Running out of options

[Melski]

Hey gerls,

I'm so confused about what I can do about my boy's sleeping problems.

He is not quite 6 months old. Until 1 month ago he and I were quite happy with the sleeping arrangements which was to go to sleep in his cot no probs (wrapped and with a dummy). He would wake up 1-2 times / night for a feed then straight back to bed.

1 month ago he had a couple of teeth come through and EVERYTHING changed. He still went down without a fuss but woke up SO OFTEN and was AWAKE and difficult to get back to sleep. It got progressively worse until he was waking every sleep cycle (every 40 mins). I realised that apart from feeding at the usual times, I was getting up to replace the dummy and rewrap.

Now i never would have thought I would consider CC (particularly as he is not even 6 months old!), but this kid will NOT co-sleep (we just keep each other awake all night and he cries until I get out of bed and walk him around...it's just not practical). And what are my other options? He will not fall asleep on the breast and rocking does nada. Do I just stay up all night with him until he passes out from exhaustion?

I am so sleep-deprived I am starting to feel I starting to be a danger to myself and others (driving, going psycho etc.) DH and I really feel like we need to wean off the dummy as he cannot seem to resettle without it.

So, (sorry about the length of this)...we started to put to sleep without the dummy and I am SO CONFUSED because half the time this doesn't seem to be an issue and he sleeps reasonably well, but the other half of the time it is a major trauma and we feel terrible about him becoming so upset. We are not doing classic CC b/c we feel he is too young, so we are only leaving a couple of mins then going in and resettling. If he becomes too upset I pick him up for some reassurance and almost immediately he is tryig to engage me in games (little bugger!)

Last night it took 3 hours of this before he went to sleep, only to wake again 40 minutes later. Needless to say, i was beside myself.

I am seriously going demented and feel really sad about doing the wrong thing by my boy. Any suggestions would be much appreciated. Sorry about the long thread.

Mel

[TLCC]

Hi Mel,

I'm so sorry your having so many problems, there is nothing worse than sleep deprivation...its just so demanding on you and your husband and I'm sure not much fun for the little one either. Your not doing anything wrong by him, its just a matter of working out what works for you all. It may be that he has more teeth coming as that causes us major stress. We use a herbal treatment for Tayla when teeth are coming through. Its Hylands tablets, Just dissolve a couple in water 1/2 before bed and give to her on a spoon and it seems to help.

Anyway, for sleep problems we used the Pick up Put Down technique advocated by the Baby Whisperer although we didn't start using it till DD was 8 or 9 months (we should have done it sooner though!!). (she has a book out and a website)

Basically its teaching them to settle themselves but you are there for support.

The technique is basically:

1. Tell them they are going off to sleep now and head to their room
2. Cuddle, Kiss put down in cot
3. You can pat them if necessary but if they are okay just lying there then just stay by the bed till they fall asleep so they know you are there
4. If they cry etc you can pick up for a cuddle but first sign of settling then you put them down again so they don't use you to settle.
5. You can talk to them the whole time if you like with things such as relax, time for sleep etc
6. eventually they should stop fussing and lie still then off to sleep.

It works on what they call PC parenting, patient and consistent.

it took us 1 hour the first time and has been gradually less since. DH takes her to bed and is now moving to the other side of the room but still there. We hope to be able to just leave her eventually which works during the day but at night she is overtired and doesn't settle too well.

Sounds like he is playing with you a bit if he trys to play when you pick him up. I hate listening to DD cry but I can tell the different between just not happy and distressed and try to work on dealing with distressed cry's only (its not easy though).
Good luck, maybe you could leave him with someone for a few hours to catch up on your sleep and get re energised and then give it another go. I know I get so frustrated when things get me down and my tolerance isn't great when I'm tired.

Sorry this was a very long answer, hope it helps and things settle down.

Cheers,

[Tea Lady]

You poor poor thing!

It's the worst feeling ever. I was the same as you in that I was DETERMINED not to do CC but ended up doing it because I had run out of options (my bub was 8 months though). I don't have heaps of advice to give, except that even though listening to them cry is the pits you're not doing him any favours if you're too tired to enjoy being with him, or if you have a car accident or something. It's all relative. The pick up put down thing sounds good - I'd try that combined with some hard, rhythmic patting on his nappy (we find singing helps too). Hope it works out for you.

Lucy

[Melski]

Thanx so much for yr reply...

I just have a question about this method. Do they not then need you to be there by the cot in order to go to sleep? Or is it a case of eventually the baby realises that he is not being left and therefore does not need you to be there to go to sleep?

It sound a more realistic option for the middle of the night than allowing to cry.

Has anyone else had success with this technique?

Cheers! Mel

[Chickadee]

Mel,
I would pat to settle and then leave the room once she was starting to close her eyes instead of standing till DD fell asleep. At first she'd cry to scream and I'd go back, repat to calmness, leave again. Initially could take 30 to 45 minutes. After a few days I could hear from her cry whether she was just grizzling (angry & tired) or really hysterical and needing me. It took a week to get initial changes, and 3 to 4 weeks for really good results. We started that at around 4 months, and it was tiring hard work sometimes. But for the last 12 to 16 months she's been a dream to put to bed - we say good night, she gets dummy blankie and a bear, tucked in and I turn out the light and leave. So the hard work now, whatever method you find works, can pay off in the long run.

[sasholi]

I love the pick up put down method because it is so much more gentle than CC.

Having said that, it does take nerves of steel, so if you are going to do it, put aside a few nights where you and hubby or a support person can be there, and you have to "formulate a plan" so you know exactly what you are doing, when and what to stick to. There is nothing more confusing for you an bubs than changing your mind half way through the night!!! :-)))

We tried pick up put down but it didn't work for us, so we ended up doing a modified version of CC. My bubs had a real dummy issue, and he too would not co-sleep no matter how hard I tried (and I really tried!!!). So with our cc we did the normal wind down/bed time routine then we went in, popped him in bed, then left. if he cried, we waited for two minutes, then in for two with firm, rhythmic patting on bum and saying "shhh, it's OK you're just going to slep", every now and then. Then we'd go out for four, in for four, out for six, in for six... up to ten minutes. If bubs still not asleep then get bubs up to totally relax. Keep everything calm. When relaxed, start again.

CC is not for everyone, and I would not recommend doing it on your own. But this worked for us. My bubs is now happy and just relaxed and a chirpy little chappy all the time because he is getting enough sleep now!!! (And so is mum and dad!!! so we are also very happy.)

If you require any further advice (as this really worked for us very well.) then just ask!

[ToTeenyTots]

Hi
Just a quick question slightly off the subject. I tried CC when Tash was about 6 months but her Dad couldnt bear the crying so we didnt persist. She is 10 months now and I would like to try again. Her sleep has improved out of sight but her Day sleeps can take up to an hour of patting and shhhing through clenched teeth. She then sleeps for an hour or more twice a day. She ca self settle through the night most times. Except when teething but thats normal I imagine. Anyway my question is now that she is able to sit stand and crawl how do you get then to lie down for long enough to got to sleep. tash just sits up and screams. If I leave her long enough will she lay down again or......?
Any tips helpful so I can have a definate plan to help us follow before I attempt to introduce.
Cheers
Anna

[JEP88]

I know how you feel. My little girl Madison, just turned 8 months had a great sleeping pattern up til a month ago. She has never been a great sleeper during the day but sleep through at night.

Well that has all change and after a month of constant crying and no sleep I was ready to try anything. A friend recommended a book by Gina Ford which has worked magic.

We modified it to suit us and now Madison, sleeps 45mins in morning, up to 2 hours in the afternoon and through the night (mostly :) )

Hope it helps and good luck

[BJelly]

Are there any good places near you that help mum's with bubs that don't sleep? Maybe you could ask the local Child Health Nurse.

I got a referral to a local day clinic that has a nurse who was lovely. She gave us a personalised daily routine and worked out what was the best CC technique for us - My bub wouldn't be soothed when I was in the room - and I couldn't keep carrying her to sleep - especially when half the time she woke up when put in the cot - we'd be back to square one, even tho she was totally overtired.

Going to a day clinic worked for me, as I found it hard to let her cry herself to sleep, but having someone there with lots of baby experience, who was very caring, helped me trust what she was doing. This also gave me the confidence to do the same techniques at home - admittedly, Laura learnt quick, we only had one lot of crying for 50 mins, and that was partly because we tried to put her down to sleep too early the first night. After that it was mostly 15 mins, and gradually this got less and less, and sometimes, she'd just go straight to sleep.

I hope you and bub get some help soon - it's a horrible feeling - like spinning out of control - when you can't get the sleep you both need - you aren't alone.