No sex for DH

[LittleBoysRock]

Hi Ladies,

I really need some advice!! And sorry this might be a bit too much info! :o

My baby is 14 weeks old today and things are going great. I do have one big problem though....My Husband is a normal hot blooded male who wants to have sex with his wife. And I would love to oblige :D but am having some difficulties.

I had a rough labour... failed vaccum, forceps delivery...narrowly mising out on a caesar. I had a big baby 9lb 4oz and an episotomy. I also had a tear and very bad bruising. My sitches are healed and have been for weeks. I have had sex with my husband 5 times in 3 months.

Everytime he wants to do something in the bedroom I am petrified. I can't relax... sex hurts for me. I feels really tight and I just don't want to put myself through that.

Does anybody have any advice for how I can make things easier? Is there anything I can do like excerises or something?

Has anybody else experienced this?

and does anybody know how long it will be before sex gets better?


Please help! I really don't want to have to see a Dr about this...

Thanks in advance. :)

[Chickadee]

Sex does get better. Are you breastfeeding? That can cause (no polite way to put this) dryness in the vagina and so pain during intercourse. You could try a lubricant, there are some fun ones out there, such as ones that warm up. Alternately, it's time to get creative. Forget intercourse for awhile, there are lots of fun things to do in bed (or elsewhere) that will satisfy hub and you without pain - consider lots and lots of foreplay, masturbation, oral sex, toys, etc.

[tickle]

I totally agree. Breastfeeding, and just having a baby, can cause a lack in lubrication.
I think, initially, it can be really hard to relax and get back into the swing of things, but it does get better.

[jaydensmum]

I know exactly how you feel and im sure alot of other women will too. Its hard for DH's to comprehend what our bodies actually went through. I mean they were there and saw the works but still doesnt understand how we feel. Unfortunately they will never know exactly how we feel after birth as they will never go through the same thing. Believe me it does get better over time. I was also very petrified of having sex for a few months after i had Jayden. Everything is tight and sore and most times your so tired that you dont have the energy to do it. What i recommend with making it a bit easier is maybe getting some lubrication. It makes it more accessible without the pain! :p What happens after birth and i dont know if you have experienced it but everything in that area is really dry which can make it painful. So if you use some lubrication it might help with that problem. Also try to relax yourself before the big event! :p Maybe get your DH to give you a massage, or have a nice warm bath or anything that might relax you. The more relaxed you are the more comfortable it is to have sex. I hope this has helped you a bit.

jaydensmum

[aardvark]

A friend suggested vitamin E. Maybe speak to a naturopath about the best way to get it to the "affected area".

[draught]

Your delivery sounds a lot like my first one and can I just say that you are way ahead of me - 5 times in 3 months -wow! I think we were more like 3 times in 5 months, if that - and for the same reasons. But time does in fact heal all (well most) wounds, so if you take the advice re lubrication, relaxing and going slowly, things will improve with time, and hopefully without a doctor. Martha is right - nothing like a bit of creativity to help things along!

[Lil X-men]

I had the same trouble, Xav is 6months now and I'm just getting back in to the swing of things. I found lubricant very helpful and I'm still using it now as i find it harder to relax than before and it's stops any friction and pain. If you're not feeling like sex then you're body isn't going to respond so you will find it dry and tight feeling (and theres a diff between really feeling like it and wanting to do it for your partners sake) So maybe you just have to give actual intercourse a miss until you feel more confident, and just play for now. Or like us, we just eased back into it slowly with no pressure to perform!

[LittleBoysRock]

Thank you so much ladies for replying!!

I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who has experienced this! Thank you also for your advice.

My DH has just read your suggestions and I think it may have helped him to understand the situation a little better. :) Although he has been very patient with me so I can't really complain! :)

Thanks again, what would I do without bub hub?!!

[Busymumof3]

Oh Gosh...so glad you posted this! I am having so much trouble with this issue at the moment!

I have always had a fair bit of pain with sex...I saw a Gyno and he said I just have to bare it...well, this time I am so dry it burns after for ages...sorry for the detail.

We tried the warming lube but it burnt so bad...so we bought a normal one and I am so scared to try again as I can't bare the pain anymore and poor hubby! I just find it so hard to get him to understand...even though he is good and patient but after a while he does get frustrated...as any human would I guess.

I didn't realise that b/f can dry you up more. Maybe that's why? I haven't b/f my first 2 only this one...my 3rd!

Well, thanks anyway!

[Chickadee]

We tried the warming lube but it burnt so bad...
My apologies if this is too much info for anyone. The warming one is, well, thin. I found it like water and not really lubricating much. A normal one should have a bit more consistency to it and may be better. If you can, I would recommend finding a nice adultshop with female staff and talking to them. I can recommend a chain if you're interested, or there are some reputable online ones that you could email a query to.

I can't believe your gyno told you that though! grrrrr.

[sasholi]

stupid gynos what would they know!!! hehe

i recommend a surgical lubricant as they are by far the most lubricating. the best place find them is an adult shop.

good luck. you are not alone!!

[Mumoffour]

hey busymumof3 you may be allergic to one of the preservatives in the lube- i also have that prob. i found the only one which doesnt make me burn is the ky. I found this little gem in the book- 'what to expect when your expecting".
Lubricate
Medicate if necessary- your Dr may prescribe an estrogen cream to lessen pain and tenderness.
Inebriate :) (i like this one!)- dont get drunk but enjoy a glass of wine with your partner before making love. It will help you to relax and (hopefully) reduce your fear and pain (!)
Vary positions- try positions which allow the woman more control and which puts less pressure on fragile spots. Experiment to find what works for you.
I must admit that im pretty scared about resuming 'relations'with hubby- my brain and my heart want it but my 'bits'are still making up their mind :rolleyes:

[Busymumof3]

We bought the KY one too...just normal...and I still got the same burning feeling with it like the other! Hubby thought that to be strange since it's just water based.

I also get a painful feeling in my legs and vagina afterwards like I'm going to explode...I do have bad veins and suffered badly with varicose veins in pregnancy...maybe I just have some internal ones that play up?

Thanks for your help anyways!

[carls]

I would recommend finding a nice adultshop with female staff and talking to them. I can recommend a chain if you're interested

Martha M you randy thing! You sound like a real regular - are you on a first name basis at the shops? Do you get regulars discount? Does the 'M' on the end of your name stand for something? Like Martha MegaMuff, or Martha MassiveMember?

:p ;) :D

[Chickadee]

LMAO CarlS. No, I'm not a regular anywhere. I just decided a few years ago that it was time to stop being embarrassed. I'm over 30. I'm married. I have sex. If I want something I'm going to go and get it.

I think the first time I went into an adult shop I probably blushed bright red and I was in and out so quick, no browsing!! lol. But I did find a few in Perth that always have female staff, are bright and clean, no neon signs out front, and don't have the peep type shows or advertise porn videos to buy. If you didn't look at what was on the shelf you'd not realise what sort of store it was. And I figure the women there, like in any shop, are going to know about what they're selling so why not ask?