Tomorrow's interesting visit...

[pookiesossige]

I need some help...
I have just spoken to my SIL who is going to visit tomorrow. She 'just wanted me to know' not to bf Ariene once she starts walking or else she'll have weird/gross/'wrong' memories. And it's just a bit foul, basically [specially in public, sheesh...] She has a friend that apparently remembers being breastfed and is traumatised by the memory :confused: :laughing:

I love my SIL. I don't want to be cheeky, I don't want to disrespect her decision to wean at when she did, I don't want to lecture or berrate her. I used to think I knew what to say in situations like these but that was before, when my mouth was connected to my brain, and before my brain went walkabout anyway :p I'd like her to leave thinking that a] her SIL isn't weird for wanting to continue to bf and b] It's ok [and common] to feed beyond 12 months anyway.

But I love Bfding Ariene [only 8 months old] and will continue to do so for as long as she wants. I have the support of DH and other family members [as far as I know anyway- they probably just know not to mess with me;) ]

So, keeping the above in mind, what should I say when she brings it up again?

[M O P]

Oh my PS, how weird.
I don't know what to say.

[melfunction]

Pookie, tell her exactly what you wrote here..that you are happy to do it as long as A wants...

[mum2charli]

Hey Pooks, just tell her you will be doing it for as long as Ariene wants! It is no-ones desicion but your own and no one has the right to judge you on the decisions you make. If she does.....too bad for her I say......Don't feel like you have to explain yourself either, just say how it is for you and your gorgeous little miss :yes:

[Lila]

well- i would say :let´s agree to disagree!
and would give her a big and friendly smile with this...(and i really MEAN friendly, because you said you actually like her!)
i would not step into a huge discussion
different minds have different views....

[pookiesossige]

Thanks guys, GREAT advice there :yes:

When I let it really irk me, I know EXACTLY what I want to say- but it's not nice, when really she is just mis-informed and very old-school. And set in her ways. And pretty close-minded.

But thanks to you guys, I won't make a big 'thing' of it, and when it does become a topic of discussion, I'll just smile lovingly at Ariene and say how much she loves breastfeeding and how glad I am that society is over being so prudish about it all. I might even tell her about the wonderful response I get down the street when strangers say how nice it is to see a mum feeding her baby while out and about. And how liberated I feel doing it :D :p ;)
Oh, that's right, I said I wasn't going to be cheeky...

What do you think?

[pookiesossige]

It's wrong, but I always subconciously feel like I have to have the approval of everyone around me for things like this, even though I do my research and then often go out on a limb and do things differently to others around me.
Why should someone who does things the way their MIL thinks they should make me feel inferior as a mother?
Bizzare, isn't it :rolleyes: :confused:

[Beany]

I'd tell her that there are thousands of people that aren't traumatised by being breastfed to counter that one friend she has that is traumatised by the memory (which, by the way, I don't believe is a real memory ... the person probably *thinks* they remember it. Most of us don't start to form long term memories until we're about 3 years old).

Ask her what is so terribly traumatic about getting fed whilst getting a cuddle.

No child associates breasts with sexuality. That's the onlooking adult's hangup and they just need to get over it.

[Ashleigh<3]

Oh geez, Doesn't the breastfeeding association say that feeding a child up to two years of age is compeltely normal and nothing but beneficial for their health?

[elissas]

I'd tell her that there are thousands of people that aren't traumatised by being breastfed to counter that one friend she has that is traumatised by the memory (which, by the way, I don't believe is a real memory ... the person probably *thinks* they remember it. Most of us don't start to form long term memories until we're about 3 years old).

Actually, from the moment we're born, or even in utero, we have perfect subconscious memory. Conscious memory is a different story, and this is what you're referring to I think. We can, though, access our subconscious memory through methods like hypnotherapy and meditation.


Ask her what is so terribly traumatic about getting fed whilst getting a cuddle.

No child associates breasts with sexuality. That's the onlooking adult's hangup and they just need to get over it.


I agree with this though. If anything is traumatic, perhaps it's happened later in childhood where she was teased (maybe by cousins or aunties/uncles/grandmothers or something?). It only takes a couple of comments, even just once, to create an ISE (Initial Sensitising Event). After that it only takes little things, like seeing other older babies being breastfed, to drag up a memory and reinforce the emotion, making it stronger and more complex each time.

I'd say the issue is not with the breastfeeding and it shouldn't be blamed for any "trauma" - I'm guessing that it would have more to do with the lack of understanding by people around her when she was old enough to be sensitive to what they were saying. Perhaps people just being nasty, directed more at her mother than at her, but it rubbed off on her.

Maybe mention this as a possible scenario (hypothetical only of course), and say that at least now people are more accepting of extended breastfeeding, and organisations like the WHO openly advocate it and try to educate people about it's benefits (ie. their recommendation being 2years)

[pookiesossige]

I know what you're talking about elissas, my sil won't listen to that though. I'd just like to say that her friend is super-weird and that outside her circle, there may be many, MANY people who breastfeed for longer then she might deem 'tasteful'.
Ahh wellll... it wouldn't be that bad if I wasn't so damn afraid of ANY sort of confrontation :laughing: :o

Yet I'm determined to stick up for myself. My husband was apalled that his sister said what she did and doesn't want me to be steam-rolled by her again. He's right, I do need to stick up for myself a little bit, while still keeping the peace, or I send the message that my parenting approach and beliefs can be stomped on and laughed at every time.

Thanks everyone :hugs:

[Milliner]

I have a hard time remembering things from when I was 5 let alone do I remember being BF when I was 18mths. Like Beany said I don't think that she actually remembers.

[meme]

i do not remember being breastfed and apparently i was until i was 2.

i do remember being traumatically weaned from my bottle at about 3 though.....:rolleyes:

gee i really still wanted that bottle. perhaps that's a good reason to never wean....:D

[kymmy]

I think as meme says the bottle weaning is harder?
You are A's mum so ultimately it is up to you. Thank your sil for the advice but do what you want to do.
Av is almost 15mths and still feeding during the day. I want him to slef wean. My older boy (almost 4) self weaned at 18mths and he isn't traumatised as far as I know! Would it traumatise my big kids to see me feed his baby bro? NO! Because it is a healthy and natural way to feed him. What is so hard to understand about that?
I love feeding my bub, I will miss it when he weans. I know I did when my big boy did.

[tbmum]

I won't make a big 'thing' of it, and when it does become a topic of discussion, I'll just smile lovingly at Ariene and say how much she loves breastfeeding and how glad I am that society is over being so prudish about it all. I might even tell her about the wonderful response I get down the street when strangers say how nice it is to see a mum feeding her baby while out and about. And how liberated I feel doing it :D :p ;) I don't think you are being cheeky! Why should you have to wean your child prematurely (or feel as if you are doing something wrong and be closetted away) because others have socially induced neuroses about bf and think they have the right to foist them on everyone else? Goodness, it is normal to bf! How could that traumatise s/o?

I think the approach you have of "ahh, whatever, this is what mums do" is great - shows confidence in yourself and in bf, and that will go a long way towards people accepting it, or at least re-assessing their views in the light of what is actually the natural thing - feeding until the child self weans! If not, they know not to bother you with their hang-ups!

How did it go?

[shed]

My first memory is walking up the steps of our new house, which we moved into when I was two.

If I did remember having a drink of warm sweet milk while having a cuddle with my mum I don't think I would be traumatised by it.

Breasts aren't sexual to a hungry baby, that's just silly! Otherwise I would definitely get creeped out by the way bubby leers at mine. He's shameless!
:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

[*Chels*]

Who really cares what she thinks?
Its your body,your child so I wouldnt let anyone be telling you what to do

[OjO]

You could also point out the safety of Breastfeeding, Like no germs partying under the rim's of bottles, no metal shaving's in the milk, no chance of allergies & the list goes on.
You can make these valid point's without being nasty it's just a matter of how you say it.
Good luck & good job xxx:yelclap:

[Mum&bubs]

Sorry but this made me laugh! I doubt any child would remember being breastfed unless maybe if they were breastfed until they were 10 years old!! That is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. Tell her thanks but no thanks for the advice, you are choosing to do what you are comfortable with and what your baby is happy with.

Gosh, my daughter is 22 months old & still breastfed should I worry? :eek: