I am so angry

[rosebaby]

I hate the person that I became since I met my (now) ex. I became this bitter, angry, moody, miserable *****.

The worst thing is, he can now look back on our relationship and nod knowingly- convinced that it was all my fault that things didn't work with us. Even now, he spits at me that I'm a 'lunatic' and I have 'borderline personality disorder' and I need medication.

There's no question I have become a pretty volatile, unhappy person. At least when I'm around him, that is. But can you blame me when...:

1. I was the only one in the relationship who held down a proper job, did the housework and shopping and once Jack was born, did all the nightwaking and tedious baby stuff (he was fine to do the fun stuff like playing - but was nowhere to be seen at 4am when he wouldn't go to sleep). Nothing I did or said could make him shoulder his side of the burden - he just accused me of nagging and being hysterical.

2. My ex had such a jealousy problem that he isolated me from almost all my friends - male and female.

3. He made a deliberate effort to convince me that my family was nuts and didn't care about me, cutting me off from them as well.

I realise I'm partly to blame for my current situation. If I had had more backbone, I wouldn't have let myself be sucked into believing his manipulations. I'm so lucky my family and friends have forgiven me for cutting them off, and have welcomed me back.

I just wish now that I had the strength to rise above it all, and stop giving him fuel for his belief that I am crazy. But every time he swans into my house to play with Jack, having spent the day watching TV and scratching his ****, I just want to claw his eyes out. I can't help being furious all over again, and he stays maddeningly calm, urging me to get medicated or check myself into a psychiatric hospital.

I hate living like this. I wish I could bring back the old me.

[Two Little Buggalugs]

Hey Rosebaby,

The fact that you can see the situation so clearly, recognise the manipulations and that you don't like what's it's done to you makes me think you're not crazy!

I've had kittens at my DH for the same reasons (I'm working from home, looking after DD, cooking, cleaning etc - then he complains he doesn't have any clean socks!). But the difference is, my DH has learnt and because he loves me and DD, has changed to help us.

So, maybe it's your ex's fault for not being able to see the other side and how much you were/are doing for the family and your bub. Even though DH is helping more, of course it's not 50/50, so there are still the fights and he thinks I've changed since the baby. I know I have less patience and love to jump to the defence...

If you're finding the situation too stressing on your wellbeing, try joining a support group or counseling. Or you can just let all the sympathetic replies be your therapy!

Good luck! :hugs:

[rosebaby]

Thank you - that's so nice to hear. Sometimes I wonder if I really am going mad. :)

I am seeing a counsellor, because I accept that I let my anger get out of control somewhat during the whole sorry mess. No matter what the provocation, there is no excuse for that. So I fully accept my part of the blame for the relationship, and I'm doing something positive to make sure I never let myself get like that again.

Of course, this just gives him more fuel: "You need to go back to your shrink" "you're nuts" etc. No, I'm just an ordinary person who got herself into a pretty hideous situation and I'm now doing everything I can to recover from it!

The best I can do really is just remember that I mightn't come out of this as a perfect person but at least I (hope) I've learnt some pretty good lessons that will make me a better person and better at relationships in the future. Whereas he will just repeat the same **** again and again. I pity the foo' who has to babysit him next :D

[Two Little Buggalugs]

Hi Rosebaby,

You know, even though you're still working through it all, you sound really well adjusted. My sister works with troubled womed, some of whom have been emotionally and verbally manipulated like you. I think you are amazing. You have accepted your reaction to the situation and are determined to change what you can control - you.

I'm sorry that you had to go through this with a horrible partner like him, but you sound stronger and wiser - and you have Jack! I guess it will always be a struggle to cope with his barbs and provocations, but remember you're a better person and that's what will make the difference for the rest of your life.

Hard to keep in mind when he's telling you 'you're nuts', but I bet your family and friends, not to mention Jack, know it's not true. Sounds like he's grasping for some last bit of control to manipulate you.

Hopefully his next babysitter will come along soon and distract him for you!

Keep believing in yourself! :wave:

[♥My Innocent Angel♥]

Hugs for you:hugs:
you have found the strength in yourself to change your reactions to his behaviour this is a good thing and i agree with

Nix06: Sounds like he's grasping for some last bit of control to manipulate you.


You sound like you will be able to come out the other end better off than you believe.
I dont have any advice i just wanted to say i think you are very strong and you deserve :hugs: :yelclap: If you need to chat PM me.

Cheers,
Shae

[motherlylove]

all i can think of to say at the moment is keep your cin up and good luck

[munchkin05]

:hugs: :hugs:

i had the same thing sortof
my ex cheated and told me he loved her
but i still get the blame of the relationship breaking down
:confused:
my ex still like to know he has controll and while he had that i was unable to move on

so i told him a little white lie about having a bf and being really happy he was upset cause i told him i didnt need love or want him anymore
and since hes been doing some sucking up lol

hope you get it sorted councelling sounds great

and your not crazy you have just had enough of his **** :banghead:
good luck

[Grizabella]

Hey Hun :hugs::hugs:

Sounds like his constant harping about you needing to see a shrink or being crazy etc is just a way for him to undermine your self esteem. What a waste of oxygen this guy is!

Just remember that you are a lot stronger then he gives you credit for - and one day he will realise what he is missing out on. By which time you will have moved on and forgotten the sorry excuse for a man.

Best of luck for the future! And whenever you feel down just think of your family and friends, and your DS. They all love you and that's what counts. :hugs::hugs:

[MissBrightside]

Sounds like his taunts are just a way to get under your skin and he knows it works.
I know its hard but dont listen to the cr@p thats coming out of his mouth, he is saying that sh!t to make himself feel better about being a d!ck!!
It is hard being a single mum without annoying a'hole exs, so I can understand why you get angry at times. I think you are doing the right thing by seeking help from a councellor. I split with my ex almost a year ago and I still see my councellor every now and then. I tyink its easier speaking to them sometimes as they are not directly in the situation as friends and family perhaps are, so you can get unbiased advise.
Also you thinking positive is the way to go, negative thoughts about life just bring you down even more.
So chin up mate you are doing fantastic!!:thumbsup:

[Chanelc]

I feel for you - I went to counseling this morning after I officially split from my ex after reconciling. If it is any comfort my counselor said it is natural to be angry and to have all lots of emotions. Unfortunately it is a process we all have to go through and support each other.
I don't know what to say except a big hug and remember what you like about yourself and pamper yourself and think you are a princesses and deserve better!!!