brisbane stepmum with bub

[myprecious]

hi there!
im posting in a couple of areas that are specific to my situation to see if i can score some new friends! I dont know any other stepmums and it would be cool to be able to have someone who really understood its not easy all the time! Maybe theres a brissy stepmum out there either having a first baby or a mum herself???
I have a gorgeous 14 week old boy and two stepsons 6 and 9 who I adore (luckily as I see a lot of them)
The ex is a pain but the situation is pretty good these days.
Ive done a fair bit of travelling and partying and shopping in my time but am now happily a SAHM but miss the social interaction through the week! :ecomcity:
Love to hear from you.

[pegasus]

Hey myprecious

Welcome to the hub!!

There's a fair few of us stepmums out here (I'm in Perth, but there are some in Brissy)

Just hop in on any conversation where you feel comfortable and there's always some one who will want to chat

Cheers

[MrsDribbleDrawers]

Hi. I'm a brissy step mum too, although DS lives with us (as his mum passed away), so I'm going to have to find another term to describe myself... actually, I just say I have a son I didn't raise for the first five years!

Sorry, I digress... I have an 8yr DD, and am EDD 23/3/07... and still find it challenging most days to deal with a child raised by someone else... so totally not the way I would do things... even more interesting that we are starting to get traits from his older brothers (different dad) starting to come through!!

PM me if you want to chat, I'm on the northside.

Cate

[pegasus]

Just thought I'd add - I have two step children - a DSD - 13 and a DSS - 11. I have been with their father since they were 2 and 4 and we usually see them every fortnight.

We've had a lot of ups and downs over the years. I now have a 6month old DD and a 2 1/2 year old DS. I now find I concentrate so much more of my energy into my own children, and much as I love my stepchildren, my children don't have any other mother and I want them to be able to grow up in an environment that is totally opposite to the environment my stepchildren are growing up in.

I had 6years with my husband and stepchildren before I had my own children and I'm so glad I had that alone time with them to establish my relationship with them, and also that my children will be able to have more of my time as they grow older.

I've found the most important thing for us is to nurture my relationship with my husband so that I can have my children grow up in a safe and stable evironment.

[shell25]

I have an amazing step son who is 13 and a new bub, who is now 6 months.
We have been a new little family for almost 5 years now.
It is hard work, though worth the beautiful moments. Im in Brisbane, north side, if you would like to PM.

DSS was with me and his Dad at home, for most of the labour, I know that he loved being apart of it and being included in his brothers arrival, we also made sure that he was the first to meet his brother before anyone else.

[mumoftwoboys2005]

My name is Joanne. I have a 10 year old Stepson, an 8 year old DS and a 1 year old DS. I know about the "ex issues" currently going through them now. I live at Forest Lake. I'm up for a chat anytime.

Jo.

[jacstar31]

hi, I have an 8 yo DSS and an almost five week old baby boy. I am in melbourne, but happy to chat to anyone.

studentmum - I really agree with you about the struggle with having a child raised by someone else!! although we have DSS every w/end and half school holidays, so it is more than a lot of fathers have.

Pegasus - I also think that is true about concentrating so much on your own children, I feel the same way...

question...does anyone struggle with their role in being a step mother? I find the lines between stepmother/friend/something else a little blurry, and I am interested to hear other people's thoughts on this....

ps. I met DH when DSS was 5 yo. so i guess its difficult when they have already had all those early childhood influences.

[mythreelittlemonkeys]

I now find I concentrate so much more of my energy into my own children, and much as I love my stepchildren, my children don't have any other mother and I want them to be able to grow up in an environment that is totally opposite to the environment my stepchildren are growing up in.


I've found the most important thing for us is to nurture my relationship with my husband so that I can have my children grow up in a safe and stable evironment.

thsi is pretty much how I feel too.
BTW I have a 6 month old DD and 2 stepchildren age 9 & nearly 5. Issues with the ex still very hot 4 years on, mainly to do with her own problems etc...Sometimes it can be very depressing but as Pegasus says above I try hard to make sure my DH and I are happy and focus on my DD who makes me smile whatever going on around...

[MummyCharmzy]

Another stepmummy here :) I have a 5 yr old stepson and then 4 yr old son, 19 month old and 7 month old daughters :)

My stepson lives with us Sun-Thurs atm but in just under 3 weeks that increases to Sun - Fri + every 4th weekend in whole when he starts school!

I find it can be, at times, quite challenging being a step parent but love that he is with us so much. When he comes home from his mothers we often find he is overtired and irritible but the next day has settled in fine and there is sometimes a conflict of 'but mummy lets me so why won't you' type issues but they are quickly resolved and I think they will diminish further as he spends more time at our home.

I definitely think of him as my son as well though, yes he is my 'step-son' but still therefor my son. We are a family and he is of course an equal part in that. Wouldn't have it any other way :)

[InSaneOne]

hi - i am a step mummy too. and a brissie southsider.

i have 13 and 14 year old step-daughters and a just turned 12 step-son. plus a lovely 17 month old daughter.

i have been with hubby for 6 years now and we became engaged just over 12 months ago. (not married yet but we feel like it already)

we have the kids on the weekends (the girls nearly every weekend and adam just when he wants to come)
the eldest is going to trial staying with us full-time for a month as they are all having problems at their mums - we have major ex problems at the moment but you know how that can be so i won't elaborate. it is hard to put your natural children first but necessary. i found it is better to treat the step children as friends not as their mummy. i try not to disapline them as i am not their mum and i feel it is something that their parents should do. saying that if they have a minor fight or do something silly when they are in my care i will tell them off for that but major things dad deals with that. i am lucky in the fact that the girls will tell me personal things about their boyfriends or chat to me about sex-related stuff and other things. i am happy to be there for them in that way as i understand it is easier to talk to someone other than your mother.

well if you want to chat feel free to add me to msn or pm me.
Belinda

[SamDB74]

Hi Everyone

I am new to Bubhub and came across the Step-parents forum - fantastic!!! I am in Perth - NOR. My two step children recently moved in with us - DSS on Monday just for the short-term and DSD in July. It is nice to know I am not the only one out there with this stuff going on. My daughter is 17 months and the two older kids absolutely adore her - we are so lucky there is no jealousy or antagonism - the main issues we have are between my husband and myself about rules etc. I have different ideas about rules etc in the house to what they are used to with their Mum. My husband also tends to be a bit easier on them than I would - I think for fear of pushing them away. He is wrapped that they are both living with us now but he often feels that he is the meat in the sandwich between us all. Maybe my expectations are too high about basic housekeeping, going out etc? We mainly make it work really well but just have to watch the squabbles between the two of us. Does anyone else find this? I will really keep an eye on this thread as I think I could learn a bit! I notice a couple of stepmums in perth - if anyone is interested in meeting up for a chat please PM me as I would love to meet up with people in a similar situation to me!

[pegasus]

Hiya Sam

Not sure how much you've read of my posts, but my two step kids are 13 and 11 (similar to yours). My two are 2 and 6months.

Our issues come and go, but are always there IYKWIM. We also get the kids when their mum decides she's had too much and needs a break. She'll tell us, they need discipline, so therefore they need to spend time with us.

Us, we get frustrated that they tend to behave well with us, but are so confused about a lot of things and when their mum tells them they are to stay with us unless they behave, it doesn't paint a good picture of why they should come does it? We think they do well with our discipline, their mother misses them, starts calling for them to go home, they go home, then about a month later, she calls again to say she isn't coping again.

Tricky, but for the sake of our family and marriage, we try to roll with it. Our biggest disagreements are over how I think hubby should contact the kids more often, and how I want to know what's going on. He'll tell me that he doesn't want to contact them as he doesn't want to talk to their mother (and get abused), and so I should just let him sort it. Besides "why should I know what's going on (like when they're coming next)" They're his kids!!!:rolleyes:

PS In Perth hills area. PM me if you'd like to catch up some time.

[SamDB74]

Hi Pegasus

Thanks for the insight - I hadn't read many of your other messages but it does seem we are in similar situations. I mostly tend to think that it will always be like this and it is a bit of like it or lump it - my DH really does try to keep all happy - given up on the ex obviously! - but it can be so hard sometimes. Generally we do seem to have it pretty lucky - my nerves still get jangled with the full house chaos and the back and forth bickering of teenagers but then that is normal for any family with kids that age. It is mainly the discipline thing as I said - I am the strict one and when my DH tries to be strict - ie calling friends' parents before sleepovers, curfews, no phone calls in bedroom at 12.30am - he thinks it is a bit over the top. Unfortunately I remember all too well being a teenager and what you can get away with if you are smart! Would love to catch up sometime - will drop you a PM - do you ever go to the meets? Great chatting - I can tell this site is going to be a saviour!!!

[myprecious]

hi all!
I started the thread then dissappeared! school holidays Ive been the magnificent stepmum and had the kids heaps. It sort of works out because then ex can work more hours and asks us for less money!
Oh and I have a good time with the boys just quietly! And bubs just loves them being at home here!
I even took them to a mothers group. Sometimes I feel a bit weird saying I have stepkids. I shouldnt care what people think because I love them. I dont know how to explain it. Its like some people look down on it? Even though we are such a happy dysfunctional lot which should be the priority!
Thanks for all joining in the thread. its cool just to know Im not alone.
I have a querie for you all. When I got the maternity payment I found out we could claim for the skids coz we have them more than 10%. Sounds crazy that we pay child support but receive a family tax benefit for them. Oh well I am sure you all know how frustrating the whole system is for everyone!
Do you guys claim for your stepkids?
Im mad not too huh.
Anyway I should be asleep. Im getting 4month needles and he was a bit of a sook at the last lot! hahaha like all men its a drama feeling unwell
night!

[InSaneOne]

yeah we claim for the stepkids too. we have them 32% so thats what we claim for. more now that the oldest has decided to live here. she is trialing it for a month but after a week she still loves it.

we see dsd 14 and 13 more often than dss 12. he tends to be given free range at his mums and doesn't really like comming here as he is disaplined the same as the girls. we don't make them do a lot around here in the way of chores as they have to do a lot of them at home (the ex is a lazy cow). they have to keep their rooms clean and put away their clothes and make their beds and do the washing up. i will give them extra pocket money if the help with the bigger chores like cleaning the bathroom or vacuuming.

with the fighting - i find that we fight more when the kids are here than when they aren't. it is extra stress on the relationship and you just have to work through it. we are lucky tho and the 3 girls get on great together without dss but when he is here we fight even more. he is a problem and actually likes to cause problems - dh actually told him over the holidays that if he keeps behaving like he has been he can stay at his mums place and only visit on special occaisions. (not good i know but if he doesn't really want to be here than we won't force him to come)

dsd 12 - had a late night phone call from her friend one night at about 11.30pm. dh was already in bed and i had just had a shower and was heading that way too. i heard her on the phone and walked up to her bed, took the phone away from her and hung up. i kept the phone for 2 days and she wasn't allowed to use the home phone for 2 days either. it was my descision to punish her for that and dh backed me up 100%. i told her that she can tell all her friends that unless one of them is bleeding to death or dying under no circumstances will a phone call be taken or made after 9pm.

well sorry for rambling. need to wake brain up enough for coherant conversation. :sleeping: