being so rough....

[TwoBlue]

Hi all

My 19 month old DS has become so rough lately.
All his play with his "peers" is pushing, pulling, scratching, yelling etc.. etc...
even when he "tickles" he is rough and hurtful

I dont think at all that he means to be rough, how can i settle his behaviour down..?

we have a bubba due in a few weeks and i am starting to worry a little about what he will do to bubs but i must admit he seems to be very gentle with them when he sees my friends babies etc..

Any tips??

[poshBecks]

Hi TRacey...

Ds is going through the same stage oddly enough ;)

I just grab both of his hands and hold them firmly and look straight into his eyes & say firmly " No, Connor That hurts Mummy(or whoever) you must be gentle!!" Then I show him what gentle is.. By stroking his arm very gently. He is beginning to get the idea, especially with babies! Get him a little doll or something to take care of!!
Hope that help a bit!! :D

[Supermum]

Hi Tracey

We were in a very similar situation when DD came along.

This is my spin on the sitch.

Sam is going through a huge developmental change. He's just beginning to learn about what he can and cannot do, his strengths, his weaknesses. Toddlers are always pushing the envelope and have a tendency to be impulsive. It's normal.

So while it's normal, it's obviously not appropriate. Biting and hitting behaviours are not acceptable in toddlers, but at this stage it is difficult to reason with them. Toddlers may act impulsively and aggressively to express their frustration without realising that they are hurting someone else. Whilst his intention to hit, bite, grab or yell are there ... it doesn't mean that Sam knows he is hurting someone. They do not have full control and understanding over their behaviours and are just beginning to learn about the consequences of their behaviours.

Toddlers' limited language abilities make it easier for them to express their frustrations through actions rather than words. If they are unable to find words to communicate their feelings, toddlers will find another outlet to communicate, possibly in the form of aggressive behaviours.

Modelling behaviour, as Becky mentioned, is a positive way for you to deal with this. Distraction is another ... although sometimes hard to do when he's in full flight. Either ignore the yelling completely, don't even blink and only respond to him when he speaks properly. If he hits, bites, grabs in a firm voice tell him to "STOP SAM - I don't like that/That hurts mommy/Hands are for holding not hitting/we hug our friends, we don't hit them". Tell him that you can't/he can't play any more if he does it again. If he continues, pick him up and move him somewhere where he has no stimulus. Leave him there for a short while ... remembering he has a short attention span. See how it goes.

Apologies for the tome - hope it helps.

cheers, deb

[TwoBlue]

Toddlers' limited language abilities make it easier for them to express their frustrations through actions rather than words. If they are unable to find words to communicate their feelings, toddlers will find another outlet to communicate, possibly in the form of aggressive behaviours.


Thanks Deb its great to get a reply from you as i respect your child rearing skills greatly :)

I think the lack of language skills (as quoted) is a big part of it as Sam is still not great in that department, we are trying the "talking too/explaining" "distraction" and "time out" and occasionally we have success :o
Hopefully as he grows and his language skills improve we will see improvement in this area... Thanks again Deb

[JanetF]

I try to always model gentle behaviour and also notice when ds is being gentle without prompting so I can say "That's very gentle, darling, I love it when you're gentle!" He started learning gentle from very early on because he used to whack me in the boob when bf so I started saying "gentle" and showing him what I meant. Even now sometimes when I say "Can you show me gentle?" he pats me on the boob LOL. They have very limited language capacity at that age but with some gentle guidance you can show him what you mean. I use "I" statements too with ds "I need you to be gentle" and the like.
This has some brilliant ideas! I use it a lot ;)
http://askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

[Supermum]

Thanks Trace - appreciate the compliment.

JanetF is right, modelling behaviour was first on my list and we consider it our first port of call. Every parent should be a model for their children . We also, as a matter of course, continually praise our children for good, nice and gentle behaviour.

Sometimes this method doesn't work though when your rampant toddler is on the warpath or on a spirited bender. Hence the tome :o.