I am the most terrible parent - Vent(long)

[MumOfTwoBoys]

I am sure I am the worst parent. Well, I mean among normal people; those starving their children or putting them in a dryer are out of the discussion.

I always wanted two children. I was almost sure that I wouldn't yell at them and would try distractions and simply-worded explanations. I would never forbid anything without a real reason... Etc. Well the dreaming part is over.

I find myself sliding into a serious depression (never thought it would come my way). I can't concentrate at work and my boss probably thinks that it was my clone at the initial interview. The phrase "the joy of parenting" sounds as rediculous to me as "compassionate and forgiving Bin-Laden" and I find myself irritated even before I open my eyes in the morning. I never thought that I could love to death and be irritated by the same person at the same time.

My nearly 7y.o manages to drive me nuts more efficiently than a 2.5 y.o who is appropriately and officially goes through "terrible twos". I am tired, exhausted, irritated... I completely lost any interest in life. I do things out of pure responsibility. I don't care how I look, I don't want to buy new clothes. I eat what is nearest in the fridge...

When DS1 was a toddler I used to take him to the playgroud every single day. He was extremely shy and I tried everything to expose him to other children. I never skipped a single playgroup session even during the Uni exam periods. I was there for him so it is not like he was a lonely child surrounded by expensive toys.

Now he is nearly seven. He never does anything unless I repeat the request at least 4 times and preferably yell. And I mean anything. He has a strange mixture of the ability to be geniunely happy for others and enjoy the misery of others. He smiles when a friend of his gets hurt :eek: He loves when I punish his brother. At the same time on many occasions he helped his school friend when she got hurt and was extremely happy when she got a student of the week badge. What is it?!?!? No matter how many times we tell him not to wake us up in the morning on the weekend he does it again and again. No reasoning works with this child! Sometimes I really think that I am talking to a wall. And mind you I still manage to stick to the rule of giving a logical reason for any 'no', i.e. "because I said so" is not used in our house. And still... Even simple things needs to be repeated every single time as if he never heard them before:Go to the toilet after you get up in the morning; make up your bed; sit properly at the table... He knows all that but still makes us say it million times. Trust me there is more I just don't want to bother you with this. The idea is that we cannot rely on him even in tiniest things and it's extremely exhausting and frustrating. It's irresistably sweet to watch a helpless baby but it is awfully frustrating to watch a helpless healthy 7 y.o.!

Then comes the topic of sibling rivalry. I won't bother you with the details I just hope that with some miracle we will avoid hospital Emergency for our youngest before he becomes a teenager. Sometimes they play nicely together but most of the time...

Sorry, it was so long and boring. It looks like I am not built for parenting...

[MissieK]

You sound like a Normal Mum. Huge hugs.

Melissa

[OJandMe]

:hugs:

Oh hun... it will all work out.

I know you've probably tried everything.... but just to save yourself some sanity, how about just not repeating things? eg: ask him once to sit properly at the table... if he doesn't, just remove his food and tell him he can have it back when he sits up straight, with his legs under the table etc etc. If he does it again, then just say... well that was dinner. you can go. Kids won't let themselves starve. A few missed dinners won't hurt him (especially if an hour later you offer it to him again) He'll soon get the idea that's that what he needs to do. or give him the option to sit properly, or stand. (this is what I did when my grade 2's were going through a stage of swinging on chairs) after one boy lost his chair for the whole morning, none of them swung on chairs again.

I have no idea if this will help.... but just thought I'd try a few things that work in the classroom.

[FourAngelKisses]

I agree, I think you sound like a normal mum who is the parent of a normal 7yr old boy.

Try not to stress over the little things.........for example, at the end of the day, does it really matter if he didn't make his bed?

[juna]

I have no experience to share with you about a 7 yr old, but my 2 year old was doing that. I would ask her to pick up her toys over and over untill finally screaming it out, PICK UP YOUR TOYS NOW! Not my finest moment.:banghead: The next time it happened I asked her to pick them up, she said Nup! Argh! So I said 'pick them up or I will throw them in the rubbish.' And she didn't, so I did. I bag of toys in the rubbish. She now picks up her toys when I ask her.
Hope things work out for you.

[misskittyfantastico]

You sound like a loving mum who is tired and depressed.:hugs:

Some of the feelings (or lack of feelings) that you mention could've been written by me when my depression was in full force, the anger, the irritaion, the lack of any kind of motivation, the sense of hopelessness and helplessness. I'm in no way trying to "diagnose" you or make any assumtions but I would really urge you to go and talk to your GP. Really talk though, tell them what you just posted here. It's in no way an easy thing to do but if nothing else, it may give you a sense of relief.

I hope you find some happiness soon:hugs:

[damien's mum]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[kiah]

You are normal and so is your little boy. I had a similar prob with my 4 yr old last yr. We had to put up a visual chart for him..u can make the pictures of what to do in the morning...stickers after each goal etc...its alot of energy and reinforcement but eventaully it works. W had to go as far as putting up a toilet chart...coz he was so lazy and just peed all over the floor, everytime (yes everytime) he peed into the toilet his chart was rewarded with a sticker. We also hav an alarm set in his room...he is allowed out of bed when the sun comes up but not allowed to wake us until the alarm goes off.

We also discovered he had a serious ear infection that was stopping him from hearing all of our instructions. (Worth a check up, ask for a hearing test). We are seeing a ear nose and throat specialist...the doctor told us he has now become lazy with his hearing...we hav to retrain him get him tuned in watching our lips...eyecontact etc.

Jayce is a lot of work but we are getting there with him. Some children hav problem with their auditory processing (how they recieve information through hearing). Your son may need alot of visual clues and nonvisual prompts.

I hope this has helped a little...i know how frustrating it can b....it does help if u hav a lot of support from your partner...if it wasn't for mine i would have lost it....i can b a yeller at times too.

Good luck:kiss:

[MissBrightside]

You and your boys sound so similar to me and my 2 boys. Except mine are 4 and 2. So looks as though Im in for a few more years of:banghead: !!
So I can fully understand where you are coming from and I hope I am doing a great job with raising them as best I can as I am sure you are doing your best!!!
Trials of being a mum I suppose, children love to press mums buttons. I know all of mine get pressed everyday.
Chin up mate.

[theycallmemum]

Hon, your 7 year old may not being naughty on purpose. What you have described is exactly as my 10 yr old behaves, lack of empathy, inability to follow instructions or even do basic things like washing hands before coming to the dinner table. It's not because he is being naughty on purpose but because he has aspergers. Might be something to look into.

[~mia&ryan~]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[werdxela]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
I dont have any advice just hugs. My 7 year old is the same. Your not a bad mum your just emotionally drained.

[jessgray]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: you are not a bad mum. you just need a break :)

[MumOfTwoBoys]

Ladies, you are the best! Thanks HEAPS to all of you. All your hugs and kind words are a huge support. I am still scared to death of what lyes ahead as I was told that the time between 7 to 12 y.o is the best for boys :eek: If this is the best...

Well, unfortunately (or fortunately?) his hearing if perfect. He never has any trouble hearing the word ice-cream or alike. As for Asperger's - I guess if he had any I'd hear some complaints from school, wouldn't I? May be he IS a normal 7 y.o. Why on erath no one warned me??? :confused:

May be we just have to learn to ignore toothpaste tubes filled with water (makes a beautiful blue fontain, a la Geneva, when squeezed), screams at 7:30am on Sunday, spilled food and drink every time he comes near kitchen table, screams of the little one whenever his brother is anywhere near him, etc.

Why don't new mothers given a spare nervous system when they are discharged from the hospital?:rolleyes:

[motherlylove]

hugs for you we are all here for you try not to be so hard on yourself.....im sure any mum has those days some admit it others dont. Unless there is truely an angel child out there

[BeachBaby3]

I cant began to tell you how glad I was when I read your thread. You could have been describing my son. He's 7 and acts exactly as you described. We're at the end of our tether too. Every day of the week begins b4 6am as my DS2 has only 2 volumes...loud and asleep (even then he talks in his sleep LOL) he wakes up 1 and 1/2 hours b4 DD who is 6 months old.

Big:hugs: I'm sure you're doing a great job.

[jess_live_die]

:hugs::hugs: u sound like every mum i know :hugs::hugs: cheer up hunni