Engagement ettiquette - your thoughts wanted

[zenifa]

On NYE, my BIL proposed to his gf of 3.5yrs, which is fantastic news :yelclap: and we are all thrilled for them both:smiliedance: !!

As an aside, DH and I were together for over 7yrs when he proposed and we got married 6
days later in Las Vegas, so we didn't have an engagement party, but did have a huge celebration with friends and family after we got married/eloped.

In some discussions held with family, a lot of questions arose, so I wanted other people's opinions on engagement ettiquette:

1. If the couple have been living together for 3yrs, and have bought a house together, is it still okay to have an engagement party? I know this is a matter of opinion, as many of our family, are saying to BIL, just skip this and go straight to the wedding? Your thoughts?

2. Is there a timeframe in which the engagement party should be held?

3. Should the couple be announcing the date of the wedding at the engagement party?

4. Aside from the celebrations and pressies, are there any other traditions that take place at engagement parties?

Thanks everyone!!
:party:

[oleander]

The only reason to skip the engagement party would be to save some money. I don't think it matters if they are already living together or not. Maybe have it at a restaurant with close family only if they don't want a big party.

Other than celebrations and pressies they would probably want to have a cake to cut and say a couple of speeches.

[~mia&ryan~]

I don't think it matter how long you have been together or anything like that, if they want an engagement party they should have one. I don't think there is a set time frame either, just when it is good for them and the people they want to invite.

We didn't announce our wedding date at our engagement party, I think that just depends on them and when they want to get married etc, and if they are inviting everyone who is at the engagement party to their wedding.

Other than a couple of speeches I don't think that there is anything specific that is expected. After all it is about them and what they want.

[imogensmummy2005]

Hi Zenifa

My DP proposed to me on xmas day:yelclap:. We have been together for 3 years, lived together for 2.5 years, and have a 16 month old and one due anytime now!

My mum suggested to me that we have no need for an engagement party seeing as we are like an old married couple already! But we are definately going to have one, probably in March or April (3 or 4 months after he proposed.) we would probably have it a bit sooner but seeing as i'm 9 months pregnant, i'm not really thinking about planning parties ATM! I don't think there is any set time that you have to have the party, just whenever you have a chance to organise it and get people together.

We won't be announcing the wedding date at the engagement, as we have no idea when it will be as we are in the process of selling our house and building a new house, so that is our no.1 financial priority ATM.

Erin

[zenifa]

Thanks for the posts!!

Erin,
Congratulations on your recent engagement!! Also best wishes for the upcoming birth of your new baby!! I noticed that you have a DD nearly the same age as mine. My DD was born on 16 Aug 05. Sounds like you will be busy, with a new baby, plus planning an engagement party and then wedding!! Good luck with it all!!

I think that its up to the couple, if they want to have an engagement party and when, where, or how it should be.
Z

[mum2bubba]

Each to their own, if your BIL wants to have an engagment party then thats for him and his future wife to discuss, there is no wrong or right answer here. Grant and I probably won't have one coz we want to save money and personally I don't see the point in them, I have been to engagment parties that were better then the actual wedding.
Grant was engaged before he met me (broke up before we started dating) and he and his ex and an engagment party.
Its not really up to anyone to say weather its right or wrong.

[Butterbear]

i didn't have an engagement party more ue to the fact we wante dto spend money on a big wedding!!!

Good luck with it all!

[missie_mack]

We had a great engagement party. We invited absolutely everybody because we wanted a smaller wedding- weddings are so much more expensive! To be able to do more at the engagement we asked people not to buy us gifts (we didnt really need anything) and instead pay for their own mains. We had lots of finger foods for entrees, we had engagement cake for desert and we placed wine on every table. We also had a band play. It was a good way to celebrate our engagement with us not really needing gifts and saving money. Everybody really enjoyed themselves too and we got no complaints (not like our wedding where they complained about this and that even though they didnt pay a cent!)

[Foxy]

Just thought I'd add the time-factor in. If the wedding is still a couple years off, then an engagement party might be a nice way to celebrate their decision. If the wedding will be within the year, I would skip the party.

[SorenLorensen]

heck when i get engaged i want a party, i dont care that we have a house and DD, i will be wanting to run to the top of the world and scream "im getting married" so for sure i am going to celebrate it with everyone i know.
thats just me some people dont have them to save money for the wedding, and thats prob the smart thing but hey i wana a party:party:

[SpecialMumma]

We got engaged in the febaury just after moving in together and set the engagement party for May 20th 2006 and wedding for June 2nd 2007, but a few weeks before the engagement party we decided not to wait to get married and set the date for June 24th 2006! ONE MONTH AWAY!

We still had our engagement party but we called it a "meet the families BBQ" and just had all our families meet each other instead. We also asked for no gifts as it was so close to the wedding and got some pple to bring some food. most people just did that anyway as they hate going empty handed.

there are no 'rules' for that kinda stuff, its just what you feel.

Congrats to your family!

[Becteria]

We had a daughter, a home and all the trimmings. We skipped the engagement party as we wanted to spend more on the wedding, and we were asking our guests to travel to the weddign location so didnt want the added expense of a present. I actually havent been to an engagement party in ages!

[pretty n pink]

I think if you dont have the party you will regret it. My brother just had a beautiful engagement party and they have lived together for some time. They had Personalized Fortune Cookies (http://www.fancyfortunecookies.com) made with their names and wedding date inside. Go all out, it will be something you will remember for ever.

[Herchy]

Do what I did, and get married at the engagement party!!!
So much cheaper, less hassle, and it was a fantastic day and a wonderful surprise for everyone!

[Herchy]

PMSL that will teach me for replying before checking the dates.