Want to help my friends

[CrayolaGirl]

My friends are wonderful, beautiful people. They can't have children. I knew him while I was studying, and all he wanted was to find the right girl, and have a family. He found the right girl, but she can never have children. He told me today that they are looking into egg donors (not a possibility really due to such demand) or international adoption. immediately, I told him they could have some of mine. He seemed to try to talk me out of it, and to tell me the complications with counselling and risks.... But I have been giving it some very serious thought (which is why I am here) and I have spoken to my hubby, who supports the idea too.

My question is... what are the risks with donation. There is a possibility that we would like one more child. Will egg donation hinder that? Also, I am rhesus negative (like B negative blood) will that affect the chances of her going to term, if she is positive? Are there health risks for her if she is positive? Are there any potential mums who balk at the idea of knowing their donor?

I would love to do this. Egg donation is something i thought about even before knowing this couple. I would like them to know the happiness that comes through experiencing a pregnancy, birth, baby and childhood.

Do mums who receive donor eggs feel alienated from their children? Do they worry about the donors interfering with the way they raise their babies? If so, how do they over come this? Is there anything the donor can do to calm their worries and let them enjoy their baby?

Please, any help would be appreciated.:confused:

[pisces00]

I have not donated to friends but donating between friends can raise some issues and its best to sit down and for any issues to be placed on the table and discussed. Issues such as will you feel funny seeing the child as you are all freinds, or how will they feel when you all get together and any threats of interfearace in the raising of the child etc. Donating doesnt affect any future pregnancies (that i have experienced or know of) and its a wonderful thing to do for anyone.

Especially that you are freinds as long as all issues,decisions on should/will the child be told of conception details etc are all agreed upon this will help you make your final decision. Sorry for long post, you can pm me if you like for any further info as i see most of my donor children.

[leisurly]

Attempt 3

Hi and welcome i wrote a long reply but the cursor moved lines and for some reason on the move back the whole message was deleted. I then wrote another much shorted message and posted that, there was some strange message and on checking now i see that also got lost in cyber space.

So even shorter, read read and read there is loads of info at the top of this thread and in the seeking donor section.

will come back with more snippets but I'm sure our two lovely recent donors will share some tips with you.

I'll let you know from the recipient side

Lxx

[Roxy]

Firstly - what a lovely soul you have! To want to help others with a priceless gift is just wonderful


what are the risks with donation.

There are some small risks - there is a very small risk that your own fertility can be affected, as during a cycle you are overstimulating your ovaries to produce loads of eggs, and the eggs are aspirated from the ovaries using a very fine needle. As fertility specialists are human too, there is a margin of error. That said, they are experts, and I'm yet to hear of a donor who has suffered fertility issues after donating. I have a good friend who has donated 3 times, and gave birth to a surprise son about 8mths ago!


Also, I am rhesus negative (like B negative blood) will that affect the chances of her going to term, if she is positive? Are there health risks for her if she is positive?

I don't think that there would be too many health implications for her, especially seeing as most people actually take after their fathers with their blood grouping and rhesus factor. But, it would obviously be worth making sure that her health providers were aware, and if there was concern, I would anticipate that they would most likely offer her the injections for mixed rhesus...


Are there any potential mums who balk at the idea of knowing their donor?

Yes, there are some women who require donors who would prefer not to know who their donor is.


Do mums who receive donor eggs feel alienated from their children? Do they worry about the donors interfering with the way they raise their babies? If so, how do they over come this?

I'm a donor, so I cant really comment accurately on those questions. But, my recipient certainly doesnt feel alienated from her baby - Little Miss is *her* baby~my recipient carried the baby, gave birth to her, breastfeeds her...everything that a mother does for her child. I do think that some recipients do worry that the donor will interfere with the way they raise their babies, and its for that reason that talking about all the issues before you go ahead is so vitally important. I'm not sure how recipients overcome that worry, hopefully one of the recipients here can help answer that.


Is there anything the donor can do to calm their worries and let them enjoy their baby?

As a donor I made sure that I was emotionally detached from my eggs, and have made it very clear to my recipients all along that this is their baby. Set clear boundaries about visiting and contact...I even told my recipients that I didnt want to be known as "Aunty", but they insist. I don't mind - it is their decision, as they will be the ones explaining my relationship to their child. I also make sure that I don't interfere (very easy as well, seeing as my IP's are in Vic and I'm in Canberra)...we talk on the phone a few times a week...and I just reassure her that she is doing a fab job, just like I would any other friend with a new baby.

I hope that helps to answer some of your questions, and if you are anything like I was when I first embarked on my knowledge quest about Egg Donation, it will open a Pandora's box of more questions!

[wa mum of 4]

Hey there,:wave:

Well all I was going to say yesturday before my computer died was totally summed up by Roxy:thumbsup: .
I have donated once and due to do so again in april if all goes to plan.

I follow the same guidlines as Roxy in regards to how I look at the child and my emoitional tie to that child and its parents.
At the moment I have what I would like to call a close relationship with my next IP's and hope to carry on through the whole journey. How they choose to address the donation issue with "their" child is totally up to them. I would love some contact but the amount is their decision.
I look at it this way, I am the genetics but with out the love, nourishment, and life giving womb my genetic material can not exist.
I feel I am but a small part of what makes a child.
I hope this helps.

You are a wonderful person to be wanting to help your friends, a true :angel: .
Good luck with it all, and remember that we are all here to help answer any questions you have. There is a great support network in place here and I would advise you to use all the knowledge available from these wonderful women.

:hugs:
Sarah

[leisurly]

Sorry about yesturday

glad lots of advice coming.

If your rh neg then this is no problem to you or the eggs, it is nothing to do with the passing on, the problem is when the mother is rh neg, if the babe is rh pos then the mother develops antibodies and future pregnancies are at risk, all rh neg mums are given anti D to prevent this happening.

I'm a recipient, we are all different, so we do hear and have done here that occasionally the recipient feels she is carrying someone elses babe, I am so delighted to have this chance to be a mum I can't tell you how overwhelmed I am, even though I feel so ****, I talk to my little embies every day. I am however someone who loves my nephew as if he were my own, have held friends children and would put my own life down in order to protect them, I do not need to be genetically related to love and cherish a child.

You mention your friend is the DH and he want children, you have to make sure that his wife is of the same feelings afterall HE will be genetically related and also remeber how many children from sperm donors have always felt that Dad was somewhat distant and were not surprised to find out they were not biologically his but felt betrayed that this 'father' did not cherish them as a father should.

I think you are amazing to help your friend and you are very wise looking into it before you agree. I wish you well and hopefully we can help you along the way. Maybe you could mention the forum to the recipient so that she can also find some support and answers to her questions

Lxx