realise its not all fun & games- that it is more patients & headworking....

[susiehomemaker]

lol- after you leave them together for a day have your lists of the costings (workingvsSAHM) and the list of what you do in a day.... if it wont p*** him off to much :-D