Stuck in the middle

[Gloominous]

Hi, just wanting a bit of a vent and some advice.

For reasons not even fully known to myself (as they are trying to keep me out of it!:laughing: But mostly $$$) my parents and extended family no longer talk to my brother & SIL. Now I am the only one in my family to talk to my brother as he hasnt done anything to me. But I cant tell anyone anything about the other and I cant say where the other is living or if I am even in contact with them etc.
My delima is that it will soon be my DD 1st birthday and I dont know who to invite as they are unable to be in the same room (shorly be a brawl) but it isnt her fault or mine so I'm getting a bit peeved that my little family is stuck in the middle of this big mess.

Any thoughts on what to tell the one's I cant invite? Or maybe I just shouldn't invite any of them.

Thanks for listening

[Roopee]

Hi :hugs:

I would invite all of them and let them decide whose not coming.
If they dont come then i'd be peeved. Your child should not have to pay for their lack of maturity.

Its unfair that you have been put in this position- dont let them walk all over you!

[SorenLorensen]

i say invite them all with letting them know it is your little ones bday and for them to respect that or not come,
or
have 2 parties have one earlie just befor lunch then have a small dinner get-together
hope it all works out for you and that your little one has a great day. maby they will all realise they are adult enough to enjoy a party for someone they all love.

[missie_mack]

My family is very split and I really feel for you. I dont know if I would invite them all as I know the angst and problems it would cause. I think I would do seperate things with each.....

[OJandMe]

I was in 'sorta' the same situation with my Mum and SM and Dad.

Mum had always said that she would never come to my wedding if I invited that 'b****y B****" Well... I thought. Stuff it. I like my step mum... what happened between them in the divorce had nothing to do with me. She's been around since I was 8 years old and her and Dad have been married longer than Mum and Dad ever were....

So I invited them both. And I had a huge fight with my Mum over it, but thankfully my sister had brains and called my step mum, who called my mum, who talked to her about the past... and now they're okay at family functions together.

Sorry to hijack the thread... but you've done nothing wrong, neither has your daughter. If they are going to be so immature as to choose to exclude themselves from her life becasue they don't want anything to do with your brother... then it's just being stupid. Invite them both, and just tell them to work it out, as your nit jepordising your daughter's right to have her whole family there on her first brithday. If they choose not to come, their choice. but I would always invite both of them to every occasion.... soon enough they'll get sick of missing out and get over it. JMO

[Gloominous]

Thanks everyone, I had been thinking I'd let them decide for themselves.
My Mum has just realised the Birthday is coming up and that they would all be in the same room together and has told me she will NOT come if my Bro and SIL do cos she cannot handle it and it will "finish" my dad ( "I can see her any day":eek: )

I'm pretty peeved and getting to the point of fine NONE of them can come.

Whatever happened to family is important???

[damien's mum]

Hi :hugs:

I would invite all of them and let them decide whose not coming.
If they dont come then i'd be peeved. Your child should not have to pay for their lack of maturity.

Its unfair that you have been put in this position- dont let them walk all over you!

Well said, it was like you were reading my mind!

It's horrible, we have the same thing with DH's dad and step mum, The best thing would be invite them all, and make it known that you are not going to have her day ruined! So if that is their intentions then don't bother coming... :hugs: :hugs:

[LilShenanigans]

lol ahh brings back fond memories... Everyone in my family hates everyone else...!

I had a 21st whilst quite pregnant, I used the 21st as reasoning of it wasn't celebrating my birthday, but it was proving whether my family could be civil and put aside their differences - cause if they couldn't, I threatened to disown anyone who behaved badly! (and they know I'm the type to follow through!).

They were all invited to dinner, they all turned up, even though my mum left early... and they even put on fake little smiles while I almost had a heart attack :D

Goodluck in anything you do! You will probably need all the luck in the world... or a small cupboard to climb into when it goes pear shaped :laughing:

[jessgray]

:shame: they are horrid for making you feel bad. :hugs:
i wouldnt invite any of them a 2 year old shows more amturity then them.
hope the birthday passes with little stress:hugs:

[Gloominous]

Thanks ladies, so the result is in: they are all acting like a bunch of <<insert appropriate word!>>

I'm gona let them decide which is more important, should be interesting!

Thanks again