When will I be ready?

[2girls&1boy]

Hi Everyone,

I am after a little advice from you all. I am a SAHM with a 15mth old daughter. I am expecting number 2 in May and DH and I had decided that we would put DD in family day care 1 day a week. I made all the calls, got all the information needed but when push came to shove I just cannot do it.

I worry so much about her going to some stranger's house and not get the same sort of care that I give her. I know that noone is going to give her the care I as her mum would, but as you all feel about your little ones - this little girl is the most precious little person in the world.

I am wondering how as mums you all managed to get over your angst and send your littlies to day care. I know eventually I have to cut the apron strings with kindy and school although they are different as the kids can completely express themselves at that stage.

Am I just being ridiculous???? :confused:

Thanks
Paula

[tickle]

As you probably already read from the other thread. I competely agree with you. I really do believe that it is a little different when they can express themselves. By the time bubs is born she will be 21 months (or so, that's what Oliver will be??!!), a lot can happen in the next 6 months and I think I will be surprised by how much more grown up Oliver will be.
Personally, I wouldn't do anything I'm not comfortable with. I figure while it is not absolutely necessary I won't put him into care. Do you have any family that could take her for a few hours on a regular basis??
Go with what your instincts tell you. :)

[alicesmum]

hi paula
you are not being ridiculous at all.

i had alice in daycare one day per week at UQ for about 8 weeks (yes, that's all it lasted). Although it was a great Centre, I knew the director personally through family members and the carers were lovely and I was only in the next building, in the end, I pulled her out because I felt mean leaving her in other people's care and without 1-to-1 care. The clincher was when I came up one lunchtime and saw her crying in the sandpit rubbing sand into her little eyes.... :(

I leave her with my MIL 1-2 days per week and my own mother 1 day a fortnight or so, and I am totally cool, happy and comfortable with doing that, as it is 1-to-1 care and I know they love her. So for your own piece of mind, that is probably the best option if it is an option. We pay my MIL because it's time she could be earning money elsewhere, and we think it's money well-spent.

Pls don't feel silly about your concerns. I feel the same way.

hope you find a good solution.

[JanetF]

My son would freak right out if left with strangers. Some kids love it. There is no developmental need that requires your child to be away from you. On the contrary, children who have as much closeness as they need separate much more healthily from their parents without trauma. Your little one will show you when it's right, and you'll be able to let her go when she needs it. Good on you for keeping your child's emotions at the forefront of parenting. It can only lead to healthy adult behaviour when she's all growed up :)

[our little treasures]

I agree with janetf I was just saying to my mum how well adjusted my dd is as when I do leave her like when I had ds and dh wanted to come and spend time with me and bubs at hosi dd loved it after a while she wanted mummy, she is very happy when I leave the room and yet I know heaps of children dumped at care centres winging crying and grasping his her parent legs!!!


SOrry if I offend anyone but I dont agrre with leaving my dd or ds with a stranger... I believe I chose to have these beautiful children and that means I look after them and if I need to get somewhere I leave kids with mum or mil and only a few times in my dd 21mnth life have I done this..

Another thing is look at all the child molesting that happens, who will wipe your kids eyes when they fall over or another child bites kicks or hits your child!!! I'm sorry but I am dead against it..

[B]please dont abuse me - the other side is my sil has trouble with stressing too much with her kids and has her son in there so she can pay bills etc and has no worries But while I can control some sadness in my childrens life Iwill..

And don't try to change my opinions as this is one i wont budge from..

besides i want to see the smileas on my childrens faces when hey play etc

[Chickadee]

I can understand how you feel. It was hard when I first went back to work and left Chloe. She was only 5 months old I think.

We went sort of a middle route. We have no family here, and I wasn't completely comfortable with the centres I'd seen. But I lucked out and got Chloe into a great family day care. It's a home situation and I think more consistent as I know she will have the same carer each and every day, and also the other children tend to be regular so it was like a little family. The child/carer ratio is up to the same as in the centres, but my DD was the only "baby" when she started, the others were all at least a year older. In the 1.5 years she went to her carer we would occassionally go through a few days when she would be upset at being left. But I think that was her natural clinginess to me when feeling a bit off. I know she loved it there and usually she wouldn't even blink when I left her in the morning.

When she was around 18 months I went again to look at a centre and took Chloe along. She was so overwhelmed by the noise and activity of 10 other little kids, it just reaffirmed to me that having her in a smaller setting was the right thing for us. Plus, when I was there the 2nd carer in the room had to leave the room to get the morning snack, leaving one carer with 10 little ones. Yikes!

Oliver's mum made a good point. Bubs grow and develop so quickly that your daughter will be very different in a few months and may be more ready to spend a few hours away from you. But only if you're comfortable with it too.

[the_queen]

Plus, when I was there the 2nd carer in the room had to leave the room to get the morning snack, leaving one carer with 10 little ones. Yikes!


How old were these children? Because if they were under 2, that is actually illegal. Or, possibly not illegal, but definately against regulations. Even though the other one had to get the snack, she should have got the director or one of the floating staff to cover her while she was gone. I studied child care before I had DD. There are specific staff:child ratio's that must be adhered to at all times. To obtain accreditation, a centre must stick to a lot of regulations - including staff:child ratio's. From memory, for under 2's it 1:5 (ie if there's 6 children, there needs to be 2 staff; 11, there needs to be 3 staff) ; for 3 and 4 yr olds its 1:7 and 1:10 (i think - could be wrong - someone please correct me if I am!!)

I think the best way to see what a centre/family day carer is really like, is to drop in unannounced. Once I dropped in to the family day carer's very very early, and the carer was OUTSIDE HAVING A SMOKE!!! One of the questions I specifically asked when choosing this carer was "Do you smoke?" because I didn't want DD around that all day. I guess her answer of "no" really meant "not around the children - I leave them unsupervised while i duck out for a cancer stick"!!!!!!!!!

(I'm now a SAHM - personally for our situation, the tiny bit of extra money I was earning was not worth the stress (and the fees!!) of putting DD in child care)

[2girls&1boy]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I feel I am not just being a smothering parent but actually am just a normal concerned mum. DH and I have spoken to my sister and my MIL and they are going to take Grace one day a week alternately. It makes me feel a lot better knowing how much they love grace so I know she will be just fine.

Thanks again.. :)

[our little treasures]

Good on you they will delight in having her over alot cheaper as well you can just give a nice bunch flowers here and there

[Ffrenchknickers]

That's a great solution! You must feel relieved to have an alternative that you are happy with:D

I think it is natural for us to find it hard to leave our kids and vice versa.

[Sarie]

I couldn't put my kids into daycare either. It's just not for me. When Nathan was first born we owned a shop and he grew up with me in the shop, it was hard work but worth it. I knew I couldn't do it with two kids so as soon as we found out I was pregnant again the shop went on the market.
I'm now starting party plan, but I'll only do shows when hubby is home with the kids.
But that's just me...