Support Team - my mum wants to be there

[Kristy07]

I dont know what to do about this, my mum wants to come into the "room" with my and DH when I am in Labour and giving birth. DH doesnt want her there - just wants it to be us two. I'm in two minds about the whole thing - I think it will be useful having her there but I dont want to upset DH.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?:confused:

[drewid]

Its really up to you - its your birth :yes:

I personally didn't want my mum there - and she didn't want to be there. As she said to my and my DH - we made the baby alone together, we should be there to welcome it into the world alone together (excusing the hos staff of course)

[Perth_Pony]

I guess that would depend on how comfortable you both are with her in the room...
Comes down to your decision i think, as you are the one in need of support ect.

Not an issure for us as my mum will be delivering my baby! (Midwife)
But if she wasnt, im sure DP would have something to say about it...

[BB&D]

i didn't want my mum in with me - even tho she wanted to be.

hubby did really well tho (event ho it was his 4th and my first)

if it makes hubby feel better maybe have your mum wait outside and then she can come in straight afterwards.

hubby may feel like you prefer the company of your mum over him at a time like that.

[misskittyfantastico]

My mum, dad and bro were in the room pretty much as soon as I was stitched up!

I was happy just having my DH there for the birth though. I think if your DH reaaaallly doesn't want your mum there then if it were me I'd probably have her out of the room - the birth of your baby is such a momentous event for both parents, it might be a shame if your DH felt left out or uncomfortable.

[MrsDribbleDrawers]

If my mum makes it to our place in time (she lives 1000kms away) she will be coming with us... Didn't have her the first time, and really regreted it later. Having said that, we've laid down the law, kept her informed about the decisions we've made and said if she doesn't support our decisions, she isn't welcome. We've also stressed that if she's asked to leave, to just go, and so far, she's been happy with all of that... probably helps that I've been talking about natural birth for years, even before getting pregnant!!

[kiwibird27]

At the time you really won't care!!!! Your mother though.....your decision

[*Chels*]

Once I went into labour,I was crying for my mum and made DF call her lol.It was great having her there,altho she left before the baby was born coz it was all too much for her she got a bit emotional.
Maybe find a compromise,like shes there but not in the room so if you need her or want her shes still right there

[Jenko]

As others have said, your birth your decision. I had my mum and DH and i hope to have her in with us again, she lives 500km away atm so :fingerscrossed: she's here in time.

I think it was great, we only saw the midwife briefly throughout my labour. 1 midwife, 3 births for her to attend, so it meant if one needed a break i wasn't alone.

Being on the other side and being a support person for a friend, it was a bonus having a few of us there as she had a really long labour and i was physically and emotionally exhausted. It meant i could go get myself together a few times i needed to.

How strongly does your DH feel about it. He has to remember that it is you going through the labour and your needs are most important. I understand him wanting it to be the two of you but i really think it's up to you.

[jamb]

I felt before labour that i would be uncomfortable with mum there.

After an intense night at home labouring, then a further 9 hours at the hospy, my DH was exhausted/stressed/teary and he called my mum. I was so farked that by this stage I was just wanting my mumma!

She came and it was such a relief for both of us. She supported both of us through the next 5 hours.

This time I am wanting a doula to be my 2nd support person as mum will be looking after DS. I like the idea of an extra person in case of a prolonged labour.

[Becteria]

I had my mum there and would have picked her over hubby if i could only have one!

1) She has experienced birth
2) She has soothed away my pain for longer
3) She is a woman, more empathetic
4) She is one of my best friends

I invited DH mum too, she lived 700ks away so she flew down for it. In the end i had an emergency c/s so neither of them got to see the birth but they saw her before even i did!

This time i am having DH, Mum and 2 girlfriends. They will support me better than the midwives could....

I would tell hubby this is womens business, you dont tell him how to fix a car so leave this up to you, heee hee hee hee. That was a ajoke!

[mum2littleman]

i think in the end its up to u- ur the one going through it not ur DH yes this is sumthing specail for him too but if u think u might want ur mum there then maybe talk to ur DH about it..

i no many friends who say when it came to it didnt care if there DH were there or not they just wanted there mum's.

[Littletreasures]

well i regret not asking my mum to be there with me, I think that my mum would have known what to do more so then DH...more sympathetic

[bronny-jane]

my mum was there for dd2s birth , missed dd1 by a minute.... all i did was hold her hand and ignore everyone else, i always want my mum when im sick:o

[vanillabean]

I personally think it is nice if it is just you and your partner because it is such a special time between the two of you. I didn't have my mum in there for either birth (had 2 c/sections in the end anyway) and never intended to (and I am close to my Mum).

[SalTheGal]

I really wasn't sure wether I would want my mum there or not, so I asked her to be at the hospital 'on standby', which she was happy with.

As it turns out I did not want anyone else but my DP in with me, I remember at one stage telling the middies that under NO circumstances were they to let anyone else in!

But cause she was there it meant she could come in straight afterwards.

[oleander]

I had my mum with me and we had a ball! She had a panic attack on the way to the hospital but then she was fine. Oh, I was fine too:D

[oleander]

my mum was there for dd2s birth , missed dd1 by a minute.... all i did was hold her hand and ignore everyone else, i always want my mum when im sick:o

That's so cute. I hope my DD feels that way about me too:)

[ourfirstbubba]

hello

I had my Mum and my MIL there and they were both fantastic, having been there themselves. My DH felt the same as yours at first but then he realized that all the help was better. It has been proven (read it somewhere) that if a woman has a good support team, whether its a doula, mum, friend, sister etc, that it reduces the need for drugs during labour. I really believe this is true...my Mums were so encouraging, as was my hubby...while I was in the bath, I had one Mum with a washer on my face, the other giving me jelly beans and water and my DH was holding the gas thing for me. Also, you might be in labour for a long time, this way your Mum can give your hubby a break and vice versa...they will need to eat and go to the loo at some stage and its nice to have someone you love right next to you

I guess at the end of the day its your decision and your hubbys, but I am so glad that I had both my Mums there.

good luck sweetie

[amandaw]

I was in the same boat...my mum desperately wanted to be there, but I really wanted it to be just DH and I. Mum hinted for weeks on end, before finally coming out and saying it, but I put it off - I figured that DH and I started this journey together and I really wanted him to feel like he was the most important 'other person' in this whole experience (I think Mum would have worn both of us out!!) - he came to the party...I only had to say to him "All I need is for you to talk to me" and with lots of encouragement from the midwife and ob, he became the very best birthing partner I could have asked for - I'm not sure he would have stepped up the same if someone else had been there

In saying that though...I think a prolonged labour would definitely need two people...I was only in for 3 hours before DD arrived (we only phoned people once I was actually admitted to hospital and neither of my parents answered their mobiles or the house phone as they were outside, Charlotte arrived before they got the messages, so I didn't actually ever have to say 'no' to mum...it just worked out that she wasn't there...best case scenario as far as I was concerned)

[Angelmist♥]

I regret not asking my MIL to attend my births.My mother didn't want to be there but I think my MIL would have loved every minute of it.

My labours were very quick, but I have been a support team member on a really long birth and I think having that extra person would come in handy.

It's completely up to you and your DH and BTW congratulations!!

[LilShenanigans]

I've told a lot of people this lately, but only go with what your comfortable with.
If you need extra support, explain that to DH. If you don't, explain it's a personal situation to your mother.

My mother used to argue with me about being in the room when I had 'her' grandkids. Which lead to the whole "She's seen all I have" "No you haven't, it's overgrown now!' arguements lol

Time came, I wanted her there because she could make herself useful. She's delivered many babies, but only wanted to be the one making sure I was pumped full of drugs! :p Good On'ya Mum...

[aaronismine]

I had my mum in the room with me only because DH had gone for a wander after they first administered the drip not realising how quick it works. 10 mins after sitting in this room on my own the contractions started and i asked the middie to go and get mum (she was happy to wait in the waiting room) and she then stayed and stopped me from kicking the dr in the head!

[elissas]

It's really up to both of you as partners in birth to work out a situation you are both happy with.

If you are happy with or without your mum there, and your DH really wants it to just be the two of you, then I think his wishes should be honoured.

My DH and I didn't want anyone in with us, for the very reason your DH has expressed. We did hypnobirthing and for 95% of the labour it was just the two of us, not even middies. We wouldn't have it any other way. The intimacy we experienced and the beauty it brought to our relationship during and afterwards cannot be expressed in words. We could not have experienced this with anyone else there, especially mothers or other family members.

My mum said she wouldn't have come in, even if we'd invited her. She feels the same way about birth as we do. My MIL would have come in if we'd asked but I only found this out later through my SIL. But there were no hard feelings because she said it was our choice and totally understood our reasoning for it.

Your mum should completely understand and respect your decision about your birth. There shouldn't be any argument about it. If you decide she won't be there, then issue closed... :yes:

[tru]

Before I went in to labour I said I was happy to have all the parents in the birth suite, actively participating (massage, etc). They knew I could change my mind at any time tho and they could be asked to leave. They respected this and were just happy to be considered to be included. My parents couldn't have children so I wanted them to have a birth experience.

When labour started I was happy for people to be around but when things really started happening (transition and pushing) I was in the bathroom of the birth suite and I said I didn't care who watched from the door as long as no one spoke to me or touched me (except for DP and midwife). It just would have been too distracting. I didn't look at the door the whole time. I was facing the other way on hands and knees on the floor. Everyone respected my wishes and as soon as DS was out I was happy to see who was there and talk to them.

Ultimately, it's up to you! And everyone should respect that. Best of luck achieving your natural birth experience :thumbsup:

[demeter]

I agree with what others have said here about you being comfortable being the most important thing.
No matter how much you love someone, if they have the potential to distract or even hamper your concentration or overall experience you need to politely tell them they can't attend.

It's really not about what you're mother wants. It's about you and DH and how you two want to welcome this little bundle of joy into your family.

Good luck!

[YoungMumSteph]

I agree with the majority. If u feel comfortable having her there and think she would be good support ur DH should support u in ur decision.

Having said that I would have felt comfortable with my mum being there but I really wanted to experience it with just my DF. We created the baby together and I wanted us to be the ones welcoming it into the world.