What to do with in laws over Xmas/New Years when due with next baby.

[Milly]

Hello there!

Quick question for you all as I need some advice.

I am pregnant and due right over Christmas and New Year (Jan 1) . It is In-Laws turn for Christmas this year and I am a bit stressed as my MIL expects us there but I want to be close to home. They live an 1.5 hours away. It is my second child and my first labour was reasonably fast (8 hours) so if the 2nd baby trend is applicable to me, that will make this labour even quicker again.

We did tell them a couple of months ago that we will not be able to come as I am not comfortable with being away from the hospital and home at such a time, but she is asking us again if we will come up anyway. She has the knack of chipping away at you and never hears your answer if it the opposite of what she wants to hear. It seems like a Catch 22 situation. If we have the baby at Christmas, well that is the way it is and if I go overdue we will never hear the end of it.

What do you think? Should we go up for Chrissy lunch 1.5 hours away (also taking a toddler and other stuff too. I am thinking we would go for lunch at the most rather than stay over a couple of nights as per her suggestion) with the entire extended family which is rather big or stick with my original instincts of staying close to home? Do you think she needs to be more understanding?

[mum2ryan]

Hi Milly,
My son was born last new years eve, so I know what you are going through. We were going to have a big family christmas with extended family in Bundaberg, but because I wasn't sure on bubs exact due date. Doc said DEC 22 - Scan said JAN 3, we asked if the christmas dinner could be moved to our house.
most family were obliging and understood my condition. Who wants to travel in a car for long distnaces when you're about to have a baby.
I don't know your circumstances, but can you have christmas at your place, at least that way your toddler has all their toys and can be put down at a regular time and your closer to your hospital.

[kimmy]

I was pregnant in 99 with Jakob & my due date for him was 1 January 2000 but come 24 December a day before c-mas. What we did was have an early c-mas with the in laws that live to far. wish i didn't though i would of rather stay home as well so i say if you don't want to go & feel uncomfortable then don't ask them to come & see you guys this year...they should under stand how you feel :)

[draught]

My view on pregnancy is that you get to make the rules - if you don't want to drive 1.5 hours from home near your due date then you don't. (I wouldn't have either at the end of both my pregnancies). And if they don't like it - it is their problem, not yours.

I agree that you could invite them to come to you - but do you want to be doing all that work when you are due? Why not have a lovely quiet day with you, DH and toddler - stay calm, eat what you want to eat, let your toddler play with the presents, sleep in their own bed, when they need to. You will feel much happier in the end! My MIL also wanted us to come for Xmas when I was pregnant with DD1 - but it was a 5 hour drive, so even though I had 7 weeks to go we said no and stuck to our guns - and she got over it. The most important thing is you and baby - not MIL!

[poshBecks]

I'm in the same boat..due a week before Christmas. My in laws are having the get together 2 hours away!! I just said there's no way I'm going to travel that far so close to date!

Don't give in!!!!! Next time she asks just say no! Tell her your doc says no :o Then she cant argue!! HE he he! That's a bit naughty isn't it!! :rolleyes: Well anyway it's your body & you get to decide!!

[Chickadee]

Stay home and phone them on Christmas morning & new years eve from the comfort of your own house. Your MIL will just have to get over it.

It would be a nice gesture to have them to your place, but I agree with Draught - do you really want that noise and stress invading your house? It's sometimes hard to get guests to leave or even to retreat to a quiet bedroom for some temporary peace.

[xkwzit]

...or just sneaky ;)

Ours is not a large gathering and everyone has come to our place for the last 3 years. And I make them bring food so I don't have to do everything (and my mum ALWAYS helps with the washing up - just can't stop her).

Invite them around to you (if you're up for it), but I wouldn't be making the drive myself if I was in your shoes.

Cheers

[brooke]

i feel the same as you- i am due 10days before xmas and i have told my SIL and MIL that i do not intend to go to their house for xmas as i will either be still pregnant.. lets hope not or have a brand new bub who i do not want to be driving up in the hills with!

I have invited them to my parents house for xmas (my parents live 5mins from me) or said they can come to our place for a early xmas!

[LittleBoysRock]

I would make them come to you. Why should you be stuck in a hot car 9 months pregnant?!!

My inlaws live 1.5 hours away and I didnt go up there for the last few months of my pregnancy. I wasn't very popular but I wanted to make sure that if I did go into labour I wasnt stuck in the middle of nowhere!

If they are decent people they would help to make it a special christmas and maybe even spoil their daughter-in-law.

Goodluck with it all. ANd I really hope you don't have to travel :)

[Milly]

Hello again all!

Thank you for your advice! :)

I suggested a Chrissy do at our place the week or two before as a compromise, but MIL does not think the elderley relatives will travel for that. But I was thinking that the do at our place could be more along the lines for her age and younger and we would visit the elderly ones a bit before that again. But she was not into the idea of having it down here with us. :confused: So, that idea was not easily bought at all.

I think she wants the family with them like they have always done. The rest of DH's family are all still up there all into together.

It is an awkward situation, But I guess it is just my MIL insistance that we be there and her lack of understanding that I am finding so frustrating. I think we will go and visit the elderley relatives before Chrissy as we originally intended and have a nice quiet one here at home base close to the maternity facilities. :D

It has been great to hear your thoughts on this :)

[brooke]

Milly
you just do what is right for you!
MIL can be annoying sometimes as they just sometimes wont budge!
Good luck!

[Mummaof2]

I must be lucky! I'm also due close to christmas 22/12 and my in-laws have offered to travel the 1.5 hours to our place for christmas. As we are unsure as to whether I will still be pregnant, have a new bub or still be resting in hospital we have decided that we are just going to have a small xmas lunch with both parents on boxing day if I am home that way DD gets to spend all xmas day at home playing with her new toys etc.

Good Luck with your MIL.

[andrewsmum]

My son was due 22nd December but did not arrive until 28th December. Had to travel one hour to my grandma's house for lunch and then 30 mins to my MIL for dinner on the Christmas Day. It was the worst Xmas Day I have ever had, being overdue, hot, tired and feeling pretty uncomfortable.

Neither of them had air conditioning and the pedestal fans were pretty useless for an overdue pregnant woman!!! I won't do that again, so if you haven't had bub yet, and you dont think you'll be comfortable, don't do it.

Just visit your relo's a little bit before Xmas day and just chill out on the day itself with your hubby and toddler. Don't worry too much about MIL's opinion.

[HoopDeeDoo]

I definately would stick to your guns there are certain times in your life when you have to put your needs first and this is one of them. i would definately stay home and why not visit all the rellies after the new bub is born? That would be the best xmas/new year present for them because if they live far away they may not be able to see the new bub for a while otherwise :)

[Milly]

Thank you all for the further replies! :) It has definetly been great to hear what you have suggested.

Yep, we are staying home and going to talk MIL around to our compromise with a visit to the elderly lot earlier in the month! :D

[mumworkingoverseas]

If you feel that you need something more solid to back up your reasons for staying at home, tell your MIL that your OB has forbidden you travelling that distance so close to your due date. Especially given your previous speedy delivery. Even the most stubborn MIL can't argue with doctor's orders.
Good luck.

[Milly]

Than is true mumworkingoverseas :) That has definetly crossed my mind. I was also talking to a Midwife about it and she said that a quiet one at home is the best way to go being so close to EDD. Especially given how my labour progressed last time.

Another interesting thing I heard that other day was that being around people at a social function when your are due to pop (when you cervix is ripe and you are due etc), is that it produces more Oxytocin and that you may be more likely to go into labour. My last labour was actually in the social company of others at another family BBQ. Hence my anxiety for also staying away from big family functions as well :D Especially one away from home base.