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Rainbowbrite
31-10-2005, 20:37
I need to vent & get this off my chest before i go to bed or i'll never sleep. Sorry for the length, I got carried away.

Just got off the phone to my dad, and DH & I are ready to cut all ties with them. All they ever do is call to upset, undermine or question my parenting skills. This coming from people who live 20mins away & have seen us 5 times since MJ's birth. They didn't even see MJ till she was 2 months old. :mad:

ANYWAY - He called tonight to tell me that his wife is upset and not talking to me because i didn't let her pick MJ up last time they were here (3 weeks ago) :confused: While they were here she said not one word to me, and just mumbled when i offered her tea or coffee. The reason i "refused to let her pick MJ up" is that MJ is a very sensative, shy baby. All I did was lay her on the lounge next to me so she could get used to seeing & hearing them before they held her. Its what i do to everyone because if i don't & they just walk in and take her off me, she gets upset, ends up screaming & crying hysterically because people do not have the common sense to hand her back once she starts.

It happens all the time which is why i let her relax first, then i have no problem with people holding her. After about 5 minutes I picked her up and handed her to my dad where, after starting at him, she started to smile & talk to him. Then his wife - who is not the prettiest creature - took her. MJ wasn't sure of her & when she layed MJ down in her arms she started to stress a little. I told her "please don't lay her down, she doesn't like it." I asked her to just hold MJ infront of her so she can see around.

Is it so wrong of me to not want my baby upset?

It ended up getting heated on the phone so I said "she is MY daughter, i know what she does and doesn't like."

Another thing that always comes up with them is MJ's weight. She is a little girl, she always has been. The Dr's see no problem with it but because his wife had big FF babies, she assumes that MJ is unhealthy. They talk through MJ to me, saying "if your mummy would feed you, you'd put on weight." :eek: Little do they know she's having 2 meals a day :p

They also told the rest of my family that I don't bf her for long enough. I feed her for as long as she'll feed, I can't force it. Its never taken MJ longer than 10mins per side, its usually only 5. Again she's never bf a baby in her life, & neither did my mum so dad's never seen it.

Its just really getting beyond the joke. I'd rather never see or talk to them again. All his wife's ever done is try to cause trouble between us and my mum. Telling DH & I that my mum hates DH, which is a blatant lie. They never talk to my mum so how would they know. They expect us to go there which i will not do. They are not clean people. They have dogs all over the furniture, DH gets bad allergies everytime we go there cause of dust, and their house flooded with sewerage not long ago.

I've never stopped them coming here to see MJ, infact I call & let them know when to come over, but apparently their shopping is more important.

I'm gonna go now, thanks for reading. Sorry it was so long but its really stressed me out. I don't do things to hurt people, I do things to keep my baby, who is my life happy. Hope I can sleep now that i've got this off my chest.

RB

Miss_Vicki
31-10-2005, 23:07
Aww HUGS ! i hope u feel better after that vent , Nuffin worse then for u to have had to go to sleep with All that on your cheast

Milly
01-11-2005, 07:02
Goodness, you poor thing. How incredibly frustrating. That would drive me spare dealing with that woman's behaviour. :eek:

Hugs to you too! :)

wattle
01-11-2005, 07:30
Don't let them upset you too much, MJ will feel your anxiety. I'd say give them a break for a while. Unfortuantely when it's family it's impossible to escape, but if you put your foot down and say no more visits to the dirty house you'll probably feel better. Tell your hubby it's very important to you and to please support you in this.

MJ is so special and precious, it's your job now to put her first and not worry as much about everyone else. Good on you for getting it off your chest.

Manxie
01-11-2005, 08:47
They talk through MJ to me, saying "if your mummy would feed you, you'd put on weight."


Grrrrr. dosent that just pee you off!! I cant wait for my little girl to be able to say what she feels rather than other people (in-laws) putting accross their point of view through her. If they've got something to say then just say it.

I think you are doing the right thing-its your bub and you know best. Does she have/like a playmat. I have found a good trick for me is to take ours with us when visiting the in-laws. They can have a quick cuddle then onto the mat, that way she gets a good play, they can see her get down on the floor and play with her if they want to but then I dont have the problem of her getting cranky in their arms or falling alseep being cuddled, which was an issue :D

I'd just keep offering for them to come and see you but keep it on your terms if they dont like it they dont have to come and they miss out!

Good luck

ThomasMum
01-11-2005, 09:47
Hi RB,...

I dont have any advice except, dont let their attitude upset you. You are MJ's mum, you know what best to her. If people cant see that, well thats not your problem.

And you know MJ is very very very bright and smart bub, the reason she's upset everytime they are around, because she can pick up the negative vibe!

Tell them that when its come to YOUR bub, YOU ARE the expert!

Hope u feeling better today!

T'sMum

Foxymoron
01-11-2005, 13:13
(((hugs))) I'm sorry you have to be subjected to this childish behaviour! Just keep reminding yourself that you know what's best for your baby! Older breastfed babes drain a boob in 2 minutes flat. They are struggling with control issues, not with your parenting! THEY want to swan into your house and pick up your baby and show YOU how it's done. They are peeved because you aren't handing them that power.. GOOD FOR YOU! I'm the same ;) It's a shame they can't see how they are hurting you and ruining their time with their grandchild with their churlish behaviour.

H&B'sMum
01-11-2005, 13:27
oh Rb,
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You are doing a wonderful job of being MJ's mum and you are responding to her needs and to her feelings. What a great mum you are.
Try not to let your Dad and SM put you down like that. You are standing up for your child and that is what you are suppose to do.
I agree with Keara, they are trying to control what you do and how you parent MJ, dont' let them. They have had their turn. It's your turn now.
About the weight. I had the same thing happen with Harry. Cause he was a b'f only baby he was skinnier than other ff babies. I was always getting comments about his weight, but I just told them that I b/f and he gets a feed when he is hungry. It's illegal to force feed children. I dont' know if it is but I said it anyway and usually peopel shut up after than. I also use to say he has no choice in the matter of being long and skinny look at his parents. I'm 5"9' and DH is 6"4', so he has no choice.

You are doing a greta job with MJ so keep fighting for her.

Rainbowbrite
01-11-2005, 15:28
thanks so much for that. I'm feeling better today. I am proud that i stand up for MJ, no-one else can. Neither I or her Dr are worried about her weight considering she's put on almost 1kg in a month since we started solids :eek: So she's now 6.5kg and 64cm. With anyluck she'll be tall & thin :D

I'll be civil as always but I WILL NOT let anyone do anything that i know upsets my precious baby girl.

Did get some good news today thats taken my mind off it all. A friend of mine just has a baby boy by 8lb 6.5 oz 53cm.

Thanks again :)

RB