View Full Version : Annoying stares
hi guys, i rarely post but often come here, I think these forums are great supportive networks. But today I just want to get something off my chest cos it just p***ed me off so much... so sorry if I start raving.
I don't consider myself a very young mum, just a little under average, iykwim. I do however look a bit younger so I've been told. I fell pregnant with dd when I was 20 and now have a beautiful 4 month old and a gorgeous partner.
But now Im scared to take her out in public.
I used to be such a confident person before I had dd, I was at uni, heaps of friends (still got these but not on the same wave length) etc etc. But now when I go out in public I get stared at. I always dress neatly, dd is always immaculate but I get these full on stares from people. I used to think I was paranoid, but today at the mall this guy walked past me he started laughing shaking his head and tut tut tuting! I was mortified. I also had a women come up to me and ask "if she was mine?" wtf? I also have a lot of people who want to look at dd, cos I often wear her in the sling.. so maybe thats why I get these stares. I don't mind that at all cos I think they are being pleasant, its more the body language and looks I get from the not so pleasant ones. Not many people wear slings in my area, there are also hardly any younger mums (youngest at pre natal was 32) so maybe this is it. I don't mind people coming up and being nice and talking about where I got the sling etc etc but I'm sick of these unwarrented stares. And it wasn't just me who thinks this. When I was walking with a friend at the shopping centre she noticed it too without me even mentioning it.
It sux cos I just find myself looking at the ground now when ever I go out, and I should be holding my head high.
I don't know if its me or the sling or both... its just really getting to me, more than it should.
Anyway glad I got that off my chest.
Peace :)
elle
greg
tara: 4 months
p.s sorry if this topic has been done before- no need for a reply, just a rant really. ;)
Elle,
Your poor thing... It is a shame that people can be so judgemental sometimes...
That guy that walked past would have sent me bonkers!
Being a mum is hard at any age and people should not make it any harder by making a mother feel bad!
You shouldnt feel bad and you should walk around with your head high!
You are doing the hardest job in the world... you should be proud!
Big hugs too you!
Thanks brooke :D ... your right it is the hardest job in the world.... I do hold my head high until i see a look. Its funny the guy who tut tut tutted looked like the sweatiest laziest pig, and had the worst diy peroxide blonede hair :) while he's not representative of everyone, it still got to me. i was going to give him an earful but i was too shocked. ive been going throgh comebacks in my head ever since it happened.
maybe next time... i'll have one ready.
:D
elle
Harmony83
07-11-2005, 16:42
Oh you poor thing! I know what you mean!! I fell pregnant when I was 20 going on 21 now Im 22 with a beautiful 7 month old boy...Whenever I go out I get those
'looks' and feel so uncomfortable, especially when DS is crying in the shopping centre, you can almost here them saying 'i told you so'! I had 2 youngish (19-20ish year olds) ride past me on a bike one day and yell out 'at least we know she puts out' that really really really hurt! I felt revolting!
Some people are really nice though they smile and say what a beautiful little boy I have! I am trying to be a bit more confident when I go out and hold my head high - and if someone does give me 'the look' I smile at them, and proudly show of my little one! I figure if I put my head down and act like Im ashamed, then they will think I have something to be ashamed of, but I don't!
maybe1more
07-11-2005, 16:55
Hi Elle 101, thats just not on!!! You are a proud responsible mother just like the rest of us, everyone is equal in motherhood, as its not easy to be a parent and the first time is a life changing experience all right! I fell pregnant for my ds at 24 and i was the youngest in my antinatal classes and i got stared at heaps, but like my dp said to me, stuff what they think, i have just as much right to be hear as that have. I think your doing a fantastic job darl, we all are, and to hell with people being rude or sarcastic, your beautiful baby was concevied out of love and thats all that matters! Thats my 2 cents worth anyway. Your doing a great job so hold your head up high Elle! :D
I totally agree with harmony. As long as you are a good mother. Don't worry what strangers or anyone else thinks. Be Proud that you are doing a great job.
My niece had her baby very young she was 19. While pregnant another women in her 40's pregnant. Said to her "Your a bit young to be having a baby aren't you" My niece turned around nicely and said "Aren't you a bit old to being having a baby".
Walk with your head held high and be proud.
If someone asked me "is she yours?" I'd say "well she's definitely not yours lovey!" and just walk off. :)
hey harmony firstbub and dizzy, hugs to u for your supportive comments u guys are all awesomw mothers too :D Lol bout the 40 y.o mum with the issues... bet she probably had her fair share of "your too old" comments ands just got a little narky :) I told dp and he thinks its the sling... the only reason i use it is cos dd HATES the pram. i just saw i got edited for swearing, whoops must have got carried away :)
Peace :)
elle
"If someone asked me "is she yours?" I'd say "well she's definitely not yours lovey!" and just walk off."
Love it lovey! :)
hummingbird
07-11-2005, 18:18
It's amazing how times have changed. There was a time when it was normal to have kids in your early 20s and then it became the fashion to wait until later, in some cases, much, much later. Thanks to people such as yourselves, however it appears that the pendulum is swinging back the other way as women realise they don't want to put kids on the 'to do (when I'm older)' list. I congratulate you for taking on such a great responsibility where most other women would run and hide.
I'm 28 and am wondering why it took me so bloody long to get the balls to do it. It's the best thing a woman can do. And just remember you don't need a licence to have a child, just because you are 'older' doesn't mean you are going to be a better mum.
I didn't think I was that young to be honest, i thought that teen mums had to deal with this kind of stuff. I really hand it to those girls they are really survivors. I don't believe for one second that they or anyone should have to put up with this. Its really become clear to me now that people are judgementle. Anyway everyone is right I should just forget it and be proud. I don't think its better or worse having a child when you are older or younger, there are unfair stereotypes that go with each. My age was the average for women having kids 30 years ago so why now is it so bad? My dad told me my great great great grandmother had her first when she was thirteen... (ok so it was in the 1800's :p ) ... it just shows how society changes with time. From now on I'm going to surround myself with positive people and ignore the rest. :D
Peace
elle
Good idea elle!
I get some really horrible comments on my wedding ring sometimes from people who come into the store I work at - they're usually the ones asking if I'm skipping school to work - you should see the looks on their faces when I say I graduated 5 years ago - lol!
When I was engaged a 50ish year old guy gave me a five minute lecture on why I shouldn't get married so young! This was at the start of this year. Two weeks ago, the same guy comes in and congratulates me on being pregnant! WTF?
I can so understand where you're coming from - and if you still see people giving you weird looks - just say 'yeah, she's cute, isn't she!' and walk away. Maybe they'll realize that they're being rude!
Be proud of being a mum! You obviously care about what your daughter wants, so who care what a bunch of stinky pants think!
cobysmummy
07-11-2005, 19:32
i am a young mum! and proud of it!! people judge us for no reason!! they dont know what kind of mother/ parent we are!! we are probably better than them coz we are young wit more energy!! my man used to hate coming out with me while i was pregnant coz people stared! i just said who cares!!
GO YOUNG MUMMIES!!
"I get some really horrible comments on my wedding ring sometimes from people who come into the store I work at - they're usually the ones asking if I'm skipping school to work - you should see the looks on their faces when I say I graduated 5 years ago - lol!"
What nasty people... great you stay on top of their negative rubbish. He sounds like a mystery shopper to me... they always ask heaps of personal questions :) Congrats on being engaged!
TBH dd wasn't planned but u know what? i'm glad she came along. she is a gift. I feel that when im forty i wont have the energy for bringing up young babies (jeez I lack it now!) so I think what happened was meant to happen to me.
SweetSerenity
07-11-2005, 20:21
TBH dd wasn't planned but u know what? i'm glad she came along. she is a gift. I feel that when im forty i wont have the energy for bringing up young babies (jeez I lack it now!) so I think what happened was meant to happen to me.
Hey Elle,
I completely agree! I was 19 when i gave birth to our son and i don't think age has anything to do with being a mum. It depends on your own maturity! I know i don't feel my age and because i left school after year10, and i went to the city by myself to do my make up course, it made me grow up SO much! I didn't really relate to any of my school friends after i left!
Our son wasn't planned either. We planned on marriage etc, but DS came unexpectedly! Like you said though, they're a gift! I too wouldn't want to be running around after children when i'm in 40's! I'm glad that i'll be 40 when my son turns 21!
Keep your head up high girl :p
Love Natalie xxx
Hugs to you. People can be such dopes! In reference to your sling, in the suburb where I live, I'm the only sling wearer, it's pram designer label heaven here LOL. I get people actually stopping to watch us walk past and talking about us in front of me! It's a sling, people! So yes, I wouldn't be at all surprised if your sling is causing little freak outs. Stay strong, you never have to see most of those people again and their minds are obviously pretty small if a young mama and a sling is bothering them! I wish I had so little to do that I could spend time giving people dirty looks on the street :rolleyes: *hugs*
Hey why not make friends with other sling wearers and go out in a group just to scare people?
;)
I had an instance where I really wanted to knock the block off the "Motherhood Police" except they were too old to talk meanly to.
These two women were sitting gossiping about everyone that walked past and my son decided to stop and look in a shop window. Now I am 27 and this was only 12 months ago so not too young to have 2 children by any stretch of the imagination. Well these women began by commenting "isn't it sad what these teen girls get up to these days?" teen?? Hmmm I ignored that
Ciaran then decided to go say hello to the women and after a pleasant "how are you, good on you, they are gorgeous" conversation and I started to walk away they said "sometimes I believe the nurses should take the children away from girls so young" and other such comments.
I was fuming but kept walking. As I walked back past nearly an hour later they once again began commenting on my age and I HAD to stop and say "I am 26 and have been deemed fit to concieve children. Comments and sly comments ladies should be kept for the bowls and recreation halls of your retirement village!!" Ciaran proceeded to stick out his tongue and blow a rasberry as we walked away.
Sorry to rant.
Cheers guys, Janet are we from the same area?.. palm beach darling, with all its jeeps and jeep prams! (no offence if anyone has one, its just the shear numbers of them where I live).
U know half the time I think people are just looking because they haven't seen a sling before, i must get at least five people ask where I got it everytime I go shopping. I take that as a compliment. I do have one mum friend whose 27 and I gave her a sling so we could both wear it out and look like freaks together. We should get a sling army together and really give some people heart attacks :D
The mum who asked "is she yours?" wasn't trying to be mean I don't think, she just had no idea what she was saying but it still annoyed me.
Hey eleanor we share the same name. Those old women need to get a life, i'm glad your little boy stuck his tongue out :p that would have given them the rudest shock. Old people can be so so lovely or so not lovely... I had one come up to me in the doctors surgery and show her grandson Tara while I was breastfeeding, a little full on but she was really friendly and encouraging at the same time.
hey natalie (going to pm u now... have u had the wedding yet?going to pm u now
)
I agree about not being on the same level as some friends, I have about 3 who really understand, but some just cant fully understand yet. I had one friend who was trying to convince me to take Tara to an RSL 1 hour away so we could all play lawn bowls (apparently thats really cool now wtf ?? :p )... no matter how hard I tried to explain that I couldn't, she kept saying "she'll be all right" or "get greg to look after her".... yeah like greg can breast feed!
Anyways we are all doing a fantastic job and I think its great we took on the responsibity so "early" (by western societies standards).
peace
elle
Lallas' Mum
08-11-2005, 07:57
I know exactly where you're coming from. I have always looked younger than what I am. I was married at 22 and was pregnant with my first son at 23. When I was pregnant with my first I seemed to get lots of stares when I went to the shops. Even more so when I wasn't wearing my work uniform. Then when fluid rentention hit and all time high for me I couldn't wear my wedding ring I felt like hiding under a rock instead of going anywhere. I even purchased a replacement ring to wear through my pregnancy. I thought people might judge me a little better if I were wearing it.
I still get stares. I am married, 26 years old, have two bright bubbley boys who are not wanting for anything and I am a SAHM. I am devoted and well informed. I spend time playing with and teaching my children. What is wrong with that - nothing!!!!! But when I am in public those sideways glances shatter me. I am not a dole-bludging, no-hoper who has nothing better to do than spread my legs and get knocked up. But I'm sure that is what half those glances mean.
I say screw 'em!!! But that only works somedays:( I wish people were more polite and would give people the benefit of getting to know them before judging them.
Mum2Lucas
08-11-2005, 09:36
I have to say that I also look younger than 20. had my beautiful son 8 weeks ago and the whole time I was pregnant I got the dirtiest looks from elderly people. But it's not something that I worried about because I loved being pregnant. Also I have a 6 year old brother who I used to take to the shops alot with me and that only made the looks worse because without knowing me everybody thinks my brother's my son also. Ive had looks like that since my brother was born when was 14. But it's not what other people think it's what you think that matters most.
I fell pregnant when I was 16.5 and after I had my son my mum and I were at woolworths and the checkout chic asked "my mum was he hers?" and mum said "I don't think so."
Then she asked me and said "yep he sure is." I got a dirty look for that. But I don't care, I love my son very much.
JessandKirra
08-11-2005, 09:59
get a shirt made up
- im really 50- I just look after myself
or
stop staring- i know im good looking
or
a shirt for baby
my mum uses oil of olay isnt she beautiful
There all just jelous.
:D
I think that there are bad eggs out there that have created society's perception of young mums, which has unfairly caused you to bear the brunt of it all.
The only young mums I notice are the ones at the shopping centres who cant even seem to look after themselves, let alone their kids - and discipline seems to be the last thing on their minds. You have these girls to blame. These are obviously mums that were never ready to have children and it shows very easily. I'm sure plenty of good young mums have passed me and I havent noticed as they dont have the characteristics that these mums do. There is also society's views on the 'typical single mum' which conjours up images of a teenage girl, no partner, housing trust house, living on welfare etc etc.
I know that these are unfair stereotypes, but that is why young mums get these looks. Its an image, a stereotype and a lack of wanting to understand an individuals circumstances. Its like seeing an obsese person at the shops -we immediately think "oh my god" and "she should stop eating". When maybe its actually part of her genetic makeup and she exercises and eats healthily.
My friend had a baby at 22 and I didnt agree with it at all - I thought it was far too young. However - she was also told before falling pregnant that she wasnt able to have children, so I think in her circumstance it was fine.
By no means am I saying that you were wrong for having babies early, but thought I'd try and make you see why you're getting the looks. Just hold your head high and dont worry about them!! :)
lucky*me
09-11-2005, 10:29
Hay,
I have to go with...jealous as one reason for staring.
I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mum. Thats what i wanted to be when i 'grew up' - a mum! But now at 25, when I can finally try to, I am finding it difficult. Its been 8 months (and 8 months trying is sooo long to me).
So when Im out shopping and I see a young mum or dad, my looks are of longing and envy. I wish I had of started to try when I wanted too - 5 years ago! Even DH says to me now that if he knew it was going to be this hard, we would have started years ago!
I think you are all so lucky.
So, I think, just maybe, when your out and about shopping with your beautiful babies, some of those people you think are staring, are just caught up in the fantasy that one day it could be them pushing the prams and buying 'babycinos' too and totally kicking themselves that they didnt follow their heart and have that baby when they really wanted to, instead caving to the pressure to get what society thinks they need first, marriage, house, money etc. Cause believe me, none of it matters when you cant have what you really want! Ultimatley, these people (such as me :o ) don't realise they are making you uncomfortable.
Just my 2c...
P :)
It must be hard for anyone who falls pregnant young to decide what to do. I fell pregnant at 28 and it took me a few days to decide what to do - I still feel I'm too young and really wanted to wait a few more years - but DH is 33, so if I waited too much longer he would be getting up to 40 and I knew that he wanted kids now. I also thought - what if I try again in 3-4 years and I cant conceive? We both would have been devastated.
So I gave up my career and here I am, nearly 8 months pregnant! I even lost my mum over it, as she thinks I'm too young as well (maybe thats where I get it from! :o )
I'm pretty big on education and career though, and I think if young mums can finish their schooling and get some tertiary education to get those skills up for when they do enter the workforce, that would be best.
Peaceangels
09-11-2005, 11:55
Who was this guy - the "mother's age police"!!
As long as the child/ren is happy, healthy and loved, then the age of the mother is irrelevant.
You hold your head high elle101 as you are doing a brilliant job!
"I'm pretty big on education and career though, and I think if young mums can finish their schooling and get some tertiary education to get those skills up for when they do enter the workforce, that would be best."
I don't agree that everyone needs to do this but fwiw i am still at uni and finished highschool. It is something i want to do but i wouldn't consider it a pre requisite for becoming a mum. But each to their own:)
Jealous?? :p they wouldn't be if they saw my stretch marks!
baby crying gtg :)
hey! just reading through this thread kinda caught my eye as im curnetly 15 and due to have bub on the 27th of this month! :) though il admit yeah i am pretty young im quite happy! yeah im getting centrelink payments at the moment but thats just till i finsh my yr 10 course and my nail technology course which will be around the end of next year after that il be gettin back into work as bubs will be a bit older and stuff
I HATE THOSE LOOKS TOO!!! i was walking through bigW the other day going to get some baby things i didnt have already and this woman in her 30's or 40's with a toddler bout 3 or 4 go quite loudly "thats disgusting!" i turned and asked her what was so digusting and she said what do u think! i jsut replied with "what i think is disgusting is the way your behaving in front of your child Great example you are" and walked off thats the only time i think iv managed to have the guts to mouth off back and it felt good to be honest sure im 15 and im the dads not around but i was 3months pregnant before i knew and we'd split due to other reasons... and i'm happy with my partner now he's there 110% he's working and his job along with the child support i'l recieve from the father plus the small amount of money il be entitled to off centrelink is enough to give bubs wat he needs and it'l be even more so once i start working again!
we work our a***s off to give my baby a decent home and up bringing i hate the stares because of the age we are! but though i do admit the stares only make me even more determined to prove that despite my age i can be a good a mum as any!!
The only reason why having kids in your 20's these days is considered abnormal is because society has changed and more and more women are delaying childbirth due to careers and the materialistic need to 'have it all'. This had led to an increase in childless couples and older women giving birth, not to mention a rise in birth defects as women put off having children in their formative, childbearing years. Frankly, I think that's sad and no offence to older mums, but children deserve to have parents who are fit enough to play with them and watch them grow up.
I realise that you are speaking in general terms but feel that as an "older mum" (because I had my children in my 30's :rolleyes: ) I should point out that the reason that quite a few of my friends waited until their 30's to have children had nothing to do with "materialistic needs to have it all", or focussing on their careers - quite simply we hadn't met "Mr Right" until then.
It is offensive to older mums to be told that we are depriving our children of parents who are fit enough to play with them and watch them grow. In the same way that you cannot judge all young parents as each parent is different, you cannot judge all older parents by one standard either. Some of the most active and fit people I know are well over 40 (my 60 year old father regularly runs half marathons).
It would be nice if we could all accept that we are all parents trying to do our best, whatever our age, and stop focussing on aspects of being a parent that many of us have no control over (age), and instead have a positive focus on the things that we do have control over (love, care, support etc), and changing the poor attitudes of people in the community who make parents feel bad so that people like Elle don't need to start threads like this because they aren't made to feel bad or uncomfortable.
I don't know if its me or the sling or both... its just really getting to me, more than it should.
When bub was little I went everywhere with her in the sling. I was asked a few times by adults to see my puppy. I hear you, maybe its the sling?
K
katesmom
04-12-2005, 14:07
I think people are just naturally drawn to babies. Usually in the US, people come up and tell you how beautiful or sweet your child is. Maybe they are more reserved over there.
My sister claims to get more stares and compliments because she has twins. Psst! I'll let you in on a little secret, it's because they're ugly. :eek: LMAO.
My best friend at primary school had a mum in her late 40's and I remember her telling me the age gap was so huge, they couldn't relate to one another. By the time she hit highschool, they had nothing to talk about.
And my mother had me when she was 18, so by the time I was in highschool, she was so very well aware of what teenagers get up to that I was hardly allowed out of the house while all my friends enjoyed doing what normal teenagers do. So I was actually jealous of my friends with older mums.
And here I am having my baby at 33, having married at 29. Has anyone seen the statistics for divorce lately? They were enough to put me off getting married any earlier.. I certainly wanted to make sure I knew who I was and that I had found the right person before I made such an enormous commitment as marriage and children.
So, to reinforce what Draught just finished saying:
It would be nice if we could all accept that we are all parents trying to do our best, whatever our age...
Hear! Hear!
My sister claims to get more stares and compliments because she has twins. Psst! I'll let you in on a little secret, it's because they're ugly. :eek: LMAO.
Katesmom, you made me laugh! :D
Lucybelle
04-12-2005, 16:19
Keep the laughing up girls, it's the best way to combat those "stares".
But can I put my 2c in please?
I don't think it is necesarrily because you may be a young parent (or just be lucky enough to look like one).
People just like to be judgemental - it makes them feel better about their own inadequecies, real or percieved.
Eg - I was probably stared at for being a young mum, but I didn't really notice it, cos I wasn't looking for it.
However I wasn't considered socially acceptable by the other mothers at my DDs school until I got married. I have no idea how that works.
TanUch gets the stares - apparently because she has married outside her skin colour.
Me and DP get the stares too - I'm assuming because he is covered in tattoos.
A GF of mine gets the stared because she is a carer for kids with disabilities.
So don't worry about them staring at you, or for the reasons that they do. Blow 'em a big kiss and move on.
P.S I was sprung staring at a girl the other day - but it was because she had the most fab shoes!
I agree Lucybelle. Since shopping for prams, I have forever been staring at people's prams whereever I go. I'm a pram detective, but not very subtle. :o So those poor people probably think I think there's something wrong with their pram.. or their baby. :eek:
I agree guys....people stare for all different reasons....they always will. When I had toby i was 22 but looked 18 or younger lol and I think it was my own insecurities making me think people were looking at me for being young. Some of them prolly were but most wre prolly just looking at me for some other reason (no idea what lol but surely something.....maybe my beautiful bubba:))
People are always going to make judgements, cant stop that....just rememebr it really doesn't matter anyway! WHat other people think of you is none of your business! LOL
To be honest, I haven't had any stares, but I did have my own mum comment to me that I should be wearing my wedding ring and engagment ring because it makes me look like a single mum. She still insisted that I wear them even though I told her that they physically didn't fit anymore because my hands were so swollen. but because she'd made a big deal about it, i made an effort to always wear at least one of them when i went out in public... that was until the other day when at my 38wk checkup it became so sore that i tried to take it off and it was practically STUCK on my finger - i just haven't bothered since then.
it will be interesting though when bub is born to see if i get stared at, although i probably won't notice because i'm always in my own little world(just the other day i walked straight past my grandfather without even seeing him!)
I too find that these things ultimately come down to your own maturity. age doesnt' determine anything anymore... i moved out of home at 17, got engaged and bought a house at 18, married at 19, pregnant at 20 and have not long turned 21 with bub due in 9 days! DH best friend on the other hand is about to turn 28 and still lives at home and has his mum do all his cooking and cleaning. that said, that's also his maturity level - everyone is different, and i would never change any of the major decisions i've made in my life - i am happily married with bub on the way plus live in a lovely neighbourhood and have a great support network - even though i did loose a lot of friends when i first got engaged, but it just means that the ones that stuck by me are so much closer to me!
everyone - no matter how young or old should hold their head up and be proud of who they are and the decisions they've made, because life is too short for regrets.
littlemissvee
10-12-2005, 22:19
Hi Everyone!
I'm so happy I found this forum with a lot of likeminded mums to be...
Im 21 yrs, currently 27 weeks (baby coming March 06 :) ) and I live in Sydney.
I am so proud to be pregnant and be at this stage of my life, however I must admit too that over the last 6 months of my pregnancy, my level of confidence has gone from 100% down to ... well its much lower... due to some very uncomfortable stares and comments, not only from complete strangers, but from people I used to call friends and work with.
JRmumma, it is so true what you say about maturity - I too left home at 17, and took on a career in music and modelling which, not to burst my own bubble, I became luckily successful at. I now run my own studio, and make a great living - in fact I've worked harder and at times earn more than some of my other older friends, and I pride myself in the work I do...
It just seems so unfair that because I chose to have a child, I feel that a lot of 'colleagues', 'industry people', and worse of all at a light stage, family, think of me now as a failure because they saw how I was doing so well (which IS NOT THE ROOT OF ALL HAPPINESS!!!) yet chose to 'throw it all away' by choosing to have a baby...??!!??
I am not married to my boyfriend, but we have an awesome awesome relationship...He too is a musician who works in the same 'scene'. He is covered in tatoos, while Im a clean cut fashion kinda person, and we get STARED AT big time... We know its the nature of some people to be ridiculously pretentious, however, it still doesnt feel good when people seem to think they have the right to judge or lose respect for a younger person, or a younger couple due to their decision to have a baby.
Once again, so glad I found this forum :) I've found it difficult to belong as the girlfriends are all single and have no clue what I'm on about...
Love and Peace and Hugs to all
reAllytee
11-12-2005, 01:09
Its the way our society has become & its sad really.
I was 25 when i found out i was preggers so 26 going on 27 by the time he arrived but i apparently look younger so i got a few looks to which i would laugh. Add to that i still have my labret piercing ( under my bottom lip ) & a back tattoo everyone in my family thought i would take my labret out & i told them just cause i was preggers didnt mean i had to stop being me ! my partner also has his arms covered in tatts so some of the looks came from this im sure ! Hell i still get looks when they see the labret & i have a baby ... bad me ! Shame these people dont realise we came from well to do office jobs & that my partner is the quietest gentlest person around i dont even think he knows how to yell !!! Its funny how we label people without knowing who they are. Shouldnt judge a book right ? :rolleyes:
Pregnancy & babies should be embraced & rejoyced !
My sister was living in Iceland for approx 10yrs & its the norm to have children young 16yrs is pretty average, there is no taboo at all ! Its also not a big thing to be unmarried even getting into your 40's with 4 kids !!!!! Most of my sisters friends were like this. Everyone gets excited when a pregnancy is announced & the birth is celebrated for the wonderful thing it is, i think we need to start realising that it should be embraced & not hidden or looked down upon. I remember even my mum didnt like certain outfits i wore not that i looked bad or anything, i always had my belly covered ( sorry IMO i think its nicer to see a belly covered pregnant or not ) but she wanted me to wear those kaftan type dresses & i was like eeerrrr no thanx i already feel like a tank i dont need to look like one !
But yes i do agree it is hard when there are the "stereotypes". I know friends of friends & family members who shouldnt have been allowed to have their kids fullstop regardless of age.
So hold your head up girls your all doing a wonderful job !!! :D
Your age DOESNT matter.
TanUch I think the point Cosmic (and many of us) have been trying to make is that there is no "Us vs Them" - there are advantages to having babies early and to having them older and we should all just accept that there are differences and enjoy our babies rather than trying to say that one way or one age is better than another. It really isn't a competition!
matty's mum
11-12-2005, 09:27
Just found this thread
I come from an unstable family life and that makes the difference not age
I have done both 1st baby at 18 (looked15) 2nd 21 Now were doing it again at 32 had 3rd bub and am PG again
I stare at young mums. I look and see how mature they are compared to me, when I was that age. I wasn’t in regard to looking after my children I never went out drinking or anything. I just had no self confidence or self steam. Sometimes when I see y/mums I wonder if there views will change as much as mine have. I was not as mature as some of you and I can see the difference in my children. It has more to do with my family life than anything else.
being an older mum is exhausting probable because I have done it all before as well,. I'm putting in more effort the last month I started being a lazy mum. so now I make sure we do something everyday. I'm PG as well and just don't feel like doing anything.
DH and I were discussing it last week and even for him it's harder, he's so tired from work things like that.
but we also see how being older has so many more advantages and doing it the second time you've seen what happens at school and have an advantage. I wont list them there are so many. It's like going into labour for the 3rd or 4th time very prepared. I appreciate my kids more now too it’s hard to explain I love them the same but I think it’s appreciate them so much more.
Oh and you realize when the children are manipulating you. Or are testing you ;)
HoopDeeDoo
11-12-2005, 10:20
I have the problem of people judging me, thinking I'm too young - I look younger than what I am. We got married at 22 and 11 months :) were living together for two years before that, have known each other for about 8 years, got pregnant at 23, and now at 24 pregnant again, and will be 25 with two kids.
We were at my DHs xmas party last night, and while my DH was getting a drink a husband of one of his work colleages asked me how old I was when he found out I was pregnant, looked shocked when i said 24 and this was our second. But then after he thought about it he said well i guess we were in our 20s when we had our kids. It's funny how most of our parents had kids in thier 20s, but now it's too young for people in thier 20s to be having kids :confused:
I think the tables are starting to turn though as the risk of birth defects are becoming more obvious, and the fact that more and more people are needing the help of IVF to concieve.
I think whenever anyone chooses to have thier babies is there own choice and thier own desicion based on thier personal circumstances. Not everyone is lucky enough to find thier soul mate young, and be in strong relationships when they concieve. We all do the best we can with what we've got.
People's opinions shouldn't change the way you live your life or change whats in your heart. So who cares what silly people say, negative comments come from insecurities they have about thier own lives and decisions. :rolleyes:
It's about them not you
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