Partners & Trying to Conceive

[lucky*me]

It seems my ever suffering DH has turned some sort of TTC emotional corner today.

We went this morning to watch my two nieces at swimming lessons. There were lots of babies and toddlers and although we're smiling and happy it was hard to watch.

Things like this are always getting to me at the moment and DH always has a supportive and reassuring comment at the ready for such breakdowns. But today for the first time he too was openly really sad that we are struggling. He was full of the 'why not us too?' questions that can overtake you at a weak moment.

It broke my heart to see him so sad and I felt so helpless that I can't fall for him. He has talked about his feelings before but today I think I finally saw what he is truly thinking about when he's on his own.

I am just wondering how everyone else's hubbies, partners, boyfriends etc have been dealing with their feelings on TTC. What were their opinions on the fertility options available and when did they think it was time to consider them?

We have been TTC for eight months with number 1.

P :)

[H&B'sMum]

I really feel for the guys actually. They just get told when they are needed to their dead and then they have no more control over it.
My Dh and I talk a lot about ttc and what each of us is going through. Only we now how hard it is for us to fall and only we can support and talk our way through it.
Talking, I think, is the best way to go.

[ElizaDee]

Our first month DH was a bit confused on when to do it, he thought I was pushing him when I was ripping his clothes off him for a couple of days! :eek: He said he felt like all I wanted was his male bits! LOL

I explained it to him during the TWW, about how little time we have and that we have to catch the egg, the next month he was much better. :o

So now we discuss it and I tell him my feelings, its much better this way. :)

[Angel_baby_1982]

After ttc 6 months he was starting to feel like it was too much of a task, like we weren't doing it for the right reasons (making babies vs making love) and the pressure started to get to him.

Like me wanting to get frisky :o when he'd had a hard day at work and just wanted to sleep and getting frustrated with him because he wasn't up to it.

After 8 months we concieved and he was overjoyed, but we lost that baby and DH seemed to develop this determination that we'd concieve again!!!

Like he was the one obsessing over 'o' time, fertile mucous, the tww, he was the one planning candle lit dinners and romantic baths when it was 'o' time! He was forever paseing the bathroom waiting for me to POAS and getting all teary eyed when it was always a BFN!

It was sweet that he wanted it as badly as I did but I felt terrible for not being able to fall as soon as we'd liked.

Now that we're preparing to ttc#2 he's getting all anxious again! All excited over charts and stuff! lol.

Hopefuly this time we'll be able to get pg quickly!

[sunflower]

hi lucky*me i understand what your going through it sounds exactly what happened to my dh a few weeks ago we have been trying for 5 mths and every time af turned up dh would be so optimistic and positive about it happening next month but when our neighbours annouced they were having their second bout a week ago dh said he felt like crying! and that it was time to get his spermies checked coz' he had chemo and radiotherapy last year. i don't know how i'd feel if it was me not being able to conceive, and there still might be hope that we can do it naturally but it kills me that i'll prob have to use a turkey baster ( lol, thats what dh calls it!) coz' we had dh spermies frozen before treatment. i just find it really hard when i'm so dissapointed that the test is bfn but at the same time i don't won't hurt dh's feelings coz' i know he blames himself..

anyways even though this is terrible i'm glad to know we arn't the only one's stuggling to make a baby.. dh asked me if everybody goes through this or do they all just fall first time i just tell him they probably do but noone talks about it that's why this forum is so great!

[maybe1more]

That is so lovely that your man cares so much and really wants a baby, that is so sweet! My dp expected me to fall pregant straight away when i was trying for bub number 2, i did fall in the second month of trying but unfortunately lost it. My dp seems to easy going as far as that goes, he was more like, "Oh things happen for a reason and obviously it wasnt meant to be". However i soo want another baby and medically i can start trying again in feb/march, but im not sure if he wants to try again, i want him to say he wants for us to try again, instead of me tell him i want another one, as thats nothing better then both partners wanting the same thing! Best of luck and i really hope the New Years stork brings you some fantastic news!

[lilly]

My husband and I spent a year trying until a test showed that I had a blocked tube and it was probably best to go on the IVF program. My first cycle on the program failed (they couldn't tell me why) and the second, after weeks of injections etc, produced only 1 egg! The average is 10. Nonetheless, one egg is all it takes and it was fertilised and implanted in me and voila I am now 20 weeks pregnant.

The hardest time for us when trying to conceive was to constantly have relatives asking us when we were going to have a baby. I really didn't feel like saying 'I'm having trouble' so would just say 'soon'. Then I'd get loads of advice on how I shouldn't leave it too long blah blah blah. Some people are really insensitive - it is no ones business whether you are trying for a baby and really, I think they should wait to be told.

IVF can be a long drawn out process for some couples but for us it was pretty darn fast. You just need to gear yourself up for the quite clinical way you are treated, the doctors certainly do not have time to discuss your feelings etc, although they do have councellors set aside for that if you want it.

8 months may not really be long enough to gauge that there is a problem with you and your husband conceiving. For me, I knew I may have issues after years of endometriosis and 5 laporoscopys.

Good luck and keep positive, I think the odds are in your favour of having a baby - you may just need to be a little patient.

Lilly

[monz]

My DH and i have been TTC for 5 months, so we are not far behind.
I can empathise with your feelings. Watching friends' with their children and hearing about another set of friends concieving have become bittersweet moments for us too. 6 months ago we would have had no problems being out for the day with friends and their children, loving every minute of it. Today, even though we love our friends and their children, we feel like we stick out like sore thumbs and often come home feeling deflated.
My husband tries to stay strong and positive each month for me, but i know that it must be very hard for him to cope with his emotions as well as mine. I think i forget sometimes, while i am in the midst of mourning, that we are both aiming for the same outcome. Its important not to jeopordise the love we already have.

[lucky*me]

Thankyou everyone for replying with such honest and personal responses. It is hard and I do worry that I get too consumed with my own thoughts. It was I think, now that I can look back on that day, a relief that we are both feeling similar emotions (as much as you can as a husband and wife) as we travel along this ttc path together.

I think I will wait for my 12 months to be up before we look at our options. I just dont feel ready to go down that path yet.

I think it is true though, that only you and your partner are the only ones who truely understand what you're going through in your own home, behind closed doors.

P :)

Now thats committment Elle! Having DP leave work to be at your 'beck and call' for bding! ;) I like your thinkin'!