Comparing Cousins!

[nemosmum]

Hi every one,

I was just wondering if this has happened to anyone else and how you handled it............

My sis had a baby boy about 7 months after I had Orlando and the family are constantly comparing them. They do it with little things like making comments about how they looked as new borns and first milestones etc.

Our boys are only young so it hasnt effected them YET but I really hate hearing stuff like that as in both my family and DH's family their were the "Favourites" Dh's brother was always the favourite and my older sis was the favourite too. We were always being compared to each other :eek:

Also I was always being told that I was jealous of my younger brother (coz he was the baby) but I really wasnt. This has started happening to Orlando, people started saying "oh theres another baby now, your not the cutest any more" I just hate it so much, but people think its just a joke.

I dont want my son and his cousin (my DN) growing up feeling competitive towards each other.

Am I rambling on about nothing :confused: I just know that with chrissy coming and all the family get togethers the comments will start flying and I want to be prepared LOL

Thanks for reading my rambling thoughts :)

[Taddy]

Hi Orlandosmum,

You are right, my family compares my neice and nephew with my son. She crawled before Jayden. I really hated it when my younger sis was giving birth and the father to the baby's mum came out and said at least he doesn't have red hair. Theres nothing wrong with my sons red hair its gorgeous.
When my younger sis fell pregnant mum and dad were dead against it coz she was 14 and she had only been with the father for 2.5wks. Oh but Chris and Natasha had a baby, they were young. I really hate it. Chris and I had been together for 4yrs before I fell.
Sorry for just going on. Though I would have a whinge too.

[Blessed Mum]

Hi Orlandosmum,
My husband has 6 sisters and therefore my son all up has 19 cousins!!! I am very lucky there hasn't been too much comparison along the way and for some other quirky reason there is always three of us pregnant at a time and a few months apart so luckily they do get along well. As one sister had a boy in march that year then our son was born in June and the other sister had a boy in July! We are expecting bub #2 on the 28th of January and were told about 80% chance of being a girl. One sister-in-law due mid march 2006 - expecting a girl and another due end of may and she is certain it will be a girl lol. I really feel for you though I would certainly not be comfortable with comparisons being made all the time.
Tara

[nemosmum]

Thanks girls for replying, hopefully I will handle any comments with grace and maturity :)

[funnyfarm]

I know how you feel. My SIL has a son six weeks younger than my daughter and you couldn't get two children more opposite that each other, but the grandparents still try and compare them. My nephew started walking earlier than Briana and was saying more words than her so i am sure that this is a good discussion point over the dinner table at the grandparents house (about how Briana is six weeks older than DN but doesn't do as much).

I just keep trying to point out that they are two totally different children and hopefully they will get the message one day.

Janet.

[cobysmummy]

i know what you mean!
a friend had her son 5 days before i had Coby and people are always comparing them.... it is annoying because ppl dont realise that babies grow and develop at different times...
they used to compare our bellies when pregnant as well...
they compare their weight (Coby is 3 kgs smaller) and cant crawl where as her son can.. it is really annoying...
i hope ppl will get over it soon! Good luck to you!

[Milly]

Hi there!

We have had this a little from my husband's family, but it has been no big deal at this stage. Plus, the bonus is that one cousin is a boy and the other a girl. So that has been a bonus actually. If this next one is a boy it may happen. I guess we'll see. Maybe when the walking and talking starts. Our nephew is a lot bigger than our daughter was at that age and now with 15 months difference, only 2kgs separates them :eek: But both kids are so different from day dot. Both so goregous in their own special ways.

I think we may not experience anything significant until this next one arrives as they will be closer in age to my daughter and her cousin (6 months as opposed to 15 months). Anyway, time will tell. ;) :)

[whatwasithinking]

My mum does it to me all the time.

My sister feel pregnant again 10yrs after her first and 5months into my first pregnancy.

I call my niece and my sister my mum's chosen ones.

[Angelmist♥]

I hate when families make 'favourites' it drives me insane. My younger sister was ALWAYS the favourite and everyone knew it.

My nephew(on hubbies side) was born 11 days after my DS2, and his mother is always trying to compare them.I hate it, I really do.Luckily the rest of my IL's are not into comparing/favouring kids so we don't sort of cop too much. In a way I thought it would be good the kids being so close in age because they could grow up together but because my SIL is such a snooty perfectionist we hardly see them at all except for family gatherings.

I'm always hearing from her "Oh J can count to 100 in 10's or he can sing this nursery rhyme" Blah blah blah woopdy-doo! :rolleyes: Am I sounding nasty yet??

It makes it hard too because DN is an only child where-as I have 2 boys very close together (13 mths) so they behave/interact totally differently.LOL, mine actually behave better than him nah nah nah na nah...........

Ok I've had my rant, hmm very sorry got off track.The best thing to do is, when they bring it up just say ALL children grow/behave/act differently no matter what scenario.
I know my 2 boys have totally different characters and they've been brought up in the same house with the same parents.So no-one can really expect any child to be the same as another.

[*Sal*]

I think comparing only gets worse when the kids get older (especially with the competitiveness of sports etc). Try to gently tell them that you are proud your child is an individual, and wouldn't it be boring if they were all the same. It won't stop them from comparing as it is human nature, but when one child is put down in favour of another, make it clear you don't want your child discussed that way in front of you. My baby is due at the same time as my cousin-in-law's, so it should be fun and games in this family too ;)

[Bubbamamma]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one with concerns in this area. I was brought up in a family where the differences between my brother and I were celebrated, not used to 'rate' us. I've noticed my MIL making comparisons between my DH and his siblings, and am very concerned that she is going to take the same approach when my little Bubba and his/her cousins come along (three of us are pregnant and due within six months of each other). Now at least I have some ideas of how to handle the inevitable without causing too much friction! Thanks!

[nemosmum]

Glad to be of help Bubbamamma, oh and welcome to the hub!

When are you due?

[Bubbamamma]

I'm due on 12 April, one SIL has just had her baby, and the other is due in January. I love the thought of the three cousins growing up as close friends, but not as rivals.

[nemosmum]

Yes me too, as O is an only child and will be for a while yet lol Im glad he has a little cousin so close to his age and a boy so they will be like brothers :)

I know Dh's dad plays favourites with his other son (DH's older brother) which is very sad but it hasnt effected DH and BIL's relationship, they are still the best of friends and are very close. I think its wonderful DH has that kind of relationship with his brother, someone to depend on no matter what!

I have that with one of my sisters, the other one I dont have a close r'ship with anymore since having O, things have been very strained which is disappointing as we used to be so close.

So your having an Aries bub, how exciting lol you'll have your hands full Dh is an aries and he is so active , always on the go go go!!!